monster..

what strikes fear
in your heart?
with me it is people
& anything that touches me.

monsters/electric president
into your window the sky will fall
and we'll trap the stars in jars
and line them along your walls
and as the moonlight fills
the veins beneath your skin
you'll hear us knocking
oh, but you won't let us in
'cause you've got no friends
and you've got no heartbeat
your insides are rotten now
so there's nothing to fix
well, you said it often
before you were lost
that it's only a day
that it's only a day
but now you're a monster
and your backbone is soft
because you threw it away
because you threw it away
you called me out
i shrugged you off
i don't have the time
to watch you bash in all their skulls
'cause there's a new boss in town
his heart is black
but his hands can reach through anything
stick your head in the ground
you might just dodge the guns
but i'm not your friend
and i will not fix you
my insides are hollow now
so you're all on your own
but i said it often
before we were lost
that it's only a day
that it's only a day
but now we're a monster
my blood all runs cold
because i threw it away
because i threw it away
and now we've forgotten
and we've sold our blue skies
but there's nothing to say
we'll be gone in a day
and you can't take it with you
(but i can sure as hell try)
now there's
nothing to say
i'll be gone in a day.. 
so...
ghost

i made this for toxic once when i was all sick & feverish..

Comments

[ghost]

one day i'll answer the doorbell and the mailman will be there with no mail.. he'll just say, 'brenda, drink water!'
i think he's the only one left who hasn't told me to?

i'm a solitary ghost.. today i had to extend myself to get through a day with the 3d ones.. long story short we bought a car, i had to drive our cruiser home from quite aways.. new for me here..
then i took my stomach for a test.. we all had donuts & then later mex out for dinner.. (c'mon stomach, coffee, donut, enchilada.. can't we all just get along?)
in between it all i went for my much needed eye exam to get new glasses.. hard to do since i'm too nearsighted to see what new frames look like once i take my broken glasses off :/
but it all worked out and the humans there, including the dr were very nice and helpful to me.. go figure?

i seem to have 3 different bloody knuckles.. from dryness? i bump them and they bleed easily.. embarassing while trying on glasses with people close watching me..
thing is.. the pain i get all the time in my eyes turns out is a condition from chronic dry eyes and the dr told me no less than 10x i need to drink lots of water.. gave me new eyedrops, told me i have to take 2000mg of omega 3 each day.. (will my stomach handle this without puking?)
weird thing is they took retinal scans.. it turns out i have this great big freckle inside the back of my right eye.. not good really.. freckles/moles especially big and new can be a melanoma. not good. gotta go back in 6 mos. to see if it's changing/growing.

my great grandfather died of melanoma.

it's just a nice big green freckle.. that's all.

i come home and have a terrific anxiety attack. not panicky.. just pure fear. insecurity filling up the gap between my left shoulder and my right like thick black smoke.. i am so accustomed to my isolation that brushes with real people scare me to death. and new things, new glasses, breathing in something new.. how can i explain? my body starts to feel inflexible like i can't move and i wish i could talk to my old therapist like i used to forever ago. nothing touches that bad feeling. not my guys, kitties, home.. i have only ever really attached to people who never even know i am here.
ghost

[ghost]

another night of anxiety last night all over again.. something suddenly triggered a flare-up of my tmj.. i never know the cause..

i'm drinking water.. but like i've found before, as innocuous as water sounds it seems to make my stomach issues more troublesome, you'd think it would help, but i get esophageal reflux.. stomach/gi aches & cramps.. Fun!
but i'm trying to drink all i can anyway..
try as i may there's no way i could ever drink all the water i've been told to drink.. and i've heard the benefits of that kinda debunked anyway..

i've started the new eyedrops, but i can tell you already after looking online about omega 3.. no way my stomach will take it.. it's oil.. it'll make me sick. fish oil or flax oil, but fish oil is supposed to be better, and if your heart isn't pumping enough blood it can outright kill ya! great.. so it's water for me!!!!

but i definitely will be checking on the 'freckle' in 6 mos.!
this is what it looks like:
http://www.eyecancer.com/patient/Condition.aspx?nID=60&Category=Choroidal+Tumors&Condition=Choroidal+Nevus
this link makes it sound pretty harmless..
but on a medical board i heard someone ask about their 'retinal freckle' & the dr said 'oh they're not nearly as dangerous as the 'back of the eye' kind..' !! ? !! (my kind) ug.

there's too much new good lyrics/songs to post these days.. radical face, unkle stiltskin, electric president (go buy their new cd that comes out in june! *it has already leaked - some people have it already! shh!!*)

ghost

p.s.
we bought a good little used blue/green mitsubishi montero ls!

[ghost]

tmj tmj..
unrefuckinglenting!
:(

[ghost]

ongoing hailstorms today..
rain, thunder & lightning scaring my kitties..
:O