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a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is she except a being without access to the universe that she has not yet managed to forget?
~ randall jarrell

i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots.. any comments are welcome ;)
rows of never opened doors:
ghost gallery quarantine area (use a laptop or pc with firefox or google chrome browser for essential music, no phones)
all artwork here is copyright protected by vengeful ghosts!
2019 brenda roudebush
all rights reserved..
my photo albums (sound up!)

ghost stories
(blood & butterflies..)

  • these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. let me know what you think/comments? p.s. stories here are non fiction/true. (privately hosted ~ if you're interested in reading this just ask:)

vintage kids can come & visit the ghost toy catalogue here.. (sound up)
the friendlyghost album ~ welcome to my photo album..
we live in wonderland.. :)
i hope you enjoy me & my guys & kitties, the places we go & things we enjoy..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Beloved sleep
cemeteria album ~
remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
family tree album ~
this addition to the cemeteria album is especially for my own lost loved ones..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

a POEtry reading...

my elliott smith lyric page (sound up)
portland haunts album ~
is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

the library..

things behind the sun (journals)
a mouthfull of razorblades (journals)
ghost at the gate's items Go to ghost at the gate's photostream
Laurelhurst trees
january trees album ~
january trees ~ winter shows her bones.. the tree is the psyche, the spirit, the whole self.. our inner world..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
toxic was here ~
vintage socal, birthdays & halloweens..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

art albums ~ use a laptop or pc with sound up!

halloween mini album ~
~ copyright 2015 all rights reserved
Bren alice patreon
ghost pix album ~ rpg videogame screenshots, lol kitties & all kinds of goodies.. (use a pc or laptop to hear my game mix here)

home to oblivion..

  • ok i need a whole section just for elder scrolls~oblivion 'cause i'm playing it and loving it way too much right now.. i am so beautifully lost here living as a vampire & i'm never coming back.
    later ~ 430 hours of gameplay all as a vampire & now i'm stuck in limbo in the deadly glitch.. noooo!!
    update: i'm on the methadone of rpgs for my oblivion withdrawls, it's predecessor morrowind ~ the game of the year edition.. these are now my All-Time favorite rpgs, above all others..
    SKYRIM!! 11/11/11!! DAWNGUARD DLC!!
    & more dlc to come!
    the awful tyranny of the sun shall end..

  • come into oblivion with me & tour my homes.. (note: vampirism has changed my appearance & my invisibility is due to stealth..)

  • so many ways to die..

  • realms of madness..

  • a friend in highcross town..

  • bonus morrowind footage..

  • welcome to skyrim..

ghost closet...

haunted home movies..

ghost charity

ghost space

« muchness! | Main | my books »

April 18, 2022


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#infj #blog #depression #radiohead #mentalhealth #pdx #geology #bigfoot #portland #oregon #ghostgallery #photography #twitter #rowsofneveropeneddoors

over the weekend we went for a couple of drives, including along the nehelem river nearer to the coast looking for rocks.. i spotted a dear deer in some trees & caught her on film <3 just like this:

'Just then a Fawn came wandering by: it looked at Alice with its large gentle eyes, but didn't seem at all frightened. “What do you call yourself?" the Fawn said at last. Such a soft sweet voice it had!
"I wish I knew!" thought poor Alice. She answered, rather sadly, "Nothing, just now."
"Think again," it said: "that won't do."
Alice thought, but nothing came of it. "Please, would you tell me what you call yourself?" she said timidly, "I think that might help a little."
"I'll tell you, if you'll come a little further on," the Fawn said. "I can't remember here."
So they walked on together through the wood, Alice with her arms clasped lovingly round the soft neck of the Fawn, till they came out into another open field, and here the Fawn gave a sudden bound into the air, and shook itself free from Alice's arms. "I'm a Fawn!" it cried out in a voice of delight. "And dear me, you're a human child!" A sudden look of alarm came into its beautiful brown eyes, and in another moment it had darted away at full speed.'

..but yeah we're rockhounds, so i added pix here to my around the bend photo album to finally wrap that one up since it's pretty big & time to start a new one..
& here's one i call backroads as well: (sound up)

i've experienced another dark dip into depression back on the pink moon where i reached out to my therapist again.. realized it was the 2 year anniversary of losing my mom on the pink moon back in 2020.. maybe had something to do with it?
i hate when i feel like i've lost all my colors, nothing scares me quite as much as that.

don't know if i'll stick around on twitter or not going forward? we'll see.. but if you're someone who follows me there please let me know & follow me on insta, youtube or here at typepad & let me know, i'll follow back.. just in case.

p.s. look for our newer album over right in the sidebar..


i've mentioned my boredshopping weakness?
well i blame these ads that constantly pop up with the latest dover coloring books, vintage stickers or cat related toys i must have, right?
but lately whatever formula decides my preferences seems to be way off & thinks i'm perhaps a millionaire?
& that i need these yard items:
yeah i think our neighbors already wonder about us..

ok so these 2 i actually do need.

i finished my muchness dollscape but am awaiting the music that will accompany it before i link it here.. the music as always is integral & essential..

& after wrapping up the around the bend album i've now begun a new photo album for our adventures going forward here (sound up)
it only has a few pertinent pix in it so far, including my current bedside reading choices..

i had another setback the other day as i hit my head on the corner of one of our kitchen cupboards while hurrying around.. not fun. it induced a headache & another meltdown as i felt like an idiot for bringing it onto myself.. better now & hopefully i have a bump of wisdom like gumby? not another invisible crack in there to cause more problems? please? alice & i both need bubblewrap helmets for our own protection it seems..

so although i still struggle to get through many days, i did the math yesterday & realized i am at least able to eat the right amount of calories daily now, so this is helpful as i feel stronger the more i'm able to progress to a healthier weight.. & i look forward to more nature drives, rockhound runs & photoing more trees & old cemeteries for my albums before the sizzle of summer sun sends me completely into vampiric hiding..

either that or i'll crash into despair, we shall see..
(add to cart)..


#infj #ghostgallery #art #arttherapy #nature #trees #mentalhealth #rowsofneveropeneddoors #thesmile

well, it was despair for a bit, but then i was able to go for another drive yesterday with the sasquatch i'm married to.. (40 years ago upon first seeing mr dad i said to my best friend, 'so who's the sasquatch?' & it stuck, i've fully domesticated him now..)
so we headed out along the clackamas river this time on our latest rockhounding expedition, unfortunately with all the rain we've been having the rivers are running high & fast & we couldn't find an exposed gravel bar for jasper, & also it was a stark difference from the last time we drove that area because it was before the last big riverside fire that had us all scared & hiding from toxic smoke.. i did take my usual tree photos though, & ended up with this new album i'm calling
'tree graveyard' (sound up)

we didn't head back out today because i'm already feeling that super flower blood moon/eclipse looming tonight :o oh & i think a big asteroid just missed us? yeah, i stayed home enjoying the new album by thom & the smile.. & now my 'muchness' album has full sound! <3
come jump into the hatter's hat & join me there - (sound up!)

i mentioned how i follow colin meloy's substack? it was kinda cool recently he liked one of my comments about how much i love the weird chord he uses in the song 'make you better' <3
& then sid krofft liked a couple more of my comments over on insta too :D (i mentioned how i've always credited witchiepoo with being one of my earliest fashion influences ;)
i've added a few items to gumbyland & some cool retro krofft collectibles to my collection, that i'll be posting over at the lost & found soon, & i am trying to curb my boredshopping. but look!
this one's reasonable, right?

ok, well, follow our latest misadventures here as our latest photo album gets underway - the lost album - (sound up of course) i'm trying.. i keep on trying..
p.s. our robin fledglings are doing great, mom's been finding them lots of earthworms thanks to all the rain..


#tolkien #infj #books #music #lostandfoundtoys #decemberists #collector #cemeteria #library

here's a cool update i promised way back here in old comments -

all who wander are not lost -

& hey, colin meloy liked another one of my comments re: tim snyder's books & rainy portland days ;)

ps - i just was able to capture my visit to krofftkon live on insta in orinda california! that was amazingly cool!! :D

update: more here -


#oregon #washington #nature #naturetherapy #rockhound #waterfall #river #infj #thesmile #booknerds #tolkien #cemetery #thomyorke

sunset falls in washington was a nice spot to pick up a few stones, past lucia & moulton falls that i've photo'd before in our old albums, the trail was overgrown & no humans, just the way we like it :) (sound up)

also not only did mr dad's old friend leave my tolkienstone at the grave, he is bringing one back for us From tolkien's grave! :D i'll paint his signature symbol on this new tolkienstone & keep it on our tolkienshelf.. so cool! i posted more pix of the grave & the oxford cemetery at the very end of my huge cemeteria album <3

hey rich z animation followed me on insta! he's a stop-motion animator who did extensive work on nightmare before xmas, coraline, james & the giant peach & peewee's playhouse :D he was commenting about koyaanisqatsi, & i mentioned 'life out of balance' since i'm an old koyaanisqatsi fan & then he followed me, must've seen the gumbyland bio note..?
we're staying home for the memorial day weekend since it'll likely be busy everywhere, also it's been a merciful spring with record rain & wonderful temps, but summer's inevitable & i want little to do with it.
(vampire.) :(
i'm thinking of writing another book.. ?
p.s. i am loving the new album by thom & johnny & the smile :) <3

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cat girl

  • xx xx xx be wild.. xx xx xx

lost & found toys

Plague dr
the lost album - click to enter my current photo album here.. (sound up)
click to visit my old around the bend album (sound up) photos by ghost 2019 all rights reserved
Note: if the audio does not play on this & other albums please go directly to the ghost gallery or photo album page links in the header, the audio plays perfectly at my website :)

a handful of applecores a mouthful of razorblades

  • i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
  • seeing is deceiving..
  • $@x!^&*#%!/
  • love bites.
  • life sucks.
  • "but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
    "oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
    "we're all mad here.
    i'm mad. you're mad."
    "how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
    "you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
    Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
    however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
    "to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
    "i suppose so," said Alice.
    "well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
    Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
  • but why is the rum gone?!
  • ***triggering!! don't look!!!*** (you looked..)
  • beezorch daddy-o! go! kitty, go!
  • ffft! hiss! spit! rah! kill! maim!
  • crank up your speakers!!

little friends..

back in the day ~
back when i was still a snowballinhell, including tabitha's kittens & little daniel..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

friendlyghost fun & games!!


lost hollow digital art album ~
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

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