snowball in hell: the words are out of ink..

About

a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is she except a being without access to the universe that she has not yet managed to forget?
~ randall jarrell

i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots.. any comments are welcome ;)

rows of never opened doors:
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2019 brenda roudebush
all rights reserved..

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ghost

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these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. let me know what you think/comments? p.s. stories here are non fiction/true. (privately hosted ~ if you're interested in reading this just ask:)

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i hope you enjoy me & my guys & kitties, the places we go & things we enjoy..
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cemeteria album ~
remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me..
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this addition to the cemeteria album is especially for my own lost loved ones..
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is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots..
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ghost links..

XXX..............RIP..............XXX here lies the psychconnection archive.. click here to peruse the remains (what's left after many members' posts were removed) of our dead support forum in the deepfreeze of this cybermorgue..
go ask alice when she's 10 feet tall... this alice is my other self.. she's always there lurking behind me...
papercuts ~
(my poetry & short stories...)
WARNING! this site contains graphic language and subject matter related to self injury...
soon after dark, emily cries... gazing through trees in sorrow, hardly a sound till tomorrow... cosmic debris/emily strange
last.. but not least.. my website.. where all the happy little gumbys & pokeys have come home to gumbyland.. the secret gallery.. and other cool stuff..

the library..

things behind the sun (journals)

a mouthfull of razorblades (journals)

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january trees album ~
january trees ~ winter shows her bones.. the tree is the psyche, the spirit, the whole self.. our inner world..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

toxic was here ~
vintage socal, birthdays & halloweens..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

art albums ~ use a laptop or pc with sound up!

halloween mini album ~
~ copyright 2015 all rights reserved

My Other Accounts

ghost gamelinks..

ghost's top eleven rpg's:
#1 ~ down the rabbit hole... "here's a riddle.. when is a croquet mallet like a billy club? ..i'll tell you... whenever you want it to be..." cheshire cat to alice (american mcgee's alice: the original) this game is my favorite above all others...
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thank you thank you mr mcgee for alice madness returns!!! (with the original i still rate these the best!)
#2 is primal, especially the wraith world where i felt right at home.. what a relief to play a strong female for a change, and with scree the gargoyle at my side... loved this game and want more!!!
#3 is fable/fable:lost chapters/fable 2.. get lost in this incredible world and determine your own fate... good or evil.. or somewhere in between... fable 3 is out!!!
#4 city of lost children.. based on the french movie of the same name.. you are miette, an orphan, use your thieving and sneaking skills to free the childrens' souls from the evil inventor who is stealing their dreams...
tied at #4 the kingdom hearts games (2).. disney meets final fantasy! play in disney worlds alongside jack skellington in halloweentown, jack sparrow in the caribbean or alice at the mad tea party..
#5 is van helsing.. if you liked the movie, play this gothic masterpiece and face werewolves, the frankenstein monster, mr hyde and count dracula himself...
#6 are all of the lord of the rings games, which are all worth mastering, including the hobbit game.. (watch out for the spiders!)
& the old classic snes lord of the rings.. (another good old favorite.. i spent forever lost in the barrow downs...)
#7 are all the ultima games.. my favorites were 'quest of the avatar' and 'the false prophet'.. but if you like the classics try out 'black gate' and 'exodus' and the other oldies..
#8 is the original nes game shadowgate.. the one that turned me into an rpg junkie in the first place all those years ago.. hunched over my controller in the dark in my camper in the middle of the night.. still a classic...
#9 is final fantasy, but i'm an old time gamer, so i mean the original final fantasy games on nes/snes like 1, 2, 3 + mystic quest.. still the best even without the graphics of the newer games...
#10 is lemony snickett's series of unfortunate events.. ok, so this game is not terribly hard..
(i was able to complete it even while fairly intoxicated..) it is still creative and fun if you enjoyed the movie, which i did...
i needed a #11 on my list for all the honorable mentions.. unforgettable games like wizardry, king arthur's world, tombs & treasures, deja vu, faxanadu, the immortal, breath of fire and the dragon warrior games.. also baldur's gate, the ren & stimpy games that wrecked my nerves, zombies ate my neighbors, fester's quest, maniac mansion!!! ...gasp... too many to remember... aargghh! all those years spent in the dark deep in some labyrinth scribbling cryptic notes and maps.. is that what is was that made me mad? or did they save me from madness...? the world may never know.. (p.s. i never made it without biting..)
!X! a bonus: i absolutely approve of the gamecube's eternal darkness: sanity's requiem.. lovecraftian & hallucinogenic.. i dare you!
the post-apocalyptic fallout games, F3, new vegas & F4 coming soon!
dante's inferno ~ go to hell!
gothic victorian lovecraftian bloodshed :D bloodborne!
i highly approve of the other from software games besides bloodborne, demon's souls & dark souls 1, 2 & 3.. not for the faint of heart, gotta get good for these!

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featured ghosttube..

baby tabitha begs pitifully at the back door.. she now has over 300,000 views!
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american mcgee's alice... she looks kinda familiar? ...!
safehaven -
i'm snowballinhell here...
WARNING!* these sites contain graphic language and/or images & subject matter related to self injury...
broken smiles -
i'm snowballinhell here..
WARNING!*
alice through the looking glass.. go ask alice.. i think she'll know..
INVALIDATION kills.
down the rabbit hole..
i'm snowballinhell here..
WARNING!*
this site has links to a whole bunch of self-injury support forums..

x

ghost space

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« release your grip.. let me go into the night | Main | personality is not a disorder.. »

January 10, 2008

the words are out of ink..

talk show host/ ..i want to
i want to be someone else or i'll explode
floating upon the surface for the birds
the birds.. the birds
you want me?
well fucking well come and find me
i'll be waiting
with a gun and a pack of sandwiches
and nothing.. nothing.. nothing.
you want me?
well come on and break the door down
you want me?
fucking come on and break the door down
i'm ready.. i'm ready.. i'm ready.

follow me around/
i see you in the dark corner of the street
coming after me.. yeah
headlights on full-beam
coming down the fast lane
coming after me.. yeah
i would like to change back now
to the shadow of
the shadow of my former self
it follows me around...
did you lie to us tony?
we thought you were different
now you know we're not so sure
drooling looney tunes
moving in a swarm
moving in a swarm
it follows me around...
nowadays i get panicked
i cease to exist
i have ceased to exist
i feel absolutely nothing
the words are out of ink
the words you know are out of ink
you follow me around..
today we've got tornadoes, thunder & lightning, & buckets of rain & hail..
hey, i'm in the local cut..

01:46 PM in Current Affairs, Music, Weblogs | Permalink

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today was our 21st anniversary..
..
yeah, he forgot.
ghost

Posted by: ghost | January 12, 2008 at 11:12 PM

geez..
ongoing irregular heartbeats & insomnia these days..

shoulda got the extended warranty on this bod.
ghost

Posted by: ghost | January 13, 2008 at 04:08 PM

i've decided to take down the 'jinkies' album and play nice..
aw. man, i'm no fun anymore..

i'm sure at some future point all that lovely dark & delightful violence will truly hit the spot.. but for now i'm not in a very sadistic mood.. so it's going underground.

futhermucking panic attacks.
i don't sleep.
:(
ghost

Posted by: ghost | January 14, 2008 at 12:00 PM

p.s.
venti hot chocolates are my substitute for alcohol in the winter cold now.. it's not the same, but a treat that keeps me warm..
they'll have to do..
:/
but i just know they'll turn me into a real healthy little piggy.
ghost

Posted by: ghost | January 14, 2008 at 03:24 PM

ever want to curse someone out and still sound classy & mysterious? here are some good vulgar french insults i learned from a friend of mine.. try them out on someone you loathe, they just might even thank you? (they sound so pretty!)

connard ! (goose!)
pétasse ! salope ! putain ! (slut! bitch! whore!)
t'as le cul creusé comme une auge
(your ass is wide as a trough..)
putain de merde de ta race d'enculé de ta mére (i fucking shit in the mouth of your mother..)
va te faire foutre (go suck it)
nique ta mére
(nick/cut or possibly slang for fcuk your mother)
and my favorite:
va manger tes morts (i eat your dead..)

:)
ghost

p.s.
yeah i'm french on my father's side..

Posted by: ghost | January 16, 2008 at 05:30 PM

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lost & found toys

the lost album - click to enter my current photo album here.. (sound up)

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a handful of applecores a mouthful of razorblades

i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
seeing is deceiving..
$@x!^&*#%!/
love bites.
life sucks.
"but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
"oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
"we're all mad here.
i'm mad. you're mad."
"how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
"you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
"to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
"i suppose so," said Alice.
"well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
but why is the rum gone?!
***triggering!! don't look!!!*** (you looked..)
beezorch daddy-o! go! kitty, go!
ffft! hiss! spit! rah! kill! maim!
crank up your speakers!!

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