my echo, my shadow & me..

we three, we're all alone
living in a memory
my echo, my shadow & me

we three, we're not a crowd
we're not even company
my echo, my shadow & me

what good is the moonlight
the silvery moonlight that shines above?
i walk with my shadow
i talk with my echo
but where is the one i love?

we three, we'll wait for you
even till eternity
my echo, my shadow & me..

- the ink spots

 

the sun is shining brightly this spring morning, the wild winds & rain of yesterday seem to be over?

i should be happy? raven is all recovered from his harrowing debacle & now we're focused on putting in our backyard flowerbed/plot, where i'll soon plant my pumpkin seeds & try yet again after years of failure.. baby trees from the arbor day foundation & seed stones are all in place & we'll attempt to sow grass seed for a backyard lawn where we pulled out all the old worn out decking.. hoping for the best.

 

but i noticed after about a day of relief i kinda just crashed back into my baseline lonely meloncholy, missing my girls, feeling sadness & loss, & finding it hard to be hopeful.. i keep trying though.. the song of the day is from the ink spots, it plays here at the end of my fallout76 goodbye youtube from a couple years back.. i miss vault 11 & hope there will eventually be a fallout special edition like they've done with skyrim, if so i'll head back there to rescue kitties from the post apoc wasteland & set up my old lost & found toy & soda shop like the old days? (click links here to visit..)

i'm working on a handful of projects in various stages of completion through the spring & summer, as i shield myself from the heat & sunlight.. i think of my pmle/sun allergy vampirism as a sort of reverse S.A.D. (seasonal affective disorder) in that i get depressed at the time others feel happy? i see everyone happy & it just makes me feel more alone.. like ok, let's go curl up somewhere in the dark & hibernate till autumn?

except i can't, i have my guys & alice to look after ;) & those pumpkin seeds to tend to..

in socal one dropped seed resulted in an accidental pumpkin i carved for halloween, but here in a rainforest it's been a real challenge..

but mine will be the most sincere pumpkin patch i assure you!

& the great pumpkin will visit one day,

i know this.

i'll post about it next halloween for sure..

 

bren/ghost

more as always in the comments..

 

Comments

[ghost]

ok so sometimes my ads cheer me up..
https://www.temu.com/25cm-9-8-cute-tardigrade-plush-toy-soft-stuffed-animal-toy-lovely-water-bear-insect-doll-for-kids-educational-toy-boys-birthday-gift-g-601099511997444.html?top_gallery_url=https%3A%2F%2Fimg.kwcdn.com%2Fproduct%2Fopen%2F2022-09-23%2F1663930926674-3baf96a37add43139b7612344f80ab4f-goods.jpeg&spec_gallery_id=7594500&enable_cache=1&_oak_adg_ctx=a-0a8534f7~c-b6c5f720&_x_vst_scene=adg&_x_ads_sub_channel=feed&_x_ns_prz_type=-1&_x_ns_sku_id=17592188379994&_x_ads_channel=google&_x_gmc_account=647900107&_x_login_type=Google&_x_bg_adid=gd56112-2&_x_ads_account=3353959319&_x_ads_set=19711204474&_x_ads_id=151928406371&_x_ads_creative_id=648681730294&_x_ns_source=d&_x_ns_gclid=EAIaIQobChMIh_ei7MaB_gIVZwatBh0xuwvwEAEYASABEgLA9PD_BwE&_x_ns_placement=www.pch.com&_x_ns_match_type=&_x_ns_ad_position=&_x_ns_product_id=&_x_ns_target=boomuserlist%3A%3A7346218700&_x_ns_devicemodel=&_x_ns_wbraid=&_x_ns_gbraid=&refer_page_name=un3&refer_page_id=10216_1680107156528_4rfedujcv3&refer_page_sn=10216&_x_sessn_id=2fxp6m29sd

for cat & dog?? https://www.temu.com/1pc-pet-hair-dryer-for-dog-cat-dog-hair-fast-drying-bag-pet-dry-bag-cat-blow-dryer-bag-g-601099512296553.html?top_gallery_url=https%3A%2F%2Fimg.kwcdn.com%2Fproduct%2FFancyalgo%2FVirtualModelMatting%2F6bd6e1d6beb48ad14daf8b80d705b394.jpg&spec_gallery_id=4632920&enable_cache=1&_x_vst_scene=adg&_x_ads_sub_channel=feed&_x_ns_prz_type=-1&_x_ns_sku_id=17592190527010&_x_ads_channel=google&_x_gmc_account=647900107&_x_login_type=Google&_x_bg_adid=gd56112-2&_x_ads_account=3353959319&_x_ads_set=19711204474&_x_ads_id=151928406371&_x_ads_creative_id=648681730294&_x_ns_source=d&_x_ns_gclid=EAIaIQobChMImKa00MiB_gIVvgitBh217wh3EAEYASACEgKUpvD_BwE&_x_ns_placement=www.pch.com&_x_ns_match_type=&_x_ns_ad_position=&_x_ns_product_id=&_x_ns_target=boomuserlist%3A%3A7346218700&_x_ns_devicemodel=&_x_ns_wbraid=&_x_ns_gbraid=&_x_sessn_id=lmgbm0itt7&refer_page_name=n6&refer_page_id=10209_1680107646869_87llshclhm&refer_page_sn=10209

ok i must still be asleep? https://www.temu.com/1pc-head-planter-face-flower-pots-head-shaped-succulent-planters-resin-head-planters-for-indoor-outdoor-plants-with-drainage-hole-unique-garden-pot-patio-decor-g-601099514102706.html?top_gallery_url=https%3A%2F%2Fimg.kwcdn.com%2Fproduct%2FFancyalgo%2FVirtualModelMatting%2F41153c4d82bee35070539c8688987c33.jpg&spec_gallery_id=14470796&_x_vst_scene=adg&_x_ads_sub_channel=feed&_x_ns_prz_type=-1&_x_ns_sku_id=17592190527010&_x_ads_channel=google&_x_gmc_account=647900107&_x_login_type=Google&_x_bg_adid=gd56112-2&_x_ads_account=3353959319&_x_ads_set=19711204474&_x_ads_id=151928406371&_x_ads_creative_id=648681730294&_x_ns_source=d&_x_ns_gclid=EAIaIQobChMImKa00MiB_gIVvgitBh217wh3EAEYASACEgKUpvD_BwE&_x_ns_placement=www.pch.com&_x_ns_match_type=&_x_ns_ad_position=&_x_ns_product_id=&_x_ns_target=boomuserlist%3A%3A7346218700&_x_ns_devicemodel=&_x_ns_wbraid=&_x_ns_gbraid=&refer_page_name=un3&refer_page_id=10216_1680107774270_v78obx8avt&refer_page_sn=10216&_x_sessn_id=h71z5r8w6

https://www.temu.com/plush-toy-cartoon-game-character-doll-kawaii-green-monster-soft-stuffed-animal-toys-for-kids-fans-g-601099512140426.html?top_gallery_url=https%3A%2F%2Fimg.kwcdn.com%2Fproduct%2Fenhanced_images%2Fdb01200260f07c0fa27c6df7c489d63c_enhanced.jpg&spec_gallery_id=3483150&enable_cache=1&_oak_adg_ctx=a-f3760ad4~c-00c0d3d2&_x_vst_scene=adg&_x_ads_sub_channel=feed&_x_ns_prz_type=-1&_x_ns_sku_id=17592189134738&_x_ads_channel=google&_x_gmc_account=647900107&_x_login_type=Google&_x_bg_adid=gd59167-1&_x_ads_account=8293573393&_x_ads_set=19779484989&_x_ads_id=148367951002&_x_ads_creative_id=650562642873&_x_ns_source=d&_x_ns_gclid=EAIaIQobChMIwcTP1t-B_gIV5gitBh1wdAjzEAEYASAFEgKyYPD_BwE&_x_ns_placement=rewards.pch.com&_x_ns_match_type=&_x_ns_ad_position=&_x_ns_product_id=&_x_ns_target=boomuserlist%3A%3A7346218700&_x_ns_devicemodel=&_x_ns_wbraid=&_x_ns_gbraid=&refer_page_name=un3&refer_page_id=10216_1680113821616_h8t546o71j&refer_page_sn=10216&_x_sessn_id=kv46o3syym
added to cart.

[ghost]

:D
https://twitter.com/debchap1/status/1641560821439561729?s=20

[ghost]

a special post at the #lostandfoundtoys blog for this special day:
https://friendlyghost.typepad.com/lost_found_vintage_toys/2023/04/boredgame-champion-mini-version.html

so i got the guys first thing this morning as i broke the news first to dan that Someone had finally discovered the toilet paper in my bathroom & had fun unrolling it all over the floor..
yeah, it was me! :D
dan got a laugh out of that but sasquatch didn't quite get it, i had to hum the jeopardy 'waiting' theme for him as he figured it out.. .. ......
(like shooting fish in a barrel.)
but then both of them replied strangely the same, saying if i were in actuality so bored that i Did do that, that perhaps licia at least should be contacted, maybe several others?! :O ...

another cool post planned for tomorrow ;) & along those lines.. check out the best ad!! - Add to Cart! :)
https://footclothes.com/products/invisible-thread-socks?_kx=iDbWPchRbi--6otDEtHfsX_Cf-vzzJ1lJzwO0XEtWnQ%3D.TAFKyf

& this.. way cool, but too expensive. https://petstamp.store/products/custom-pet-portrait-stamp

[ghost]

#noboringsocks #ghostcloset #antifashion #lostandfoundtoys #aprilfoolsday

i had a little too much fun with this spring update?
https://friendlyghost.typepad.com/lost_found_vintage_toys/2023/04/ghost-closet-antifashion-gothsocks.html

p.s. i'm not bored, you are..

[ghost]

pink moon's gonna get you all.. nick drake was right, it brought a midnight migraine just for me..
here's my vampire snowcave where i like to hide:
https://youtu.be/knGx_M2GJPM

so alice helped me enter the next emily strange giveaway: https://www.instagram.com/p/Cqqljiyv-h4/

latest ads: he's precious :D https://www.amazon.com/Noble-Collection-Rings-Gollum-Plush/dp/B07XRSKWC3/ref=asc_df_B07XRSKWC3?tag=ushpadpinde-20&hvdev=c&hvpone=626746605931&hvptwo=2680072496367&hvqmt=4260607970859&hvadid=4672928970456&psc=1&pp=0&epik=dj0yJnU9eUlFc0dhYk92ZWlaeGd3TWlBUnFncGJYUXNJdzZYX1omcD0xJm49aWhDdGtiOXNfdlJITTJFOGFfR1hXZyZ0PUFBQUFBR1FzdFU0

ok? https://www.hottopic.com/product/pickle-jar-earrings/20080507.html?mr:trackingCode=F9DAB902-AEC3-ED11-812A-0050569437F6&mr:referralID=NA&cm_mmc=DIS-_-CRT-_-273118-_-11001631-_-pch.com

[ghost]

we're having the slowest spring we've had here in oregon in 40 years, some flowers are blooming, many are not, rain continues, which is normal, but it's colder than usual.. so on to the next drama & trauma.. we have been tweaking along our finicky heating/ac unit for the last years & tried replacing a 'limiter switch' thinking it'd be a simple job. well of course not, right? yeah we need a new system installed. we are now without a furnace until we can get this accomplished. fortunately my brother-in-law down in socal is an expert, has had his own heating/ac business forever & has offered to drive up here in his worktruck & do the job for us! :o <3 he's use to driving out of state for jobs, but this is so appreciated, & i'd much rather pay him than some stranger, he also gets a contractor's discount on the unit. i just appreciate that we'll have someone we can actually trust do this next big job. still, my nervous system is shot. i'm very tired. i'm trying, but it just feels daunting. at least it's another big important improvement to this big old house that'll see us through hopefully the rest of our lives as we get older? in my mind that's always the best investment. i feel very old though. i just get through each day as i can.. we'll keep alice warm & at least it's not the dead of winter or killer heat of summer..

[ghost]

a quiet rainy easter here..
i've felt overwhelmed at the prospect of a new big job we have to have done suddenly here unexpectedly,
& although i love & trust my brother in law to come do the work, i'm not great anymore at having people over to our house,
not that i don't welcome them & wish i could have them here, i just am so ocd & agoraphobic anymore that i am not a great host anymore.
i'm sure no one wants to see me go all quiet & dissociated & i don't want anyone feeling bad if that happens..
i realized i have to relinquish control over things & have trust that it'll be ok..
yesterday after realizing this i felt myself go into a state of dissociation like i haven't felt in ages, in many years.
it's like some part of my brain shuts down & i feel like i can actually rest & sleep, hibernate for years in my mental snowcave?
it's very comforting. i've always said god protects children & kitties with this gift (i've watched my kitties go into such a familiar quiet state at times of stress going into the vet's)
& it has been there through much of my life when i couldn't cope.
unfortunately i use to have very poor coping skills & used si to trigger this old defense mechanism when i was overwhelmed.
i'm literally covered in scars.
but it's comforting to know it can still protect me without resorting to that anymore..
i guess this is why i have my whole universe like a network unto itself on the internet? it's where i can be present & interact with others, which i need..
it's lonely being a ghost..

so serana & i became lost yesterday in skyrim down in the forgotten vale - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dlOCRLcC8Tg
i had been searching for the ancestor moths to lead me to auriel's bow, which i need for my own reasons - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9NKH8pBCVgo
i just love the video capturing capability of the series x & so i've been adding tons of youtube game clips to my channel here for anyone interested - https://www.youtube.com/@ghostatthegate/videos

i do so need my beautiful places to get lost..

[ghost]

it's freezing here, & we have no heat.. we may even get snow in the morning? so serana & i decided it was a good time to try out the snowy waterfalls of the forgotten vale..

https://youtu.be/d5WjUVxbgyc
https://youtu.be/YfDobodoVxs
https://youtu.be/q8ZeBLlhGTk
https://youtu.be/X85obOC7Q1I
https://youtu.be/n3JDc8iGmdA

my ads: i probably don't actually need this? https://www.hottopic.com/product/pink-t.rex-highlighter-marker/20649472.html?mr:trackingCode=3BD389E7-7ECF-ED11-812A-0050569437F6&mr:referralID=NA&cm_mmc=DIS-_-CRT-_-273118-_-11001631-_-pch.com

nope! https://www.michaels.com/product/banzai-hydro-blast-water-park-length-16-ft-width-16-ft-height-10-ft-D623110S?cm_mmc=PaidDisplay-_-Criteo-_-2023-_-Conversions_FeedAllProducts_Photo1302023_12_1266042_358135096_185783129&utm_campaign=2023&utm_medium=PaidDisplay&utm_source=Criteo&utm_content=Conversions_FeedAllProducts_Photo1302023&dclid=CNar6ua4ov4CFfEJfQod57MDVg

oh but hey now, this we do need! https://www.target.com/p/wacky-waving-inflatable-tube-guy-miniature-editions-by-conor-riordan-paperback/-/A-52197798#lnk=sametab

duly updated! https://friendlyghost.typepad.com/lost_found_vintage_toys/2023/04/weird-wednesday-wacky-waving-inflatable-tube-guy.html

[ghost]

so i always liked joe & his love of ice-cream made me feel a certain kinship, https://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/the_lost_album/gresham-baskin-robbins.html

but then today on insta i saw his family tree since he's visiting ireland & hey, we're Related! :D his 3rd gr grandma's mary kearney of kearney castle, that's my family <3 who knew? https://www.instagram.com/p/Cq-ut0WO_ZI/
btw to all the haters in the comments there Piss Off! so sick of all the haters right now.. drama & bs..

i'm freezing btw.

[ghost]

#mentalhealth #ghostgallery #rowsofneveropeneddoors #innerchild #infj #spring #lostandfoundtoys

cold & rainy here & it looks like we'll have to wait till mayday to get our new furnace/ac units installed..
i'm actually hoping it warms up just a few degrees please? yeah that's me starting to appreciate spring ;)
struggling some mentally but i'm making good use of my blanket hoodie i shared here once: https://friendlyghost.typepad.com/snowballinhell/2022/02/collector.html?cid=6a00d834525fe869e20278806dcf39200d#comment-6a00d834525fe869e20278806dcf39200d
me & toxic posted up a new album today, just an art storage box with a bunch of our poetry on it: http://www.brensgumbyland.com/ghostgallerywhispers.html (sound up & as always please don't bother without the music as it is essential..)

oh & an appropriate post today at the lost & found:
https://friendlyghost.typepad.com/lost_found_vintage_toys/2023/04/stickerstuff-mental-health.html

now i endeavor to survive my ice-cream lunch.. yikes! :o
hope you're doing ok out there, em?

[ghost]

i use to say my happy place was when i would curl up in my warm laundryball of bedding right from the dryer & my kitties would pile on with me ;)
while hamstering in this way, the world could just hold still & stop having one ridiculous problem after another for awhile & i could put stress on hold for that precious little while.. well, then as i've mentioned before, some genius invented a 'cool down' cycle for clothes dryers. :o ?!!! wtf?
anyway, now i am safely tucked into my nice electric blanket, well except for my fingertips on the touchpad of my laptop, they still go numb, but i will survive! alice is here with me of course & is taking things over, probably for the best, just as i found this ad <3 :D !! love this but it's way too much: https://www.entertainmentearth.com/product/SUP83484?utm_source=Criteo&utm_medium=Display&utm_campaign=Lower%20Funnel

ok now! :D
https://www.instagram.com/p/CrQ8om3rHbv/

& hey was commenting again with colin this morning on his substack, about our cold season here & trees & bugs & he liked my reply ;)
https://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/memoirs_of_a_vampire_butt/eyeball-ant.html

..wow the above link address does look intriguing? :o

hangin' onto my sanity..
anybody out there?

https://friendlyghost.typepad.com/photos/the_lost_album/alice-takes-over-april-2023.html

[ghost]

fun post today over at the lost & found as i enjoy my nice warm decaf.. https://friendlyghost.typepad.com/lost_found_vintage_toys/2023/04/stickerstuff-kitties.html

so it was tolerable through the night & i barely had to use the electric blanket, supposed to be warm & dry enough to finish outside work today? yes, this vampire has come to appreciate spring. a good thing?

& dear emma, take care & know you're always in my prayers through this.. please try not to worry.. <3

[ghost]

happy halfoween! fun post for this special day over at the #lostandfoundtoys #blog
https://friendlyghost.typepad.com/lost_found_vintage_toys/2023/04/happy-halfoween.html

so we were freezing cold, but in our new normal climate change world we gave spring a miss & went straight to summer heat & yuck! insomnia returns.. & we are one week away from my brother in law coming & replacing our furnace/ac unit, they're vacationing in their rv up in the sierras at the moment.. how lovely?
i've had my ups & downs healthwise, physically & mentally, but trying to stay hopeful & i'm forever appreciative of our cool life we've enjoyed for so long.. never could i have convinced toxic that it would be so full of adventures & fun, even alongside the terrors & trials..

more fun with colin meloy liking my comment on his substack reading room re: kafka :D https://colinmeloy.substack.com/p/the-reading-room-april-23/comments

& hey as an old twilight zone fan from the channel 5 marathon days i thought it was very cool to have anne serling follow me back on twitter ;)

here's today's ad?? :o
https://www.hottopic.com/product/fruity-cereal-bowl-candle/20065766.html?mr:trackingCode=7EA560AF-1179-ED11-8129-0050569437F6&mr:referralID=NA&cm_mmc=DIS-_-CRT-_-273118-_-11001631-_-pch.com&cto_pld=qu0-AEg8AADDCbPiUQRhUw

thinking about you em.. <3