My Photo
a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is he except a being without access to the universe that he has not yet managed to forget?
~ randall jarrell

i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots.. any comments are welcome ;)
In limbo
rows of never opened doors:
ghost gallery quarantine area (use a laptop or pc with firefox or google chrome browser for essential music, no phones)
all artwork here is copyright protected by vengeful ghosts!
2019 brenda roudebush
all rights reserved..

ghost stories
(blood & butterflies..)

  • these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. let me know what you think/comments? p.s. stories here are non fiction/true. (privately hosted ~ if you're interested in reading this just ask:)


ghost toy catalogue

  • spookytown
    an inventory of toys & collectibles vintage & new including toxic's toys, toxic's library & halloweeniana..

    ~ copyright 2011 all rights reserved
Cherrytreemoon
the friendlyghost album ~ welcome to my photo album..
we live in wonderland.. :)
i hope you enjoy me & my guys & kitties, the places we go & things we enjoy..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Beloved sleep
cemeteria album ~
remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Scandalous
family tree album ~
this addition to the cemeteria album is especially for my own lost loved ones..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

a POEtry reading...

elliott smith & portland

Pdx
portland haunts album ~
is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

the library..

Thingsbehindthesun
things behind the sun (journals)
Razorblades
a mouthfull of razorblades (journals)
www.flickr.com
ghost at the gate's items Go to ghost at the gate's photostream
Laurelhurst trees
january trees album ~
january trees ~ winter shows her bones.. the tree is the psyche, the spirit, the whole self.. our inner world..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Brenkitty
toxic was here ~
vintage socal, birthdays & halloweens..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Enter
halloween mini album ~
~ copyright 2015 all rights reserved
Bren alice patreon
ghost pix album ~ rpg videogame screenshots, lol kitties & all kinds of goodies.. (use a pc or laptop to hear my game mix here)

home to oblivion..


  • ok i need a whole section just for elder scrolls~oblivion 'cause i'm playing it and loving it way too much right now.. i am so beautifully lost here living as a vampire & i'm never coming back.
    later ~ 430 hours of gameplay all as a vampire & now i'm stuck in limbo in the deadly glitch.. noooo!!
    update: i'm on the methadone of rpgs for my oblivion withdrawls, it's predecessor morrowind ~ the game of the year edition.. these are now my All-Time favorite rpgs, above all others..
    NEW ELDER SCROLLS!!
    SKYRIM!! 11/11/11!! DAWNGUARD DLC!!
    & more dlc to come!
    the awful tyranny of the sun shall end..

  • come into oblivion with me & tour my homes.. (note: vampirism has changed my appearance & my invisibility is due to stealth..)

  • so many ways to die..

  • realms of madness..

  • a friend in highcross town..

  • bonus morrowind footage..

  • welcome to skyrim..

ghost closet...

haunted home movies..

ghost charity

ghost space

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January 01, 2008

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Tracy

Hi Ghost...I'm not sure how this post finds you. I really hope you're ok. I don't want you to leave this world. This planet is a messed up place. I can't make heads or tails of it 99% of the time. My Matthew is gone. My best friend is in the ground. And god my therapist is going through more than anyone should have to. She is by far one of the most amazing people I know yet both her sisters are suffering with cancer and she is going to have a double mastectomy and a hysterectomy to try and avoid it. I feel so wrong bitching to her about my problems when she is going through so much more than I can imagine and truly I do love her. Not in a weird way but for her being a good person. It puts so much in perspective. Yet at the same time it makes no sense at all. And I know you suffer and I hurt for you because you too are a great person with so much to give. And I don't know what I'm doing with myself. I'm trying to cling to work and weight loss just to hang on to myself. I want to cut more than I can put into words. I don't even know why. Sometimes the people in my head make sense. They know what I'm worth and what I deserve. I'm sorry if this post makes no sense. Just add me to the lost and confused. I really want to help you feel better. If there is anything I can do or say. I send lots of kitty love. Talk to you soon, Tracy

ghost

hi tracy..
thanks..
i'm just having a hard time caring about things these days.. maybe it's a defense mechanism?
tonight at powell's books here in portland is a book signing i want to go to.. autumn de'wilde will be there signing books.. (the elliott smith photo book she published recently..) i have it, it's really beautiful and there will be larger prints there you can buy.. i want one.. but i'm such an agoraphobic.. i'm too anxious to go..
there will be others from sweetaddy.. never know, elliott's dad or sisters could show up? it just gets in the way to be such a fucking recluse as i am.
i might go and peek from one of the aisles.. if i am brave..

as for life, i am just going through the motions..
take care,
ghost & kitty girls

ghost

update:

I WENT!!!!!

my hubby talked me into it..
i survived..
he's the photographer so he got several good pix..
(check out the 'portland haunts' album and scroll to the very bottom..)
sean croghan was there playing records, autumn & her daughter, arrow, joanna bolme, britt daniel of 'spoon'
geez.. first the news & now the indie art scene.. i'm really pushing the envelope for being such a recluse..

ghost

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lost & found toys

Around the bend album main
visit my around the bend album (sound up) photos by ghost 2019 all rights reserved

cat girl

  • xx xx xx be wild.. xx xx xx

a handful of applecores a mouthful of razorblades

  • i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
  • seeing is deceiving..
  • $@x!^&*#%!/
  • love bites.
  • life sucks.
  • "but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
    "oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
    "we're all mad here.
    i'm mad. you're mad."
    "how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
    "you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
    Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
    however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
    "to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
    "i suppose so," said Alice.
    "well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
    Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
  • but why is the rum gone?!
  • ***triggering!! don't look!!!*** (you looked..)
  • beezorch daddy-o! go! kitty, go!
  • ffft! hiss! spit! rah! kill! maim!
  • crank up your speakers!!

little friends..

Danradpic
back in the day ~
back when i was still a snowballinhell, including tabitha's kittens & little daniel..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

friendlyghost fun & games!!

ghostfilms

Ghost
lost hollow digital art album ~
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

haunts

  • lunacy..
    CURRENT MOON
  • the happy haunts have received your sympathetic vibrations...

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