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a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is she except a being without access to the universe that she has not yet managed to forget?
~ randall jarrell

i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots.. any comments are welcome ;)
rows of never opened doors:
ghost gallery quarantine area (use a laptop or pc with firefox or google chrome browser for essential music, no phones)
all artwork here is copyright protected by vengeful ghosts!
2019 brenda roudebush
all rights reserved..
my photo albums (sound up!)

ghost stories
(blood & butterflies..)

  • these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. let me know what you think/comments? p.s. stories here are non fiction/true. (privately hosted ~ if you're interested in reading this just ask:)

vintage kids can come & visit the ghost toy catalogue here.. (sound up)
the friendlyghost album ~ welcome to my photo album..
we live in wonderland.. :)
i hope you enjoy me & my guys & kitties, the places we go & things we enjoy..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Beloved sleep
cemeteria album ~
remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
family tree album ~
this addition to the cemeteria album is especially for my own lost loved ones..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

a POEtry reading...

my elliott smith lyric page (sound up)
portland haunts album ~
is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

the library..

things behind the sun (journals)
a mouthfull of razorblades (journals)
ghost at the gate's items Go to ghost at the gate's photostream
Laurelhurst trees
january trees album ~
january trees ~ winter shows her bones.. the tree is the psyche, the spirit, the whole self.. our inner world..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
toxic was here ~
vintage socal, birthdays & halloweens..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

art albums ~ use a laptop or pc with sound up!

halloween mini album ~
~ copyright 2015 all rights reserved
Bren alice patreon
ghost pix album ~ rpg videogame screenshots, lol kitties & all kinds of goodies.. (use a pc or laptop to hear my game mix here)

home to oblivion..

  • ok i need a whole section just for elder scrolls~oblivion 'cause i'm playing it and loving it way too much right now.. i am so beautifully lost here living as a vampire & i'm never coming back.
    later ~ 430 hours of gameplay all as a vampire & now i'm stuck in limbo in the deadly glitch.. noooo!!
    update: i'm on the methadone of rpgs for my oblivion withdrawls, it's predecessor morrowind ~ the game of the year edition.. these are now my All-Time favorite rpgs, above all others..
    SKYRIM!! 11/11/11!! DAWNGUARD DLC!!
    & more dlc to come!
    the awful tyranny of the sun shall end..

  • come into oblivion with me & tour my homes.. (note: vampirism has changed my appearance & my invisibility is due to stealth..)

  • so many ways to die..

  • realms of madness..

  • a friend in highcross town..

  • bonus morrowind footage..

  • welcome to skyrim..

ghost closet...

haunted home movies..

ghost charity

ghost space

« vault forever - surface never | Main | summer is over. »

July 03, 2021


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#infj #ghostgallery #rowsofneveropeneddoors #agoraphobia #psychology #vampires


#cats #kitty #infj #cattails #ptsd #mentalhealth #agoraphobia #trauma #anxiety #depression #gaming

the traumatic life of martha sweetroll:


#migraine #infj #art #ghostgallery #arttherapy #rowsofneveropeneddoors #abstract #moon #painting

migraine coming on.. so i'll be pouring my art into a new abstract album called artspill for a bit.. (link to come)

also the heat record i mentioned here at 118? that's been amended, in mr dad's old neighborhood for example, it reached 124! 180 on the concrete where you could slow cook a roast. yikes!!!!!!!!!!!

p.s. my new book:


#infj #art #painter #arttherapy #radiohead #modern #psychology #rowsofneveropeneddoors #ghostgallery #abstracts

i'm a creep
i'm a weirdo
what the hell am i doing here?
i don't belong here
i don't belong here. (sound up)


2021 #ghostgallery #rowsofneveropeneddoors #photography #depression #psychology #art #mentalhealth #vampires #decemberists (sound up)

p.s. i just bought these cool enamel pins for my jacket, they help support mental health awareness :)

(they asked me if i'd be a 'brand ambassador' ?)


#ESO #elderscrolls #rpg #mmo #gaming #vampire #cats #infj #blog

i got max level today.. oh wait, they changed it so now the sky's the limit.. lol
(also, snug is back with me now so i know everything will be ok..)


#infj #death #loss #grief #ghostgallery #rowsofneveropeneddoors #experiments


#experiments #art #ghostgallery #rowsofneveropeneddoors #arttherapy #psychology #mentalhealth #death

been working on some experiments here: (sound up)
still in progress..


#ghostgallery #rowsofneveropeneddoors #art #arttherapy #infj #painter #music #abstract #modern #artist

latest experiment i named tidepools, but then my son gave it a much lovelier title: swirling clouds in violet haze..
(i consider this van gogh reference the highest compliment i think i've ever received, thanks to raven <3)


#ESO #fantasy #gaming #infj #cats #elderscrollsonline #crazycatladies #mmo rpg



#infj #ghostgallery #rowsofneveropeneddoors #art #arttherapy #painter #nature #naturedetox #agoraphobia #psychology #mentalhealth

so we're thinking about buying a small trailer.. we want to be able to get back out into nature without depending on restaurants & public bathrooms, you know, humanity. i want to see the milky way at night from a beach in the cooler off season, bring out our telescope & look at the stars, hunt for rocks & shells, spy on creatures in their element, photo old cemeteries & trees again..

meanwhile we're surviving another heatwave. sorry, but summer is just one big fucking headache to us vampires.

p.s. it's friday13 - (sound up)


#rowsofneveropeneddoors #ghostgallery #art #halloween #infj #vampire #mentalhealth #artist #recluse #dreadfull

so mr dad attended a memorial for his oldest friend's wife, she was lakota & it was a special native american ceremony up in rural washington state.. we're still getting home repairs & recarpeting done as we are able to here. it's lonely right now even for us reclusive vampires but at least a cool front is coming in & i'm decorating our house for halloween! thank goodness for our gameworlds & the internet.. i was just telling mr dad we may have to have padding installed on the walls here in my room.. :D

i always did relate too well to vanessa ives, especially in the season 3 premiere episode! (actually i attended many a #disasterdinnerparty on twitter as miss ives in her straightjacket)

here's another experiment:

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cat girl

  • xx xx xx be wild.. xx xx xx

lost & found toys

Plague dr
the lost album - click to enter my current photo album here.. (sound up)
click to visit my old around the bend album (sound up) photos by ghost 2019 all rights reserved
Note: if the audio does not play on this & other albums please go directly to the ghost gallery or photo album page links in the header, the audio plays perfectly at my website :)

a handful of applecores a mouthful of razorblades

  • i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
  • seeing is deceiving..
  • $@x!^&*#%!/
  • love bites.
  • life sucks.
  • "but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
    "oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
    "we're all mad here.
    i'm mad. you're mad."
    "how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
    "you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
    Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
    however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
    "to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
    "i suppose so," said Alice.
    "well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
    Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
  • but why is the rum gone?!
  • ***triggering!! don't look!!!*** (you looked..)
  • beezorch daddy-o! go! kitty, go!
  • ffft! hiss! spit! rah! kill! maim!
  • crank up your speakers!!

little friends..

back in the day ~
back when i was still a snowballinhell, including tabitha's kittens & little daniel..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

friendlyghost fun & games!!


lost hollow digital art album ~
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

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