sail us to the moon

why am i so obsessed with the moon? well i spent time there as a child, tried to draw pictures of it, in secret of course, these pictures were torn up & hidden down at the bottom of a trashbin so as to never be discovered.. but later in life i was able to recreate my experiences here at my ghost gallery..

my 4th birthday happened to be the day man first walked on the moon & i'll always remember how we watched the black & white coverage on the little tv outside in our laundryroom off of the garage & then stepped outside to gaze up at the moon & wonder.. & of course i knew gumby went there..

i've had this strange affinity for the moon even through a lifelong history of classic migraines often with aura that were also brought on regularly by full moons or supermoons.. just recently i posted all moon related items up at my lost & found toys blog over the 4th of july weekend, as we love & photo the moon & stars regularly here at our house & my photo albums are full of my moon madness..

well, happy (early) bday to me, as the latest mysterious plushie dreadful just launched that i was commenting about after my last post..
(mr dad said 'get it'..)
i had been writing recently in my journal about something i call the 'sparkling dark'
it's this otherwordly feeling i remember from nights long ago in the city, often after my therapy sessions when we'd stop into petco or the grocery store before the drive home. i felt something that seemed so dark & cold, but i described it as 'sparkling dark'..
one night as my mind drifted to that feeling again as i laid here unable to sleep i realized..
the 'sparkling dark' is dissociation.. just like in childhood when i lived alone for awhile in my crater on the moon..
that place still comforts me despite it's darkness. it's cold clean stillness is so safe.
i had to have american mcgee's newest creation to go along with my ocd & anxiety bunnies,
my migraine rabbit, scruffy bumps & the love kitty in my ghost closet.. i've posted about these before at the lost & found toy blog.. american mcgee's alice is perhaps my favorite videogame world ever & he now makes plushie dreadful toys, often for those of us dealing with various health conditions, physical & mental..
& in fact i've played a part in crowd designs, on the migraine rabbit in particular i was the one who experiences aura..
& american added a shooting star to represent the scintillating scotoma some of us get before onset..
(i'm still dealing with a migraine at the moment actually.. one that began of course with the rose supermoon before the holiday..)

so why not come over & visit my closet friends at the lost & found, in my ghost closet, or in my rows of never opened doors..

meanwhile the lyrics of the day are old ones from thom:

i sucked the moon
i spoke too soon
& how much did it cost?
i was dropped from
moonbeams
& sailed on shooting stars
maybe you'll
be president
but know right from wrong
or in a flood
you'll build an ark
& sail us to the moon
sail us to the moon
sail us to the moon
sail us to the moon..

click the links scattered through this post for more mysterious toys..
& of course i'll be posting about this latest bunny at the lost & found once it arrives <3

yes, i am out of my mind, but i feel safer there.
more moon madness to continue in the comments..

bren/ghost

Comments

[ghost]

the planet's too hot.
species are dying off.
there's more plastic than fish
in the oceans.
AI may soon be able to record our dreams & is apparently not as benevolent as the character in the spielberg film (my favorite scene in this film is when he meets the blue fairy..)
there seems to be a
'friendship recession'?
yep.
my birthday's on thursday & i feel ever the ancient vampire.. (& no, my new bunny won't get here in time..)
we're Still getting fireworks at night :/
yeah, i'm grumpy tonight.
i could go on..

lyrics of the day are classic radiohead..

knives out

i want you to know
he's not coming back
look into my eyes
i'm not coming back
so knives out
catch the mouse
don't look down
shove it in your mouth
if you'd been a dog
they would've drowned you at birth
look into my eyes
it's the only way you'll know
i'm telling the truth
so knives out
cook him up
squash his head
put him in the pot
i want you to know
he's not coming back
he's bloated & frozen
still there's no point
in letting it go to waste
so knives out
catch the mouse
squash his head
put him in the pot..

p.s. new captures ;)
https://www.youtube.com/@ghostatthegate/videos

[ghost]

ok so i took my grumpy mood into skyrim & have been on a ruthless killing spree training my one-handed weapon abilities.. i've killed every living thing that has crossed my path with my little homemade madness dagger & it's been kinda fun :D
check out some of my kills here:
https://www.youtube.com/@ghostatthegate/videos

[ghost]

my birthday was lowkey, then i noticed someone i like, joyce vance (i read her substack) was also celebrating her birthday so i wished her a happy one over on twitter.. & she wished me one back! ;) https://twitter.com/JoyceWhiteVance/status/1682601467075502080
how cool is that? i always appreciate her knowledge & wisdom (& her kitties & fluffyhead chickens!)
oh, & i think i need this: https://www.walmart.com/ip/Cool-Halloween-Decor-1-2pcs-Posable-Full-Body-Thanksgiving-Pumpkin-Head-Skull-Skeleton-Movable-Joints-Mini-Figure-Toy-Decoration-16-Tall-Orange/903198366?from=/search

winding up my long skyrim playthrough now with even more youtube captures..
i think i'll go play ESO for august.. ?

[ghost]

once upon a time 7 years ago i devoted a good deal of my comments here to a very troubling situation with my older sister, cathy, who after a long life of chronic mental illness & troubles suffered a heart attack in the bathroom of her board & care facility down in LA & was discovered & brought back to 'life' albeit brain death, & her long nightmare of lying there choking on trach tubes & getting skinnier & curling up like some poor zombie, despite our family's wishes which were made known to the court.. this is a great wrong that we do, in my opinion, holding onto 'life' when nature has made its call, & my other older sister, caren, who has always been the grownup amongst us traumatized vintage kids got a dnr into place after years of planetrips back & forth with drs avoiding her & hiding from her.. well, she has now attended several court proceedings online & managed to get the judge to have cathy moved into a hospice for end of life care! this is a sad but good thing <3
& i await updates ahead..
i pray every night for her to cross over & be in peace & out of this nightmare..

so i had a rough bday i'll admit, as my guys forgot.. is this just guys? i got apologies days later, & as someone who's lived with an a.d.d. sasquatch husband for decades i've learned to deal with being forgotten.. (by ordering some cool toy i want ahead of time as comfort ;) but i feel sorry for him too..
anyway i had to p.s. my sister about something i've noticed over the last years.. so i have cathy's 'crazy laugh' that we use to joke about long ago, maybe not as loud as she use to? but whenever i catch myself doing it, it feels like i'm hearing her.. i have it now.. i'll carry it on ;) <3

the album i made once for cathy is here (sound up is essential..) http://www.brensgumbyland.com/ghostgalleryclic.html

[ghost]

i said my goodbyes to skyrim today after creating my last weapon, a stalhrim bow i enchanted with a special lunar enchantment that only works when you use it at night under the moons.. & called it the 'sparkling dark bow'
https://youtu.be/dyu-LzUbhcI

so i had a panic attack today. full on to where i felt like i'd throw up & my heart hurt. not good. recovering from it & wondering if i should talk to my therapist, it has been a long time..?

as i retreat more & more into agoraphobic reclusion it seems the only people i end up interacting with apparently are famous people on social media? was commenting back & forth with carson ellis on her substack about our local owls here: https://carsonellis.substack.com/p/july-july/comments#comment-21231388
if you don't know, she is married to colin meloy of the decemberists & an artist who did all the artwork on the wildwood books etc.. ;)

my ads of late: https://ooohyeah.com/products/lady-lady-bug-womens-slippers?variant=29886367891553&currency=USD&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&utm_campaign=gs-2019-10-25&utm_source=google&utm_medium=smart_campaign&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIyc_G5-CngAMVbgb5AB319wqTEAEYASAEEgLYm_D_BwE
https://ooohyeah.com/products/good-kitty-womens-slippers?variant=42191373009110&currency=USD&utm_medium=product_sync&utm_source=google&utm_content=sag_organic&utm_campaign=sag_organic&utm_campaign=gs-2019-10-25&utm_source=google&utm_medium=smart_campaign&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIsYPruuGngAMVpAx9Ch3eBAK2EAEYASAFEgIbB_D_BwE
ok this never ends, huh? i think i have sufficient #noboringsocks

oh! it Has been hot.. https://www.jcpenney.com/p/nostalgia-clsc1aq-classic-retro-snow-cone-maker/ppr5008067656?pTmplType=regular&utm_source=criteo&utm_medium=display&utm_campaign=rewards&utm_content=Home-Furn-Leisure&cid=display%7Ccriteo%7CHome-Furn-Leisure%7Crewards&cto_pld=ELr70fMrAADbXBZHSJcwow :D

still waiting for my dissociation bunny to arrive.. actually i would also like for real dissociation to arrive just about now.. please?

[ghost]

ok now this is just Me. https://www.dollskill.com/products/masked-medicus-costume-set?utm_source=Klaviyo&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=20230726_HALLOWEENTEASER&utm_klaviyo_id=01GGW3Z76T4FEJSQXF5QS862W3

hey! i could wear this to do my bloodlab!!
i am an antifashionista!!!

[ghost]

mysterious toys today over at the lost & found toy blog: https://friendlyghost.typepad.com/lost_found_vintage_toys/2023/07/flashback-friday-favorite-mysterious-plushie-dreadfuls.html
including my latest,
the dissociation bunny: https://friendlyghost.typepad.com/lost_found_vintage_toys/2023/07/plushie-dreadful-dissociation-rabbit.html
<3 (new youtube included here..)

on the subject of inner kids, i'm venturing back into eso now after a long time, in my khajiit (bren khat) form, only level 10, trying to remember where i am & how to survive..
i'm putting up youtube captures of my experiences there & my homes & kitties in my youtube gaming playlist up here on my channel.. ;)
https://www.youtube.com/@ghostatthegate/videos

my gameworlds, my home movies, my toyroom or my photography albums & rowsofneveropeneddoors..
i'm forever in need of my reality escape hatches..

[ghost]

beware..
https://friendlyghost.typepad.com/lost_found_vintage_toys/2023/07/moon-composition-book.html

brought back my old character for a fun capture in eso here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4kvQRURFo_A

lolols a must read: https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2023/7/20/2182463/-Trump-issues-bizarre-video-threatening-to-do-things-to-you-that-have-never-been-done-before?detail=emaildkbow&pm_source=DKRE&pm_medium=email

[ghost]

having some fun this morning over at the lost & found if anyone out there needs a little weird tv nostalgia ;)
https://friendlyghost.typepad.com/lost_found_vintage_toys/2023/07/mindless-art-monday.html

oh noo.. peewee? :(

a vangoghesque wonderland: https://youtu.be/vwPoBm60d_w

[ghost]

https://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/the_lost_album/old-celtic-lynx-moon-august-2023.html

my beautiful place to get lost: https://www.youtube.com/@ghostatthegate/videos

& if you haven't seen this yet, you'll want to make the time <3
https://www.instagram.com/p/CvfOr0Og7Jw/
<3<3<3
i miss this guy already..

ohh!!! happy early halloween!!!!!
https://www.dollskill.com/products/lurking-horror-skeleton-trench-coat?keyword=&matchtype=&product_id=&ad_group=150412176153&target_id=aud-1989619308164&utm_source=google&utm_medium=cpc&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIg46qrci_gAMV9wOtBh3r8wKrEAEYASACEgKugPD_BwE&utm_content=20120711723&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIg46qrci_gAMV9wOtBh3r8wKrEAEYASACEgKugPD_BwE

[ghost]

it rained a little bit this morning :D
a wonderful little break..
we've been catching up on all our saved up oregon field guide shows on opb..
today i took a little youtube of our sweet alice with her little friends on this golden afternoon ~ https://youtu.be/OTtaaEbzdQ4

at first we wondered if alice is sabrina returned, since there are some similarities, but as we get to know her better i feel she is a unique soul, a sweet little flower sister from hawaii that our pittypat girls & miss felina would adore <3 she sits above the boxes where we keep their ashes in their sunny room with the cherry blossom petals & skylights & the eric carle inspired piece i did in their memory: http://www.brensgumbyland.com/ghostgallery11.html (sound up)

i so enjoyed watching sid krofft on his insta 'sid krofft sunday' today at catcon! :D i'd seen pix of his persian boys & of course he is a cat person through & through <3 rob reger (emily creator) visited him there too & they talked about paul reubens.. i had commented over at sid's very last talk with him 'who knew i'd love paul reubens' grown up self maybe even more than his beloved peewee herman persona'.. it's true, what a special soul.. i got to comment there with other catpeople, about tnr (trap neuter return for ferals) & adoptions.. so many good people there.. sid was so influenced by judy garland & the wizard of oz, & then went on to influence others like paul reubens, rob reger, so many others that loved that creative psychedelic childhood style we grew up with down in socal <3 who then went on to influence today's kids' shows & characters..
https://www.instagram.com/p/CvjWU0iu54J/

i heard a psychologist i also follow over on insta mention the importance of safety & connection for those of us dealing with trauma.. that resounded with me & is so true.. we have tried & accomplished getting to where we have everyThing we need & i appreciate & enjoy that so much.. but i feel like the Real treasures we may be lacking in.. connection to others in our reclusive vampire lifestyle.. it's just me & my guys & alice, & a few good old friends & family members we keep in touch with.. i'm trying to hold onto these treasures all i can..
i may be mad as a hatter these days, but i just try to keep going..

speaking of special souls..
xo elliott <3
(he'd be 54 today)
https://www.instagram.com/p/CvoEnk2tMwE/
once upon a time.. https://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/i_love_portland/portland-elliottsmith-x.html

[ghost]

disambiguation (sound up) http://www.brensgumbyland.com/ghostgallerydisambiguation.html
..spot the typo?

[ghost]

tucking ourselves away in the a/c for the impending heatwave, hopefully summer's last gasp & we're on to halloween?
heading into my one of many time machines: http://brensgumbyland.com/ghostgallerythetimemachine.html (sound up, still in progress)..

p.s. eyeballs!!! https://www.temu.com/50pcs-1-6cm-0-62inch-wooden-eyeball-beaded-wooden-horror-eye-beads-round-printed-beads-loose-spacer-beads-halloween-decoration-beads-eye-sunny-wood-beads-hemp-rope-tassel-wood-beads-string-diy-accessories-g-601099518784799.html?top_gallery_url=https%3A%2F%2Fimg.kwcdn.com%2Fproduct%2FFancyalgo%2FVirtualModelMatting%2Fae263841d2559d2be791cee515317a1c.jpg&spec_gallery_id=2008148698&refer_page_sn=10009&refer_source=10051&freesia_scene=2&_oak_freesia_scene=2&search_key=halloween%20clearance%20sale%20items&refer_page_el_sn=200049&_x_msgid=211-20230814-04-B-633036401252691968-427-KF0nl6Ci&_x_src=mail&_x_sessn_id=7oypby2ow6&refer_page_name=search_result&refer_page_id=10009_1691959343871_zxownqix4b

[ghost]

you know when you find yourself saying it's 'only 101 degrees' today that things have changed here in portland?! it was 110 degrees yesterday!!! :o
thanks allen for our a/c unit!!

on the weekend this happened:
https://www.instagram.com/p/Cv5tF2BO1TB/
sid (94) almost died all due to a pill a dr gave him!!! :(
get well soon, sid! love this guy!! i ended up putting up some insane comments with toiley who filled in.. ;)
(i am ghostatthegate there..)

so after getting my kid character in eso to level #25 i decided to go back in with my old standby character that's level #1060.. ;)
new captures here:
https://www.youtube.com/@ghostatthegate/videos

the era of the idiot collection (if you're keeping count that's 91 charges so far!) https://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/ghost_toy_catalogue/indictment-day-1.html

[ghost]

so this is what i did today..
https://youtu.be/DwM4Ir0VERo
https://youtu.be/lrBJXl2Z0Yw
(i love the end..)

[ghost]

troubled soul rest in peace..
she crossed over.
love you cath <3

http://www.brensgumbyland.com/ghostgalleryclic.html (sound up)

2015 memorial: https://friendlyghost.typepad.com/snowballinhell/2014/12/thoughts-on-adult-insecure-attachment.html?cid=6a00d834525fe869e201b8d0bb9ae2970c#comment-6a00d834525fe869e201b8d0bb9ae2970c

[ghost]

hmmm.. https://www.depthjmk.com/collections/doll/products/20-jumping-spider-ooak-plush-doll-808463022?spm=..collection_b986467a-4d1b-40bc-9a79-abedbd6204a1.collection_detail_1.14

fun post at the lost & found today: https://friendlyghost.typepad.com/lost_found_vintage_toys/2023/08/weird-wednesday-marie-antoinette-doll.html

[ghost]

some good days, & then a bit of a crash for me.. hard to feel hopeful.. a sweet post at the lost & found today at least ~ https://friendlyghost.typepad.com/lost_found_vintage_toys/2023/08/flashback-friday-favorite-plush-toys.html

[ghost]

as summer is ending, yesterday mr dad & i filled out a small stack of our old madlibs as we watched old bob hope & bing crosby road movies & then later my son did a full reading.. it was kinda fun ~ https://youtu.be/6Wqz5ESw8Y4

ps. i said 'tea' (mr dad needs a hearing aid And new glasses!)

[ghost]

oh god. i'm in migraine management mode as that big blue supermoon looms up.. i can't move my head! :( i'm in my vampire suite darkroom trying to sit still, looking through old home movie & photo backups..
laughing hurts!
found some weird little gems.. quality's horrible 'cause they're so old & almost too small for youtube:
https://youtu.be/PJIvVe4JpQQ
https://youtu.be/S7F51a79hAM
https://youtu.be/N6V77Zx-qXs

i'm comforted by the rainshower we had yesterday & the knowledge that summer is over.. welcome autumn!

& some good things are happening, right? isn't there still hope? i mean were we born doomed without knowing it? ?? i think we have to keep trying, to be good stewards, of each other, of the earth & all life..
yeah, that's me now, but catch me later & we'll see where this migraine drops me off.. :/
my life is a dark ride, E ticket to be sure, but yeah..
dark.