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a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is she except a being without access to the universe that she has not yet managed to forget?
~ randall jarrell

i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots.. any comments are welcome ;)
rows of never opened doors:
ghost gallery quarantine area (use a laptop or pc with firefox or google chrome browser for essential music, no phones)
all artwork here is copyright protected by vengeful ghosts!
2019 brenda roudebush
all rights reserved..
my photo albums (sound up!)

ghost stories
(blood & butterflies..)

  • these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. let me know what you think/comments? p.s. stories here are non fiction/true. (privately hosted ~ if you're interested in reading this just ask:)

vintage kids can come & visit the ghost toy catalogue here.. (sound up)
the friendlyghost album ~ welcome to my photo album..
we live in wonderland.. :)
i hope you enjoy me & my guys & kitties, the places we go & things we enjoy..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Beloved sleep
cemeteria album ~
remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
family tree album ~
this addition to the cemeteria album is especially for my own lost loved ones..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

a POEtry reading...

my elliott smith lyric page (sound up)
portland haunts album ~
is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

the library..

things behind the sun (journals)
a mouthfull of razorblades (journals)
ghost at the gate's items Go to ghost at the gate's photostream
Laurelhurst trees
january trees album ~
january trees ~ winter shows her bones.. the tree is the psyche, the spirit, the whole self.. our inner world..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
toxic was here ~
vintage socal, birthdays & halloweens..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

art albums ~ use a laptop or pc with sound up!

halloween mini album ~
~ copyright 2015 all rights reserved
Bren alice patreon
ghost pix album ~ rpg videogame screenshots, lol kitties & all kinds of goodies.. (use a pc or laptop to hear my game mix here)

home to oblivion..

  • ok i need a whole section just for elder scrolls~oblivion 'cause i'm playing it and loving it way too much right now.. i am so beautifully lost here living as a vampire & i'm never coming back.
    later ~ 430 hours of gameplay all as a vampire & now i'm stuck in limbo in the deadly glitch.. noooo!!
    update: i'm on the methadone of rpgs for my oblivion withdrawls, it's predecessor morrowind ~ the game of the year edition.. these are now my All-Time favorite rpgs, above all others..
    SKYRIM!! 11/11/11!! DAWNGUARD DLC!!
    & more dlc to come!
    the awful tyranny of the sun shall end..

  • come into oblivion with me & tour my homes.. (note: vampirism has changed my appearance & my invisibility is due to stealth..)

  • so many ways to die..

  • realms of madness..

  • a friend in highcross town..

  • bonus morrowind footage..

  • welcome to skyrim..

ghost closet...

haunted home movies..

ghost charity


ghost space

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March 17, 2022


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#migraine #infj #cats #kitty #rowsofneveropeneddoors #health

talk about migraines.. yikes i should name this one like i use to, like hurricanes.. hmm.. migraine muchness! :( it's that big full crow moon.

little alice decimated boopy's old house, it was just like when the tornado hit dorothy's house! i could almost hear the wicked witch music :O
what happened was just this
the wind began to switch
the house, to pitch
& suddenly the hinges started to unhitch,
just then the witch, to satisfy an itch went flying on her broomstick, thumbing for a hitch..
& oh what happened then was rich
the house began to pitch, the kitchen took a slitch..
(watch out, margaret hamilton!)


#art #innerchild #cat #kitty #eldenring #rpg #retro #moon #ghostgallery #nostalgia #rowsofneveropeneddoors #midlake

while i enjoy listening to the new midlake cd (bethel woods) i've been drawing some of my own original doodle art pages in an art journal for toxic (pix eventually) & rearranging wall art & toy shelves now that alice has conquered the highest plush toy shelf & destroyed the boopy house..

she's very sweet, but prone to outbursts of insanity when she becomes like the beast of caerbannog!

so here was the dark clouds moon in the last moments of winter..

& this was fun (2 pix) <3

ok here we go..


i've been away now far too long
lost & alone with no communion
with no one
gone are the days of want & need
brought all along by the prince of peace
with us be
break bread with them all
make time to recall
the ones who came before..

p.s. i found this humorous..


#ghostgallery #art #paintings #rowsofneveropeneddoors #cats #toys #infj #music #midlake

important readjustments..

& new playhouses for alice :D

i love the new midlake album <3

some lyrics of the day:

i could get rid of it all for the sake
of the bethel woods
to a time & a place
where peacefulness once stood
gather the women & children
leave our homes & our buildings
i've been ready for years now
planted my seeds in the ground
i will get rid of it all for the sake
of the bethel woods
a love of another without strings
as it should
gather your courage & pillars
leave what's become familiar
i've been ready for years now
planted my seeds in the ground
i'll go ahead of thee
meet me in time to be
down the road
i did get rid of it all
for the sake of the bethel woods
where neither moth nor the rust
doth corrupt as it would
let's get out of town
without a sound
the wanted found
no want abounds
i'll go ahead of thee
meet me in time to be
whether the winter's cold
every turn of the seasons told
in the joys & in the woes
follow along the path
when will it lead us back
down the road
i'll go ahead of thee
meet me in time to be
whether the winter's cold
every turn of the seasons told
in the joys & in the woes
follow along the path
when will it lead us back
down the road..

p.s. toxic is so happy to have our escape painting now up in our room, we think it's like a strange mirror, from our little corner of the room 50 years ago to now in this room, like foreshadowing.. <3


#migraine #infj #psychology #mentalhealth #depression #agoraphobia #ghostgallery #ocd #rowsofneveropeneddoors #art #innerchild #cats

so the other day i had alice curled up in my arms as i sat down at the head of my bed & i stupidly bumped my head on the picture frame behind me,
which led to of course,
another headache.
but not before reminding me how alone i am as always. & the dark humor did not elude me that the hughes print over my bed for the last 25 years that i mentioned here once, that i found so comforting & safe, is of the angel of death.

it was then that the depression set in. (sound up)

i thank god for my lifelong protector dissociation.

our snowcave..

our lunar crater..

& in the night i've thought too much about an old friend i thought i'd left behind many years ago.

& it seems typepad is once again trying to turn my links here in the comments appropriately silent.
etc etc..



#vintage #lostandfoundtoys #dolls #toys #innerchild #sad #ghost #music #birds #portland

there's a robin now nesting under our patio deck where we can observe her out our downstairs window, we're closing the blinds in mr dad's office window there to avoid scaring her off her nest, but we'll try to keep tabs on her carefully. it was a cold, stormy windy rainy night & she made it through that, & now we don't have wild kitties regularly using our winter shelters so hopefully they'll do ok.
so i had to comment over at colin meloy's linktree site where i've subscribed, he did a lovely tutorial on how to play the lake song, i mentioned it made me feel like i should pull my poor neglected guitar outta the closet.. someone there encouraged me to do it.. but honestly that song now is just too much about my sister cathy, i used it up at my album for her here ~ clic (sound up) & it makes me a wreck. (she'd be able to play it on her acoustic guitar beautifully though ;)
also this is the #1 item on my lost & found wishlist nowadays ~
a few years back there was one at our local pdx estates sales but i was sick, mr dad went & tried to get it for me but some lady beat him to it by seconds.. :(

so my days & nights just sorta seem to blend together, but i'm still hanging in there, i have an idea for an abstract painting & dollscape project i think i'll start on if i can.

milkweed seeds are in my planter to hopefully help summer butterflies.. <3


#powerout #stress #fun #infj yesterday when i commented here little did i know we were about to embark on yet another of our Adventures in Stress! as yesterday's storm turned to hail & high winds our power suddenly went out! & of course we had just stocked up our fridge/freezer with cold goods over the weekend so we got to put our generator to the test! i have to say i am so glad i made the decision to get one, it passed the test just fine, kept the fridge running & our groceries, not cheap these days, perfectly fine, mr dad was also able to plug his phone into it to charge it up. we had no power for 6 hours, it was a test for us, our handcrank lamp worked well, we played with alice until it was too dark to tire her out all we could, then curled up in the dark with her to all stay warm.. raven lost a game capture, & yeah it was stressful, but we got through it & know what to do now when this happens again..
& the robin is there on her nest safe & sound this morning <3


Glad you all made it through the stress of the storm and power outage with your generator, Bren (and glad your robin and her nest made it through being outdoors in the worst of it...poor thing!)


so my favorite character in elden ring is fia the deathbed companion, she gives hugs & talks about secret things..
also as in elden ring at times it feels like my madness gauge is getting full irl.. but i'm in the dover book club & tomorrow i should receive my dover book box just in time to pull me back from the brink & hopefully put me in my happy place..?
thanks sally, the robin is doing fine, skies go from heavy wind & rain & looking dark & ominous to bright sunshine, what i call rainbow weather, but she's well protected up under our back deck at least <3
hoping our power doesn't go out again with all this wind though..
& there's even a possibility of snow on sunday, which would actually be wonderful <3 pretty please?
we invested in a nice huge cooler/ice chest to keep downstairs in case power outage were to outlast our generator capabilities, just for peace of mind..

i love the new song thom sings as part of the new band 'the smile' it's called pana-vision, i've tried to buy it, but the album isn't out yet, we're just supposed to wait.
:( stanley donwood's artwork on the video is very haunting as well..
i want to use this music along with my latest project toxic & i are working on (muchness/dREaMstorm ~ a dollscape of sorts)
the a of e's looking very classy now with all the glass doors installed, hopefully alice will not try to launch into them..?

ps entered another emily giveaway on insta, we're sure to win this time.

pps yeah ok so i did succumb to boredshopping anyway because i'm watching my sanity crumble away before me, but mr dad's out picking out his new bbq grill & i'm stuck forever at home so i'll get over it. besides it was kitty pjs & wizard of oz madlibs, a cheshire cat matchbox car & tenniel mini notebooks, you know, essentials! ;)


#infj #pdx #portland #snow #cats #kitty #ghostgallery #art #rowsofneveropeneddoors

never underestimate the power of pretty please.. woke up to this lovely surprise spring snow right alongside the cherry blossoms! this never happens in april here.. until now <3

what a perfect day to work on our muchness project..

later.. i posted more up at my insta page here
but it's still just Pouring snow!!

ps yeah we lost Again.

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cat girl

  • xx xx xx be wild.. xx xx xx

lost & found toys

Plague dr
the lost album - click to enter my current photo album here.. (sound up)
click to visit my old around the bend album (sound up) photos by ghost 2019 all rights reserved
Note: if the audio does not play on this & other albums please go directly to the ghost gallery or photo album page links in the header, the audio plays perfectly at my website :)

a handful of applecores a mouthful of razorblades

  • i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
  • seeing is deceiving..
  • $@x!^&*#%!/
  • love bites.
  • life sucks.
  • "but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
    "oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
    "we're all mad here.
    i'm mad. you're mad."
    "how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
    "you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
    Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
    however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
    "to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
    "i suppose so," said Alice.
    "well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
    Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
  • but why is the rum gone?!
  • ***triggering!! don't look!!!*** (you looked..)
  • beezorch daddy-o! go! kitty, go!
  • ffft! hiss! spit! rah! kill! maim!
  • crank up your speakers!!

little friends..

back in the day ~
back when i was still a snowballinhell, including tabitha's kittens & little daniel..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

friendlyghost fun & games!!


lost hollow digital art album ~
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

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