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a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is she except a being without access to the universe that she has not yet managed to forget?
~ randall jarrell

i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots.. any comments are welcome ;)
rows of never opened doors:
ghost gallery quarantine area (use a laptop or pc with firefox or google chrome browser for essential music, no phones)
all artwork here is copyright protected by vengeful ghosts!
2019 brenda roudebush
all rights reserved..
my photo albums (sound up!)

ghost stories
(blood & butterflies..)

  • these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. let me know what you think/comments? p.s. stories here are non fiction/true. (privately hosted ~ if you're interested in reading this just ask:)

vintage kids can come & visit the ghost toy catalogue here.. (sound up)
the friendlyghost album ~ welcome to my photo album..
we live in wonderland.. :)
i hope you enjoy me & my guys & kitties, the places we go & things we enjoy..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Beloved sleep
cemeteria album ~
remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
family tree album ~
this addition to the cemeteria album is especially for my own lost loved ones..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

a POEtry reading...

my elliott smith lyric page (sound up)
portland haunts album ~
is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

the library..

things behind the sun (journals)
a mouthfull of razorblades (journals)
ghost at the gate's items Go to ghost at the gate's photostream
Laurelhurst trees
january trees album ~
january trees ~ winter shows her bones.. the tree is the psyche, the spirit, the whole self.. our inner world..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
toxic was here ~
vintage socal, birthdays & halloweens..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

art albums ~ use a laptop or pc with sound up!

halloween mini album ~
~ copyright 2015 all rights reserved
Bren alice patreon
ghost pix album ~ rpg videogame screenshots, lol kitties & all kinds of goodies.. (use a pc or laptop to hear my game mix here)

home to oblivion..

ghost closet...

haunted home movies..

ghost charity

ghost space

« darkwinter | Main | the darkest corner of the house »

March 30, 2020


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#quarantine #infj #stayinside #coronavirus #covid19 #art #minis #innerchild #cats

the sun came out & we have beautiful clouds & brilliant blue sky with cherry blossom petals falling..
would've been a nice day to get a little much needed nature therapy & hike one of our local trails, but we won't take the risk..

so toxic made her own stickers for our latest inner child project while mr dad made progress putting together our latest mini, it's starting to look like an actual house..

i can feel that super pink moon arriving already, it starts with migraines in the night..
but nick drake would appreciate it..

i miss my kitties.
hug your kitties if you have them..


oh my god my mom just died. felt ill yesterday, put on ventilator, her heart stopped 6 times.. now she's gone.


#infj #migraine #ghostgallery #rowsofneveropeneddoors #psychology #psychotherapy #innerchild #art #arttherapy


#infj #ghostgallery #rowsofneveropeneddoors #inmemory #coronavirus #radiohead #zombiebunny

last night i was asked to write a short obituary about my mom.. there won't be a service due to the pandemic.
(link to follow..)

meanwhile ~ (sound up)


#infj #naturetherapy #oregon #columbiarivergorge #quarantine #nature #photography #forest #treelover #stayinside

the gorge & the beaches are closed, so i'm taking my much needed nature therapy from my own nature albums.. join me along some of our favorite trails here in wonderland.. (sound up, you won't want to miss the music here i promise..)

into the forest:

autumn notebook:

trails to the sea:



autumn mix:

more here:


#infj #stayinside #rowsofneveropeneddoors #ghostgallery #innerchild #lostandfoundtoys #art #poems #migraine

my mom set this aside for me in her cedar chest of treasures, & my sister caren just sent it to me ~

woke up with migraine, hello mother's supermoon :(

ps ~


#migraine #infj #ghostgallery #rowsofneveropeneddoors #cats #toxic #innerchild #quarantine

(note i pulled out the capitol letters for this one.)

something i wrote in a support forum post a long time ago ~



#infj #eso #vampire #stayinside #lostandfoundtoys #ghostgallery #rowsofneveropeneddoors #quarantine #recluse
i've been getting alot done while we're in lockdown, in fact i may just never leave the house again.
we bought some washable masks online, but they're so small they don't work for mr dad with his beard, & i couldn't even breathe through the damn things..
whatever, i'll stick with my kerchief
(see pic top of post)
you know i shot a man in reno just to watch him die..

so yesterday was kinda pitiful & plunged me into depression & retreat. i have such trouble eating & taking vitamins due to my interesting gi tract & lifelong problems with my sad insides.
but i've been trying to get as many kids chewable immunity support multivitamins in me that i can. they changed them recently to remove artificial colors & sweeteners.
i tried one yesterday. because you know i'm just fine about ingesting new things. ..
well it tasted horrendous like i'd ingested some kind of science experiment & i soon felt sick to my stomach, ended up throwing up acid reflux & messaging my dr.
went to the product website & found i'm not alone, all terrible reviews with angry people talking about class action lawsuits & inadequate warnings.
really fucked up my day into the night.. but i still live.
got into a bit of an argument with mr dad because we get along as long as everything's peachy, but once there's anything wrong with me i'm up against his a.d.d. issues, which are anything but helpful.
we apologized & made up, but not until long after i'd retreated to my room & dissociated into a kind of frozen charlotte.
i blocked the windows & made it nice & dark & locked the door, & after awhile i realized how comforting that was.
so i'm retreating from the world & staying in my room now.
i just need a tv in here & good internet so i can get lost in eso/greymoor.
i'm never coming back.
i miss my kitties.



narrowly avoided a trip to the er last night with a freak electrolyte issue. i'm backed into a corner now phobically unable to eat almost anything except vanilla icecream & soup. i love my guys, they stayed right by me through the whole nightmare. i'm supposed to have a zoom appt w/ my dr on friday. i need help but am terrified of drs.

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cat girl

  • xx xx xx be wild.. xx xx xx

lost & found toys

Plague dr
the lost album - click to enter my current photo album here.. (sound up)
click to visit my old around the bend album (sound up) photos by ghost 2019 all rights reserved
Note: if the audio does not play on this & other albums please go directly to the ghost gallery or photo album page links in the header, the audio plays perfectly at my website :)

a handful of applecores a mouthful of razorblades

  • i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
  • seeing is deceiving..
  • $@x!^&*#%!/
  • love bites.
  • life sucks.
  • "but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
    "oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
    "we're all mad here.
    i'm mad. you're mad."
    "how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
    "you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
    Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
    however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
    "to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
    "i suppose so," said Alice.
    "well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
    Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
  • but why is the rum gone?!
  • ***triggering!! don't look!!!*** (you looked..)
  • beezorch daddy-o! go! kitty, go!
  • ffft! hiss! spit! rah! kill! maim!
  • crank up your speakers!!

little friends..

back in the day ~
back when i was still a snowballinhell, including tabitha's kittens & little daniel..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

friendlyghost fun & games!!


lost hollow digital art album ~
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

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