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a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is she except a being without access to the universe that she has not yet managed to forget?
~ randall jarrell

i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots.. any comments are welcome ;)
rows of never opened doors:
ghost gallery quarantine area (use a laptop or pc with firefox or google chrome browser for essential music, no phones)
all artwork here is copyright protected by vengeful ghosts!
2019 brenda roudebush
all rights reserved..
my photo albums (sound up!)

ghost stories
(blood & butterflies..)

  • these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. let me know what you think/comments? p.s. stories here are non fiction/true. (privately hosted ~ if you're interested in reading this just ask:)

vintage kids can come & visit the ghost toy catalogue here.. (sound up)
the friendlyghost album ~ welcome to my photo album..
we live in wonderland.. :)
i hope you enjoy me & my guys & kitties, the places we go & things we enjoy..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Beloved sleep
cemeteria album ~
remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
family tree album ~
this addition to the cemeteria album is especially for my own lost loved ones..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

a POEtry reading...

my elliott smith lyric page (sound up)
portland haunts album ~
is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

the library..

things behind the sun (journals)
a mouthfull of razorblades (journals)
ghost at the gate's items Go to ghost at the gate's photostream
Laurelhurst trees
january trees album ~
january trees ~ winter shows her bones.. the tree is the psyche, the spirit, the whole self.. our inner world..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
toxic was here ~
vintage socal, birthdays & halloweens..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

art albums ~ use a laptop or pc with sound up!

halloween mini album ~
~ copyright 2015 all rights reserved
Bren alice patreon
ghost pix album ~ rpg videogame screenshots, lol kitties & all kinds of goodies.. (use a pc or laptop to hear my game mix here)

home to oblivion..

  • ok i need a whole section just for elder scrolls~oblivion 'cause i'm playing it and loving it way too much right now.. i am so beautifully lost here living as a vampire & i'm never coming back.
    later ~ 430 hours of gameplay all as a vampire & now i'm stuck in limbo in the deadly glitch.. noooo!!
    update: i'm on the methadone of rpgs for my oblivion withdrawls, it's predecessor morrowind ~ the game of the year edition.. these are now my All-Time favorite rpgs, above all others..
    SKYRIM!! 11/11/11!! DAWNGUARD DLC!!
    & more dlc to come!
    the awful tyranny of the sun shall end..

  • come into oblivion with me & tour my homes.. (note: vampirism has changed my appearance & my invisibility is due to stealth..)

  • so many ways to die..

  • realms of madness..

  • a friend in highcross town..

  • bonus morrowind footage..

  • welcome to skyrim..

ghost closet...

haunted home movies..

ghost charity

ghost space

« it's not easy, greenbean.. | Main | sail us to the moon »

May 28, 2023


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all time hottest may on record here, followed by a cool start to june at least.. with the increase in mosquitos we're experiencing like much of the rest of the world due to climate change i'm just fine with staying in & avoiding the heat & sun & humanity as i am a sun allergic vampire & am allergic to mosquito bites as well :o working on mini house updates now..

& as i wind up my (third) playthrough of skyrim (this time the anniversary edition) i am enjoying the exploits i've played around with so much! since i'm at the end i used my alchemy & enchanting skills to create some rather ridiculously effective items & am essentially bulletproof as you can see from my latest youtubes here: :D

fun flashback friday favorite post today at the lost & found toys blog too:

& do we all need one of these?

oh my there's that full moon..


p.s. love when someone i read & follow likes my comments ;) (joyce & her chickens!)
i mentioned how it seemed like the chickens were soon coming home to roost ;) so to speak <3


fun post at the #lostandfoundtoys #blog for our alice's 2nd birthday :D
& i'm still filling up my youtube channel with short cool skyrim captures until the fallout 4 anniversary edition game drops ;)
(wild horses & lunar moths.. please subscribe!)

some weather predictions forecast a big deluge headed our way like the one that ended the long drought down in socal? yes! please bring the deluge :D

p.s. stock up on popcorn, i'll be watching msnbc tomorrow ;)
(did you see the photocopier right with all those boxes? throw away the fucking key!!)


dealing with #migraine at the moment, but wanted to note here that joyce used an interesting phrase for the title of her last substack ;)


p.s. i need this. not for halloween, just year-round:

just to be clear, black cats, Any cats Are Always welcome!

these porch signs would be for the People, that knock on my door despite the bright red No Solicitors sign :(

someone would probably just steal them though..


my hubby's bday appropriately coincides within the week of dad's day, & he's enjoying his homemade blackberry pie ala mode & bbq'd burgers & potato salad over these pleasantly cool days here before summer officially begins.. not long ago his old childhood friend invited him to come visit him in scotland, but he honestly hates flying (& it's a 14 hour flight!) also he couldn't get his passport in time anyway, so his best friends messaged him happy bday & sent him cool pix today from edinburgh where he's working on a really fascinating scientific research project.. (he's a cool nerd!) as someone with english/scot/irish roots i've always had an interest in going there but likely never will, so this is the next best thing? ;) pix here in our current album:

my hubby also passed on my request that he sing a certain beatles song for me today.. lol.. oh well, i assured him i will still need him & in fact will still feed him.. ;)
he seemed to have a good day <3
i had a good day too, in part because the smile came out with a new song & art video i love.. it's up here:

i picked out what i think thom's saying here & i can relate, as usual..

bending hectic

i'm changing down the gears
i'm slamming on the brakes
a vintage softtop from the 60s
i'm coming to a bend now
skidding 'round the hairpin
a sheer drop down the italian mountainside
& time is kinda frozen
& you're gazing at the view
& i swear i'm seeing double
noone's gonna bring me down
no, no way, no how
i'm letting go of the wheel
'cause it might be as well
it might be as well
i've got these slings
i've got these arrows
i force myself to..
i've got these slings
i've got these arrows
i force myself to turn, turn..
the ground is coming for me now
we've gone over the edge
if you have something to say
say it now
no one's gonna bring me down
no, no way & no how
i'm letting go of the wheel
despite these slings
despite these arrows
i force myself to
despite these slings
despite these arrows
i force myself to turn, turn..

p.s. i added another tin sign to our home decor, this time it's pebbles from fallout! my home/bedroom/bathroom now feels like my beloved vault 11 :D i'll have to post about it this weekend over at the lost & found?

update: i did!


i always dread the 4th of july, just due to childhood trauma & risk of fire, i'm hoping i'll feel better waking up on the morning of the 5th when our home is hopefully still intact? also i have a zoom dr's appt on the 3rd, only time available & of course coinciding with the big full moon & potentially a migraine for me.. just to add insult to injury i just got my jury duty notice in the mail. i'm not going. i'll talk to my dr about that as well as my health issues. we have a good family dr thankfully, but i can't help but feel stressed out with my appt approaching, i've heard people even calling it 'medical trauma' like it's now officially a diagnosis. i completely get it after all i've been through & been close witness to (family members..) trying to stay hopeful & not crash. i'm playing out the last meager glitchy bits of skyrim anniversary edition waiting patiently for fallout anniversary edition to drop & grant me escape from summer.. i miss vault 11 ;)
once i win the pch contest we're going to get ourselves an underground bomb shelter where we can hide from extremes of temperature & possible apocalyptic future scenarios.. but even as reclusive isophiliac vampires it gets kinda lonely..
miss you, em <3

ps. will be posting about the moon all weekend at the lost & found blog.. starting here:


lyrics of the day are going way back to my first days here creating this ghost blog & posting up elliott smith lyrics daily:


while the hands are pointing
up midnight
you're a question mark
coming after people
you watch collide
you can ask what you want to
the satellite
'cause the names you drop
are ice in my veins
& for all you know
you're the only one
who finds it strange
when they call it
a lover's moon
the satellite
'cause it acts
just like lovers do
the satellite
a burned out world
you know
staying up all night
the satellite

sad old light..
the rose moon peeked in at me late in the night while elliott played appropriately in the background quietly..

my moon ~

from a poison well ~


#4thofjuly #migraine #ghostcloset #alice #antifashion #cats #kitty #mentalhealth

as i mentioned in my last comments i am not a great fan of the 4th of july, for several reasons, but here we are. & i gotta say i'm feeling under the weather. i survived my zoom dr's appt last eve while dealing with a slight headache, understandable for me on a full moon, but then by nightfall it Slammed in as a full-tilt left temple migraine & made me feel really awful. this morning i'm less in pain & more in distress as i feel lightheaded, dizzy, anxious, out of breath, neck muscles feel pulled & tense, it turns out this is a supermoon. just great. i feel it. hope it subsides soon? i'm staying in & keeping cool & hoping my bp stablizes here, please? here i thought i was doing better, even told my dr so.. ?
anyway i did post an update to my last ghostcloset antifashion posts over at the lost & found blog, since alice was in a playful mood, she even booped the camera & left a smudge:
i hate fireworks. & they started before 7 a.m. here already this morning, have been going off for days :/
wish me luck, i need it.


still dealing with migraine, but our house still stands ;)
it's too hot! sorry, but summer feels like one long cruelly hideous hotflash to me.. lol
i'm hiding out in my cool vampire suite..\

p.s. on my wishlist ~

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cat girl

  • xx xx xx be wild.. xx xx xx

lost & found toys

Plague dr
the lost album - click to enter my current photo album here.. (sound up)
click to visit my old around the bend album (sound up) photos by ghost 2019 all rights reserved
Note: if the audio does not play on this & other albums please go directly to the ghost gallery or photo album page links in the header, the audio plays perfectly at my website :)

a handful of applecores a mouthful of razorblades

  • i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
  • seeing is deceiving..
  • $@x!^&*#%!/
  • love bites.
  • life sucks.
  • "but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
    "oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
    "we're all mad here.
    i'm mad. you're mad."
    "how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
    "you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
    Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
    however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
    "to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
    "i suppose so," said Alice.
    "well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
    Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
  • but why is the rum gone?!
  • ***triggering!! don't look!!!*** (you looked..)
  • beezorch daddy-o! go! kitty, go!
  • ffft! hiss! spit! rah! kill! maim!
  • crank up your speakers!!

little friends..

back in the day ~
back when i was still a snowballinhell, including tabitha's kittens & little daniel..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

friendlyghost fun & games!!


lost hollow digital art album ~
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

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