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a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is she except a being without access to the universe that she has not yet managed to forget?
~ randall jarrell

i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots.. any comments are welcome ;)
rows of never opened doors:
ghost gallery quarantine area (use a laptop or pc with firefox or google chrome browser for essential music, no phones)
all artwork here is copyright protected by vengeful ghosts!
2019 brenda roudebush
all rights reserved..
my photo albums (sound up!)

ghost stories
(blood & butterflies..)

  • these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. let me know what you think/comments? p.s. stories here are non fiction/true. (privately hosted ~ if you're interested in reading this just ask:)

vintage kids can come & visit the ghost toy catalogue here.. (sound up)
the friendlyghost album ~ welcome to my photo album..
we live in wonderland.. :)
i hope you enjoy me & my guys & kitties, the places we go & things we enjoy..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Beloved sleep
cemeteria album ~
remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
family tree album ~
this addition to the cemeteria album is especially for my own lost loved ones..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

a POEtry reading...

my elliott smith lyric page (sound up)
portland haunts album ~
is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

the library..

things behind the sun (journals)
a mouthfull of razorblades (journals)
ghost at the gate's items Go to ghost at the gate's photostream
Laurelhurst trees
january trees album ~
january trees ~ winter shows her bones.. the tree is the psyche, the spirit, the whole self.. our inner world..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
toxic was here ~
vintage socal, birthdays & halloweens..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

art albums ~ use a laptop or pc with sound up!

halloween mini album ~
~ copyright 2015 all rights reserved
Bren alice patreon
ghost pix album ~ rpg videogame screenshots, lol kitties & all kinds of goodies.. (use a pc or laptop to hear my game mix here)

home to oblivion..

  • ok i need a whole section just for elder scrolls~oblivion 'cause i'm playing it and loving it way too much right now.. i am so beautifully lost here living as a vampire & i'm never coming back.
    later ~ 430 hours of gameplay all as a vampire & now i'm stuck in limbo in the deadly glitch.. noooo!!
    update: i'm on the methadone of rpgs for my oblivion withdrawls, it's predecessor morrowind ~ the game of the year edition.. these are now my All-Time favorite rpgs, above all others..
    SKYRIM!! 11/11/11!! DAWNGUARD DLC!!
    & more dlc to come!
    the awful tyranny of the sun shall end..

  • come into oblivion with me & tour my homes.. (note: vampirism has changed my appearance & my invisibility is due to stealth..)

  • so many ways to die..

  • realms of madness..

  • a friend in highcross town..

  • bonus morrowind footage..

  • welcome to skyrim..

ghost closet...

haunted home movies..

ghost charity

ghost space

« held by sleep | Main | collector »

January 09, 2022


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#fallout76 #gaming #cats #kitty #anniversary #bigfoot #lostandfoundtoys #infj #marriage #mentalhealth #rpg

so today is our 35th anniversary, who would've thought a vampire & a sasquatch could start out with little or nothing & come all this way? :)
i baked him a berry pie & posted his new toy over at the lost & found -
yeah, he forgot. but that's a.d.d. i'm kinda use to it, but today he went out looking for the kind of milk i prefer since we're having some grocery supply issues here, & he told me to get the cool 'all things emily strange book' with 20 stickers!!! so aren't those kinds of gestures what's really important? lol
in f76 things were getting really sketchy - but then raven helped me out with figuring out my weapons workbench which was overly complicated at first, now it feels more like good old fallout 4 & i'm better defended! thanks, raven! on my trek home today i ran across an old guy scavenging, i spoke with him & he was looking for a place to stay so i offered him my camp.. he thanked me & said he'd gather his things & make his way over, said he'd watch the camp for me & that he has lots of practical knowledge, then he told me 'keep family with you if you can, we all need it' & lastly he told me all he needs is a comfortable chair & i should call him gramps.. (this is what dan called my dad who could always be found in his favorite chair <3<3<3)
vault 11 these days:
little alice is a feist, fascinated with the sinks, so we bought her her own waterbowl to try out.. she's ocd like dan & i, we have 2 litterboxes in her 'literaria' (the kitty reading room where they meditate under the stairwell..) & we've realized she uses one for her tinkles & the other just for her 'sand sculptures' lol! she is super loving & bonded to us.. such a sweetheart..


#eclectica #collection #collectibles #book #collector #innerchild #library #toys #treasures #infj

the evolution of the altar of eclectica
(a collector's story)

so once upon a time when toxic was 17, we moved out with the sasquatch & started our life together in a little apartment behind an architectural business.
i liked it because it had high ceilings, which made it seem larger than it actually was.. lol & i'd pull big boards out of the trash left from used architectural blueprints to paint on to fill the walls :) we had very few possessions between us to start out with, but i remember how we spent $200 for an oak wall unit to put books & vhs tapes & our zody's stereo & stuff on.. it was our first big purchase together & i also remember watching it sway back & forth during the big earthquakes in '87..
anyway over all the decades it became known fondly as the altar of eclectica, as the shelves evolved from books & tapes to collectibles & miniature treasures..
it has gone through so many incarnations through the years, & dusting it each year at spring cleaning time is brutal, but we love it..
check it out here in its latest glory which i photo'd for some t-shirt posts over at the lost & found, i moved 'wonderland' to the top so i can see it better & added a dedicated
halloween shelf.. it has books in the back & collectibles in the front, basically broken down into the following:

top shelf toys & tophats including american mcgee's alice
horror & nbx
tolkien & more nbx & vampires
(yes i need a whole shelf of vampires)
wonderland (all alice)
the psych shelf
kids stuff
kitties & mystical items
collector card notebooks
poetry & literature
art & more literature
our girls <3
movies (johnny depp) & more literature
more artbooks & victorian albums
stephen king & zombies

these are huge photos so you can click on them to see them really close up..

p.s. it's securely braced to the wall now.. just in case!


#art #painter #cats #kitty #infj #mentalhealth #arttherapy #f76 #gaming #girlgamers

so i ended up doing a little painting for the first time in 2022 ~
this album is titled 'a long way down' ~ (sound up)
this artwork also found itself as the background for a very different album, the 3d catnip party box started out with alice, ostrich & her toys & got mixed up with some 3d glasses from one of my dover book posts.. anyway, it was lots of fun! (sound up!)
alice is birdwatching at the moment, we throw some popcorn out onto my deck to encourage them to come close for her, thrush, flickers, steller's jays, towhees & chickadees <3

i must say f76 is just not fallout 4, but i'll get every bit of play out of it i can, like the real world right now, it's almost more fun just to stay inside (vault 11)

had a little setback the other day as it seems i live within the perfect storm of post-menopausal, ibs-c, migraine stress syndrome, each affecting the other? i think i need a fainting couch.. at night alice curls up right at my face :) purrs & kneads & helps me sleep, she's a cuddler to be sure, oriental shorthairs like to bond closely to their humans! i keep adding photos to her photo album as i'm able to get shots..

wish we'd get another round of snow before winter slips away..


#migraine #aura #mentalhealth #health #headache #therapykitty #cats #infj #migraineur

so now i understand the trouble over the last couple of days was what's known as prodrome, as today i was hit suddenly with migraine aura after my morning posts, really beautiful actually, scintillating scotoma not unlike some of my own artwork, starting in the center of my vision & vibrating color as it grows & extends off to the left.. fortunately this time no bad confusion or trouble speaking, little alice had her first official day of training as a therapy kitty, sitting beside me curled up in the dark while i ride it all out <3 she's a good one :) i'm taking it easy now.. can't shake my head or nod.. lol oh well.. in years past where these took up much more of my days i use to name them & track them like hurricanes.. :/


I don't think I mentioned this before, Bren, but I admire not only all of your talents, but all of the time and work you put into your blog posts. Like this one for example with all of the links to other cool photos! I love that Raven puppet, your kitty pictures and you don't have to have a dog to buy dog toys! HaHa! :D Plus so many more! love them all! It's so cool too that you have so many great photos to bring back all of the good memories.<3


thanks! ;) #gumby #innerchild #blog #blogger #art #vintage #toys #nostalgia #infj #photos #arttherapy #mentalhealth

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cat girl

  • xx xx xx be wild.. xx xx xx

lost & found toys

Plague dr
the lost album - click to enter my current photo album here.. (sound up)
click to visit my old around the bend album (sound up) photos by ghost 2019 all rights reserved
Note: if the audio does not play on this & other albums please go directly to the ghost gallery or photo album page links in the header, the audio plays perfectly at my website :)

a handful of applecores a mouthful of razorblades

  • i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
  • seeing is deceiving..
  • $@x!^&*#%!/
  • love bites.
  • life sucks.
  • "but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
    "oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
    "we're all mad here.
    i'm mad. you're mad."
    "how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
    "you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
    Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
    however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
    "to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
    "i suppose so," said Alice.
    "well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
    Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
  • but why is the rum gone?!
  • ***triggering!! don't look!!!*** (you looked..)
  • beezorch daddy-o! go! kitty, go!
  • ffft! hiss! spit! rah! kill! maim!
  • crank up your speakers!!

little friends..

back in the day ~
back when i was still a snowballinhell, including tabitha's kittens & little daniel..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

friendlyghost fun & games!!


lost hollow digital art album ~
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

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