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a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is she except a being without access to the universe that she has not yet managed to forget?
~ randall jarrell

i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots.. any comments are welcome ;)
rows of never opened doors:
ghost gallery quarantine area (use a laptop or pc with firefox or google chrome browser for essential music, no phones)
all artwork here is copyright protected by vengeful ghosts!
2019 brenda roudebush
all rights reserved..
my photo albums (sound up!)

ghost stories
(blood & butterflies..)

  • these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. let me know what you think/comments? p.s. stories here are non fiction/true. (privately hosted ~ if you're interested in reading this just ask:)

vintage kids can come & visit the ghost toy catalogue here.. (sound up)
the friendlyghost album ~ welcome to my photo album..
we live in wonderland.. :)
i hope you enjoy me & my guys & kitties, the places we go & things we enjoy..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Beloved sleep
cemeteria album ~
remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
family tree album ~
this addition to the cemeteria album is especially for my own lost loved ones..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

a POEtry reading...

my elliott smith lyric page (sound up)
portland haunts album ~
is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

the library..

things behind the sun (journals)
a mouthfull of razorblades (journals)
ghost at the gate's items Go to ghost at the gate's photostream
Laurelhurst trees
january trees album ~
january trees ~ winter shows her bones.. the tree is the psyche, the spirit, the whole self.. our inner world..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
toxic was here ~
vintage socal, birthdays & halloweens..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

art albums ~ use a laptop or pc with sound up!

halloween mini album ~
~ copyright 2015 all rights reserved
Bren alice patreon
ghost pix album ~ rpg videogame screenshots, lol kitties & all kinds of goodies.. (use a pc or laptop to hear my game mix here)

home to oblivion..

  • ok i need a whole section just for elder scrolls~oblivion 'cause i'm playing it and loving it way too much right now.. i am so beautifully lost here living as a vampire & i'm never coming back.
    later ~ 430 hours of gameplay all as a vampire & now i'm stuck in limbo in the deadly glitch.. noooo!!
    update: i'm on the methadone of rpgs for my oblivion withdrawls, it's predecessor morrowind ~ the game of the year edition.. these are now my All-Time favorite rpgs, above all others..
    SKYRIM!! 11/11/11!! DAWNGUARD DLC!!
    & more dlc to come!
    the awful tyranny of the sun shall end..

  • come into oblivion with me & tour my homes.. (note: vampirism has changed my appearance & my invisibility is due to stealth..)

  • so many ways to die..

  • realms of madness..

  • a friend in highcross town..

  • bonus morrowind footage..

  • welcome to skyrim..

ghost closet...

haunted home movies..

ghost charity

ghost space

« sail us to the moon | Main | children of the night.. »

September 02, 2023


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i just wanted to leave this little comment here, my sister cathy has crossed over now & can be at peace <3

& i have to assume now that my old pal emma has also..
you were a kindred spirit & the only friend i had that understood the ache we shared lifelong, you're off on an adventure now, hope you find out all the answers to the many questions we pondered here..

(emma, fellow misfit, will be missed, she was a science teacher in ny who use to fill up these comment threads with me back in the old days of this ghost blog ;)


so i've been known as ghost online forever, & we celebrate halloween here kinda yearround with retro decor & everyday items..
but i couldn't leave extra seasonal decor out or alice would eat it. so i captured some of what we've been up to in a halloween youtube..
i'm hiding a sneakpeek here, it's a ghostcloset antifashion update with extras..
(grim grinning ghost comes out to socialize? .. best i can manage..)

i'll be posting it up along with oodles of halloween goodness at the lost & found toys blog throughout october :)
while on the subject:

& hey this is kinda cool too:

is it just me that is already getting xmas ads??
by the way my lost album is updated with some recent fun here:


my innerkid has no patience whatsoever, it's halloween now, ok? & our new friends have been getting into every kind of mischief imaginable around the house, see for yourself! (sound up!)

& ok i need these. why? why ask why?? what weird warped part deep in my soul requires i have giant inflatable eyeballs? please help me.

ok now i need this as well. santa?? .. i'll try to be good..???


i really want these.. i do. but i'm adulting. if i spent the $ & then set them out where i see them alice would only chomp them.

but yeah. me & my butterflies.. :(

hi, i'm bren, & i'm a shopaholic collector..

..yes i did get the 3 giant inflatable eyeballs for $2.19 total on temu!
because of course i did, it's halloween!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i didn't buy that cute bird though..

p.s. <3


john & his oldest friend robert spent yesterday together driving to the coast for the last day of summer, updated our album here with cool pix ;)

& those jolly skellys just can't seem to stay out of trouble, i've had to update their album with more pix already! (sound up!)

i feel like i should be happy, it's the autumnal equinox & they're talking about possibly 15 straight days of rain? i love the rain.. i have everyThing i need, but i am a lonely ghost.. :(


so what'd you do today?



so yesterday just as i got into the shower i noticed the lights turn off. yep, power out. ok, so this has happened before & we've tried to be prepared, we have a good generator in case it drags on too long.. after 3 hours we plugged in our refrigerator. it was such a pleasant october day, breezy & comfortable, thank goodness, & we had to keep alice away from the generator cord running up the stairs to the kitchen so she wouldn't chomp it. we all turned to our neglected analog interests to get through the day, dan read his voluminous runescape guide, mr dad looked for good rockhounding spots in one of his guides, & i caught up on october's remind mag, & my new amazon toys catalog, american girls catalog & the big golden books guide i'd posted up at the lost & found recently.. all caught up. as it got dark we all got our flashlights ready & hoped for the best. & then our generator ran out of power after 7 hours. & our fridge sat another 3 hours until just before midnight when the lights suddenly came back on. someone had crashed into a nearby powerpole knocking it down. the Same pole that someone hit years ago resulting in the power going out before! anyway, we did all we could & the rest was outside of our control, i had to throw out around $50 worth of questionable groceries from the fridge like milk & icecream, etc.. & we had to restock all before i could have my safe little decaf/bfast.. the stress did cause my stomach to hurt, not eating probably didn't help.. we decided we should invest in an extra battery for our generator that stacks on top & gives an additional 7 hours.. i just hate feeling like our whole world is precarious because of one drunk driver, you know? i did enjoy the dark last night, the only light visible on our block was our cool solar lamppost out front..
this october has had too much stress & anxiety already, i'm heading back into eso now..

some ads of note: (cool but toooo pricey!)

p.s. hey i invented a new word: traumedy - my life?


ok so where did i leave off? at the part where the power came back on & i had to pour out $50 or so worth of groceries? or was it the part where the power went out the Second Time the next night? & we had to use our generator AGAIN? well, i ended up in a crash into depression. dan/raven was so pissed off about missing something online that he wasn't having it with mr dad's pissyness to him that he broke out of his customary noncronfrontist stance & told him to fuck off.. i can't blame him either.. so yeah i've been in a fantastic mood. but today i loved the sundays with sid livestream with cassandra petersen (elvira)! i just bought her book, haven't read it yet.. i'm an old fan from the first days of movie macabre down in socal on KTLA channel 5, always loved her snark ;) cheered me up a bit. then i did something i hardly ever get to do, i asked mr dad if he would please blow up my eyeballs? well, this was hard because in his a.d.d. he is sure everything's impossible, until he's ranted about it all over & then i've shown him how to do it & it all turns out He is the one that's impossible.. anyway, toyroom eyeball here:

so if the depression looms back up i gotta email miss licia, my life coach.. sometimes i feel like i'm losing my mind.


fun post over at the lost & found toy blog as we countdown to halloween ;)

i gotta say i'm embarrassed we were having such a hard time getting through our power failures when i then saw what was occurring in israel, hostages & dead babies & people in hiding.. i don't know how people have the strength to endure through such things :(
i am not emotionally sturdy.

so we took a rainy day drive through the gorge the other day, updated my current album with some pix here:

p.s. eso is my happy place:

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cat girl

  • xx xx xx be wild.. xx xx xx

lost & found toys

Plague dr
the lost album - click to enter my current photo album here.. (sound up)
click to visit my old around the bend album (sound up) photos by ghost 2019 all rights reserved
Note: if the audio does not play on this & other albums please go directly to the ghost gallery or photo album page links in the header, the audio plays perfectly at my website :)

a handful of applecores a mouthful of razorblades

  • i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
  • seeing is deceiving..
  • $@x!^&*#%!/
  • love bites.
  • life sucks.
  • "but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
    "oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
    "we're all mad here.
    i'm mad. you're mad."
    "how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
    "you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
    Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
    however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
    "to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
    "i suppose so," said Alice.
    "well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
    Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
  • but why is the rum gone?!
  • ***triggering!! don't look!!!*** (you looked..)
  • beezorch daddy-o! go! kitty, go!
  • ffft! hiss! spit! rah! kill! maim!
  • crank up your speakers!!

little friends..

back in the day ~
back when i was still a snowballinhell, including tabitha's kittens & little daniel..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

friendlyghost fun & games!!


lost hollow digital art album ~
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

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