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a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is she except a being without access to the universe that she has not yet managed to forget?
~ randall jarrell

i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots.. any comments are welcome ;)
In limbo
rows of never opened doors:
ghost gallery quarantine area (use a laptop or pc with firefox or google chrome browser for essential music, no phones)
all artwork here is copyright protected by vengeful ghosts!
2019 brenda roudebush
all rights reserved..

ghost stories
(blood & butterflies..)

  • these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. let me know what you think/comments? p.s. stories here are non fiction/true. (privately hosted ~ if you're interested in reading this just ask:)

vintage kids can come & visit the ghost toy catalogue here.. (sound up)
the friendlyghost album ~ welcome to my photo album..
we live in wonderland.. :)
i hope you enjoy me & my guys & kitties, the places we go & things we enjoy..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Beloved sleep
cemeteria album ~
remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
family tree album ~
this addition to the cemeteria album is especially for my own lost loved ones..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

a POEtry reading...

my elliott smith lyric page (sound up)
portland haunts album ~
is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

the library..

things behind the sun (journals)
a mouthfull of razorblades (journals)
ghost at the gate's items Go to ghost at the gate's photostream
Laurelhurst trees
january trees album ~
january trees ~ winter shows her bones.. the tree is the psyche, the spirit, the whole self.. our inner world..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
toxic was here ~
vintage socal, birthdays & halloweens..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved
halloween mini album ~
~ copyright 2015 all rights reserved
Bren alice patreon
ghost pix album ~ rpg videogame screenshots, lol kitties & all kinds of goodies.. (use a pc or laptop to hear my game mix here)

home to oblivion..

  • ok i need a whole section just for elder scrolls~oblivion 'cause i'm playing it and loving it way too much right now.. i am so beautifully lost here living as a vampire & i'm never coming back.
    later ~ 430 hours of gameplay all as a vampire & now i'm stuck in limbo in the deadly glitch.. noooo!!
    update: i'm on the methadone of rpgs for my oblivion withdrawls, it's predecessor morrowind ~ the game of the year edition.. these are now my All-Time favorite rpgs, above all others..
    SKYRIM!! 11/11/11!! DAWNGUARD DLC!!
    & more dlc to come!
    the awful tyranny of the sun shall end..

  • come into oblivion with me & tour my homes.. (note: vampirism has changed my appearance & my invisibility is due to stealth..)

  • so many ways to die..

  • realms of madness..

  • a friend in highcross town..

  • bonus morrowind footage..

  • welcome to skyrim..

ghost closet...

haunted home movies..

ghost charity

ghost space


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« it's an ugly life.. | Main | we're just the walking dead.. »

March 10, 2008


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swap god for a janitor
rot in a jar of dog paws.

rats live on no evil star!



oh god.. left hand one finger typing..
i FeLL down the staircase!!!


bashed my arm royally on the wrought iron railing there for oursafety.. hahaha..

pain! i'm on ice now and chair rest.. being very careful..

don't think anything's broken.. but bruised & bleeding un der the skin..

see.. noboddy lovesme that's always why these things happen.


p.s. i'm not just a spaz it's carpeted & i slid in my sox..


a day in the retarded life of the lefthand.. fun night - keeping arm elevated/on ice.. fight w/ bdhp.. anything that happens w/ me medically is turned into nothing.. i hate him. still swelling.. bath was a riot. pretty tourqoise bruises now..

i finally had to just stop caring and escape in sleep. should've probably seen the dr rright off? but in bdhp's medical opinion i Could still mve my arm, so..
what's a little more pain anyway..


aw, man.
being a chicken sux.
my arm hurts.. still.
now it's green & yellow with purple spots..
carrying it around like a broken wing, can't do much. worried 'cause everyone says you can't always tell if there's like a hairline fracture..
sore all over from the fall.
hubby offered to take me to urgent care for xray but i couldn't deal with drs/nurses and si words/scars cut into my arms.. :(
it'll have to fix itself?
see.. nobody loves me.


it aches.
ithink maybe it is broked.


definitely wearing green.


fucking up again..
the music box is temporary again.

one week now and my arm still aches. too phobic to see a dr.. they're evil you know.
my bones vs. wrought iron.. how stupid am i?
man, life's such a bitch..
that's definitely the last time i skateboard down the stairwell..


i'm a happy ghost today!

after a week of carrying around my arm like a broken wing i finally got brave last evening and went into a walk-in care center to let someone look at it.. i swear the pa's name was 'dr friendly' !

and i am so relieved now, because he did some little tests for strength and mobility and said my arm is where he would expect after one week and healing ok.. no xray, just go back to more ice and pain pills since he said there's still hard swelling in there, and he explained that all the weird cold sensations i keep getting are due to pinched nerves so now i just don't have to worry that as i start using it i'll do worse damage or something.

worrying is always my worst enemy, not pain!

and i wore an armwarmer on my other arm and the nurse worked around it so my scars were never an issue.. (whew!)
funny, she had to take my temp 2x, saying i must've been drinking a cold soda or something just before? but no, it was just my hypothermic self.. she also said my heartbeat/pulse was very light and hard to hear..
(hehe.. she doesn't know that i am a ghost..)

toxic is all excited because we got pirates of the caribbean toys from mcd's!!!!


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lost & found toys

click to visit my around the bend album (sound up) photos by ghost 2019 all rights reserved

cat girl

  • xx xx xx be wild.. xx xx xx

a handful of applecores a mouthful of razorblades

  • i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
  • seeing is deceiving..
  • $@x!^&*#%!/
  • love bites.
  • life sucks.
  • "but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
    "oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
    "we're all mad here.
    i'm mad. you're mad."
    "how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
    "you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
    Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
    however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
    "to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
    "i suppose so," said Alice.
    "well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
    Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
  • but why is the rum gone?!
  • ***triggering!! don't look!!!*** (you looked..)
  • beezorch daddy-o! go! kitty, go!
  • ffft! hiss! spit! rah! kill! maim!
  • crank up your speakers!!

little friends..

back in the day ~
back when i was still a snowballinhell, including tabitha's kittens & little daniel..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

friendlyghost fun & games!!


lost hollow digital art album ~
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

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