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a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is she except a being without access to the universe that she has not yet managed to forget?
~ randall jarrell

i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots.. any comments are welcome ;)
rows of never opened doors:
ghost gallery quarantine area (use a laptop or pc with firefox or google chrome browser for essential music, no phones)
all artwork here is copyright protected by vengeful ghosts!
2019 brenda roudebush
all rights reserved..
my photo albums (sound up!)

ghost stories
(blood & butterflies..)

  • these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. let me know what you think/comments? p.s. stories here are non fiction/true. (privately hosted ~ if you're interested in reading this just ask:)

vintage kids can come & visit the ghost toy catalogue here.. (sound up)
the friendlyghost album ~ welcome to my photo album..
we live in wonderland.. :)
i hope you enjoy me & my guys & kitties, the places we go & things we enjoy..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Beloved sleep
cemeteria album ~
remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
family tree album ~
this addition to the cemeteria album is especially for my own lost loved ones..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

a POEtry reading...

my elliott smith lyric page (sound up)
portland haunts album ~
is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

the library..

things behind the sun (journals)
a mouthfull of razorblades (journals)
ghost at the gate's items Go to ghost at the gate's photostream
Laurelhurst trees
january trees album ~
january trees ~ winter shows her bones.. the tree is the psyche, the spirit, the whole self.. our inner world..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
toxic was here ~
vintage socal, birthdays & halloweens..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

art albums ~ use a laptop or pc with sound up!

halloween mini album ~
~ copyright 2015 all rights reserved
Bren alice patreon
ghost pix album ~ rpg videogame screenshots, lol kitties & all kinds of goodies.. (use a pc or laptop to hear my game mix here)

home to oblivion..

  • ok i need a whole section just for elder scrolls~oblivion 'cause i'm playing it and loving it way too much right now.. i am so beautifully lost here living as a vampire & i'm never coming back.
    later ~ 430 hours of gameplay all as a vampire & now i'm stuck in limbo in the deadly glitch.. noooo!!
    update: i'm on the methadone of rpgs for my oblivion withdrawls, it's predecessor morrowind ~ the game of the year edition.. these are now my All-Time favorite rpgs, above all others..
    SKYRIM!! 11/11/11!! DAWNGUARD DLC!!
    & more dlc to come!
    the awful tyranny of the sun shall end..

  • come into oblivion with me & tour my homes.. (note: vampirism has changed my appearance & my invisibility is due to stealth..)

  • so many ways to die..

  • realms of madness..

  • a friend in highcross town..

  • bonus morrowind footage..

  • welcome to skyrim..

ghost closet...

haunted home movies..

ghost charity

ghost space

« 2022 | Main | muchness! »

February 06, 2022


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I love this post, Bren! <3 =)<3 =)


do i need a googly-eyed elf puppet?? lols


#tolkien #infj #painter #books #library #booknerd #england #uk #ancestry #portlandrocks

so i painted this little rock with tolkien's famous sig,
(not unlike other rocks i've painted to hide around portland..)
as a family friend will be going to london to spend the spring & revisiting tolkien's grave.. he's going to leave it on his gravestone for all of us nerds <3 will update with pic eventually.. :)
due to my english/irish ancestry the only place i'd really love to visit someday would be england & ireland <3


#infj #oregon #mentalhealth #climatechange #globalwarming #depression #ghostgallery #photography #trees #leviathan #midlake #ocd #rowsofneveropeneddoors

vampires do not do well in sunshine, as i've said before, i have to protect myself from pmle sun allergy if i go out especially in spring & summer, but we needed a break & i had to get back out into the trees to try out our new camera, so on sunday we took a drive.. i haven't left the house in ages, during these sketchy times i'm perfectly good with staying home with all my many interests & activities, staying well..
you know, avoiding humanity at large..
the sun was annoyingly bright. but our bigfootmobile is very comfortable, with good music & a moonroof that opens for taking pictures overhead, & we had an enjoyable time.. i've updated my current photo album here ~

but my intention was to get lots of photos for a new art photography album i called winter dies.. and i did. i honestly didn't mean for it to be depressing, but with the kinds of things that weigh on my mind & soul these days i can see how it turned out kinda heavy.. that's just me.
here it is anyway down at the bottom of my nature detox page ~ (sound up for some of my very favorite midlake songs here)

i must be careful now in my steps
years of calculations & the stress
my science is waiting nearly complete
one glass will last for nearly a week
let me not get down
if i'm walking with no one
& if i stumble from exhaustion
these buckets are heavy
i fill them with water
i could ask these people
but i shouldn't bother
oh no, i've stumbled
was i going too fast?
some get angry
some of them laugh
they told me i wouldn't
but i found an answer
i'm van occupanther
i'm van occupanther
let me not be too concerned
with this world
sometimes i want to go home
& stay out of sight for a long time
let me not be too consumed
with this world
sometimes i want to go home
& stay out of sight for a long time..

so i still have to say i was very happy to come home & am happy to stay home, maybe i have regressed back to agoraphobia more than i wanted to.. but i was happily singing along at the end of our journey as we approached our familiar streets & our house..

i think i'll head home..
i think i'll head home..
i think i'll head home...

here comes the snow moon
please no more migraines..
(snow would be nice though)


#winter #nature #photography #infj #oregon #wonderland #mentalhealth #columbiarivergorge #trees #art #ghostgallery #vault11 #cats #rowsofneveropeneddoors #gaming #eldenring #ravenmoonx

another sunday, another drive.. this time a nice rainy day to photo the gorge trees as a counterpart to my last album, this one's called 'branches'
(taken from a midlake lyric <3)
i much prefer this drop in temperature & rain & hail, good freezing temps on the way, so winter is still with us :)
i must say though, it was not enough to keep humanity away from the falls, it got more & more crowded at each waterfall we drove past, until we ended up stuck in a line of cars at multnomah, which made me feel positively claustrophobic, even though i never left the bigfootmobile & kept my mask on the whole time..
i still got a good bunch of photos to play with in shop this week, i'll update with a link here when the album's done..
meanwhile ~
(sound up)

i call upon the people
people have this power
the numbers don't decide
the system is a lie
the river's running dry
the wings of butterflies..

again, after 2 straight years stuck at 111 lbs i am amazed alice & i have each gained another healthy lb! that's almost 5 lbs! also goes to show how much stress is a factor with me & my health issues.. she is one good therapy kitty already, when she's calm & not in the throes of her own natural kitty insanity..

so i posted at the lost & found about f76 & how i'll soon be putting my beloved vault 11 into mothballs & moving on (for now) into the much awaited elden ring! like other 'from' software games, i must play, after platinuming bloodborne & the dark souls games which are such favorites! raven's playing on the ps5 & i'm perfectly happy using the ps4.. you'll hear about it here before long..
& if you're a fellow gaming enthusiast be sure to subscribe to raven's youtube gaming channel for his playthrough which is already starting out very interesting! that's all i will say ;) (here he is) (& here's me too)
come on, snow..
hey, it's a palindrome day 2202022.. yeah, ocd.

later updated now: (sound up)


#moon #photography #infj #ghostgallery #oregon #art #rowsofneveropeneddoors

the moon was peeking in my window in the night so i got out the new camera to try some shots in 'moon mode' ;)


#snow #winter #cats #kitty #infj #photos #ghostgallery #rowsofneveropeneddoors

surprise snow this morning, alice was fascinated..

realized my branches video downloads/plays much quicker & better over on twitter or instagram than my own direct link in the comment above..
(sound up)

p.s. please follow me :)

p.p.s. this was very cool today (from american mcgee again! he's designing the new 'depression' bunny & i had a comment/suggestion he liked) ~
(also thanks again super beppo!)


#cats #infj #ghostgallery #vaultforeversurfacenever #agoraphobia #depression #rowsofneveropeneddoors

so this morning i notice putin's not dealing with failure too well & has put his nuclear deterrence force on high alert, adding yet another nightmare scenario to worry about, again due to one idiot with fireworks.

in more exciting news i was cold so i got this cozy new blanket hoodie to live in.. (or to haunt in..)
alice approves of it so i've updated her album accordingly..
it has humongous pockets & i can already see my future self dragging around the house with pockets full of my journals & art supplies, glasses, cat toys, antacid bottles, hell laptops & remotes..

peace out.


#gumby #gumbyland #collector #collection #minis #tiny #infj #toy #cool #ants #cats #depression #mentalhealth #friends #migraine #ocd

i was at a low in the middle of the night, sleeping in the livingroom chair with a migraine, yesterday i was besieged by carpenter ants coming in through some nail holes in the wall over the head of my bed! the horror! now normally i love tiny things, (more on this to follow..) but ants are an ocd person's nightmare, they were on my pillow, i am a very light sleeper, but what if one gets into my ear!! :o fortunately mr dad sealed the nail holes with silicon caulking. so i stayed out of my room overnight because i am overly sensitive to scents/smells (ocd). anyway, alice Hunts these ants! she is keenly on to them now whenever one shows up & will alert us & she earns treats doing so.. ant combats are on the way but will have to be placed strategically in rooms/spots where alice will never reach them
(but the ants hopefully will?)
so still in pain management mode first thing this morning i was hit with crushing news for toxic, she Did Not win the emily strange giveaway on instagram we entered a couple days ago :( & it's just not fair!
ok so while i sat grumbling in my latest pj mashup ensemble (i'm in pjs most of the time these days & due to weight loss & wear, winter temps etc i have quite the unusual combos, snoopy with hello kitty & eeyore, or like today cheshire cat, eeyore & wonder woman, all in different colors like red, purple & blue & not very goth at all!) anyway in my pre-decaf weakness i realized the sad ghost club on instagram was finally reissuing some of their original merch including a sad ghost club sweatshirt, pin, zine & SticKerS! & i succombed immediately despite the outrageous UK shipping prices, terrifying myself in my own weakness, but also feeling toxic glee at the same time..

ok yes i need help.

only one ant has shown up today right on this laptop screen i'm typing on.
a fluke?

but then i went to open up mail that had been sitting in quarantine & there behold was a trove of tiny treasures from my gumbyfriend sally! :D including a tiny rare gumby figure, some other tiny gumby items i didn't have up at gumbyland, a gumby toy for alice <3 & the tiniest seashells i have ever seen, all along with a vintage kitty card that i recognize as being by the same artist responsible for one of toxic's old cards in her scrapbook <3 ! & this made my day i must say.. i will certainly be posting these things at the lost & found in the weeks to come..
thank you So Much sally!!!

in other news i now have my very own red rocket power armor station set up in vault 11 along with a good set of power armor i stole, i mean found, that i was able to walk all the way home with barely making it alive of course.. i will never take it off again, the world is too dangerous without power armor these days, huh?


Glad you liked your package, Bren! Nothing fancy about the packaging, since I was at my mom's. Those little shells are what I like to pick up at low tide! (and also sea glass!) :D I have to try to make sure nothing is still alive in them though and hard to tell with the timy ones, so make sure to pick them from the higher tide areas when they're that small. Sorry you didn't win the Emily The Strange giveaway. =( I went on there to see who won and got your message and came here! If I had won, I would've had sent to you!....I'll respond there now too!


i loved the packaging too! the green paper with eyeballs that look like gumby?! @@ you know i even pick off some stickers to put into my journals too.. lol

i have a perfect tiny little heartshaped jewelrybox with blue dolphins on it that has been empty forever, now it will hold those tiny shells & sit on the a of e <3

yeah, we didn't win! obviously unfair! (jk)


#cats #kitty #toys #gumby #gumbyland #fallout76 #infj #ostrich #theramin #vault11

today i posted little alice & her latest adventure over at the lost & found toy blog ~
it includes some unlisted youtubes that are kinda weird & hysterical..

also raven made another youtube of my beloved vault 11 for posterity here ~ (& please subscribe? i have a bunch of old youtubes up everything from kitties, halloween, disneyland etc to our game gallery..)

it's sunny & freezing cold here & i'm struggling these days with my own issues, but i did do some painting & have a new album up at the end of the ghost gallery rowsofneveropeneddoors.. it's called 'the end'.. sorry, i know, kinda heavy, huh?
scroll down to near the bottom here ~ (sound up) guess i gotta express my terrors & visions somewhere..

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cat girl

  • xx xx xx be wild.. xx xx xx

lost & found toys

Plague dr
the lost album - click to enter my current photo album here.. (sound up)
click to visit my old around the bend album (sound up) photos by ghost 2019 all rights reserved
Note: if the audio does not play on this & other albums please go directly to the ghost gallery or photo album page links in the header, the audio plays perfectly at my website :)

a handful of applecores a mouthful of razorblades

  • i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
  • seeing is deceiving..
  • $@x!^&*#%!/
  • love bites.
  • life sucks.
  • "but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
    "oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
    "we're all mad here.
    i'm mad. you're mad."
    "how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
    "you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
    Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
    however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
    "to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
    "i suppose so," said Alice.
    "well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
    Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
  • but why is the rum gone?!
  • ***triggering!! don't look!!!*** (you looked..)
  • beezorch daddy-o! go! kitty, go!
  • ffft! hiss! spit! rah! kill! maim!
  • crank up your speakers!!

little friends..

back in the day ~
back when i was still a snowballinhell, including tabitha's kittens & little daniel..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

friendlyghost fun & games!!


lost hollow digital art album ~
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

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