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a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is she except a being without access to the universe that she has not yet managed to forget?
~ randall jarrell

i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots.. any comments are welcome ;)
rows of never opened doors:
ghost gallery quarantine area (use a laptop or pc with firefox or google chrome browser for essential music, no phones)
all artwork here is copyright protected by vengeful ghosts!
2019 brenda roudebush
all rights reserved..
my photo albums (sound up!)

ghost stories
(blood & butterflies..)

  • these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. let me know what you think/comments? p.s. stories here are non fiction/true. (privately hosted ~ if you're interested in reading this just ask:)

vintage kids can come & visit the ghost toy catalogue here.. (sound up)
the friendlyghost album ~ welcome to my photo album..
we live in wonderland.. :)
i hope you enjoy me & my guys & kitties, the places we go & things we enjoy..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Beloved sleep
cemeteria album ~
remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
family tree album ~
this addition to the cemeteria album is especially for my own lost loved ones..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

a POEtry reading...

my elliott smith lyric page (sound up)
portland haunts album ~
is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

the library..

things behind the sun (journals)
a mouthfull of razorblades (journals)
ghost at the gate's items Go to ghost at the gate's photostream
Laurelhurst trees
january trees album ~
january trees ~ winter shows her bones.. the tree is the psyche, the spirit, the whole self.. our inner world..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
toxic was here ~
vintage socal, birthdays & halloweens..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

art albums ~ use a laptop or pc with sound up!

halloween mini album ~
~ copyright 2015 all rights reserved
Bren alice patreon
ghost pix album ~ rpg videogame screenshots, lol kitties & all kinds of goodies.. (use a pc or laptop to hear my game mix here)

home to oblivion..

  • ok i need a whole section just for elder scrolls~oblivion 'cause i'm playing it and loving it way too much right now.. i am so beautifully lost here living as a vampire & i'm never coming back.
    later ~ 430 hours of gameplay all as a vampire & now i'm stuck in limbo in the deadly glitch.. noooo!!
    update: i'm on the methadone of rpgs for my oblivion withdrawls, it's predecessor morrowind ~ the game of the year edition.. these are now my All-Time favorite rpgs, above all others..
    SKYRIM!! 11/11/11!! DAWNGUARD DLC!!
    & more dlc to come!
    the awful tyranny of the sun shall end..

  • come into oblivion with me & tour my homes.. (note: vampirism has changed my appearance & my invisibility is due to stealth..)

  • so many ways to die..

  • realms of madness..

  • a friend in highcross town..

  • bonus morrowind footage..

  • welcome to skyrim..

ghost closet...

haunted home movies..

ghost charity

ghost space

« snowcave | Main | quarantine »

January 27, 2020


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toxic was here.. #infj #innerchild #painter #ghostgallery #psychology #rowsofneveropeneddoors #childhood #ocd #phobia #eatingdisorder #dreams

more things behind the sun -

butterfly box:
booboo kitty:


#infj #valentine #bats #unconventional #vampire #cats #valentinesday #eso #gaming #vampirevalentine

for valentine's day my hubby purchased for me a bag of newly minted bat quarters! they're on their way now :D
his gift is a very cool vintage jupiter 2 lost in space model to hang in his spaceroom ;)
(oh, & the standard homemade marionberry pie as per our longstanding tradition.)

& this was a wonderful surprise..
my sweet valentine:

happy valentine's day!


so i guess now i'm an outlaw..
#infj #ghostgallery #rowsofneveropeneddoors #agoraphobia #recluse #naturedetox #naturetherapy #psychology #fuckall


here comes the worm moon.. #infj #moon #ghostgallery #depression #rowsofneveropeneddoors #art #waterfalls #photography #migraine
also known as the crow moon as the calls of my corvid brothers & sisters signal the end of winter..
but our flowers are confused.. some cherry blossom petals are falling but our frozen daffodils are leaning over out front..
is it winter, is it spring?
yesterday we photographed waterfalls along the lewis river in washington state, but my vision problem persists making things difficult..
i see this snowflake in the center of my vision, it comes & goes but honestly i couldn't even see the green signs well enough to drive if i had to..
is it some kind of vascular migrainous scotoma that arrives without pain or aura & persists?
i'm as dr avoidant as it gets & not about to find out during a coronavirus pandemic.
we're avoiding humanity which is something we excel at..
but i really really don't want to end up blind. (updated: sound up)

lyrics from sufjan keep going through my head these days ~

tomorrow you’ll see it through
the clouded out disguises put you
in the room
& though i wandered out alone
a thousand lights abounded on our home
& i remember every sound it made
the clouded out disguises and the grave
so yeah i know i’m still afraid
of letting go of choices i have made

i’m not easily confused
the trouble with the storm
inside us grew
but i had so much to give
in spite of all the terror and abuse

& the people bowed and prayed
& what difference does it make
for you and me?
all delighted people raise their hands

& the people bowed and prayed
& what difference does it make?
it doesn’t matter anyway
the world surrounds us with its hate

hello darkness my old friend
it breaks my heart

i tried to save the things i made
oh but the world is a mess, but the world is a mess
& what difference does it make if the world is a mess?
if the world is a mess
i tried my best i tried in vain
oh but the world is a mess
the world is a mess

& the people bowed and prayed
oh i still love you a lot, oh i love you from the top of my heart
& you can see through my mistakes
oh i’ll tell it to you now, i’ll tell it from the top of my heart..

kaleidoscopes: (sound up)

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cat girl

  • xx xx xx be wild.. xx xx xx

lost & found toys

Plague dr
the lost album - click to enter my current photo album here.. (sound up)
click to visit my old around the bend album (sound up) photos by ghost 2019 all rights reserved
Note: if the audio does not play on this & other albums please go directly to the ghost gallery or photo album page links in the header, the audio plays perfectly at my website :)

a handful of applecores a mouthful of razorblades

  • i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
  • seeing is deceiving..
  • $@x!^&*#%!/
  • love bites.
  • life sucks.
  • "but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
    "oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
    "we're all mad here.
    i'm mad. you're mad."
    "how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
    "you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
    Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
    however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
    "to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
    "i suppose so," said Alice.
    "well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
    Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
  • but why is the rum gone?!
  • ***triggering!! don't look!!!*** (you looked..)
  • beezorch daddy-o! go! kitty, go!
  • ffft! hiss! spit! rah! kill! maim!
  • crank up your speakers!!

little friends..

back in the day ~
back when i was still a snowballinhell, including tabitha's kittens & little daniel..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

friendlyghost fun & games!!


lost hollow digital art album ~
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

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