snowball in hell

winter winds

winter winds continue here, along with a wintry mix of rain & slush & cold..

as the year winds down to the end i can't help but have more & more thoughts of my sister..

on new year's eve it'll be 8 years of her lying there in her limbo..

she gave me the language of art & poetry, song lyrics & music ~

the world just seems so insane to me now ~

& i miss my girls..

i feel like hiding in my snowcave again..

click the links for more.. to be continued in the comments..

bren

scary merry xmas!

here we are already counting down the last days till xmas, it feels as if winter is breezing by too fast? perhaps due to my many stresses these days? we have all survived having our new roof & gutters installed, which i now think of as a rite of passage to becoming old, truly, the shock of the price alone aged us here, let alone the days of work over our heads & then the water torture of rain dripping over the head of my bed into a brand new metal downspout..
& the unreal event of hearing our skylights literally fly off of the house when the first gusts of east winds from the gorge came in.. i feel traumatized at best, but i'm still here, apparently.. our house is becoming perhaps fittingly, like the wonderland mystery manor, with strange & increasing modifications to our household in an attempt to stay a step ahead of our tiny gremlin, alice.. the most curious of kitties, who must leap to every height & chew each and every curious object she can find.. cord protectors, glass doors on all of our cabinets of collectible curiosities, high shelves & cabinets inside of closets.. curiouser & curiouser..
the last modification was due to her deciding she could probably fly up to the top of the already weirdly high cabinet i kept in my bathroom for jewelry & perfumes, etc.. she in fact could not, resulting in not only her crashing down to the floor but her busting one of the overhead incandescent globe style lightbulbs over the sink there, sending little broken bits of sharp glass & weird white powder everywhere & completely freaking out this poor ocd soul. :o thank goodness raven & mr dad were here to help carefully put everything right.. my hands are so dry with splits & literally bleeding from my raccoon-like hand-washing.. :/
(at least until her next great adventure?) 

so what better way to distract myself from my troubles than to tape a winter 2022 update to my ghost closet antifashion collection? yeah, i'm back.. posted the first portion at the lost & found here, the return of 50 something emily strange.. & there will be several more, as i have fun with the new clothes i don't really get to wear anywhere anymore as i'm regressed to quite the reclusive agoraphobic these days.. of course there will be more not at all boring socks!! & my ads of late make sure i do not run low, that is for certain.. my weakness for boredshopping is well calibrated into whatever formula devises my daily ads.. (click the links for some examples)

oh & i'm still hanging on with fellow resisters over on twitter despite the insanity..
but just in case i've set myself up on post, if anyone else would like to follow? 

more to come in the comments link below as usual..

more things behind the sun..

halloween is in only a couple weeks, but we've still had persistent high temps breaking records & pissing off us vampires, they call it 'augtober' :(
i'm still working on my upcoming halloween party dollscape, with alice's (Not.) help.. making chocolate halloween cupcakes for raven's birthday tomorrow, & sending off a gumby fun pack for my niece's son, at our local ups store which just happens to be next door to the baskin robbins president joe biden stopped by for ice-cream over the weekend before leaving portland :) posting at the lost & found toy blog all through october since it's my favorite time of year & i've been saving up cool stuff to share.. praying for emmanuel the emu, who is fighting to survive bird flu after almost all of his bird friends have been lost :(

mr dad & i are starting on some other long term winter mini house updates so we have some cool work we can do once the snow comes.. a large kafkaesque ladybug now resides in the attic of ladybug house & our original yellow dollhouse is now transforming into the 'liddell' yellow house ;) i'm doing better most days & am at what i think of as a normal weight now thanks to kitty therapy & self-inflicted ocd exposure therapy? trying my best, but struggling mentally at times as always.. i saw a van gogh quote recently that sums up being an infj pretty well i think 'i don't know if i'm extremely sensitive or life is unbearable?'
yep. long ago i kept a things behind the sun journal.. nowadays i'm penning my more things behind the sun journal.. 

i've made the realization over these last months that i am still as agoraphobic as i was in the dim past, i was just fortunate enough to be able to live a lifestyle that kept me safe & distracted from facing that fact, even from using that term.. for so long..

lyrics of the day still an old favorite from nick drake:

things behind the sun

please beware of them that stare
they'll only smile to see you while
your time away
& once you've seen what they have been
to win the earth just won't seem worth
your night or your day
who'll hear what i say?
look around you find the ground
is not so far from where you are
but don't be too wise
for down below they never grow
they're always tired & charms are hired
from out of their eyes
never surprise.

take your time & you'll be fine
& say a prayer for people there
who live on the floor
& if you see what's meant to be
don't name the day or try to say
it happened before

don't be shy you'll learn to fly
& see the sun when day is done
if only you see
just what you are beneath a star
that came to stay one rainy day
in autumn for free
just be what you'll be
please beware of them that stare
they'll only smile to see you while
your time away
& once you've seen what they have been
to win the earth just won't seem worth
your night or your day
who'll hear what I say?

open up the broken cup
let goodly sin and sunshine in
yes that's today
& open wide the hymns you hide
you'll find renown while people frown
at things that you say
but say what you'll say
about the farmers & the fun
& the things behind the sun
& the people around your head
who say everything's been said
& the movement in your brain
that sends you out into the rain..

 

continued as usual in the comments..

bren