snowball in hell: Science

About

a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is she except a being without access to the universe that she has not yet managed to forget?
~ randall jarrell

i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots.. any comments are welcome ;)

rows of never opened doors:
ghost gallery quarantine area (use a laptop or pc with firefox or google chrome browser for essential music, no phones)
all artwork here is copyright protected by vengeful ghosts!
2019 brenda roudebush
all rights reserved..

ghost

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154 Followers

my photo albums (sound up!)

ghost stories
(blood & butterflies..)

these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. let me know what you think/comments? p.s. stories here are non fiction/true. (privately hosted ~ if you're interested in reading this just ask:)

vintage kids can come & visit the ghost toy catalogue here.. (sound up)

the friendlyghost album ~ welcome to my photo album..
we live in wonderland.. :)
i hope you enjoy me & my guys & kitties, the places we go & things we enjoy..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

cemeteria album ~
remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

family tree album ~
this addition to the cemeteria album is especially for my own lost loved ones..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

a POEtry reading...

my elliott smith lyric page (sound up)

portland haunts album ~
is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

ghost links..

XXX..............RIP..............XXX here lies the psychconnection archive.. click here to peruse the remains (what's left after many members' posts were removed) of our dead support forum in the deepfreeze of this cybermorgue..
go ask alice when she's 10 feet tall... this alice is my other self.. she's always there lurking behind me...
papercuts ~
(my poetry & short stories...)
WARNING! this site contains graphic language and subject matter related to self injury...
soon after dark, emily cries... gazing through trees in sorrow, hardly a sound till tomorrow... cosmic debris/emily strange
last.. but not least.. my website.. where all the happy little gumbys & pokeys have come home to gumbyland.. the secret gallery.. and other cool stuff..

the library..

things behind the sun (journals)

www.flickr.com

Go to ghost at the gate's photostream

january trees album ~
january trees ~ winter shows her bones.. the tree is the psyche, the spirit, the whole self.. our inner world..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

toxic was here ~
vintage socal, birthdays & halloweens..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

art albums ~ use a laptop or pc with sound up!

halloween mini album ~
~ copyright 2015 all rights reserved

My Other Accounts

Follow @GhostAtTheGate

ghost gamelinks..

ghost's top eleven rpg's:
#1 ~ down the rabbit hole... "here's a riddle.. when is a croquet mallet like a billy club? ..i'll tell you... whenever you want it to be..." cheshire cat to alice (american mcgee's alice: the original) this game is my favorite above all others...
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thank you thank you mr mcgee for alice madness returns!!! (with the original i still rate these the best!)
#2 is primal, especially the wraith world where i felt right at home.. what a relief to play a strong female for a change, and with scree the gargoyle at my side... loved this game and want more!!!
#3 is fable/fable:lost chapters/fable 2.. get lost in this incredible world and determine your own fate... good or evil.. or somewhere in between... fable 3 is out!!!
#4 city of lost children.. based on the french movie of the same name.. you are miette, an orphan, use your thieving and sneaking skills to free the childrens' souls from the evil inventor who is stealing their dreams...
tied at #4 the kingdom hearts games (2).. disney meets final fantasy! play in disney worlds alongside jack skellington in halloweentown, jack sparrow in the caribbean or alice at the mad tea party..
#5 is van helsing.. if you liked the movie, play this gothic masterpiece and face werewolves, the frankenstein monster, mr hyde and count dracula himself...
#6 are all of the lord of the rings games, which are all worth mastering, including the hobbit game.. (watch out for the spiders!)
& the old classic snes lord of the rings.. (another good old favorite.. i spent forever lost in the barrow downs...)
#7 are all the ultima games.. my favorites were 'quest of the avatar' and 'the false prophet'.. but if you like the classics try out 'black gate' and 'exodus' and the other oldies..
#8 is the original nes game shadowgate.. the one that turned me into an rpg junkie in the first place all those years ago.. hunched over my controller in the dark in my camper in the middle of the night.. still a classic...
#9 is final fantasy, but i'm an old time gamer, so i mean the original final fantasy games on nes/snes like 1, 2, 3 + mystic quest.. still the best even without the graphics of the newer games...
#10 is lemony snickett's series of unfortunate events.. ok, so this game is not terribly hard..
(i was able to complete it even while fairly intoxicated..) it is still creative and fun if you enjoyed the movie, which i did...
i needed a #11 on my list for all the honorable mentions.. unforgettable games like wizardry, king arthur's world, tombs & treasures, deja vu, faxanadu, the immortal, breath of fire and the dragon warrior games.. also baldur's gate, the ren & stimpy games that wrecked my nerves, zombies ate my neighbors, fester's quest, maniac mansion!!! ...gasp... too many to remember... aargghh! all those years spent in the dark deep in some labyrinth scribbling cryptic notes and maps.. is that what is was that made me mad? or did they save me from madness...? the world may never know.. (p.s. i never made it without biting..)
!X! a bonus: i absolutely approve of the gamecube's eternal darkness: sanity's requiem.. lovecraftian & hallucinogenic.. i dare you!
the post-apocalyptic fallout games, F3, new vegas & F4 coming soon!
dante's inferno ~ go to hell!
gothic victorian lovecraftian bloodshed :D bloodborne!
i highly approve of the other from software games besides bloodborne, demon's souls & dark souls 1, 2 & 3.. not for the faint of heart, gotta get good for these!

ghost pix album ~ rpg videogame screenshots, lol kitties & all kinds of goodies.. (use a pc or laptop to hear my game mix here)

our game gallery..

home to oblivion..

ok i need a whole section just for elder scrolls~oblivion 'cause i'm playing it and loving it way too much right now.. i am so beautifully lost here living as a vampire & i'm never coming back.
later ~ 430 hours of gameplay all as a vampire & now i'm stuck in limbo in the deadly glitch.. noooo!!
update: i'm on the methadone of rpgs for my oblivion withdrawls, it's predecessor morrowind ~ the game of the year edition.. these are now my All-Time favorite rpgs, above all others..
NEW ELDER SCROLLS!!
SKYRIM!! 11/11/11!! DAWNGUARD DLC!!
& more dlc to come!
the awful tyranny of the sun shall end..
come into oblivion with me & tour my homes.. (note: vampirism has changed my appearance & my invisibility is due to stealth..)
so many ways to die..
realms of madness..
a friend in highcross town..
bonus morrowind footage..
welcome to skyrim..

featured ghosttube..

baby tabitha begs pitifully at the back door.. she now has over 300,000 views!
p.s. i am not a godless soulless monster..

Follow brenda roudebush's board i love cats on Pinterest.

ghost closet...

haunted home movies..

ghost charity

self-injury support links..

american mcgee's alice... she looks kinda familiar? ...!
safehaven -
i'm snowballinhell here...
WARNING!* these sites contain graphic language and/or images & subject matter related to self injury...
broken smiles -
i'm snowballinhell here..
WARNING!*
alice through the looking glass.. go ask alice.. i think she'll know..
INVALIDATION kills.
down the rabbit hole..
i'm snowballinhell here..
WARNING!*
this site has links to a whole bunch of self-injury support forums..

ghost space

feeling philanthropic? click me ~

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September 30, 2006

ground z e r o

man, i hate me..
if i could think of any way it would benefit others for me to be gone, i would be..
'cause i'm just here killing miserable time.
i'm crawling into my snowcave for awhile...
(& i'm taking mr smith with me...)

xxx

your time is up

are you hungry?

are you sick?

are you begging for a break?

are you sweet?

are you fresh?

are you strung up by the wrists?

we want the young blood..

are you f r a c t u r i n g ?

are you torn at the seams?

would you do anything?

flea bitten? moth eaten?

we suck young blood..

won't let the creeping ivy

won't let the nervous bury me

our veins are thin

our river's poison

we want the sweet meats

we want young blood...

<<<<<<>>>>>>

while you make pretty speeches
i'm being cut to shreds..
you feed me to the lions
a delicate balance
& this just feels like spinning plates
i'm living in cloud cuckoo land
& this just feels like spinning plates
our bodies floating down a muddy river..

spinning plates - a short film of mine

ghostblood

03:53 PM in art, Books, Film, Music, psychology, psychotherapy, Science, Weblogs | Permalink | Comments (19)

September 07, 2006

i have seen the dark...

i
can't
see
the
meaning
of
this
life
i'm
leading
i
try
to
forget
you
as
you
forgot
me
this
time
there
is
nothing
left
for
you
to
take
this
is
goodbye

...summer is miles and miles away
and no one would ask me to stay
and i should contemplate this change to
ease the pain
and i should step out of the rain..
turn away...

close
to
ending
it
all
i
am
drifting
through
the
stages
of
the
rapture
born
within
this
loss
thoughts
of
death
inside
tear
me
apart
from
the
core
of
my
soul

...summer is miles and miles away
and no one would ask me to stay
and i should contemplate this change to
ease the pain
and i should step out of the rain..
turn away...

(at times the dark is fading slowly
but it never sustains
would someone watch over me
in my time of need?)

...summer is miles and miles away
and no one would ask me to stay
and i should contemplate this change
to ease the pain
and i should step out of the rain..
turn away...
and i should contemplate this change
to ease the pain
and i should step out of the rain..
turn away.

opeth

08:25 PM in adult insecure attachment, Music, Science, Weblogs | Permalink | Comments (22)

cat girl

xx xx xx be wild.. xx xx xx

lost & found toys

the lost album - click to enter my current photo album here.. (sound up)

click to visit my old around the bend album (sound up) photos by ghost 2019 all rights reserved
Note: if the audio does not play on this & other albums please go directly to the ghost gallery or photo album page links in the header, the audio plays perfectly at my website :)

a handful of applecores a mouthful of razorblades

i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
seeing is deceiving..
$@x!^&*#%!/
love bites.
life sucks.
"but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
"oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
"we're all mad here.
i'm mad. you're mad."
"how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
"you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
"to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
"i suppose so," said Alice.
"well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
but why is the rum gone?!
***triggering!! don't look!!!*** (you looked..)
beezorch daddy-o! go! kitty, go!
ffft! hiss! spit! rah! kill! maim!
crank up your speakers!!

Spotlight Posts

down the rabbithole
i've been in full reclusive hiding as winter comes to a close, even as a sun allergic vampire i welcome the spring days & sunshine, birds on my back deck & the sense of 'normalcy' i keep trying to convince...
winter
the shortest day, the longest night.. so i've been struggling with my terrors & depression & not feeling the slightest bit merry, getting lost in eso's new life festival activities & scouring the internet archive for lost treasures.. i'm not...
emotional support plushies
so as i mentioned at the end of the comments of my last post, i had a recent crash into a scary depressive episode & had to reach out for some help.. as an eccentric agoraphobic catlady my emotional support...
cat lady
so i am a cat lady.. & i can't think of anything in this world i'd rather be.. i've been closely bonded with these sweet souls all my life.. curled up in cardboard boxes in my childhood backyard.. kitty nurse...
summertime blues (aint no cure..)
summer's definitely here. normally once it gets this hot we vampires tuck into the dark & hibernate until halloween season.. but alot has been going on here & it's hard for me to even talk about it even here at...
escape artist
i've long thought of myself as an escape artist. in that i find all manner of creative ways to escape the shadow side of my life experience by traveling through time or running away to fantasy lands & alternate worlds,...
2024 (or subtitle ~ migraines & terrors & beeps oh my! (repeat..)
i start each day with trepidation. the nearby water project (projected to continue through till possibly spring of 2025) wakes me up early each morning sounding like a competition of banging machinery & alarms beeping over each other, sometimes going...
snowglobe xmas
so as i mentioned in the comments we didn't set up a tree or decorations this year since alice would only see this as her greatest challenge to chomp & destroy xmas.. so as i live mostly as a reclusive...
children of the night..
a message from the moon.. i wanted to wish all of my fellow introverts & cat people a dark & spooky halloween & leave this pic raven took of the recent hunter's moon through blowing tree branches, as we're experiencing...
welcome to autumn
so i'm declaring it early halloween season here at our house as we've had our first rain of autumn & i've already done my regular halloween shopping, we are a very halloween oriented family & tis the season when i...
sail us to the moon
why am i so obsessed with the moon? well i spent time there as a child, tried to draw pictures of it, in secret of course, these pictures were torn up & hidden down at the bottom of a trashbin...
please..
so i've been starting to question, do lemondrops even actually melt? looking back through old pix i still believe our beloved kitties come back to us, like toxic's tabby ditto & my special therapy kitty snug <3 & i came...
it's not easy, greenbean..
rough days for me.. but i'm so thankful to my brother-in-law who drove up from socal to put in our new furnace/ac units over the last couple days :) we haven't seen family in 20 years so it really meant...
my echo, my shadow & me..
we three, we're all alone living in a memory my echo, my shadow & me we three, we're not a crowd we're not even company my echo, my shadow & me what good is the moonlight the silvery moonlight that...
ghost closet antifashion
antifashion in the time of coronavirus! ~ or subtitle 'yeah this is how bored i got' ~ so 2 years ago in march i posted my 'vault forever, surface never' post here ~ when i decided to have fun with...
the pittypats
i've been thinking about my pittypat girls alot lately <3 maybe because it's freezing & i miss sleeping with them all around me at night? so i thought i'd share their story here ~ it all started with tiny tabitha...
winter winds
winter winds continue here, along with a wintry mix of rain & slush & cold.. as the year winds down to the end i can't help but have more & more thoughts of my sister.. on new year's eve it'll...
scary merry xmas!
here we are already counting down the last days till xmas, it feels as if winter is breezing by too fast? perhaps due to my many stresses these days? we have all survived having our new roof & gutters installed,...
more things behind the sun..
halloween is in only a couple weeks, but we've still had persistent high temps breaking records & pissing off us vampires, they call it 'augtober' :( i'm still working on my upcoming halloween party dollscape, with alice's (Not.) help.. making...
snowballinhell
once upon a time 16 years or so ago, i started this blog. i was a regular at the popular elliott smith fan forum called sweetaddy & took the name from one of his song lyrics, in fact my posts...