snowball in hell: attachment disorder

ghost links..

XXX..............RIP..............XXX here lies the psychconnection archive.. click here to peruse the remains (what's left after many members' posts were removed) of our dead support forum in the deepfreeze of this cybermorgue..
go ask alice when she's 10 feet tall... this alice is my other self.. she's always there lurking behind me...
papercuts ~
(my poetry & short stories...)
WARNING! this site contains graphic language and subject matter related to self injury...
soon after dark, emily cries... gazing through trees in sorrow, hardly a sound till tomorrow... cosmic debris/emily strange
last.. but not least.. my website.. where all the happy little gumbys & pokeys have come home to gumbyland.. the secret gallery.. and other cool stuff..

My Other Accounts

ghost gamelinks..

ghost's top eleven rpg's:
#1 ~ down the rabbit hole... "here's a riddle.. when is a croquet mallet like a billy club? ..i'll tell you... whenever you want it to be..." cheshire cat to alice (american mcgee's alice: the original) this game is my favorite above all others...
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thank you thank you mr mcgee for alice madness returns!!! (with the original i still rate these the best!)
#2 is primal, especially the wraith world where i felt right at home.. what a relief to play a strong female for a change, and with scree the gargoyle at my side... loved this game and want more!!!
#3 is fable/fable:lost chapters/fable 2.. get lost in this incredible world and determine your own fate... good or evil.. or somewhere in between... fable 3 is out!!!
#4 city of lost children.. based on the french movie of the same name.. you are miette, an orphan, use your thieving and sneaking skills to free the childrens' souls from the evil inventor who is stealing their dreams...
tied at #4 the kingdom hearts games (2).. disney meets final fantasy! play in disney worlds alongside jack skellington in halloweentown, jack sparrow in the caribbean or alice at the mad tea party..
#5 is van helsing.. if you liked the movie, play this gothic masterpiece and face werewolves, the frankenstein monster, mr hyde and count dracula himself...
#6 are all of the lord of the rings games, which are all worth mastering, including the hobbit game.. (watch out for the spiders!)
& the old classic snes lord of the rings.. (another good old favorite.. i spent forever lost in the barrow downs...)
#7 are all the ultima games.. my favorites were 'quest of the avatar' and 'the false prophet'.. but if you like the classics try out 'black gate' and 'exodus' and the other oldies..
#8 is the original nes game shadowgate.. the one that turned me into an rpg junkie in the first place all those years ago.. hunched over my controller in the dark in my camper in the middle of the night.. still a classic...
#9 is final fantasy, but i'm an old time gamer, so i mean the original final fantasy games on nes/snes like 1, 2, 3 + mystic quest.. still the best even without the graphics of the newer games...
#10 is lemony snickett's series of unfortunate events.. ok, so this game is not terribly hard..
(i was able to complete it even while fairly intoxicated..) it is still creative and fun if you enjoyed the movie, which i did...
i needed a #11 on my list for all the honorable mentions.. unforgettable games like wizardry, king arthur's world, tombs & treasures, deja vu, faxanadu, the immortal, breath of fire and the dragon warrior games.. also baldur's gate, the ren & stimpy games that wrecked my nerves, zombies ate my neighbors, fester's quest, maniac mansion!!! ...gasp... too many to remember... aargghh! all those years spent in the dark deep in some labyrinth scribbling cryptic notes and maps.. is that what is was that made me mad? or did they save me from madness...? the world may never know.. (p.s. i never made it without biting..)
!X! a bonus: i absolutely approve of the gamecube's eternal darkness: sanity's requiem.. lovecraftian & hallucinogenic.. i dare you!
the post-apocalyptic fallout games, F3, new vegas & F4 coming soon!
dante's inferno ~ go to hell!
gothic victorian lovecraftian bloodshed :D bloodborne!
i highly approve of the other from software games besides bloodborne, demon's souls & dark souls 1, 2 & 3.. not for the faint of heart, gotta get good for these!

home to oblivion..

ok i need a whole section just for elder scrolls~oblivion 'cause i'm playing it and loving it way too much right now.. i am so beautifully lost here living as a vampire & i'm never coming back.
later ~ 430 hours of gameplay all as a vampire & now i'm stuck in limbo in the deadly glitch.. noooo!!
update: i'm on the methadone of rpgs for my oblivion withdrawls, it's predecessor morrowind ~ the game of the year edition.. these are now my All-Time favorite rpgs, above all others..
NEW ELDER SCROLLS!!
SKYRIM!! 11/11/11!! DAWNGUARD DLC!!
& more dlc to come!
the awful tyranny of the sun shall end..
come into oblivion with me & tour my homes.. (note: vampirism has changed my appearance & my invisibility is due to stealth..)
so many ways to die..
realms of madness..
a friend in highcross town..
bonus morrowind footage..
welcome to skyrim..

self-injury support links..

american mcgee's alice... she looks kinda familiar? ...!
safehaven -
i'm snowballinhell here...
WARNING!* these sites contain graphic language and/or images & subject matter related to self injury...
broken smiles -
i'm snowballinhell here..
WARNING!*
alice through the looking glass.. go ask alice.. i think she'll know..
INVALIDATION kills.
down the rabbit hole..
i'm snowballinhell here..
WARNING!*
this site has links to a whole bunch of self-injury support forums..

August 18, 2006

people

being around them only hurts..
idiot. i never learn...

05:03 PM in adult insecure attachment, attachment disorder, Books, psychology, Weblogs | Permalink | Comments (7)

August 17, 2006

dancing on the highway

here if you want me
listening so close from far away
i memorized what you told me
like a foreigner on holiday
i know to smile at confusion
and not forget the soul that smiles on me
dancing on the highway
the broken line that led from you to me
well, i'll be at my station all night
so come on by if you feel like

still here if you want me
look at what i can do with empty time
a lost love that likes to haunt me
it's waiting around to meet me when i die
death surrounds.. protects the living
this is what you said and i agreed
not to be unforgiving
just because your soul is untimely free
cause i'm here if you want me, my love
dancing on the highway

but your sun still burns my eye
oh why?
oh why?

i found some rare elliott smith downloads today..
that made me cry..
it made my lonely day...

stained glass eyes

people sink your boat
when you cut a tragic figure
they drink their lemonade
and throw you a line..
boil your problem down
to yes and no, what’s the matter?
they bomb your promenade
and this makes it shine
so you must play the comic
if they want one
and describe their moment
when they’re in one..

people pass you by
passing up the chance to know you
they're irregular
in the usual way..
you should crack a smile
once in a while, it makes you pretty
it makes you wanna give
them a piece of your mind..

but they can’t be people
not if i’m one
if i have to be like them
i’d rather be no one

couldn’t make the scene
not with all the people looking
all these connoisseurs
on guard all the time..
rather spend the day
blank as hell by the window
looking out of my
stained glass eyes...

friendlyghost

03:10 PM in adult insecure attachment, attachment disorder, Music, psychology, Weblogs | Permalink | Comments (5)

June 04, 2006

another not so great day...

it's another really not so great day..
but to update i have at least gone 135 days without cutting and 251 days without alcohol..
i credit my ability to do this with leaving therapy behind.. (among other things.. like my space alien parents who don't even seem to remember me now...) and the awful feeling of trying to reach out to another fake plastic prozactive so and so who supposedly cared and supposedly knew anything about me at all.. (while i sliced myself to ribbons and sat there invisibly bleeding or drank myself through it all...)
fuck all that.

there is really no such thing as professional 'help' for me.. i'm too insecurely attached to be fixed up.. no more. i know i'm screwed. i'll spend my money on videogames first...
but it's certainly true that what i am thinking all about is cutting today.

friendlyghost

it's opeth today:
speak to me now and the world will crumble
open a door and the moon will fall
all of your life.. all your memories
go to your dreams.. forget it all
sleep my child
sleep my child
sleep my child
sleep my child

many unhappy returns

02:16 PM in adult insecure attachment, attachment disorder, Music, psychology, psychotherapy, Weblogs | Permalink | Comments (0)

a handful of applecores a mouthful of razorblades

i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
seeing is deceiving..
$@x!^&*#%!/
love bites.
life sucks.
"but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
"oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
"we're all mad here.
i'm mad. you're mad."
"how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
"you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
"to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
"i suppose so," said Alice.
"well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
but why is the rum gone?!
***triggering!! don't look!!!*** (you looked..)
beezorch daddy-o! go! kitty, go!
ffft! hiss! spit! rah! kill! maim!
crank up your speakers!!

trapdoor links to the secret gallery... sound up!