2024 (or subtitle ~ migraines & terrors & beeps oh my! (repeat..)

i start each day with trepidation.
the nearby water project (projected to continue through till possibly spring of 2025) wakes me up early each morning sounding like a competition of banging machinery & alarms beeping over each other, sometimes going on for 12 hours straight.. stress literally makes me sick.
i can't tell you how nice it is on a weekend morning to wake up hearing our backyard birds like it use to be..
i escape all i can into eso but honestly i'm running out of content so i'll have to figure something different for next month onward.. but come on, be honest, with the world the way it is, wouldn't you rather be here in beautiful rainy auridon like me?

ok here's a shocker, i love the smile's new album called 'wall of eyes'..

i am asking for help
i am outside your door
i am walking away barefoot
i am asking down the street
i am climbing a tree
i am now a white sheet of paper
i am changing, the seconds pass
i am making mistakes
i am losing my shit
i am being bent out of shape
i may have been crying
i am memories that crowd a drowning field
i am trying to figure this out
i am waving a hand in front of your face
i am feeling very alone
i keep asking, asking you to repeat yourself
i think you are maybe taking the piss
i am feeling very alone and unsupported in this moment
i am deciding to shut down everything
i am a stranger tapping on the window
i understand & go on my way
i think maybe you are losing interest
i am now cycling through their almost empty city, starting again from the top
they are taking away my priveleges
i am hoping we can work this out
i am making positive noises
i am making a long series of just empty promises
i am just going along with this
i am crystalline, corrupt, sulphuric, superficial
i am a perfect self portrait
i am waiting for you to acknowledge me
i am someone else to compare me to
i am paralyzed by the weight of my own whatever
i sympathize with your decision
i am your replacement
i am seeking an opportunity
i think this doesn't fit me
i am slipping slowly down a greasy pole
i am being told to stay indoors
i am making this official
i am trying not to look
i am not asking questions
i am hiding in the closet
i am asking if can you bring round some groceries
i am leaping into the dark
the sky is full of scarecrows above & around me
i am seeing alot of patterns
i am little baby walking
i guess it doesn't matter now
i am weighing anchor & heading into port
i am getting drunk in a bar to forget
i may or may not be
i am high on my riddles, concussed
i am nothing else
i am checking in the mirror
i am changing definition
i am trying to keep my distance
this is my stop
why won't you untie me?
oh i see what's going on here
i am gently pushing an open door..

ps fuck typepad. half my album images are now broken & my 'help' ticket sits open endlessly.. now i see massive image dropout on my daily toy blog too. is this endstage typepad? so far the ghostblog seems unaffected, but i wish someone decent would buy them up & fix these matters.. (twitter too!) it just feels like all has been for naught..

here comes valentine's day..
i would say take good care of yourself this year..
i'm a happiness junkie, so i'll keep fighting for it over the misery..
hell, weirdly enough it's my middle name.
(joy)

hopefully continuing in the comments as always?..

bren (ghost)

Comments

[ghost]

a better day for me today..
a good night's sleep (no beeping) & today sid krofft did a spontaneous insta livestream while he signed valentines to send out ;) i asked a few questions & he answered them all! i wondered if he'd met danny kaye (an old favorite & beloved star, my mom just loved him..) & he told how he got to work with him in ny at the old roxy theater :D it brightened my day so much i didn't even care about the noise & beeps! & then the sun came out brilliantly shining amongst the dark clouds, what we here call 'rainbow weather'..
while nostalgia & grief together can sometimes feel like a poignant brew, i felt happy today.
& that is an godsend.
& hey, maybe i'll get a valentine??
fingers x'd..

ps. No Immunity!!!

[ghost]

so the smile's song that you hear the first lines of in the ghostcloset update short youtube in the post above is my favorite.. it's so me that it makes me sob just like snoopy on shroeder's piano.. & i don't even really know why?

friend of a friend

i can go anywhere that i want
i just gotta turn myself
inside out
& back to front
with cut out shapes
& worn out spaces
add some sparkles
to create the right effect
they're all smiling
so i guess i'll stay
at least 'til the disappointed
have eaten themselves away
buried from the waist down
stop looking over our shoulder
oh the window balconies
they seem so flimsy
as our friends
step out to talk & wave
& catch a piece of sun
i guess i believe
in an altered state
where they leave their windows
& their doors wide open
here the telephone lines
are always busy
unable to give a reason
or a straight answer
buried from the waist down
stop looking over our shoulder
we need to get it together
from our window balconies
we take a tumble
as our friends step out
to talk & wave
& catch a piece of sun
all of that money
where did it go?
where did it go?
in somebody's pocket
a friend of a friend
all the loose change
loose change..

[ghost]

i posted our latest new music cds over at the lost & found over the weekend after a flashback friday post of the smile (lyrics included here!)

https://friendlyghost.typepad.com/lost_found_vintage_toys/2024/02/cd-saturday-wall-of-eyes.html

but honestly i'm running out of things to post these days..
appropriately as it seems typepad acts like it's in its deaththrows, image issues permeate everything :(

my youtube gaming page reflects my escaping into eso for basically this last year? but i'm wrapping it up & will choose somewhere else to venture soon..
https://www.youtube.com/user/strungoutandthin

waiting for fallout to come out with an anniversary edition so i can build a new vault 11 as i'd like to enjoy playing this post-apoc game before we actually enter into a real apocalypse?

remembering vault 11:

https://youtu.be/6yOP2S-Medk

my ads:

oh no! want. https://www.instagram.com/p/C24eDRfgXVf/

https://www.fun.com/adults-inflatable-pokey-costume.html?mpid=239532&utm_source=bing&utm_medium=cpc&msclkid=39e95ba8919b1aca81653e1b71f86a8e

https://www.amazon.com/The-Screaming-Goat-Book-Figure/dp/0762459816/ref=pd_ci_mcx_mh_wsixn_v2_7?pd_rd_w=Px7HL&content-id=amzn1.sym.21016325-7a76-4fbd-99a9-beea6c5db6c2&pf_rd_p=21016325-7a76-4fbd-99a9-beea6c5db6c2&pf_rd_r=TK2JPG9QAYVYV4S5GFN8&pd_rd_wg=9DsKV&pd_rd_r=6aea7e8b-0b2f-4cd7-ad1c-dd804b63e87a&pd_rd_i=0762459816

alice is happily birdwatching: https://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/the_lost_album/towhee-3-3.html

& here comes the snowmoon, with a migraine just for me..
..

[ghost]

so i wrapped up my eso playthrough (for now..) with several captures of all our homes & pets <3 feeling a bit lost now..
not in the good way..
https://www.youtube.com/@ghostatthegate/videos

considering going way back in time to capture a favorite oldie i never even got screenshots of? primal.. hm..
my old gargoyle friend scree..

[ghost]

well, i gotta say, spring is looking kinda nice here in portland.. i may retreat back into fierce vampiric sun avoidance once summer peeks in my windows, but for now it's a nice break from east winds & arctic blasts.. birds are chirping at their feeder & alice is enjoying her sunpuddle watching..

we watched joe's state of the union speech last night & were just so proud to see him with his irish up, fiery & strong, giving us reason to hope again! have i mentioned i think he's a distant cousin? while in ireland he posted up his family tree on insta & talked about visiting kearney castle, my first experience learning about my own ancestry was as a kid writing back & forth with a kearney relative about kearney castle ;) how cool! i remember my great grandma daisy well..
(another kearney..)
http://www.brensgumbyland.com/ghostgalleryfamilytreealbum.html (my family tree album - sound up..)

so i mentioned maybe going into primal? i changed my mind, magic the gathering dropped new Fallout cards all of a sudden & after ordering a collector box i decided i'd try heading back into fallout 76 for a peek back at my beloved vault 11.. well, although my eso hands don't know what the FuKc i am doing with the controller yet, i'm figuring it out & will be venturing back out into the post-apocalyptic wasteland for my youtube captures for awhile.. it made me so happy to be back..
hey yeah that is me feeling happy?! hopeful even? i'll take it!
so bear with me as i find my way & join me if you need an escape too.. i'm posting up youtube captures on my gaming playlist on my channel, as well as related posts at the lost & found toys blog..
i'll see you there ;)

https://youtu.be/Q9IzdmQA-uE

https://friendlyghost.typepad.com/lost_found_vintage_toys/2024/03/fallout-76-fun.html

ps - always cool to get my comment liked by someone like stephen beschloss! https://open.substack.com/pub/america/p/can-one-speech-change-joe-bidens?r=1ez6ol&utm_campaign=comment-list-share-cta&utm_medium=web&comments=true&commentId=51294306
the beschloss brothers are awesome..

[ghost]

today we went for a little drive in the rain.. & ended up getting lost, which i enjoyed.. but at one point the bigfootmobile suffered a speedometer malfunction & mr dad couldn't determine how fast he was driving, so we carefully headed home again.. but not before some moron screeched & gunned his car around to get ahead of us on mt hood highway, scaring the crap out of us & practically causing an accident.. at each of the next 3 lights he was of course within 20 feet of us, as i've noted before, assholes with no patience don't get ahead, just show off how idiotic they are.. anyway, i can go anywhere that i want, but i was glad to be home after that interaction..

couple unlisted youtubes:

https://youtu.be/gXHbsp_SkXE
https://youtu.be/ja7-QwifmRo

[ghost]

ok so i remembered that fallout 76 is my least favorite of the fallout games as it's an mmo style game & very wonky, but i love vault 11 & have been going back in capturing highlights i remember from my playthrough in years past.. it's frustrating, but i'd hoped it'd be worth it for the captures.. & only today did i realize that for some reason the music i'm playing on my pip-boy & listening to all throughout is Not playing on my captures.. wtf? why?? it's half the fun! all the oldies from bing crosby, danny kaye & billie holiday to classical.. this really was a big disappointment for me as the game is frustrating enough.. mostly just getting killed endlessly.. i wish bethesda would just come out with the fallout anniversary edition already.. what a shame..
bummer.

ok so meanwhile, do i need these frog & mushroom mom jeans?
https://www.hottopic.com/product/ht-denim-frogs-mushrooms-embroidered-mom-jeans/20435749.html?cm_mmc=DIS-_-CRT-_-273118-_-11001631-_-pch.com&cto_pld=kGGZvUg8AAAccxkKcZko6g

matching bag?
https://www.hottopic.com/product/frog-fuzzy-figural-crossbody-bag/31167247.html?cm_mmc=DIS-_-CRT-_-273118-_-11001631-_-pch.com&cto_pld=eaqUmUg8AADmpSE04HKWvQ

& kitty sneaks..
https://www.hottopic.com/product/black-cat-pink-bow-hi-top-sneakers/20812725.html?cm_mmc=DIS-_-CRT-_-273118-_-11001631-_-pch.com&cto_pld=YhvqfUg8AABOyL4Q0wDV3g

[ghost]

the lengths i go to for a cool snowglobe.. ;)
https://youtu.be/nysArNMql8w

[ghost]

so spring cleaning has officially commenced here as the sun is shining & it's not too warm yet, birds are chirping & kids are playing outside, alice is watching squirrels.. nice ;)

after remediating our cobweb decor i went into fallout 76 today after some grueling deaths yesterday thinking i'd get some crafting & organizing done, make ammo, switch weapons around, etc.. well, that got boring so i went to check out camden park, i try to hunt for toys (of course!) at all the post apoc themeparks i can find.. & well i had a blast!! first of all, i ran into an interesting character there named brenda fuzzy!!! i kid you not! she is a cat :D (see end of youtube here..) https://youtu.be/43b3htlp0y0

then i found so many old toys around the rides that i was elated.. until zombies killed me.. i thought i'd never make it back to find my little paperbag (my stash i lose when i die..) check it out & see how i made it back to my beloved vault 11 with all my fun collectibles!!
https://youtu.be/66q7SEbuXIs
at one point just to make matters worse my controller ran out of charge & i had to scramble to hook up a cord connection as my machine gun got stuck on fire using up all my ammo!! :o

well, have a happy easter! i have 3 layer orange jello dessert to prepare for the occasion.. :D

[ghost]

sakura.. our cherry blossom petals are falling & we have a new bird nest just outside the back window where alice watches avidly!
https://youtu.be/F7GdeGRZZAA

& i was able to set up not only 2 butterfly sanctuaries at vault 11, but today i added a lizard sanctuary too!
:D
https://www.youtube.com/@ghostatthegate/videos

p.s. fun post at the lost & found yesterday ;)
https://friendlyghost.typepad.com/lost_found_vintage_toys/2024/04/breadclips-etc.html

[ghost]

update: it's one of our robins again! :) & she already has one pretty little blue egg in the nest!! :D
https://youtu.be/vLYdirENgCM
we had a little rain & hail today & she sat covering it proudly, thankfully she's shielded from the worst of it by the roof edge & gutter.. <3

would you like to see some of my fallout 76 collectibles & my lizard?
https://youtu.be/Hmki4xl25io

[ghost]

2 eggs now! :D
https://youtu.be/_wQbBXn5r9k

[ghost]

3 beautiful blue eggs! & mom keeps them warm rain or shine, while dad watches over from the nearby tree: https://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/the_lost_album/mr-robin.html

so i did a proper fallout 76 goodbye capture on raven's ps5/pc setup so i could include at least some of the music i've been enjoying this whole time that wouldn't capture through ps4..
check it out here: https://youtu.be/DpSzd7moGQ4
it includes not only the music, but toys & collectibles, death & fun, frogs & antifashion, & a couple lewis carroll mad hatter style easter eggs i discovered in the wasteland :)

we kept tucked inside for the solar eclipse this time, me with a particularly severe migraine.. pain, my old friend..
https://friendlyghost.typepad.com/lost_found_vintage_toys/2024/04/flashback-friday-things-behind-the-sun.html

[ghost]

mama robin is doing a fine job protecting her eggs & alice checks on her frequently at our diningroom window ;)

today i tried heading into my old fallout 4 save to capture my beloved kitty sanctuary drive-in & lost & found toy shop, but sadly it errored out, even using the disc rather than the digital.. too old :( so i'll have to wait to replay this classic when the anniversary edition drops, hopefully with plenty of new content? i posted about this game here at my (other) toy blog:
https://friendlyghost.typepad.com/lost_found_vintage_toys/2016/08/fallout.html

so that was a bust. next i decided i would try to go back to an even older game i once played to its glitchy ps2 end! primal, where i am jen rather than bren, with my friend scree, who has been my avatar forever.. anyway, i was able to get a one hour youtube capture of the beginning of this old classic, but it's a bit interesting as the controls are off, i couldn't get the y axis properly inverted till the end! it also gave me a headache & handache! but i am glad to have gotten this much of it for my archives..
https://youtu.be/qYpKxYo3Wmc

not sure what game i'll look into now.. hmmm...???