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a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is she except a being without access to the universe that she has not yet managed to forget?
~ randall jarrell

i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots.. any comments are welcome ;)
rows of never opened doors:
ghost gallery quarantine area (use a laptop or pc with firefox or google chrome browser for essential music, no phones)
all artwork here is copyright protected by vengeful ghosts!
2019 brenda roudebush
all rights reserved..
my photo albums (sound up!)

ghost stories
(blood & butterflies..)

  • these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. let me know what you think/comments? p.s. stories here are non fiction/true. (privately hosted ~ if you're interested in reading this just ask:)

vintage kids can come & visit the ghost toy catalogue here.. (sound up)
the friendlyghost album ~ welcome to my photo album..
we live in wonderland.. :)
i hope you enjoy me & my guys & kitties, the places we go & things we enjoy..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Beloved sleep
cemeteria album ~
remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
family tree album ~
this addition to the cemeteria album is especially for my own lost loved ones..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

a POEtry reading...

my elliott smith lyric page (sound up)
portland haunts album ~
is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

the library..

things behind the sun (journals)
a mouthfull of razorblades (journals)
ghost at the gate's items Go to ghost at the gate's photostream
Laurelhurst trees
january trees album ~
january trees ~ winter shows her bones.. the tree is the psyche, the spirit, the whole self.. our inner world..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
toxic was here ~
vintage socal, birthdays & halloweens..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

art albums ~ use a laptop or pc with sound up!

halloween mini album ~
~ copyright 2015 all rights reserved
Bren alice patreon
ghost pix album ~ rpg videogame screenshots, lol kitties & all kinds of goodies.. (use a pc or laptop to hear my game mix here)

home to oblivion..

  • ok i need a whole section just for elder scrolls~oblivion 'cause i'm playing it and loving it way too much right now.. i am so beautifully lost here living as a vampire & i'm never coming back.
    later ~ 430 hours of gameplay all as a vampire & now i'm stuck in limbo in the deadly glitch.. noooo!!
    update: i'm on the methadone of rpgs for my oblivion withdrawls, it's predecessor morrowind ~ the game of the year edition.. these are now my All-Time favorite rpgs, above all others..
    SKYRIM!! 11/11/11!! DAWNGUARD DLC!!
    & more dlc to come!
    the awful tyranny of the sun shall end..

  • come into oblivion with me & tour my homes.. (note: vampirism has changed my appearance & my invisibility is due to stealth..)

  • so many ways to die..

  • realms of madness..

  • a friend in highcross town..

  • bonus morrowind footage..

  • welcome to skyrim..

ghost closet...

haunted home movies..

ghost charity

ghost space

« the pittypats | Main | my echo, my shadow & me.. »

March 09, 2023


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#cats #nostalgia #lostandfoundtoys #kitchen #retro #family

so my brother sent more family treasures from the old socal house where 7 generations of our family have lived, i'm the family nostalgia archivist & now look after all my mom's old diaries ;) as well as my great grandparents' antique kodascope projector & my mom's old wooden wheeled rollerskates in metal case (from oaks park here in portland that's still in operation, we've been there!) in amongst the pictures along with old yearbooks & my sister cathy's report cards was this original picture of my grandparents' ice-cream shop from long beach 1939 that now hangs in my own retro kitchen! (i'd had a smaller copy up, but now have the original <3)
alice helped me take a movie of it:

sorry about the reflection, here's a better shot in my family tree album:

note we had to board up the garden window! something we do anyway when it gets super bright in the summer (migraine vampire household) but she was chomping on it! hopefully she'll outgrow that behavior & will get this birdwatching spot back later.. ;)

ps: another cool example of what i was mentioning before, amazes me how a reclusive vampire like myself can interact with people like steven beschloss over on his substack which i read regularly along with several others' like joyce vance & dan rather, colin etc.. on the subject of all-time favorite movies to watch over & over we are in tune so i had to comment back as much, even linked one of our old youtubes of little dan & i & our puppet rendition of george bailey's bridge scene & he liked it! did he see that? gives me a chuckle just to think..
'zuzu's petals! there they are!!' if you don't know, he's historian michael beschloss's brother, love these guys & michael is the very best! <3 & his home is the best example i've seen of class & comfort whenever he zooms, he even has a rolling ladder on his library bookshelves! <3<3<3 (& he is so emu!)


#birds #blog #ghostgallery #rowsofneveropeneddoors #cats #infj #family #ghosts

ok so Back off squirrels!! we decided to try these 'seedstones' this year, in the planters on my back deck & around the yard front & back in places that were spotty & that will afford alice a nice birdwatching view.. they protect the seeds until the moisture level is just right to let them sprout & are supposed to attract birds & butterflies.. i told mr dad we were killing 2 birds with 1 stone, when ironically i corrected myself, as we are in actuality helping countless birds to live & thrive using 14 stones, while also affording alice her entertainment ;)
the seeds are sown. & we have rain, so let's see how this goes.. to be continued..
meanwhile we just put up framed photos of my great grandparents in our hallway along with all our other family photos <3 they look as though they should've been there all along, & in fact once i was sitting here at the head of my bed in my vampire suite i glanced up & realized they're placed just so that i can see my great grandma barbre, ghostlike, through the doorway.. watching over me as i type.. as i sleep.. my dear grandma barbre <3 this gives me comfort.

& after a considerable absence, jr showed up today in need of a meal & maybe a warm bed <3 always welcome :)


would this help me? it says stress relief? it seems kinda alot to ask..

i am irish.


this has been a very unlucky st pat's day here for us, anyone who may read my lonely ghost blog please say a prayer for my son raven, who has a fractured wisdom tooth that has been causing excruciating pain for days now, we're all exhausted & don't understand why urgent/emergency dental care doesn't mean Now. he is stuck waiting until Tuesday for oral surgery. this is just not right. i'm literally worried sick.


I love the video showing the ice cream shop original photo in your kitchen with Alice, Bren! So cute! And your family photos in the hallway look great! So sorry to hear about Raven though! Sending lots of prayers his way and for you and Mr. Dad too! Hang in there! <3


#health #mentalhealth #cats #wizardofoz

raven thanks you sally! & we do too.. i reached out to my therapist, (now my life coach ;) & got some much needed advice & wisdom with her welcome added humor, which is helping me through this last day of waiting before the surgery.. which i hope will resolve the issue so we can get back to some important being bored? she agreed we should name my new phobia about 'things flying off the house' after me :D & did some online research which led to a very important link? it's all wizard of oz related! of course!! & i shared my theory re: dorothy's onset of agoraphobia after that ending bedroom scene as i posted about here -

anyway i found myself talking to my ibs distressed stomach this morning, trying to tell it everything would be ok, but it just growled at me like some feral creature.. :o it takes time for my primitive brain (& gut) to trust at all.. as i laid here with my arms around my aching middle i felt like i'm pregnant with some kind of monster baby, only lodged way up high in my stomach under my ribs, wanting never to be born into this cold cruel uncertain world?
i may block out this first day of spring sunshine & retreat into skyrim today..
alice is in full kitty therapy mode too, staying right next to me or raven transmitting those calming purrs & alpha waves <3


update: ok so this is exactly why i never trust what i am told, raven prepped for surgery including no eating or drinking water etc & went to the appt only to be given a 'consultation' & put off for surgery on thursday instead??! this was 'urgent/emergency' care? in fact they were trying to put it off till next tuesday? anyway, the good news is the antibiotic is doing wonders & he's feeling much better, they may be able to just extract the pieces of wisdom tooth without putting him under afterall, so i'm relieved.. now after a full week of vicodin/norco will he be able to stop without any issues? sure can see how people get set up for more problems, huh?
anyway, i'll take it. spring is shockingly bright here so i'm diving into skyrim until i hear bozo has been perp walked down 5th avenue, or something along those lines..


Oh, no! =( So sorry! Poor Raven! I believe things happen for a reason though and it sounds positive that he may not have to be put under. Hopefully they can extract the pieces of the tooth without him being totally out. I understand your fear about him being on those strong pain meds for a week. I'll continue to pray and keep him in my thoughts. And you and Mr. Dad too, Bren! Hopefully Skyrim is helping. And Alice too! It's weird you mentioned the Wizard of Oz, because I just bought 2 books for who knows what reason on Sunday! I'll send a pic on Insta tomorrow. I hope time passes quickly until Thursday.......


hey sally thanks, yeah it is good news that the swelling's gone & the pain has dropped significantly so i'm just happy to see him feeling pretty normal all things considered..

but hey i just saw the big wind & weather event hitting you guys down there?! yikes! you don't have skylights, do you? hold on tight & watch out for flying monkeys!! before long we'll all have this phobia of mine, licia too! she's down your way as well..
hang on! ;)


It was terrible yesterday out there! I drove to the cemetety, it was my Dad's birthday, and the weird thing was that it stopped raining when I got there and didn't rain until I left there, then it was total chaos again! I was glad to get back inside safe!.... Tell Dan to hang in there!.....


#weather #event #noboringsocks #phobias #wizardofoz #lostandfoundtoys

it's a cyclone?! glad you caught a break for your visit! dan's been able to skip the norco for a day, so i'm relieved..
hope tomorrow goes ok..
i needed to post a weird wednesday at the lost & found just to keep my mind off things today:

& my ads today: ???

& ok yes i did succumb, & i of all people have Ample socks. :/

hey colin liked another one of my comments :)


#innerchild #lostandfoundtoys #film #music #art #nostalgia #ghostgallery #infj #rowsofneveropeneddoors

a special post at the lost & found blog today <3


I hope Dan's sugery is done and went well! It's not even 11 am yet, so wasn't sure if it was in the morning or afternoon.


thanks for the good wishes sally, he's home & we've first been trying to control the bleeding, then getting his penicillin into him, some applesauce, maximum dose of ibuprofen & just now he ate a little soup, so it'll take time.
i realized i'm not the greatest nurse when it comes to my son because i worry too much :o my mom was such a natural, these things fascinated her, she should've been a nurse Absolutely. i've been remembering how hard it was for me in the dim past when he went through other medical issues, it's feeling familiar.. he's hopefully doing better than I am.. ;)
alice is right beside him providing healing purrs & alpha waves <3


I'm glad the surgery went well. It still sounds miserable though having to deal with the bleeding and not being able to eat much and having to take antibiotics, but I'm sure this is better than the pain he was in before the surgery. I'm sure Alice is a big help. <3 I hope you can rest a bit knowing that he's at home and safe. <3 Hang in there!


i'm up early this cold morning, alice getting into mischief ;) so i asked mr dad to put more peanuts out on my back deck for the birdies & squirrels, who are getting nice & round from this treatment all winter <3 alice runs up to the kitchen counter for some kibble, i now think of this area shown in her youtubes as 'At the Snack Bar Now!' like at the old drive-in at intermission time.. then she runs back into her nice cushioned birdwatching spot at the frenchdoor windows on top of sabrina's old 'bunny cave' box to see the show! 'Get Your Peanuts!' :D they come right up to her now, or they look for her if she isn't right there.. lol
so raven's doing ok on just ibuprofen which is a relief, so far so good. i sent mr dad out with a fun grocery list including orange cream popsicles, jellos & puddings, soups etc.. he's enjoying these things & it'll get him through till he's able to eat normally again.. at least he's good & distracted trying out the new RE4 remake & watching his fellow game streamers online..
i see now that i am no nurse. i mean i do all the right things, but my mom was the real nurse, i am merely a sponge. i soak in all the feelings of everyone around me & become overwhelmed.. lol <3
but hopefully now we can all recover ok..
thanks to all the good people ;)
p.s. oh my! it's snowing again here! big flakes <3


It sounds like a good day there for all of you, including the birds, squirrels and Alice, except maybe for Mr. Dad having to drive back home in the snow! HaHa! The big snowflakes sound peaceful though. Glad Dan doesn't need any of that strong pain meds any more. Your mom and nursing skills sound good to me. <3


hey sally, yep it has been a rough week, but now a good day as dan seems totally normal except for eating carefully for a bit? the snow didn't stick, but was a lovely show.. those 2 feisty young squirrels now expect their peanuts in the morning, when they're not out there they positively climb the walls, putting on a real show for alice, they come right up to the window & look her in the eye!

& hey!! look what i found :o -

but then this happened.. :/



Hey Bren, That unicorn is cool! The not remembering what happened drunk part not so cool! LOL Glad JR is ok! Danger from being not only in the street, but from another cat! It's not easy being an outdoor feral street cat, so I'm glad he has you to help him when he shows up for food. <3 I'm glad things are better there and Dan is improving. Take care....<3


you too sally, looks like more weird weather possibly here & there on the way? watch out for flying houses.. i can hear the music immediately :D
(my new phobia's gonna go viral?)

p.s. we call that tuxedo boy freddy <3 good to see jr hightail it right to our backyard where he's safe! freddy turned back & went back home..


happy to report that dan/raven is back to normal & feeling fine, except when he laughs (hurts his jaw!) which is a challenge in this sarchotic household.. ;O

fun post today over at the lost & found :
& hopefully for the rest of the week ;)

(sarchotic (adj) when you're so sarcastic others aren't sure if you're joking or are just crazy..)

p.s. em if you're out there, checking on you, hope you're doing ok? if you ever find an old laptop that's not an apple or mac you should come check out the nature detox page up at gumbyland along with the other albums with music ;) after 10 years of daily posts at the lost & found, now i only post there when i feel like it, just like here.. but it's just like a nostalgia time machine if you (or scout) ever needs it, ok? & this little ghostblog is always here too.. ;)

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cat girl

  • xx xx xx be wild.. xx xx xx

lost & found toys

Plague dr
the lost album - click to enter my current photo album here.. (sound up)
click to visit my old around the bend album (sound up) photos by ghost 2019 all rights reserved
Note: if the audio does not play on this & other albums please go directly to the ghost gallery or photo album page links in the header, the audio plays perfectly at my website :)

a handful of applecores a mouthful of razorblades

  • i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
  • seeing is deceiving..
  • $@x!^&*#%!/
  • love bites.
  • life sucks.
  • "but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
    "oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
    "we're all mad here.
    i'm mad. you're mad."
    "how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
    "you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
    Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
    however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
    "to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
    "i suppose so," said Alice.
    "well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
    Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
  • but why is the rum gone?!
  • ***triggering!! don't look!!!*** (you looked..)
  • beezorch daddy-o! go! kitty, go!
  • ffft! hiss! spit! rah! kill! maim!
  • crank up your speakers!!

little friends..

back in the day ~
back when i was still a snowballinhell, including tabitha's kittens & little daniel..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

friendlyghost fun & games!!


lost hollow digital art album ~
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

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