snowball in hell

winter

the shortest day, the longest night.. so i've been struggling with my terrors & depression & not feeling the slightest bit merry, getting lost in eso's new life festival activities & scouring the internet archive for lost treasures.. i'm not feeling too inspired to do art much anymore so i've been trying alternatives like this quirky project i posted about today at the lost & found toy blog (click me..)

i'm theming more of our mini houses as i can, it's freezing downstairs, but no snow yet.. it also saddens me that my typepad albums here are practically filled with broken image links, they've been a huge part of my ghostgallery over the years so that's discouraging.. anymore it just feels like it's for naught.. art just takes up space. sorry to be such a puddleglum.. comments to come as usual..

my youtube channel, all are welcome..

bren snowmoon

2024 (or subtitle ~ migraines & terrors & beeps oh my! (repeat..)

i start each day with trepidation.
the nearby water project (projected to continue through till possibly spring of 2025) wakes me up early each morning sounding like a competition of banging machinery & alarms beeping over each other, sometimes going on for 12 hours straight.. stress literally makes me sick.
i can't tell you how nice it is on a weekend morning to wake up hearing our backyard birds like it use to be..
i escape all i can into eso but honestly i'm running out of content so i'll have to figure something different for next month onward.. but come on, be honest, with the world the way it is, wouldn't you rather be here in beautiful rainy auridon like me?

ok here's a shocker, i love the smile's new album called 'wall of eyes'..

i am asking for help
i am outside your door
i am walking away barefoot
i am asking down the street
i am climbing a tree
i am now a white sheet of paper
i am changing, the seconds pass
i am making mistakes
i am losing my shit
i am being bent out of shape
i may have been crying
i am memories that crowd a drowning field
i am trying to figure this out
i am waving a hand in front of your face
i am feeling very alone
i keep asking, asking you to repeat yourself
i think you are maybe taking the piss
i am feeling very alone and unsupported in this moment
i am deciding to shut down everything
i am a stranger tapping on the window
i understand & go on my way
i think maybe you are losing interest
i am now cycling through their almost empty city, starting again from the top
they are taking away my priveleges
i am hoping we can work this out
i am making positive noises
i am making a long series of just empty promises
i am just going along with this
i am crystalline, corrupt, sulphuric, superficial
i am a perfect self portrait
i am waiting for you to acknowledge me
i am someone else to compare me to
i am paralyzed by the weight of my own whatever
i sympathize with your decision
i am your replacement
i am seeking an opportunity
i think this doesn't fit me
i am slipping slowly down a greasy pole
i am being told to stay indoors
i am making this official
i am trying not to look
i am not asking questions
i am hiding in the closet
i am asking if can you bring round some groceries
i am leaping into the dark
the sky is full of scarecrows above & around me
i am seeing alot of patterns
i am little baby walking
i guess it doesn't matter now
i am weighing anchor & heading into port
i am getting drunk in a bar to forget
i may or may not be
i am high on my riddles, concussed
i am nothing else
i am checking in the mirror
i am changing definition
i am trying to keep my distance
this is my stop
why won't you untie me?
oh i see what's going on here
i am gently pushing an open door..

ps fuck typepad. half my album images are now broken & my 'help' ticket sits open endlessly.. now i see massive image dropout on my daily toy blog too. is this endstage typepad? so far the ghostblog seems unaffected, but i wish someone decent would buy them up & fix these matters.. (twitter too!) it just feels like all has been for naught..

here comes valentine's day..
i would say take good care of yourself this year..
i'm a happiness junkie, so i'll keep fighting for it over the misery..
hell, weirdly enough it's my middle name.
(joy)

hopefully continuing in the comments as always?..

bren (ghost)

children of the night..

a message from the moon..

i wanted to wish all of my fellow introverts & cat people a dark & spooky halloween & leave this pic raven took of the recent hunter's moon through blowing tree branches, as we're experiencing our usual autumn east winds here from the gorge, as well as our first freezing nights.. i feel like i've been off on the moon somewhere for the last couple of weeks, lost & internetless, as i experienced sudden traumatic laptop death way back on raven's birthday after posting at my lost & found blog, & i not only couldn't post, but lost lots of files & photos & am still trying to recover & catch up now with my new slicker quicker & lighter dell..

first it was the power outs, & then my internet withdrawls, as well as our water being turned off a couple of times while they finish the local water project nearby, our old tattered deck roof has also been flapping loudly in the wind keeping me awake at night, until today when mr dad had halloween off & could cut it free.. i've felt so removed & alone through all of this.. ocd triggered & traumatized, even with beautiful fall days.. depression just doesn't care. we did take a couple of cool drives during the cooler wetter weekdays that he took as vacation days so we could avoid humanity while out rockhounding along local riverbeds.. i updated our lost album with some pix here: the lost album which also includes some blurry photos of our latest feral kitty, a young tabby who showed up in the cold & wet, we put out food for him & made sure our winter shelters are good for the coming cold, leaving treats inside to tempt him into comfort & safety, & he's smart, showed up for food the next day, staying carefully at a distance but basically asking for more.. poor little orphan boy.. we're calling him oliver <3

i missed a full week of october posts i had planned for the lost & found, but have at least posted over the weekend & today, cool fun stuff that's worth checking out: lost & found blog halloween

i have been spending alot of time in eso for the annual witches festival, winning halloween plunder skulls & capturing voluminous youtubes of it all, i'll be pouring these videos up onto my youtube channel in the coming days as i get things caught up.. i also put up a cozy moment with alice one chilly evening that has been getting such sweet comments <3

i nearly contacted my trusty life coach through it all, but honestly every time i think of other things going on in the world i feel embarassed that i'm so challenged coping with ocd & anxiety.. & alice is helping me here with healing frequency purrs & kitty therapy :) when my laptop died we first tried picking up an hp one readily available nearby, but it made a high frequency whistling sound that the guys could barely hear, but that drove me (more) insane.. i didn't know this was even a thing, but online we found out it's a known issue with that model.. returned it & had to wait more than a week for the new dell, which i must say i do enjoy.. & i'm starting to pick out good stickers to put all over it, so that's commitment! 

so have fun all, & be sure to keep your black cats safe inside tonight.. there will be more to follow in the comments as always..

bren/ghost

wanderer

well it's june but still mercifully raining off & on, no summer yet.. sorry, but we're vampires here & detest the blazing sun & heat, a little light is ok, but i'll take the dark & a/c till autumn rolls around..

& rpg games. ah yes.. my great escape from the summertime blues over all the years has been in fantasy videogame worlds, & my son raven has followed in my tradition well..

it all started back in the old camper in the driveway when he was a toddler & i put that nes controller in his hands, thinking he'd love the cause & effect of running & jumping mario along..

um, yeah, he did love it! the rest is history.. i'll always remember him & mr dad coming in to watch me fight zeromus in final fantasy at the end, we all had marble fudge ice-cream & it left such an impression on him, it wasn't long before we got him mario paint & a few years later i introduced him to mystic quest as a beginner level fantasy rpg.. <3

he feared the undead kobolds pictured in my shadowgate game guides too & i worry i set up his lifelong zombie phobia due to that?

so eventually one summer of old we decided to tape our own 'game gallery' youtube videos of all our games, way back in the day when youtube was novel..

nostalgia gamers please come over to my youtube channel & check it out, everything from nes to xbox360, snippets of all our favorites & commentary.. 

it's down in my playlists here..

our game gallery includes kitties of course <3

& much more like this..

i also keep an extensive ghost pix game screenshot album of my own playthroughs here.. (sound up for our cool retro gaming mix)

these screenshots are from some of my favorites like bloodborne..

i do love the from software games & have played them to 100%/platinum wherever possible..

the ghost pix album starts out way back in elder scrolls oblivion & encompasses all the elder scrolls & dark souls games, fallout, american mcgee's alice, fable, etc on & on, & i'm still updating it..

i'm a wanderer & i've lived in these places basically, with my kitties right along side me through so much of them <3

i've even set up a lost & found toy shop in the post apoc world of fallout as well as my kitty sanctuary..

i'm often a cat myself..

& always a vampire ;)

i'm always looking for another beautiful place to get lost..

as i deal with all my issues..

& raven has his own youtube gaming channel now here.. (please subscribe)

he's an ocd completionist & is really exceptionally good.. it's been said he's so good that even his mom is good ;)

recently i invited him into my elden ring playthrough to help with a big battle..

so here's that capture for your enjoyment..

i'm getting into all the fashion of elden ring now, not unlike i did in bloodborne..

what do you think?

so i've changed my look from the basic astrologer's outfit to fia's robes
(fia - deathbed companion & giver of hugs) posted about it here at the lost & found yesterday too..

if you're a fellow gaming enthusiast be sure to check out my other blog, the lost & found toy blog, for extensive videogame posts & coverage, just click on videogames in the category list in the sidebar..

videogames are the closest thing i can find to a cure for the summertime blues..

ok, well there is winter.

more in the links & comments..

bren snowmoon/ghost

2019

here's another diabolical selfie to update..
(mr dad says toxic made this same face in our old home movies..lol)

my first glimpse of 2019 was of the crescent moon & venus out my bedroom window.. we haven't had any snow here yet in portland, but the mountain is gorgeous & white & now we are surrounded by freezing fog, everything's covered in frost, so i'm hopeful ~
new year's day moon

we're getting alot done on innsmouth house & i'm still painting my acrylic abstracts despite freezing hands..

my only resolution is to try to worry less this year.. lol

lyrics of the day:

all the holes at once are coming alive
set free, out of sight & out of mind
they're lonely and they're prey
the one you light your fires to keep away
is crawling out upon its belly
and all you have to do is say  yes..
all the birds stay up in the trees
all the fish swim down to the deep
they're lonely and they're prey
i am here
come to me before it's too late
the one you light your fires to keep away
is crawling out upon its belly
all you have to do is say   yes.

rorschach

bren/ghost

earsplitter

WARNING!!
<<<comment at your own risk - this blog is currently besieged by automated robots>>>

welcome to my migraine.

bullet with butterfly wings/smashing pumpkins

the world is a vampire sent to drain
secret destroyers hold you up to the flames
and what do i get for my pain?
betrayed desires and a piece of the game..
even though i know.. i suppose i'll show
all my cool and cold like old job..
despite all my rage i am still just
a rat in a cage
despite all my rage i am still just
a rat in a cage
then someone will say what is lost
can never be saved..
despite all my rage i am still just
a rat in a cage..

now i'm naked..
nothing but an animal..
but can you fake it for just one more show?
and what do you want?
i want a change..
and what have you got
when you feel the same?
tell me i'm the only one
tell me there's no other one
jesus was an only son
tell me i'm the chosen one
jesus was an only son for you..

despite all my rage i am still just
a rat in a cage
despite all my rage i am still just
a rat in a cage
then someone will say what is lost
can never be saved
despite all my rage i am still just
a rat in a cage
and i still believe that i cannot be saved..
and i still believe that i cannot be saved..
and i still believe that i cannot be saved..
and i still believe that i cannot be saved.

zero/smashing pumpkins

my reflection.. dirty mirror
is no connection to myself..
i'm your lover.. i'm your zero
i'm the face in your dreams of glass..
so save your prayers
for when we're really gonna need 'em..
throw all your cares and fly..
wanna go for a ride?

she's the one for me..
she's all i really need.. oh yeah..
she's the one for me..
emptiness is loneliness
and loneliness is cleanliness
and cleanliness is godliness
and god is empty.. just like me.

intoxicated with the madness..
i'm in love with my sadness..
bullshit fakers.. enchanted kingdoms..
the fashion victims chew their charcoal teeth..
i never let on that i was on a sinking ship..
i never let on that i was down.

you blame yourself for what you can't ignore..
you blame yourself for wanting more..
she's the one for me..
she's all i really need.. oh yeah..
she's the one for me..
she's my one and only.