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a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is she except a being without access to the universe that she has not yet managed to forget?
~ randall jarrell

i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots.. any comments are welcome ;)
rows of never opened doors:
ghost gallery quarantine area (use a laptop or pc with firefox or google chrome browser for essential music, no phones)
all artwork here is copyright protected by vengeful ghosts!
2019 brenda roudebush
all rights reserved..
my photo albums (sound up!)

ghost stories
(blood & butterflies..)

  • these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. let me know what you think/comments? p.s. stories here are non fiction/true. (privately hosted ~ if you're interested in reading this just ask:)

vintage kids can come & visit the ghost toy catalogue here.. (sound up)
the friendlyghost album ~ welcome to my photo album..
we live in wonderland.. :)
i hope you enjoy me & my guys & kitties, the places we go & things we enjoy..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Beloved sleep
cemeteria album ~
remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
family tree album ~
this addition to the cemeteria album is especially for my own lost loved ones..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

a POEtry reading...

my elliott smith lyric page (sound up)
portland haunts album ~
is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

the library..

things behind the sun (journals)
a mouthfull of razorblades (journals)
ghost at the gate's items Go to ghost at the gate's photostream
Laurelhurst trees
january trees album ~
january trees ~ winter shows her bones.. the tree is the psyche, the spirit, the whole self.. our inner world..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
toxic was here ~
vintage socal, birthdays & halloweens..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

art albums ~ use a laptop or pc with sound up!

halloween mini album ~
~ copyright 2015 all rights reserved
Bren alice patreon
ghost pix album ~ rpg videogame screenshots, lol kitties & all kinds of goodies.. (use a pc or laptop to hear my game mix here)

home to oblivion..

ghost closet...

haunted home movies..

ghost charity

ghost space

« there's no place like home | Main | down the rabbithole »

August 20, 2021


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#infj #poem #ghostgallery #rowsofneveropeneddoors #radiohead #lyrics #art #mentalhealth #innerchild
#psychology #songs #music

so i may have mentioned that thom yorke is my muse?

wrote a poem today:

climbing up the walls (ghost version)
/keys to the gallery

i am the key to the lock in your house
that keeps your toys in the basement
& if you get too far inside
you'll only see my reflection
i am the crying monster
i am the toyroom mouse
i am the sad soldier
i am the closet skeleton
i am the pinecone collector
i am the holes in your socks
do not cry out or hit the alarm
you know we're friends till we die
i am the little raven
i am the stealer of butterflies
i am the little train that couldn't
i am rags
i am the forgotten birthday bear
i am the doll with her head full of Everything
i am the broken clown
& either way you turn i'll be there
open up your skull, i'll be there
climbing up the walls
i am the listener
i am the autumn butterfly
i am the bride of quiet
i am the good vampire
i am the real ghost
i am the frozen charlotte out in the cold
stalactites & stalagmites
rows of never opened doors
& one day i froze up like this


#pdx #raccoons #nature #wildlife #portland #oregon #photos #cute

quite the adventure this cool morning ~


#kitty #cat #cheshirecat #therapycat #love #kittyheaven #catlady #love

my cheshire cat may have disappeared from view, but i know she is still there smiling down at me..


#infj #vampire #mentalhealth #arttherapy #ghostgallery #rowsofneveropeneddoors #ocd #dollscape #innerchild

so i live with pmle, ibs-c, cardiomyopathy, orthostatic hypotension, late stage menopausal insanity (hot & cold flashes) & agoraphobia, ocd, nightmares & depression, you know, more fun than one person should be allowed to have..
difficult days especially as we move furniture around & have carpet installers & repairmen coming in the house in times of covid & variants..
i'm not always coping that great. so i pour my thoughts into my memoirs -
& find new creative projects to work on like the new dollscape i've just begun 'frozen charlotte' (link soon)
we're upgrading to 1 gig since everything we do here now is internet based, it's how vampires interface with humanity now you know.
also i've had a little help here decorating for halloween -

anyone else feel like we're headed for a long winter? ..


#rowsofneveropeneddoors #ghostgallery #art #dollscape #innerchild #moon #arttherapy #infj #psychology #toys #goth #vampire #ghost

meet frozen charlotte, she woke up for the occasion -
i included my poem in this one, & also now you can use the caption links below each pic to see closeups of the original images..
sound up!

ghost/bren & toxic


#infj #fullmoon #moon #psychology #ibs #anxiety #ocd #mentalhealth #toys #mbti #antifashion #introvert #vintage #pennydreadful

we've had wonderful rainy cool days here in portland :D although i had a rough time last night with the full moon messing with me & my insides, pain, nausea, anxiety..
but i'm happy anyway because the new carpet in my bedroom is great & i've been putting away all my clothes & toys.. lol i love my room :)
ran across this on pinterest & it is remarkable because i've commented here about how i relate to miss ives & all the #disasterdinnerparty events on twitter i've attended as her.. so validating when you're an oddball #infj & have these things somewhat understood by others finally:

btw they left out an 'of'.. sorry ocd, i know. these things bother me.. lols

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cat girl

  • xx xx xx be wild.. xx xx xx

lost & found toys

Plague dr
the lost album - click to enter my current photo album here.. (sound up)
click to visit my old around the bend album (sound up) photos by ghost 2019 all rights reserved
Note: if the audio does not play on this & other albums please go directly to the ghost gallery or photo album page links in the header, the audio plays perfectly at my website :)

a handful of applecores a mouthful of razorblades

  • i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
  • seeing is deceiving..
  • $@x!^&*#%!/
  • love bites.
  • life sucks.
  • "but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
    "oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
    "we're all mad here.
    i'm mad. you're mad."
    "how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
    "you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
    Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
    however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
    "to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
    "i suppose so," said Alice.
    "well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
    Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
  • but why is the rum gone?!
  • ***triggering!! don't look!!!*** (you looked..)
  • beezorch daddy-o! go! kitty, go!
  • ffft! hiss! spit! rah! kill! maim!
  • crank up your speakers!!

little friends..

back in the day ~
back when i was still a snowballinhell, including tabitha's kittens & little daniel..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

friendlyghost fun & games!!


lost hollow digital art album ~
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

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