snowball in hell

2019

here's another diabolical selfie to update..
(mr dad says toxic made this same face in our old home movies..lol)

my first glimpse of 2019 was of the crescent moon & venus out my bedroom window.. we haven't had any snow here yet in portland, but the mountain is gorgeous & white & now we are surrounded by freezing fog, everything's covered in frost, so i'm hopeful ~
new year's day moon

we're getting alot done on innsmouth house & i'm still painting my acrylic abstracts despite freezing hands..

my only resolution is to try to worry less this year.. lol

lyrics of the day:

all the holes at once are coming alive
set free, out of sight & out of mind
they're lonely and they're prey
the one you light your fires to keep away
is crawling out upon its belly
and all you have to do is say  yes..
all the birds stay up in the trees
all the fish swim down to the deep
they're lonely and they're prey
i am here
come to me before it's too late
the one you light your fires to keep away
is crawling out upon its belly
all you have to do is say   yes.

rorschach

bren/ghost

a paradox..

deepak chopra says we are creating reality from what we expect or believe..
what if i believe that to be a load of crap? does that mean that it is?
or then is it not because it is?
a conundrum for you to ponder...

well, it's xmas weekend.. so it's xmas as far as i'm concerned now..
bdhp & i went shopping out in the throng yesterday for his xmas shirt..
that's what he wanted.. he got 6! and found himself a huge book on the cosmos crammed full of incredible pictures of space and all the planets and nebulae & galaxies & suns & good stuff.. it's so big i expected carl sagan to rise out of it as a pop-up.. merry xmas, bdhp!
my son is agonizing over his wrapped gift under the tree.. is it final fantasy 12? it's heavy and in an odd shaped box..(hehe..) oh he of little faith!!
i have a red gift under the tree with an emily gifttag on it.. i know what it is already..>:) i'll tell later..
i'm ok so far..
i have this little xmas monkey on my hearth.. his hands are joined together with velcro and the way my son placed him it looks like he's holding his head.. like he has a migraine pretty bad.. maybe he's a headache monkey? holding it for me? like those 'worry dolls'..
i dreamt last night that i had another baby.. no birth.. he was just here.. and he looked just like bing crosby.. think i've had about enough of the xmas mix!
oh yeah.. i almost forgot.. here's your xmas present!! gumby in 'christmas crisis'
ghost & toxic

welcome xmas..

welcome christmas
bring your cheer
cheer to all whos far & near..
christmas day is in our grasp
so long as we have hands to clasp..
christmas day shall always be
just as long as we have we..
welcome christmas
while we stand
heart to heart
and hand in hand..

ghost & toxic

p.s. this is an update:

see how  h a p p y  i am that it's xmas..
..

...

click..

also:
well, who doesn't know my feelings about certain drugs..
this is sad but worth reading..
if you scroll down past all the other paxil suicides/murders about 2/3 way down you will find a pdf file about elliott smith's suicide and paxil:
smith suicide
makes me so mad & sad..
ghost

snow in hell..

it just started to snow outside my window..

mr smith is back, too..
i'm not quite ready for the pilgrimage required for my pennance..
i'm used to my vampyric lifestyle now..
besides i'm tired..
i just want to sleep in my little snowcave..

smith for today
'help me kill my time..
help me kill my time..
help me kill my time..
'cause i'll never be fine..
help me kill my time..'

elliott in portland

ghost & toxic  ..many unhappy returns

holiday orphans..

well.. i tried.. i baked the pies and prepared the feast.. put up some fun new stuff down/right in the fun & games section.. and tried to quell my anxiety about eating the food and all.. but it's always the same.. it's too depressing. we're holiday orphans..
i'll never make it in this world of humans.. i can't connect.. and nothing i've ever done about it has mattered.. certainly nothing lasts..

placeholder/
looking at all the rows
all these records look like big zeros
i got your picture on the back of a 45
a placeholder to take up mine
a placeholder to take up mine
i'm the person you never need
the biggest loser on 16th street
the invisible man with the see through mind
a placeholder to take up mine
a placeholder to take up mine
break off up in someone's loft in midtown
'round there.. next to the square
he likes the way that you look now
like an open book
just like my favorite song
some pretty words that didn't last that long
like a package sent priority overnight
placeholder come and take up mine
placeholder come and take up mine
placeholder come and take up mine
placeholder come and take up mine

taking a fall/
took it like medicine, horrible in a hurry
lots of plans go awry, nothing's wrong,
i won't worry
but i rolled for a dollar on your advice
and i lost you bad 'cause that's
the luck of the dice
taking a fall
you don't know who to call
well, you don't know who, do you?
taking a fall
why do the neighbor's kids have to scream
when they're playing?
you know i never can understand
what you're saying
and you won't hear a word out of me
'cause i know how indifferent someone can be
taking a fall
you don't know who to call
well, you don't know who, do you?
taking a fall
well there's someone to call
but you don't know who, do you?
taking a fall
but you don't know who, do you?

back to the snowcave..
ghost