snowball in hell

vault forever - surface never

i'm notoriously not a spring person.
that said, here are some screengrabs of my latest home movie: the ghost closet
(or antifashion in the time of coronavirus)

no one seems to be around
they must've all gone off without me again
i think i'll head home

maybe i'll find them gathered 'round my doorstep
oh to sleep in a comfortable bed

no one seems to be around
they must've all gone off
without me again
i think i'll head home
i think i'll head home

there's someone i'd like to see
she never mentions a word to me
she reads Leviathan

i think i'll head home
i think i'll head home
i think i'll head home..

if all that grows starts to fade, starts to falter
oh let me inside, let me inside, not to wait
let all that run through the fields
through the quiet
go on with their own
on with their own hidden ways

when all the newness of gold travels far from
where it had once been
born like the earth over years

& when the acts of man
cause the ground to break open
oh let me inside, let me inside, not to wait

great are the sounds of all that live
& all that man can hold..

i have been cruel & kind without knowing
i fell into silence overwhelmed by these days
for i have been shown empty rulers
ruling all things

thinking the world was mine to lay hold of
i breathed in the promise of maiden & man
but each had their own illusions to hold onto

i only want to be left to my own ways
the rulers have won leaving all things undone

i stood in awe of the whole creation
gathered among them was the morning
giving all its rest

thinking the world was mine to be lost in
i ran with the freedom & sang in between

for i had the path of wonder
there before me..

i must be careful now in my steps
years of calculations & the stress

let me not get down if i'm walking with no one
& if i stumble from exhaustion

let me not be too consumed with this world
sometimes i want to go home
& stay out of sight for a long time

let me not be too concerned with this world
sometimes i want to go home
& stay out of sight for a long time..

all lyrics by midlake..

bren/ghost

children of the night..

a message from the moon..

i wanted to wish all of my fellow introverts & cat people a dark & spooky halloween & leave this pic raven took of the recent hunter's moon through blowing tree branches, as we're experiencing our usual autumn east winds here from the gorge, as well as our first freezing nights.. i feel like i've been off on the moon somewhere for the last couple of weeks, lost & internetless, as i experienced sudden traumatic laptop death way back on raven's birthday after posting at my lost & found blog, & i not only couldn't post, but lost lots of files & photos & am still trying to recover & catch up now with my new slicker quicker & lighter dell..

first it was the power outs, & then my internet withdrawls, as well as our water being turned off a couple of times while they finish the local water project nearby, our old tattered deck roof has also been flapping loudly in the wind keeping me awake at night, until today when mr dad had halloween off & could cut it free.. i've felt so removed & alone through all of this.. ocd triggered & traumatized, even with beautiful fall days.. depression just doesn't care. we did take a couple of cool drives during the cooler wetter weekdays that he took as vacation days so we could avoid humanity while out rockhounding along local riverbeds.. i updated our lost album with some pix here: the lost album which also includes some blurry photos of our latest feral kitty, a young tabby who showed up in the cold & wet, we put out food for him & made sure our winter shelters are good for the coming cold, leaving treats inside to tempt him into comfort & safety, & he's smart, showed up for food the next day, staying carefully at a distance but basically asking for more.. poor little orphan boy.. we're calling him oliver <3

i missed a full week of october posts i had planned for the lost & found, but have at least posted over the weekend & today, cool fun stuff that's worth checking out: lost & found blog halloween

i have been spending alot of time in eso for the annual witches festival, winning halloween plunder skulls & capturing voluminous youtubes of it all, i'll be pouring these videos up onto my youtube channel in the coming days as i get things caught up.. i also put up a cozy moment with alice one chilly evening that has been getting such sweet comments <3

i nearly contacted my trusty life coach through it all, but honestly every time i think of other things going on in the world i feel embarassed that i'm so challenged coping with ocd & anxiety.. & alice is helping me here with healing frequency purrs & kitty therapy :) when my laptop died we first tried picking up an hp one readily available nearby, but it made a high frequency whistling sound that the guys could barely hear, but that drove me (more) insane.. i didn't know this was even a thing, but online we found out it's a known issue with that model.. returned it & had to wait more than a week for the new dell, which i must say i do enjoy.. & i'm starting to pick out good stickers to put all over it, so that's commitment! 

so have fun all, & be sure to keep your black cats safe inside tonight.. there will be more to follow in the comments as always..

bren/ghost

welcome to autumn

so i'm declaring it early halloween season here at our house as we've had our first rain of autumn & i've already done my regular halloween shopping, we are a very halloween oriented family & tis the season when i buy anything from ghostly tea towels for my kitchen to glow in the dark soap bottles.. i welcome the cooling off & onset of the friendlier time of year for us pnw vampires :) it did start off kinda scary this morning after 3 am when i was awakened by a loud screeching crash! we had a hit & run adventure, some young guy crashing his car into cars along our street & ending up stuck under our hedges & trees out in our frontyard! a neighbor had followed him in his damaged car & kept him there talking to him like a dad while we awaited the police, but the guy panicked & decided to flee in his car, driving around in a circle in our frontyard & leaving behind his bumper (with license plate) in our bushes.. good neighbors came out to ask if everyone was ok, & thankfully no one was hurt, this actually could've gone much worse. the police arrived with cameras recording the scene & we won't file charges since damage was minimal, our mailbox with the black cat & his reflective marble eyes needs a little adjusting (we mark the neighborhood kitty crossing at our curve in the road, where neighbor kitties & ferals tend to cross & often wind up in our backyard ;) anyway, i'd like to just go back to boring now, please? i understand the young guy was panicked & probably high, but i hope he decided to turn himself in to our local police station nearby?

my pumpkin patch is trying. we have healthy plants & vines, one with great big giant leaves, nice yellow blossoms, but no pumpkins. this has happened before, not sure why? we even have our own backyard bees that we discovered live in a hole in the ground out there.. maybe there's just not adequate sun amongst all our big trees? as i've said before, down in socal i planted a few seeds in a tiny spot & had a nice big pumpkin for halloween in no time.. i may fail with great frequency at this & other endeavors in this life, but i keep trying. & yes, mine is the most sincere pumpkin patch, the great pumpkin must see that, right?

in years past we would hit the halloween spirit stores & also the local goodwill shop, letting fate decide what our halloween personas might be for each year, according to what masks we'd find available to play with.. ;) this resulted in our family halloween album here: (sound up!) it started out tame & ended up terrifying, which is why we stopped.. i'll just say one reason why. timmy. beware!! :O

i've regressed to quite the reclusive vampire since the pandemic, may let my bored sasquatch husband bring me home some free comicbooks come halloween comicfest time this year? oh but i have cool additions to my ghostcloset that i'll have to post about in october, i'll update my antifashion ensemble accordingly at that time..

i'm lost half the time in elder scrolls online these days, & becoming a content creator in my own right capturing all kinds of shorts & posting them up to my youtube page here, along with sweet moments with our kitty, alice <3 gaming enthusiasts should check out raven's channel too! (please subscribe!)

meanwhile i invite anyone curious to visit my secret ghostgallery art collection up at gumbyland, my photography albums & themed mini houses..
& of course my other blog, the lost & found toy blog, where i still post regularly, usually on weekends..

59 more days! halloween cometh!!!
back to talking to myself in the comments..

bren/ghost

sail us to the moon

why am i so obsessed with the moon? well i spent time there as a child, tried to draw pictures of it, in secret of course, these pictures were torn up & hidden down at the bottom of a trashbin so as to never be discovered.. but later in life i was able to recreate my experiences here at my ghost gallery..

my 4th birthday happened to be the day man first walked on the moon & i'll always remember how we watched the black & white coverage on the little tv outside in our laundryroom off of the garage & then stepped outside to gaze up at the moon & wonder.. & of course i knew gumby went there..

i've had this strange affinity for the moon even through a lifelong history of classic migraines often with aura that were also brought on regularly by full moons or supermoons.. just recently i posted all moon related items up at my lost & found toys blog over the 4th of july weekend, as we love & photo the moon & stars regularly here at our house & my photo albums are full of my moon madness..

well, happy (early) bday to me, as the latest mysterious plushie dreadful just launched that i was commenting about after my last post..
(mr dad said 'get it'..)
i had been writing recently in my journal about something i call the 'sparkling dark'
it's this otherwordly feeling i remember from nights long ago in the city, often after my therapy sessions when we'd stop into petco or the grocery store before the drive home. i felt something that seemed so dark & cold, but i described it as 'sparkling dark'..
one night as my mind drifted to that feeling again as i laid here unable to sleep i realized..
the 'sparkling dark' is dissociation.. just like in childhood when i lived alone for awhile in my crater on the moon..
that place still comforts me despite it's darkness. it's cold clean stillness is so safe.
i had to have american mcgee's newest creation to go along with my ocd & anxiety bunnies,
my migraine rabbit, scruffy bumps & the love kitty in my ghost closet.. i've posted about these before at the lost & found toy blog.. american mcgee's alice is perhaps my favorite videogame world ever & he now makes plushie dreadful toys, often for those of us dealing with various health conditions, physical & mental..
& in fact i've played a part in crowd designs, on the migraine rabbit in particular i was the one who experiences aura..
& american added a shooting star to represent the scintillating scotoma some of us get before onset..
(i'm still dealing with a migraine at the moment actually.. one that began of course with the rose supermoon before the holiday..)

so why not come over & visit my closet friends at the lost & found, in my ghost closet, or in my rows of never opened doors..

meanwhile the lyrics of the day are old ones from thom:

i sucked the moon
i spoke too soon
& how much did it cost?
i was dropped from
moonbeams
& sailed on shooting stars
maybe you'll
be president
but know right from wrong
or in a flood
you'll build an ark
& sail us to the moon
sail us to the moon
sail us to the moon
sail us to the moon..

click the links scattered through this post for more mysterious toys..
& of course i'll be posting about this latest bunny at the lost & found once it arrives <3

yes, i am out of my mind, but i feel safer there.
more moon madness to continue in the comments..

bren/ghost

please..

so i've been starting to question, do lemondrops even actually melt?
looking back through old pix i still believe our beloved kitties come back to us, like toxic's tabby ditto & my special therapy kitty snug <3 & i came across an old page from my highschool notes that i remember holding up in the schoolbus window on a fieldtrip to passing cars.. lols :D

i can see the end of my life as a vampire in skyrim wrapping up soon, don't really know what world i can escape into next? i'm working on 3 different mini houses & taking on spring cleaning before the real heat closes us in.. haven't ventured out yet for a drive like i wanted because we've been too busy with other things, worried i'm becoming a full-on housebound agoraphobic like i was in the dim past.. but i guess things could be worse?

i keep a glut of photo albums up at typepad here that feel like my time machine: my photo albums (sound up)

meanwhile the lyrics of the day are classic radiohead & my sentiments precisely these days:

a heart that's full up like a landfill
a job that slowly kills you
bruises that won't heal
you look so tired & unhappy
bring down the government
they don't, they don't speak for us
i'll take a quiet life
a handshake of carbon monoxide
& no alarms & no surprises
no alarms & no surprises
no alarms & no surprises
silent, silent

this is my final fit
my final bellyache with
no alarms & no surprises
no alarms & no surprises
no alarms & no surprises, please..
such a pretty house
& such a pretty garden
& no alarms & no surprises (get me out of here)
no alarms & no surprises (get me out of here)
no alarms & no surprises, please..

ok so this is cool..

more rambling thoughts to ponder in the comments to come..

bren

it's not easy, greenbean..

rough days for me.. but i'm so thankful to my brother-in-law who drove up from socal to put in our new furnace/ac units over the last couple days :)
we haven't seen family in 20 years so it really meant alot to us all to give him a hug, even though i'm in migraine management mode at the moment with that full flower moon looming.. i've always liked sad kermit, & these song lyrics came to me during my latest anxiety attack, perhaps me trying to comfort my own inner kid? but in typical transposed weird ocd style i got the above earworm stuck in my head for awhile.. anyway these are my lyrics of the day.. more in the comments as i can..

it's not easy being green
having to spend each day the color of leaves
when i think it could be nicer
being red or yellow or gold
or something much more colorful like that
it's not easy being green
it seems you blend in
with so many other ordinary things
& people tend to pass you over
'cause you're not standing out
like flashy sparkles in the water
or stars in the sky
but green's the color of spring
& green can be cool & friendly-like
& green can be big like an ocean
or important like a mountain
or tall like a tree
when green is all there is to be
it could make you wonder why
but why wonder, why wonder?
i am green & it'll do fine
it's beautiful
& i think it's what i want to be..

-jim henson

i'm not crying, you're crying..

my echo, my shadow & me..

we three, we're all alone
living in a memory
my echo, my shadow & me

we three, we're not a crowd
we're not even company
my echo, my shadow & me

what good is the moonlight
the silvery moonlight that shines above?
i walk with my shadow
i talk with my echo
but where is the one i love?

we three, we'll wait for you
even till eternity
my echo, my shadow & me..

- the ink spots

 

the sun is shining brightly this spring morning, the wild winds & rain of yesterday seem to be over?

i should be happy? raven is all recovered from his harrowing debacle & now we're focused on putting in our backyard flowerbed/plot, where i'll soon plant my pumpkin seeds & try yet again after years of failure.. baby trees from the arbor day foundation & seed stones are all in place & we'll attempt to sow grass seed for a backyard lawn where we pulled out all the old worn out decking.. hoping for the best.

 

but i noticed after about a day of relief i kinda just crashed back into my baseline lonely meloncholy, missing my girls, feeling sadness & loss, & finding it hard to be hopeful.. i keep trying though.. the song of the day is from the ink spots, it plays here at the end of my fallout76 goodbye youtube from a couple years back.. i miss vault 11 & hope there will eventually be a fallout special edition like they've done with skyrim, if so i'll head back there to rescue kitties from the post apoc wasteland & set up my old lost & found toy & soda shop like the old days? (click links here to visit..)

i'm working on a handful of projects in various stages of completion through the spring & summer, as i shield myself from the heat & sunlight.. i think of my pmle/sun allergy vampirism as a sort of reverse S.A.D. (seasonal affective disorder) in that i get depressed at the time others feel happy? i see everyone happy & it just makes me feel more alone.. like ok, let's go curl up somewhere in the dark & hibernate till autumn?

except i can't, i have my guys & alice to look after ;) & those pumpkin seeds to tend to..

in socal one dropped seed resulted in an accidental pumpkin i carved for halloween, but here in a rainforest it's been a real challenge..

but mine will be the most sincere pumpkin patch i assure you!

& the great pumpkin will visit one day,

i know this.

i'll post about it next halloween for sure..

 

bren/ghost

more as always in the comments..

 

ghost closet antifashion

antifashion in the time of coronavirus! ~

or subtitle 'yeah this is how bored i got' ~

so 2 years ago in march i posted my 'vault forever, surface never' post here ~

when i decided to have fun with my ghost closet antifashion t-shirts & 'no boring socks' collections ;) ~

as a vintage kid i have an extensive collection of retro & vintage clothing & wanted to bring it out & have some fun ~

so i ran a series of posts over at the lost & found toy blog accordingly ~

with a bunch of unlisted youtube shorts included for your enjoyment & amusement :D ~

starting with t-shirts of course & pants with lots of pockets ~

& ending with a lengthy 'no boring socks' finale! ~

since then i've added updates, so here is the complete finished list of posts, the ghost closet in all of its glory, complete with mysterious toys & my assistant, alice <3 ~

50 something emily the strange?

radioheadhead

everything alice

my music

ghost gallery art

skeletons in my closet

antifashion retro

johnny depp

vintage kids

nightmare before xmas

no boring socks!

antifashion update

more emily strange

kitty socks sunday with alice <3

closet skeleton

sad ghost club & bad kitties

nightmare before xmas update

more strange stuff

emu!

fred rogers

even more emily strange

radiohead & stickers

starry night boots

gothsocks

kittysocks

alice update (sometimes i'm alone, sometimes i'm not..)

halloween '23

so happy throwback thursday! continued in the comments as always..

bren/ghost