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a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is he except a being without access to the universe that he has not yet managed to forget?
~ randall jarrell

i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots.. any comments are welcome ;)
In limbo
rows of never opened doors:
ghost gallery quarantine area (use a laptop or pc with firefox or google chrome browser for essential music, no phones)
all artwork here is copyright protected by vengeful ghosts!
2019 brenda roudebush
all rights reserved..

ghost stories
(blood & butterflies..)

  • these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. let me know what you think/comments? p.s. stories here are non fiction/true. (privately hosted ~ if you're interested in reading this just ask:)


ghost toy catalogue

  • spookytown
    an inventory of toys & collectibles vintage & new including toxic's toys, toxic's library & halloweeniana..

    ~ copyright 2011 all rights reserved
Cherrytreemoon
the friendlyghost album ~ welcome to my photo album..
we live in wonderland.. :)
i hope you enjoy me & my guys & kitties, the places we go & things we enjoy..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Beloved sleep
cemeteria album ~
remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Scandalous
family tree album ~
this addition to the cemeteria album is especially for my own lost loved ones..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

a POEtry reading...

elliott smith & portland

Pdx
portland haunts album ~
is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

the library..

Thingsbehindthesun
things behind the sun (journals)
Razorblades
a mouthfull of razorblades (journals)
www.flickr.com
ghost at the gate's items Go to ghost at the gate's photostream
Laurelhurst trees
january trees album ~
january trees ~ winter shows her bones.. the tree is the psyche, the spirit, the whole self.. our inner world..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Brenkitty
toxic was here ~
vintage socal, birthdays & halloweens..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Enter
halloween mini album ~
~ copyright 2015 all rights reserved
Bren alice patreon
ghost pix album ~ rpg videogame screenshots, lol kitties & all kinds of goodies.. (use a pc or laptop to hear my game mix here)

home to oblivion..


  • ok i need a whole section just for elder scrolls~oblivion 'cause i'm playing it and loving it way too much right now.. i am so beautifully lost here living as a vampire & i'm never coming back.
    later ~ 430 hours of gameplay all as a vampire & now i'm stuck in limbo in the deadly glitch.. noooo!!
    update: i'm on the methadone of rpgs for my oblivion withdrawls, it's predecessor morrowind ~ the game of the year edition.. these are now my All-Time favorite rpgs, above all others..
    NEW ELDER SCROLLS!!
    SKYRIM!! 11/11/11!! DAWNGUARD DLC!!
    & more dlc to come!
    the awful tyranny of the sun shall end..

  • come into oblivion with me & tour my homes.. (note: vampirism has changed my appearance & my invisibility is due to stealth..)

  • so many ways to die..

  • realms of madness..

  • a friend in highcross town..

  • bonus morrowind footage..

  • welcome to skyrim..

ghost closet...

haunted home movies..

ghost charity

ghost space

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« i n r a i n b o w s / / | Main | what's your poison? »

October 10, 2007

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ghost

this photo was taken peeking into a crypt in an old pioneer cemetery in salem.. looking through broken glass from one window to another on the other side..

i'm glad in rainbows is finally here.. i think i love the faust arp best so far.. also hoping for new elliott smith leaks on the upcoming anniversary of his death..
but i'm afraid my smile is broken these days..
:/

ghost

i had a happy day yesterday.. i'm not used to happiness.. i think my mind & body only know depression & anxiety.. excitement = anxiety..
even a really high point for me seems to cause me such uncomfortable anxiety.. i get hyper and supernervous and feel like such a spaz..

i've been emailing back & forth with holly harman, the artist/author who does many of the new gumby books and is the art director for all the new gumby stuff.. she sent me the coolest signed copy of her new (yet unpublished) book 'gumby goes to the sun'.. she is art's step-daughter and gloria's daughter (art is the artist who created gumby :)for those of you unfamiliar with the gumby world.. holly is also the voice of minga (gumby's sister)..

i posted a nice pic of the book up at gumbyland:

http://www.brensgumbyland.com

well, i was so happy to find out all kinds of good inside gumby news.. but i'm such a dork.
i feel so nervous in any interactions with the humans, even online now it seems? i just know i'll fuck things up by saying just the wrong thing somehow.. i don't know..
i just withdraw back into my hiding place and try frantically to calm myself down.. back to my usual baseline depression.. hehe..

well, whatever..
afterall happiness isn't everything..
(you can't buy money with it..)

ghost

p.s.
toxic got to talk to minga!

'this is one for the good days..' videotape/radiohead

ghost

no one will read this but i'm posting cries for aid in all spots i know..

i'm in crisis
i'm about to fuck up
about to buy liquor.
actually i drove around last night to 2 different supermarkets before realizing they don't carry hard liquor like in cali..

wnet out agiain this a.m. in search of a liquor store.
instead i ended up crying in front of the drive thru lady at a burger king buying a coffee instead.. so embarrassing, i couldn't get it together..

the only phone number i still have in my head is licia's.. god.
who do i call to keep me from calling her?


the coffee tasted like such shit.. if they'd burned it anymore it woud actually be dry.. so i came home and made a cup of coffee.. since i haven't eaten anything since yesterday a.m..
and i signed on here. i don't have anyone. it's been 2+ years.

ghost

ghost

M.I.T.Y.W.T.K. warning**
(more info than u want 2 no)

((deleted))

ghost

p.s.
then he tells me guess what, we're not 20k in credit debt, now it's 40k??!!! ?!!!! how?!! what?!! it's my fault for letting him take over our bills when we came up here & he decided he didn't want to go looking for a job for 6 months or so.. resulting in losing our portability on our health ins. and having to pay coverage for 3 + rx's out of pocket, etc.. on & on.

it embarrasses me to explain because i am such a worn out old ghost, i'm in pain and i'm so agoraphobic i stopped being able to do anything about any of this years ago. i just want to die offf and have it stop.

ghost

god.
look how i have spilled my guts out all over.. such a mess. i'm going back out now, if i can find my sunglasses and get presentable enough to get through a simple public transaction.?

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lost & found toys

Around the bend album main
visit my around the bend album (sound up) photos by ghost 2019 all rights reserved

cat girl

  • xx xx xx be wild.. xx xx xx

a handful of applecores a mouthful of razorblades

  • i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
  • seeing is deceiving..
  • $@x!^&*#%!/
  • love bites.
  • life sucks.
  • "but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
    "oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
    "we're all mad here.
    i'm mad. you're mad."
    "how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
    "you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
    Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
    however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
    "to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
    "i suppose so," said Alice.
    "well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
    Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
  • but why is the rum gone?!
  • ***triggering!! don't look!!!*** (you looked..)
  • beezorch daddy-o! go! kitty, go!
  • ffft! hiss! spit! rah! kill! maim!
  • crank up your speakers!!

little friends..

Danradpic
back in the day ~
back when i was still a snowballinhell, including tabitha's kittens & little daniel..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

friendlyghost fun & games!!

ghostfilms

Ghost
lost hollow digital art album ~
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

haunts

  • lunacy..
    CURRENT MOON
  • the happy haunts have received your sympathetic vibrations...

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