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a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is she except a being without access to the universe that she has not yet managed to forget?
~ randall jarrell

i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots.. any comments are welcome ;)
rows of never opened doors:
ghost gallery quarantine area (use a laptop or pc with firefox or google chrome browser for essential music, no phones)
all artwork here is copyright protected by vengeful ghosts!
2019 brenda roudebush
all rights reserved..
my photo albums (sound up!)

ghost stories
(blood & butterflies..)

  • these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. let me know what you think/comments? p.s. stories here are non fiction/true. (privately hosted ~ if you're interested in reading this just ask:)

vintage kids can come & visit the ghost toy catalogue here.. (sound up)
the friendlyghost album ~ welcome to my photo album..
we live in wonderland.. :)
i hope you enjoy me & my guys & kitties, the places we go & things we enjoy..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Beloved sleep
cemeteria album ~
remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
family tree album ~
this addition to the cemeteria album is especially for my own lost loved ones..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

a POEtry reading...

my elliott smith lyric page (sound up)
portland haunts album ~
is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

the library..

things behind the sun (journals)
a mouthfull of razorblades (journals)
ghost at the gate's items Go to ghost at the gate's photostream
Laurelhurst trees
january trees album ~
january trees ~ winter shows her bones.. the tree is the psyche, the spirit, the whole self.. our inner world..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
toxic was here ~
vintage socal, birthdays & halloweens..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

art albums ~ use a laptop or pc with sound up!

halloween mini album ~
~ copyright 2015 all rights reserved
Bren alice patreon
ghost pix album ~ rpg videogame screenshots, lol kitties & all kinds of goodies.. (use a pc or laptop to hear my game mix here)

home to oblivion..

  • ok i need a whole section just for elder scrolls~oblivion 'cause i'm playing it and loving it way too much right now.. i am so beautifully lost here living as a vampire & i'm never coming back.
    later ~ 430 hours of gameplay all as a vampire & now i'm stuck in limbo in the deadly glitch.. noooo!!
    update: i'm on the methadone of rpgs for my oblivion withdrawls, it's predecessor morrowind ~ the game of the year edition.. these are now my All-Time favorite rpgs, above all others..
    SKYRIM!! 11/11/11!! DAWNGUARD DLC!!
    & more dlc to come!
    the awful tyranny of the sun shall end..

  • come into oblivion with me & tour my homes.. (note: vampirism has changed my appearance & my invisibility is due to stealth..)

  • so many ways to die..

  • realms of madness..

  • a friend in highcross town..

  • bonus morrowind footage..

  • welcome to skyrim..

ghost closet...

haunted home movies..

ghost charity

ghost space

« wanderer | Main | the oldest house has many doors »

June 25, 2022


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#summer #vampire #thesmile #infj #rowsofneveropeneddoors

so i officially hate summer already. the oppressive heat arrived & our a/c didn't work so we had to have a repairman out over the weekend.
but not before it all left me just a pile of ash.
more health issues, talked to our dr & now i need an echocardiogram & labs done.. :(

lyrics of the day from the smile:

open the floodgates

don't bore us
get to the chorus
& open the floodgates
we want the good bits
without your bullshit
& no heartaches
someone lead me out the darkness
out the darkness
no tricks
no struggling
then no one gets hurt
we absorb you
we absolve you
throw your rubbish away
someone lead me
out the darkness
out the darkness..


I really like the notes so far....Hang in there, Bren...I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers...<3


thanks sally, i didn't realize i'd become so heat intolerant, it's just another factor that it seems drops my already low bp :o i dread/hate medical stuff so thanks for the prayers, i need'em :)


I dislike the heat too and am sensitive to it too, but unlike you, I don't like the darkness of being cooped up indoors with the artificial light. The heat makes my contac lenses stick to my eyeballs and gives me a headache, so summertime high heat in the 90's & 100's like we've been we've been having forces me to have to stay indoors as much as I can. =(


i think i'm lucky to have just the right kind of light, my room has frenchdoors & is green with green flowered curtains there, i've been opening it when it's cool enough & alice loves watching & listening to all the different birds & squirrels in the trees & on the deck <3 i think the robins had another clutch? i've seen another young fledgling? but sadly yesterday we heard a ruckus & looked out in time to see a hawk flying off with one of the jays! :O with the other jays following loudly.. :( that's how nature is it seems.. so anyway as much as i have to stay in nowadays due to health & sun allergy etc, i still get plenty of nature & cool interaction.. i thought i could deal with heat since we're socal natives, but apparently not anymore :/


#infj #vintage #july4 #ptsd #library #books #nostalgia #movies

so like many of our cats & dogs & veterans, i deal with 4th of july ptsd, it's my least favorite time of year.
fortunately there's a chance of rain here on monday, which would be much nicer than the illegal fireworks & risk of burning our homes down.
i dread looming medical appts so i've been getting lost at the internet archive database downloading vintage treasures..
it's almost as if i was able to go to our library sale afterall (without having to actually go :) & pick out all the good stuff for Free!
no risk, no people, no guilt. cool victorian era children's book pdfs, classics on audiobook, vintage kid shows & old movies..
it's like going down the rabbithole in a time machine..
we'll be bbqing burgers & bingewatching netflix, hoping to break out the ice cream machine & try one of the old fashioned ice cream recipes from my new dover book (to be posted soon at the lost & found) hoping for fresh local boysenberries soon?
& more nostalgia over there lately too:

btw, do we need a rhino?

lyrics of the day from midlake:


in the belly of the beast why
don't we walk as thick as thieves lies
are but any other denial
for the many of them wide-eyed
oh but i'm still blind
in a valley o'r the body
made up of winter's only life
remains but a branch
amongst the empty maze
could it be the will
from ancient of days?
oh but i'm still blind
& will we fall in line
& all abide
or grow denial?
the sun's gonna rise & fall by night
& we feel that we're deserving
of its light
now the coming of the ages
fills my sight
it's surrounding me
i can't hide
oh but i'm still..
& will we fall in line
& all abide
or grow denial?
i saw eden fall
after giving all
brought from the promised land
to the acts of man
& now, and now, and now
get out
get out
get out
get out

ps - favorite recent tweet


#infj #writing #books #innerchild #toys #psychology #arttherapy

i just have to say i received the nicest compliment ever from mr dad when he came over & read my toyroom notes, him telling me i'm a really good writer really matters to me <3 but he went on to say that as he read my notes he began to try to determine which one was me? the mute doll? & then he said he made the realization,
they are all me..
thanks babe.. <3
i love when i am really actually heard..

based on the lost toys dollscape up at the ghost gallery rows of never opened doors here: (sound up)

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cat girl

  • xx xx xx be wild.. xx xx xx

lost & found toys

Plague dr
the lost album - click to enter my current photo album here.. (sound up)
click to visit my old around the bend album (sound up) photos by ghost 2019 all rights reserved
Note: if the audio does not play on this & other albums please go directly to the ghost gallery or photo album page links in the header, the audio plays perfectly at my website :)

a handful of applecores a mouthful of razorblades

  • i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
  • seeing is deceiving..
  • $@x!^&*#%!/
  • love bites.
  • life sucks.
  • "but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
    "oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
    "we're all mad here.
    i'm mad. you're mad."
    "how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
    "you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
    Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
    however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
    "to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
    "i suppose so," said Alice.
    "well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
    Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
  • but why is the rum gone?!
  • ***triggering!! don't look!!!*** (you looked..)
  • beezorch daddy-o! go! kitty, go!
  • ffft! hiss! spit! rah! kill! maim!
  • crank up your speakers!!

little friends..

back in the day ~
back when i was still a snowballinhell, including tabitha's kittens & little daniel..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

friendlyghost fun & games!!


lost hollow digital art album ~
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

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