well we're almost to 2022..
so the approaching holiday is a sad anniversary, 7 years ago my sister had a heart attack on new year's eve & was discovered on the bathroom floor of her board & care home for the mentally ill & brought back to 'life' ..& then was left lying braindead all this time since. she's in a facility down in la with a dnr in place, but i can't believe she's actually in there anymore, it gave me nightmares back when i posted her memorial here in the old comments: cathy memorial
i made this album for her once: clic (sound up)
the guys & i can hardly look at it without being total wrecks..
& speaking of being a wreck, i kinda fell apart awhile back after what should've been a very happy event, we finally have added a new member to our family,
meet little alice: merry xmas from little alice
so my theory has always been that all kitties are born insane & only recover slowly over time ;) & little alice is still in early recovery, running zoomies through the house & finding toys to knock off shelves, she's fascinated by the kitchen sink & keeps track of everything we do with interest..
anyway, all is well now, but at first i had some kind of emotional abreaction or something & felt like i was losing my mind, couldn't stop crying, emailed my therapist once again & talked it all out.. it seemed to be some kind of grief reaction triggered by adding a new kitty, fears & all our losses, not wanting to 'replace' my girls, bringing up toxic old unresolved issues, childhood ocd & toxic's kitty graveyard..
getting so upset left me with a fun migraine & ibs flareup, it's just all mixed together with my ocd & health challenges.. again thank you, licia :) (she is a lifesaver.)
we're enjoying a snowy xmas & winter so far & i'm feeling security from that, snow in the night, waking up to see everything turned white out my window.. for some reason snow has always calmed me, there's a special kind of stillness when snow is all around, on the ground, rooftops & all the tree branches, it muffles everything & focuses your senses on just the soft sound of your own footsteps, i love that..
winter window (sound up)
right now in my life i am trying to stay focused on self-care & recovery, from physical & mental health challenges & struggles, the insanity of the world at large, & my own resulting terrors & visions.. when i need escape i've been staying underground in vault 11 where i set up a cozy little retro xmas..
we all adore little alice, she's very loving & playful & tries to be good, i do think she needs a fluffyhead 'flower sister' to play with, but after what happened i'm a little scared.. we're thinking 2 little kittens now rather than 3.. alice is so much like our sabrina when she was small, dan thinks it's her returned for another lifetime with us <3
it's too cold for painting, & i'm not venturing out these days for trails & photos..
the dips into depression scare me :(
yesterday i attempted a little humor & added sound to our abstractions albums :D
i laughed until my face hurt, which means it's been too long.. or i'm insane now. ? judge for yourself..
can't we be happy?
continued in the comments as usual..
bren
