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a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is she except a being without access to the universe that she has not yet managed to forget?
~ randall jarrell

i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots.. any comments are welcome ;)
rows of never opened doors:
ghost gallery quarantine area (use a laptop or pc with firefox or google chrome browser for essential music, no phones)
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2019 brenda roudebush
all rights reserved..
my photo albums (sound up!)

ghost stories
(blood & butterflies..)

  • these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. let me know what you think/comments? p.s. stories here are non fiction/true. (privately hosted ~ if you're interested in reading this just ask:)

vintage kids can come & visit the ghost toy catalogue here.. (sound up)
the friendlyghost album ~ welcome to my photo album..
we live in wonderland.. :)
i hope you enjoy me & my guys & kitties, the places we go & things we enjoy..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Beloved sleep
cemeteria album ~
remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me..
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family tree album ~
this addition to the cemeteria album is especially for my own lost loved ones..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

a POEtry reading...

my elliott smith lyric page (sound up)
portland haunts album ~
is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots..
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the library..

things behind the sun (journals)
a mouthfull of razorblades (journals)
ghost at the gate's items Go to ghost at the gate's photostream
Laurelhurst trees
january trees album ~
january trees ~ winter shows her bones.. the tree is the psyche, the spirit, the whole self.. our inner world..
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toxic was here ~
vintage socal, birthdays & halloweens..
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art albums ~ use a laptop or pc with sound up!

halloween mini album ~
~ copyright 2015 all rights reserved
Bren alice patreon
ghost pix album ~ rpg videogame screenshots, lol kitties & all kinds of goodies.. (use a pc or laptop to hear my game mix here)

home to oblivion..

  • ok i need a whole section just for elder scrolls~oblivion 'cause i'm playing it and loving it way too much right now.. i am so beautifully lost here living as a vampire & i'm never coming back.
    later ~ 430 hours of gameplay all as a vampire & now i'm stuck in limbo in the deadly glitch.. noooo!!
    update: i'm on the methadone of rpgs for my oblivion withdrawls, it's predecessor morrowind ~ the game of the year edition.. these are now my All-Time favorite rpgs, above all others..
    SKYRIM!! 11/11/11!! DAWNGUARD DLC!!
    & more dlc to come!
    the awful tyranny of the sun shall end..

  • come into oblivion with me & tour my homes.. (note: vampirism has changed my appearance & my invisibility is due to stealth..)

  • so many ways to die..

  • realms of madness..

  • a friend in highcross town..

  • bonus morrowind footage..

  • welcome to skyrim..

ghost closet...

haunted home movies..

ghost charity


ghost space

« children of the night.. | Main | 2024 (or subtitle ~ migraines & terrors & beeps oh my! (repeat..) »

December 17, 2023


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afraid we had an unmerry xmas. cold moon migraine & crash into depression, health issue that drove me to set a dr's appt. it's been so long since i went in for a dr's appt that i don't remember?? doing a bit better, telling myself 'don't look into the abyss, don't look into the abyss..'


rough start into the new year, one thing after the other, healthstuff, (physical & mental) a water gnat invasion thanks to record high temps for this time of year here & standing rainwater, a mouse issue in the garage, & now i've found out my niece's little boy has covid..
oh no!
i escape reality with great regularity, into eso here:
checking out audio online at our library & on hoopla, & best of all was getting my signed xmas card from sid krofft! ~
i still find it surreal us wishing each other happy new year! hope it's better than the last year.. please?
too many weird fun after xmas ads to list.. ok but i will:
ok now.. self control... ..


still here after the traumatic arctic blast & power out for 12 hours..

oliver & new backyard feral boy we call mr paws got through the winter event & are getting their food ok too..
& birds are using the feeder we filled under our kitchen deck <3 everything's covered in ice..

i'm not a spring person, but this year i'm looking forward to it.

such a pretty house
& such a pretty garden
& no alarms & no surprises
no alarms & no surprises
no alarms & no surprises please? - radiohead

p.s. we found out our generator battery does much better in cold than it did in summer to keep our fridge running, i suggested to the guys that maybe we should put the generator In the fridge, maybe we'd get infinite power? but it doesn't fit.. hm, maybe if we took all the food out? then it would work forever.. for absolutely no purpose whatsoever..
my science seems to be faulty here..


colin's livestream on insta this morning made the ice thaw feel much warmer <3 the comments were fun with other kitties & decemberists fans singing (& crying) along to our favorite oldies..
his power was out for 24 hours in his portland neighborhood!
i'm recovering hopefully from all my latest trauma? noticed i've lost a few pounds.. :/


so it appears our arctic blast winter storm event has finally ended? ice & east winds pulled down half the lower branches on one side of one of the tall spruce trees in our backyard, but nothing flew off the house.. (ok ice sheets slid off the roof yesterday but nothing's broken that we can tell..) we're still awaiting the arrival of our extra generator battery, hopefully mail & deliveries are back on schedule now that temps are a bit more normal? i did end up reaching out to my 'life coach' during all the threat of power out over & over as i kept feeling myself slip in & out of some kind of anxiety/trauma state..

raven took this pic out our front window of a neighbor's flag, feels like our state of the union right now?

fun ads:

p.s. i need this doorbell.


big blowup with my husband yesterday put me in my place, feels like shades of the dim past.

lyrics of the are day from mr smith ~

last hour

here's the army that you mowed
to the ground
& the bodies you left lying around
talking it out the last hour
i'm through trying now
it's a big relief
i'll be staying down
where no one else gonna give me grief
mess me around
just make it over
your opinion was the law of the land
the single thing that i could always understand
i lived it out from hour to hour
the only thing that never really changed
you bend me all around
& dragged me down
at the end of the day
don't keep me around
just make it over
i've been thinking of the things
that i missed
situations that i passed up for this
one way love i took for ours
i'm through trying now
it's a big relief
i'll be staying down
i wasn't good at being a thief
more like a clown
make it over..

i'm trying to go into essential hibernation mode, but the water project is now 12 hours of non-stop noise each day & i'm going insane.
looking for an emergency exit.

my snowcave ~

from a poison well ~

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cat girl

  • xx xx xx be wild.. xx xx xx

lost & found toys

Plague dr
the lost album - click to enter my current photo album here.. (sound up)
click to visit my old around the bend album (sound up) photos by ghost 2019 all rights reserved
Note: if the audio does not play on this & other albums please go directly to the ghost gallery or photo album page links in the header, the audio plays perfectly at my website :)

a handful of applecores a mouthful of razorblades

  • i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
  • seeing is deceiving..
  • $@x!^&*#%!/
  • love bites.
  • life sucks.
  • "but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
    "oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
    "we're all mad here.
    i'm mad. you're mad."
    "how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
    "you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
    Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
    however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
    "to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
    "i suppose so," said Alice.
    "well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
    Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
  • but why is the rum gone?!
  • ***triggering!! don't look!!!*** (you looked..)
  • beezorch daddy-o! go! kitty, go!
  • ffft! hiss! spit! rah! kill! maim!
  • crank up your speakers!!

little friends..

back in the day ~
back when i was still a snowballinhell, including tabitha's kittens & little daniel..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

friendlyghost fun & games!!


lost hollow digital art album ~
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

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