snowball in hell

afterthoughts

i mentioned how i thought i'd write another book, of short stories this time, called 'the toyroom'..
some notes so far:

the lost toys

in the stillness of the neglected closet, a small sound in the darkness breaks the long grey silence,
as the lid of the box is pressed open & slips away, & the old toys emerge one by one onto the shelf.

the soldier in his uniform, his arms only a memory, his ears forever ringing, & the rope still tied & hanging from his neck, which was such a feat in itself to accomplish,
left in front of his proud uniform like a badge of his shame.

it was slow going for the little wooden train engine, his wheels giving little traction on even the slightest of inclines..

the forgotten birthday bear, with his birthday pin on, he felt he could lead the way, to where? they didn't know..

the broken clown, his face painted with a smile, whether he wanted to or not, making light of the dreary circumstance..

the doll did not speak, for she was mute, but her head was nevertheless filled with Everything, everything she couldn't say, everything spinning around & around over & over, everything.. everything..

the grey mouse made not a sound.

if they could make it north, to the workshop of santa claus? he might be able to help them.

they had no campfire
but they sat around the heart, the heart in ice.. why was it here?

wishing on the stars..

what do you think?

p.s. new at the ghost gallery rowsofneveropeneddoors ~ afterthoughts

wanderer

well it's june but still mercifully raining off & on, no summer yet.. sorry, but we're vampires here & detest the blazing sun & heat, a little light is ok, but i'll take the dark & a/c till autumn rolls around..

& rpg games. ah yes.. my great escape from the summertime blues over all the years has been in fantasy videogame worlds, & my son raven has followed in my tradition well..

it all started back in the old camper in the driveway when he was a toddler & i put that nes controller in his hands, thinking he'd love the cause & effect of running & jumping mario along..

um, yeah, he did love it! the rest is history.. i'll always remember him & mr dad coming in to watch me fight zeromus in final fantasy at the end, we all had marble fudge ice-cream & it left such an impression on him, it wasn't long before we got him mario paint & a few years later i introduced him to mystic quest as a beginner level fantasy rpg.. <3

he feared the undead kobolds pictured in my shadowgate game guides too & i worry i set up his lifelong zombie phobia due to that?

so eventually one summer of old we decided to tape our own 'game gallery' youtube videos of all our games, way back in the day when youtube was novel..

nostalgia gamers please come over to my youtube channel & check it out, everything from nes to xbox360, snippets of all our favorites & commentary.. 

it's down in my playlists here..

our game gallery includes kitties of course <3

& much more like this..

i also keep an extensive ghost pix game screenshot album of my own playthroughs here.. (sound up for our cool retro gaming mix)

these screenshots are from some of my favorites like bloodborne..

i do love the from software games & have played them to 100%/platinum wherever possible..

the ghost pix album starts out way back in elder scrolls oblivion & encompasses all the elder scrolls & dark souls games, fallout, american mcgee's alice, fable, etc on & on, & i'm still updating it..

i'm a wanderer & i've lived in these places basically, with my kitties right along side me through so much of them <3

i've even set up a lost & found toy shop in the post apoc world of fallout as well as my kitty sanctuary..

i'm often a cat myself..

& always a vampire ;)

i'm always looking for another beautiful place to get lost..

as i deal with all my issues..

& raven has his own youtube gaming channel now here.. (please subscribe)

he's an ocd completionist & is really exceptionally good.. it's been said he's so good that even his mom is good ;)

recently i invited him into my elden ring playthrough to help with a big battle..

so here's that capture for your enjoyment..

i'm getting into all the fashion of elden ring now, not unlike i did in bloodborne..

what do you think?

so i've changed my look from the basic astrologer's outfit to fia's robes
(fia - deathbed companion & giver of hugs) posted about it here at the lost & found yesterday too..

if you're a fellow gaming enthusiast be sure to check out my other blog, the lost & found toy blog, for extensive videogame posts & coverage, just click on videogames in the category list in the sidebar..

videogames are the closest thing i can find to a cure for the summertime blues..

ok, well there is winter.

more in the links & comments..

bren snowmoon/ghost

my books

through the years i've enjoyed making artbooks through shutterfly, among other cool personalized items..

the rows of never opened doors, the abstracts..

of course one devoted to my toyroom i posted about at the lost & found toy blog here extensively..

i wrote a book once about our childhood..

& also some edgy poetry back in the day..

& there are all those journals, i guess all that writing is like my own personal life library?

i've been thinking about writing another book..

this time something different, a book of short stories i'm calling 'the toyroom'..

based on some of the characters found in the ghost gallery..

i've already started.. 

the shutterfly books on the a of e..

including our halloween album, my january trees & cemeteria photo album books..

writing's a long process, & i'm taking my time these days.. but someday i'll update..
meanwhile i've been observing that in life i think your brain & body & defenses try to put everything on hold as long as it can until you start to feel older & weaker & then it all can just overwhelm you..
or is this just me?

some lyrics of the day from the smile:
speech bubbles

we run for the hills
we run like fools
our city is in flames
the bells ringing
the bells ringing

devastation has come
left in a station with a note of poems
now there's never any place
never any place to put my feet back down
no, there's never anywhere
the scene is rolled away, lights are taken down
on a newspaper stand
any feeble branch to put my weight upon
well i lie to myself
anywhere i dare to put my feet back down

who fell again?
in the pouring rain
who'll find the vein
put the needle in?
& who hears that voice?
it's like bells ringing

how will i know you?
how will i know you?
how will i know you?

continued as always in the comments where i'm listing my personal mix choice for the new smile album..

bren/ghost

the ghost gallery

this old painting i did decades ago now hangs in my room beneath a shelf of plush lions, tigers & bears.. it's an inner child themed storybook style watercolor called 'escape' based on a grand dream from childhood in which we snuck out our window one night & rowed away in a little rowboat toward the big full moon.. i love that it's in my room now, it was like foreshadowing, from that little corner of the room under the window to this room now where i look out my window at the moon & all the surrounding trees & green, we finally did it, we ran away up to the snow & the trees & the river, & we didn't have to say goodbye to our beloved kitties, we took them all with us <3 this is one of the first paintings i put up in my ghost gallery hallway up at my gumbyland & gallery website 20 something years ago ~

this carousel horse painting now hangs in our stairwell gallery ~

along with several others ~

like this cold comfort scene ~

i've enjoyed being able to display my art around the house ~

from the stairwell gallery to the toy room ~

like these frog & toad paintings i did for my son's room when he was small ~

& of course gumby ~

toxic loved to paint ~

so art has been a kind of therapy for me all my life ~

it's always been a way for me to express the things i couldn't say in words ~

who knew i'd end up filling an entire online gallery ~

from studies & drawings to abstracts ~

it's been a blast trying out every creative idea over all the years ~

& having fun with filters & photoshop digital effects ~

creating entire themed art albums ~

i had to add on a second ghost gallery hallway ~

moving on to full installations ~

or what i often call dollscapes ~

& eventually adding on a third ghost gallery hallway made up of entire albums ~

that i call the rows of never opened doors ~

this page leads to the ghost gallery or specifically to the rows of never opened doors ~

click the links in this post for more, & please come in & visit anytime you are curious ~

lastly, here's an old self portrait i did as part of an art studies course ~

bren

muchness!

ok so it's official after just 3 months of kitty therapy i have gained 5 lbs :)
& alice is just under 10 lbs now herself!
little alice in wonderland
after 2 solid years cursed at 111 lbs this seems miraculous.. :)

on the subject of muchness & madness, i am somewhat of a hypergraphic journaler & now have more than 30 years of my life recorded..

this started when the freudian psychologist i was seeing suggested it, & it has been a helpful tool in managing my sanity ever since..

although like this ghostblog, much of it is like talking to myself..

my mom also wrote in what she called diaries, & i have a trunkfull of them archived for safekeeping along with my own..

like our old home movies, they can also act as a time machine..

reading back through them can feel dangerous at times though..

often filled with drawings..

song lyrics..

& of course stickers, usually my own home printed ones..

charting all my classic migraines..

& fun auras..

food/health logs..

gaming, parenting, marriage..

all my struggles..

halloween..

retro nostalgia..

my sad ghost life..

& toxic..

moons & stars..

entries like the diabolical ding-dong caper still crack me & dan up to this very day..

kitties & fun..

& all my little friends..

occasional rants..

do you write in a diary or journal too? let me know in the comments where i'll continue my fascinating observations through spider season..

meanwhile the guys helped film this youtube montage of my farewell to fallout 76..

p.s. here comes the crow moon & the murder of crows in the tall trees outside my room are indeed loudly proclaiming the end of winter.. 

bren