a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is she except a being without access to the universe that she has not yet managed to forget? ~ randall jarrell
i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots.. any comments are welcome ;)
rows of never opened doors: ghost gallery quarantine area (use a laptop or pc with firefox or google chrome browser for essential music, no phones) all artwork here is copyright protected by vengeful ghosts! 2019 brenda roudebush all rights reserved..
these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. let me know what you think/comments? p.s. stories here are non fiction/true. (privately hosted ~ if you're interested in reading this just ask:)
vintage kids can come & visit the ghost toy catalogue here.. (sound up)
the friendlyghost album ~ welcome to my photo album.. we live in wonderland.. :) i hope you enjoy me & my guys & kitties, the places we go & things we enjoy.. ~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
cemeteria album ~ remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me.. ~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
family tree album ~ this addition to the cemeteria album is especially for my own lost loved ones.. ~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
a POEtry reading...
my elliott smith lyric page (sound up)
portland haunts album ~ is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots.. ~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
ghost links..
XXX..............RIP..............XXX
here lies the psychconnection archive..
click here to peruse the remains (what's left after many members' posts were removed) of our dead support forum in the deepfreeze of this cybermorgue..
go ask alice when she's 10 feet tall...
this alice is my other self.. she's always there lurking behind me...
papercuts ~
(my poetry & short stories...)
WARNING! this site contains graphic language and subject matter related to self injury...
soon after dark, emily cries...
gazing through trees in sorrow,
hardly a sound till tomorrow...
cosmic debris/emily strange
last.. but not least.. my website..
where all the happy little gumbys & pokeys have come home to gumbyland.. the secret gallery.. and other cool stuff..
january trees album ~ january trees ~ winter shows her bones.. the tree is the psyche, the spirit, the whole self.. our inner world.. ~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
toxic was here ~ vintage socal, birthdays & halloweens.. copyright 2008 all rights reserved
ghost's top eleven rpg's:
#1 ~ down the rabbit hole...
"here's a riddle.. when is a croquet mallet like a billy club? ..i'll tell you... whenever you want it to be..."
cheshire cat to alice
(american mcgee's alice: the original)
this game is my favorite above all others...
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thank you thank you mr mcgee for alice madness returns!!! (with the original i still rate these the best!)
#2 is primal, especially the wraith world where i felt right at home.. what a relief to play a strong female for a change, and with scree the gargoyle at my side... loved this game and want more!!!
#3 is fable/fable:lost chapters/fable 2.. get lost in this incredible world and determine your own fate... good or evil.. or somewhere in between...
fable 3 is out!!!
#4 city of lost children.. based on the french movie of the same name.. you are miette, an orphan, use your thieving and sneaking skills to free the childrens' souls from the evil inventor who is stealing their dreams...
tied at #4 the kingdom hearts games (2).. disney meets final fantasy! play in disney worlds alongside jack skellington in halloweentown, jack sparrow in the caribbean or alice at the mad tea party..
#5 is van helsing.. if you liked the movie, play this gothic masterpiece and face werewolves, the frankenstein monster, mr hyde and count dracula himself...
#6 are all of the lord of the rings games, which are all worth mastering, including the hobbit game.. (watch out for the spiders!) & the old classic snes lord of the rings.. (another good old favorite.. i spent forever lost in the barrow downs...)
#7 are all the ultima games.. my favorites were 'quest of the avatar' and 'the false prophet'.. but if you like the classics try out 'black gate' and 'exodus' and the other oldies..
#8 is the original nes game shadowgate.. the one that turned me into an rpg junkie in the first place all those years ago.. hunched over my controller in the dark in my camper in the middle of the night.. still a classic...
#9 is final fantasy, but i'm an old time gamer, so i mean the original final fantasy games on nes/snes like 1, 2, 3 + mystic quest.. still the best even without the graphics of the newer games...
#10 is lemony snickett's series of unfortunate events.. ok, so this game is not terribly hard.. (i was able to complete it even while fairly intoxicated..) it is still creative and fun if you enjoyed the movie, which i did...
i needed a #11 on my list for all the honorable mentions.. unforgettable games like wizardry, king arthur's world, tombs & treasures, deja vu, faxanadu, the immortal, breath of fire and the dragon warrior games.. also baldur's gate, the ren & stimpy games that wrecked my nerves, zombies ate my neighbors, fester's quest, maniac mansion!!! ...gasp... too many to remember... aargghh! all those years spent in the dark deep in some labyrinth scribbling cryptic notes and maps.. is that what is was that made me mad? or did they save me from madness...? the world may never know..
(p.s. i never made it without biting..)
!X! a bonus: i absolutely approve of the gamecube's eternal darkness: sanity's requiem.. lovecraftian & hallucinogenic.. i dare you!
the post-apocalyptic fallout games, F3, new vegas & F4 coming soon!
i highly approve of the other from software games besides bloodborne, demon's souls & dark souls 1, 2 & 3.. not for the faint of heart, gotta get good for these!
ghost pix album ~ rpg videogame screenshots, lol kitties & all kinds of goodies.. (use a pc or laptop to hear my game mix here)
our game gallery..
home to oblivion..
ok i need a whole section just for elder scrolls~oblivion 'cause i'm playing it and loving it way too much right now.. i am so beautifully lost here living as a vampire & i'm never coming back.
later ~ 430 hours of gameplay all as a vampire & now i'm stuck in limbo in the deadly glitch.. noooo!!
update: i'm on the methadone of rpgs for my oblivion withdrawls, it's predecessor morrowind ~ the game of the year edition..
these are now my All-Time favorite rpgs, above all others..
NEW ELDER SCROLLS!!
SKYRIM!! 11/11/11!!
DAWNGUARD DLC!!
& more dlc to come! the awful tyranny of the sun shall end..
come into oblivion with me & tour my homes..
(note: vampirism has changed my appearance & my invisibility is due to stealth..)
so many ways to die..
realms of madness..
a friend in highcross town..
bonus morrowind footage..
welcome to skyrim..
featured ghosttube..
baby tabitha begs pitifully at the back door.. she now has over 300,000 views! p.s. i am not a godless soulless monster..
american mcgee's alice...
she looks kinda familiar? ...!
safehaven - i'm snowballinhell here...
WARNING!* these sites contain graphic language and/or images & subject matter related to self injury...
i'm notoriously not a spring person. that said, here are some screengrabs of my latest home movie: the ghost closet (or antifashion in the time of coronavirus)
no one seems to be around they must've all gone off without me again i think i'll head home
maybe i'll find them gathered 'round my doorstep oh to sleep in a comfortable bed
no one seems to be around they must've all gone off without me again i think i'll head home i think i'll head home
there's someone i'd like to see she never mentions a word to me she reads Leviathan
i think i'll head home i think i'll head home i think i'll head home..
if all that grows starts to fade, starts to falter oh let me inside, let me inside, not to wait let all that run through the fields through the quiet go on with their own on with their own hidden ways
when all the newness of gold travels far from where it had once been born like the earth over years
& when the acts of man cause the ground to break open oh let me inside, let me inside, not to wait
great are the sounds of all that live & all that man can hold..
i have been cruel & kind without knowing i fell into silence overwhelmed by these days for i have been shown empty rulers ruling all things
thinking the world was mine to lay hold of i breathed in the promise of maiden & man but each had their own illusions to hold onto
i only want to be left to my own ways the rulers have won leaving all things undone
i stood in awe of the whole creation gathered among them was the morning giving all its rest
thinking the world was mine to be lost in i ran with the freedom & sang in between
when i decided to have fun with my ghost closet antifashion t-shirts & 'no boring socks' collections ;) ~
as a vintage kid i have an extensive collection of retro & vintage clothing & wanted to bring it out & have some fun ~
so i ran a series of posts over at the lost & found toy blog accordingly ~
with a bunch of unlisted youtube shorts included for your enjoyment & amusement :D ~
starting with t-shirts of course & pants with lots of pockets ~
& ending with a lengthy 'no boring socks' finale! ~
since then i've added updates, so here is the complete finished list of posts, the ghost closet in all of its glory, complete with mysterious toys & my assistant, alice <3 ~
here we are already counting down the last days till xmas, it feels as if winter is breezing by too fast? perhaps due to my many stresses these days? we have all survived having our new roof & gutters installed, which i now think of as a rite of passage to becoming old, truly, the shock of the price alone aged us here, let alone the days of work over our heads & then the water torture of rain dripping over the head of my bed into a brand new metal downspout.. & the unreal event of hearing our skylights literally fly off of the house when the first gusts of east winds from the gorge came in.. i feel traumatized at best, but i'm still here, apparently.. our house is becoming perhaps fittingly, like the wonderland mystery manor, with strange & increasing modifications to our household in an attempt to stay a step ahead of our tiny gremlin, alice.. the most curious of kitties, who must leap to every height & chew each and every curious object she can find.. cord protectors, glass doors on all of our cabinets of collectible curiosities, high shelves & cabinets inside of closets.. curiouser & curiouser.. the last modification was due to her deciding she could probably fly up to the top of the already weirdly high cabinet i kept in my bathroom for jewelry & perfumes, etc.. she in fact could not, resulting in not only her crashing down to the floor but her busting one of the overhead incandescent globe style lightbulbs over the sink there, sending little broken bits of sharp glass & weird white powder everywhere & completely freaking out this poor ocd soul. :o thank goodness raven & mr dad were here to help carefully put everything right.. my hands are so dry with splits & literally bleeding from my raccoon-like hand-washing.. :/ (at least until her next great adventure?)
so what better way to distract myself from my troubles than to tape a winter 2022 update to my ghost closet antifashion collection? yeah, i'm back.. posted the first portion at the lost & found here, the return of 50 something emily strange.. & there will be several more, as i have fun with the new clothes i don't really get to wear anywhere anymore as i'm regressed to quite the reclusive agoraphobic these days.. of course there will be more not at all boring socks!! & my ads of late make sure i do not run low, that is for certain.. my weakness for boredshopping is well calibrated into whatever formula devises my daily ads.. (click the links for some examples)
oh & i'm still hanging on with fellow resisters over on twitter despite the insanity.. but just in case i've set myself up on post, if anyone else would like to follow?
more to come in the comments link below as usual..
halloween is in only a couple weeks, but we've still had persistent high temps breaking records & pissing off us vampires, they call it 'augtober' :( i'm still working on my upcoming halloween party dollscape, with alice's (Not.) help.. making chocolate halloween cupcakes for raven's birthday tomorrow, & sending off a gumby fun pack for my niece's son, at our local ups store which just happens to be next door to the baskin robbins president joe biden stopped by for ice-cream over the weekend before leaving portland :) posting at the lost & found toy blog all through october since it's my favorite time of year & i've been saving up cool stuff to share.. praying for emmanuel the emu, who is fighting to survive bird flu after almost all of his bird friends have been lost :(
mr dad & i are starting on some other long term winter mini house updates so we have some cool work we can do once the snow comes.. a large kafkaesque ladybug now resides in the attic of ladybug house & our original yellow dollhouse is now transforming into the 'liddell' yellow house ;) i'm doing better most days & am at what i think of as a normal weight now thanks to kitty therapy & self-inflicted ocd exposure therapy? trying my best, but struggling mentally at times as always.. i saw a van gogh quote recently that sums up being an infj pretty well i think 'i don't know if i'm extremely sensitive or life is unbearable?' yep. long ago i kept a things behind the sun journal.. nowadays i'm penning my more things behind the sun journal..
i've made the realization over these last months that i am still as agoraphobic as i was in the dim past, i was just fortunate enough to be able to live a lifestyle that kept me safe & distracted from facing that fact, even from using that term.. for so long..
lyrics of the day still an old favorite from nick drake:
please beware of them that stare they'll only smile to see you while your time away & once you've seen what they have been to win the earth just won't seem worth your night or your day who'll hear what i say? look around you find the ground is not so far from where you are but don't be too wise for down below they never grow they're always tired & charms are hired from out of their eyes never surprise.
take your time & you'll be fine & say a prayer for people there who live on the floor & if you see what's meant to be don't name the day or try to say it happened before
don't be shy you'll learn to fly & see the sun when day is done if only you see just what you are beneath a star that came to stay one rainy day in autumn for free just be what you'll be please beware of them that stare they'll only smile to see you while your time away & once you've seen what they have been to win the earth just won't seem worth your night or your day who'll hear what I say?
open up the broken cup let goodly sin and sunshine in yes that's today & open wide the hymns you hide you'll find renown while people frown at things that you say but say what you'll say about the farmers & the fun & the things behind the sun & the people around your head who say everything's been said & the movement in your brain that sends you out into the rain..
well it's june but still mercifully raining off & on, no summer yet.. sorry, but we're vampires here & detest the blazing sun & heat, a little light is ok, but i'll take the dark & a/c till autumn rolls around..
& rpg games. ah yes.. my great escape from the summertime blues over all the years has been in fantasy videogame worlds, & my son raven has followed in my tradition well..
it all started back in the old camper in the driveway when he was a toddler & i put that nes controller in his hands, thinking he'd love the cause & effect of running & jumping mario along..
um, yeah, he did love it! the rest is history.. i'll always remember him & mr dad coming in to watch me fight zeromus in final fantasy at the end, we all had marble fudge ice-cream & it left such an impression on him, it wasn't long before we got him mario paint & a few years later i introduced him to mystic quest as a beginner level fantasy rpg.. <3
he feared the undead kobolds pictured in my shadowgate game guides too & i worry i set up his lifelong zombie phobia due to that?
so eventually one summer of old we decided to tape our own 'game gallery' youtube videos of all our games, way back in the day when youtube was novel..
nostalgia gamers please come over to my youtube channel & check it out, everything from nes to xbox360, snippets of all our favorites & commentary..
these screenshots are from some of my favorites like bloodborne..
i do love the from software games & have played them to 100%/platinum wherever possible..
the ghost pix album starts out way back in elder scrolls oblivion & encompasses all the elder scrolls & dark souls games, fallout, american mcgee's alice, fable, etc on & on, & i'm still updating it..
i'm a wanderer & i've lived in these places basically, with my kitties right along side me through so much of them <3
i've even set up a lost & found toy shop in the post apoc world of fallout as well as my kitty sanctuary..
i'm often a cat myself..
& always a vampire ;)
i'm always looking for another beautiful place to get lost..
he's an ocd completionist & is really exceptionally good.. it's been said he's so good that even his mom is good ;)
recently i invited him into my elden ring playthrough to help with a big battle..
so here's that capture for your enjoyment..
i'm getting into all the fashion of elden ring now, not unlike i did in bloodborne..
what do you think?
so i've changed my look from the basic astrologer's outfit to fia's robes (fia - deathbed companion & giver of hugs) posted about it here at the lost & found yesterday too..
if you're a fellow gaming enthusiast be sure to check out my other blog, the lost & found toy blog, for extensive videogame posts & coverage, just click on videogames in the category list in the sidebar..
videogames are the closest thing i can find to a cure for the summertime blues..
the lost album - click to enter my current photo album here.. (sound up)
click to visit my old around the bend album (sound up) photos by ghost 2019 all rights reserved Note: if the audio does not play on this & other albums please go directly to the ghost gallery or photo album page links in the header, the audio plays perfectly at my website :)
a handful of applecores a mouthful of razorblades
i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
seeing is deceiving..
$@x!^&*#%!/
love bites.
life sucks.
"but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
"oh, you can't help that," said the Cat: "we're all mad here. i'm mad. you're mad."
"how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
"you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
Alice didn't think that proved it at all; however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
"to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
"i suppose so," said Alice.
"well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased. Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
antifashion in the time of coronavirus! ~ or subtitle 'yeah this is how bored i got' ~ so 2 years ago in march i posted my 'vault forever, surface never' post here ~ when i decided to have fun with...
i've been thinking about my pittypat girls alot lately <3 maybe because it's freezing & i miss sleeping with them all around me at night? so i thought i'd share their story here ~ it all started with tiny tabitha...
winter winds continue here, along with a wintry mix of rain & slush & cold.. as the year winds down to the end i can't help but have more & more thoughts of my sister.. on new year's eve it'll...
here we are already counting down the last days till xmas, it feels as if winter is breezing by too fast? perhaps due to my many stresses these days? we have all survived having our new roof & gutters installed,...
halloween is in only a couple weeks, but we've still had persistent high temps breaking records & pissing off us vampires, they call it 'augtober' :( i'm still working on my upcoming halloween party dollscape, with alice's (Not.) help.. making...
once upon a time 16 years or so ago, i started this blog. i was a regular at the popular elliott smith fan forum called sweetaddy & took the name from one of his song lyrics, in fact my posts...
i love houses ~ as an infj i have long realized i have a special sensitivity to things like old toys that feel well loved & have such a good energy about them ~ i also get the same feeling...
i mentioned how i thought i'd write another book, of short stories this time, called 'the toyroom'.. some notes so far: the lost toys in the stillness of the neglected closet, a small sound in the darkness breaks the long...
well it's june but still mercifully raining off & on, no summer yet.. sorry, but we're vampires here & detest the blazing sun & heat, a little light is ok, but i'll take the dark & a/c till autumn rolls...
through the years i've enjoyed making artbooks through shutterfly, among other cool personalized items.. the rows of never opened doors, the abstracts.. of course one devoted to my toyroom i posted about at the lost & found toy blog here...
this old painting i did decades ago now hangs in my room beneath a shelf of plush lions, tigers & bears.. it's an inner child themed storybook style watercolor called 'escape' based on a grand dream from childhood in which...
ok so it's official after just 3 months of kitty therapy i have gained 5 lbs :) & alice is just under 10 lbs now herself! little alice in wonderland after 2 solid years cursed at 111 lbs this seems...
so recently i was chatting with a fellow gumby friend about our boredshopping weakness as of late.. i've worried & felt guilty about it because for one thing i refuse to pay for shipping when i can get stickers instead....
(or the great depression part 2?) on a good note, little alice is such a blessing, she seemed to bond to each of us instantly like we've known her all along, & we suspect she might be our sabrina felina...
well we're almost to 2022.. so the approaching holiday is a sad anniversary, 7 years ago my sister had a heart attack on new year's eve & was discovered on the bathroom floor of her board & care home for...
i love books, so once upon a time i wondered if i should be a librarian? i've been working on my library inventory.. let me just say this, books are Heavy. wish i were out photoing autumn trees & leaves...
good morning.. yeah sure. so as i recover from my latest migraine i've decided i need further escape from my now traumatized ocd infj nervous system, & what better place than in the post-apocalyptic wasteland after the nuclear war &...
any other vintage gothkids or vampire introverts with time to kill? it's alice week over at the lost & found : my other blog we're halfway through with recarpeting our upstairs since we've had to break the job up to...
so summer is over. have you done your halloween decorating yet? we have.. i've been pulling skeletons out of my closet & hanging them around the house where we can enjoy them glowing at night.. not going out for our...
i've said it before, vampires don't do summer. so we survived the freakish heat event here that broke all time heat records at 118. & now my mysterious monster of a husband is home recovering from surgery to remove his...
little friends..
back in the day ~ back when i was still a snowballinhell, including tabitha's kittens & little daniel.. copyright 2008 all rights reserved
friendlyghost fun & games!!
trapdoor links to the secret gallery... sound up!
ghostfilms
lost hollow digital art album ~ ~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
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