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a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is he except a being without access to the universe that he has not yet managed to forget?
~ randall jarrell

i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots..
In limbo
rows of never opened doors:
ghost gallery quarantine area (use a laptop or pc with firefox or google chrome browser for essential music, no phones)
all artwork here is copyright protected by vengeful ghosts!
2019 brenda roudebush
all rights reserved..

ghost stories
(blood & butterflies..)

  • these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. let me know what you think/comments? p.s. stories here are non fiction/true. (privately hosted ~ if you're interested in reading this just ask:)

ghost toy catalogue

  • spookytown
    an inventory of toys & collectibles vintage & new including toxic's toys, toxic's library & halloweeniana..

    ~ copyright 2011 all rights reserved
the friendlyghost album ~ welcome to my photo album..
we live in wonderland.. :)
i hope you enjoy me & my guys & kitties, the places we go & things we enjoy..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Beloved sleep
cemeteria album ~
remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
family tree album ~
this addition to the cemeteria album is especially for my own lost loved ones..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

a POEtry reading...

elliott smith & portland

portland haunts album ~
is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

the library..

things behind the sun (journals)
a mouthfull of razorblades (journals)
ghost at the gate's items Go to ghost at the gate's photostream
Laurelhurst trees
january trees album ~
january trees ~ winter shows her bones.. the tree is the psyche, the spirit, the whole self.. our inner world..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
toxic was here ~
vintage socal, birthdays & halloweens..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved
halloween mini album ~
~ copyright 2015 all rights reserved
Bren alice patreon
ghost pix album ~ rpg videogame screenshots, lol kitties & all kinds of goodies.. (use a pc or laptop to hear my game mix here)

home to oblivion..

  • ok i need a whole section just for elder scrolls~oblivion 'cause i'm playing it and loving it way too much right now.. i am so beautifully lost here living as a vampire & i'm never coming back.
    later ~ 430 hours of gameplay all as a vampire & now i'm stuck in limbo in the deadly glitch.. noooo!!
    update: i'm on the methadone of rpgs for my oblivion withdrawls, it's predecessor morrowind ~ the game of the year edition.. these are now my All-Time favorite rpgs, above all others..
    SKYRIM!! 11/11/11!! DAWNGUARD DLC!!
    & more dlc to come!
    the awful tyranny of the sun shall end..

  • come into oblivion with me & tour my homes.. (note: vampirism has changed my appearance & my invisibility is due to stealth..)

  • so many ways to die..

  • realms of madness..

  • a friend in highcross town..

  • bonus morrowind footage..

  • welcome to skyrim..

ghost closet...

haunted home movies..

ghost charity

ghost space

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« i've got a brand new scar.. | Main | the names you drop are ice in my veins.. »

September 06, 2007


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my son wrote this and sent it to me.. i thought it was interesting..

Observational Astronomy

Constellation Project – Perseus
Perseus is a northern constellation that was named after the Greek hero who killed the gorgon Medusa. The brightest star in this constellation is known today as Alpha Persei, but it was known traditionally as Mirfak, which is Arabic for the word elbow. It is at a distance of 590 light-years away and it has a diameter of about 62 times our Sun. Another interesting star that is part of Perseus is called Algol, which again in Arabic means “the demon star” or “the ghoul star”. This star is interesting because it represents the eye of the monster Medusa, which was taken from her by Perseus after the death of the gorgon. This star is only 93 light-years away and is used as a prototype for a large group of eclipsing variable stars. An eclipsing variable star is a star that exhibits quite apparent changes in its brightness that is caused by a perspective effect. It is interesting because the Perseus constellation has many different celestial objects within it boundaries, one of which houses the brightest known object in the universe. Two of the celestial objects that are within Perseus’s boundaries are NGC 869 and NGC 884, which are sometimes together called the Double Cluster because although they both lie at distances of more than 7000 light-years away, they are separated by only several hundred light-years or so. Another celestial object known as M76 also sits within the boundaries of Perseus. It is a planetary nebula and is also sometimes called the Little Dumbbell Nebula because of its resemblance to the Dumbbell Nebula in M27. It is one of the most hard to see objects on Charles Messier’s list. NGC 1499, or the California Nebula, is located in the boundaries of the constellation of Perseus and is classified as an emission nebula. An emission nebula is a cloud of ionized gas, or plasma, that emits light of various colors. The California Nebula is at a distance of around 1000 light-years from earth. The celestial object NGC 1333 is a reflection nebula, which is simply a cloud of dust that reflects the light of nearby stars. Personally, I think that the most interesting celestial object within Perseus is NGC 1260, because it is the spiral galaxy that houses what is now known as the brightest object in our observable universe. The supernova (SN) 2006gy was discovered quite recently in September of last year, in 2006. Because of its extremely energetic nature as a supernova, it is sometimes referred to as a hypernova. The core of a hypernova collapses directly into a black hole and two extremely energetic jets of plasma are emitted at nearly the speed of light. In May of this year, 2007, astronomers announced some of the first analyses of the hypernova, in which they described it as the brightest stellar explosion ever to be recorded. NGC 1260 is about 238 million light-years away from earth. Therefore, the hypernova occurred 238 million years ago. 2006gy was around 150 times the mass of our sun and was about 10 times more powerful than the average supernova explosion.

my son has taught me more about astronomy than i've ever known in my life.. right from our own driveway..


Cool. I just bought a copy (well 3 copies because I know some people are going to beg me for mine) of H.A. Ray's The Stars: A New Way to See them. It is an amazing book that simplifies some pretty confusing astonomy concepts. I actually was introduced to it by an Astronomy Professor at Stony Brook in a graduate class! It also helps with identifing constellations. The author is the author of the curious george books and the illustrations are the same (by his wife?).
Nice report by Dan!


you mean the guy in the big white hat? lol..
i'll mention that book to dan.. he snagged another A for that astronomy class..
we used to say about dan when he was small.. 'he was always a good little monkey.. and always very curious..' from curious george..

so much easier to see the stars here than it was in la.. too much light pollution, i guess..

how are things going, em? still getting positive results from the somatic therapy? wonder how you are also doing re: therapy?
as much as we seem to be dying to have our needed attachments, i sometimes wonder/fear that if my attachment need were ever met that somehow i might just then get bored and be over it/turn dismissive.. then what?
but not having reached that point, i dunno..

lately i've reached a point of just not caring.
it's a relief kinda, to stop trying.. i just watch tv instead.. and i finally broke my long chocolate fast and added chocolate chip cookie dough (lite) ice cream to my diet.. so i eat ice cream and watch tv. i have been very hooked on that new show 'most evil' and all these forensic shows and crime stuff..
and i've noticed that 'cops' is on just about all the time..
i just never seem to stop feeling so endlessly tired.

it does all just sort of fuel my obsessive criminal fantasy life though.. which is probably not good.
but it's all i've got.
and i'm entering all the publisher's clearing house contests.. lol.. i'll win enough dough to realize all my schemes..


interesting you mention stony brook? i just found a link to the stony brook attachment lab while googling today if you're interested:

wonder if it's an ongoing research lab?


headaches headaches in a row..
into the abyss i go..

well at least they keep me from acting on the sudden cravings for liquor.
bye bye!


How are you? I got that book and yes, it is the guy in the big hat. It is so cute - and useful. Crunchy and chewy :)
Yeah, I saw your stony brook post and checked it out. It is really good. That is my school! Didn't get a chance to check everything out, but I did read a couple of articles. Thanks for the link.
I have not been able to post because I started teaching and am working on lessons every night. I am getting sleep deprived, but I have noticed that as much as I hate being busy, it keeps my mind off other things and I feel less emotional. Figure. The only releif from the hell of my feelings is the hell of work. What a world.

I see your note about liquor. I have not had a drink since the first week of August. I really want to get drunk! Every time I think to do it, I try to imagine telling K and how disappointed she would be and so I hang on. I am still so gone on her :( I really cannot imagine never drinking again. I don't think I can do this. But, I have lost weight because of it, which is nice. But I'm just smoking more pot.

Can't get the somatic thing going. The schedule is really difficult. Also, I have a fear of taking on another K, you know? I mean I am so AD with her and I am so voracious I could just imagine me taking on two of them (Both parents?). Good god.

How's the migraines? How are you? I read the posts more than I respond. Sorry about that, but I am sincerely swamped.

My sister's step son killed himself in her basement last weekend. Now I don't think I'll be thinking about suicide anymore, having seen its effects up close. It's amazing how people react. Like they can't for the LIFE of them even begin to understand why someone would do that. They are so closed minded and lack any empathy. People said he was selfish and I tried to defend him, but you had to see the look on their faces when it began to seem like the suject was familiar to me (oops!I shut up). They don't understand chronic deep pain. Lucky them.
See ya round ghost,


i'm sorry about your 'step nephew'?.. another one lost to the abyss we all know so well..

good job on the (almost) 2 months sobriety.. welll.. you know what i mean.. at least pot is less evil.. hehe..
i tried out the idea on john that since 'now that i'm healthy' and all that.. 'maybe it wouldn't kill me if i had a drink..'

ha ha ha ha.
even i wasn't buying it.. and he definitely wasn't.. :(
.. in truth i feel no healthier though..

but at least the last migraine has passed.. there's nothing like being in intense pain for a few days to make you appreciate just feeling alive again when it all finally goes away..
i actually felt good today.
good enough i even kinda almost liked myself..
got outside and had sum fun. it's fall! and it's cold at night so i can finally sleep!

i bought a fun vintage velma doll on ebay yesterday.. she's on her way now.. (did i ever mention the uncanny similarity between velma from the scooby doo mysteries and a certain x therapist i may have mentioned?..) well, now when i am overtaken with homicidal intensity i can put pins in her eyes for not loving me like i did her.. that's only fair isn't it?


oh shit! now that is funny! More than fair, ghost. More than fair :)


Hey um.
I like your bloggy site Here. You seem to be into a lot of the same stuff I am, like Alice and Elliott..anyway.
I stumbled upon a post you made in Trash Treasury. And then I found your poison well webpage that had somne elliott Smith klyrics on it that I didnt know existed. Can you tell me which albums these songs are on?
- Temper
-Something to Lose
-Everybody Has It
-The Corner Seat
-Collect to NYC
-Busted Lip
-Bastard John
-Unlucky charm

P.s. What's your favorite Elliott Tune of all time? It's so hard to chooooose!


hi shannon..
hey you picked all the old heatmiser tunes.. when elliott sang with his old band? they were a little different.. louder/punkish mostly.. but ya gotta check out 'mic city sons' at the very least..
the others are 'yellow #5' 'dead air' & 'cop & speeder'..
unlucky charm is an old very rare track (i'm sure it's up at the treasury..) and everybody has it was a heatmiser vinyl single..

my favorite elliott tune..
aarrgh.. so hard.. i can narrow it down to a few:
going nowhere
king's xing
between the bars
miss misery
the fix is in
pretty mary k (other version..)
christian brothers..

oh, i'll just go on and on!

glad you like the ghost blog :)

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lost & found toys

cat girl

  • xx xx xx be wild.. xx xx xx

a handful of applecores a mouthful of razorblades

  • i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
  • seeing is deceiving..
  • $@x!^&*#%!/
  • love bites.
  • life sucks.
  • "but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
    "oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
    "we're all mad here.
    i'm mad. you're mad."
    "how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
    "you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
    Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
    however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
    "to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
    "i suppose so," said Alice.
    "well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
    Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
  • but why is the rum gone?!
  • ***triggering!! don't look!!!*** (you looked..)
  • beezorch daddy-o! go! kitty, go!
  • ffft! hiss! spit! rah! kill! maim!
  • crank up your speakers!!


  • by Edgar Allan Poe

    The skies they were ashen and sober;
    The leaves they were crisped and sere-
    The leaves they were withering and sere;
    It was night in the lonesome October
    Of my most immemorial year;
    It was hard by the dim lake of Auber,
    In the misty mid region of Weir-
    It was down by the dank tarn of Auber,
    In the ghoul-haunted woodland of Weir.

    Here once, through an alley Titanic,
    Of cypress, I roamed with my Soul-
    Of cypress, with Psyche, my Soul.
    These were days when my heart was volcanic
    As the scoriac rivers that roll-
    As the lavas that restlessly roll
    Their sulphurous currents down Yaanek
    In the ultimate climes of the pole-
    That groan as they roll down Mount Yaanek
    In the realms of the boreal pole.

    Our talk had been serious and sober,
    But our thoughts they were palsied and sere-
    Our memories were treacherous and sere-
    For we knew not the month was October,
    And we marked not the night of the year-
    (Ah, night of all nights in the year!)
    We noted not the dim lake of Auber-
    (Though once we had journeyed down here),
    Remembered not the dank tarn of Auber,
    Nor the ghoul-haunted woodland of Weir.

    And now, as the night was senescent,
    And star-dials pointed to morn-
    As the star-dials hinted of morn-
    At the end of our path a liquescent
    And nebulous lustre was born,
    Out of which a miraculous crescent
    Arose with a duplicate horn-
    Astarte's bediamonded crescent
    Distinct with its duplicate horn.

    And I said–"She is warmer than Dian:
    She rolls through an ether of sighs-
    She revels in a region of sighs:
    She has seen that the tears are not dry on
    These cheeks, where the worm never dies,
    And has come past the stars of the Lion,
    To point us the path to the skies-
    To the Lethean peace of the skies-
    Come up, in despite of the Lion,
    To shine on us with her bright eyes-
    Come up through the lair of the Lion,
    With love in her luminous eyes."

    But Psyche, uplifting her finger,
    Said–"Sadly this star I mistrust-
    Her pallor I strangely mistrust:-
    Oh, hasten!–oh, let us not linger!
    Oh, fly!–let us fly!–for we must."
    In terror she spoke, letting sink her
    Wings until they trailed in the dust-
    In agony sobbed, letting sink her
    Plumes till they trailed in the dust-
    Till they sorrowfully trailed in the dust.

    I replied–"This is nothing but dreaming:
    Let us on by this tremulous light!
    Let us bathe in this crystalline light!
    Its Sybilic splendor is beaming
    With Hope and in Beauty to-night:-
    See!–it flickers up the sky through the night!
    Ah, we safely may trust to its gleaming,
    And be sure it will lead us aright-
    We safely may trust to a gleaming
    That cannot but guide us aright,
    Since it flickers up to Heaven through the night."

    Thus I pacified Psyche and kissed her,
    And tempted her out of her gloom-
    And conquered her scruples and gloom;
    And we passed to the end of the vista,
    But were stopped by the door of a tomb-
    By the door of a legended tomb;
    And I said–"What is written, sweet sister,
    On the door of this legended tomb?"
    She replied–"Ulalume–Ulalume-
    'Tis the vault of thy lost Ulalume!"

    Then my heart it grew ashen and sober
    As the leaves that were crisped and sere-
    As the leaves that were withering and sere-
    And I cried–"It was surely October
    On this very night of last year
    That I journeyed–I journeyed down here-
    That I brought a dread burden down here-
    On this night of all nights in the year,
    Ah, what demon has tempted me here?
    Well I know, now, this dim lake of Auber-
    This misty mid region of Weir-
    Well I know, now, this dank tarn of Auber,
    This ghoul-haunted woodland of Weir."

    Said we then, the two then,
    "Ah, can it have been
    That the woodlandish ghouls,
    The pitiful, the merciful ghouls,
    To bar up our way and to ban it
    From the secret that lies in these wolds,
    From the thing that lies hidden in these wolds,
    Have drawn up the spectre of a planet
    From the limbo of lunary souls,
    This sinfully scintillant planet
    From the Hell of the planetary souls..."

little friends..

back in the day ~
back when i was still a snowballinhell, including tabitha's kittens & little daniel..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

friendlyghost fun & games!!

ghost movie picks..

  • not necessarily in this order:
    1 Dead Man
    2 Notorious
    3 Bringing Up Baby
    4 It’s a Wonderful Life
    5 A.I.
    6 Pink Floyd/The Wall
    7 The City of Lost Children
    8 Orphans (Matthew Modine)
    9 The Effect of Gamma Rays on 
    Man-in-the-Moon Marigolds
    10 The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
    11 The Curse of the Cat People
    12 Pirates of the Caribbean 1, 2 & 3 
    13 Jan Svankmejer’s Alice
    14 Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
    15 Sybil
    16 Edward Scissorhands
    17 The Nightmare Before Christmas
    18 A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
    19 An Angel at My Table
    20 Rear Window
    21 The Wizard of Oz
    22 Oliver!
    23 King Kong (original)
    24 Navigator: A Medieval Odyssey
    25 Titus
    26 The Swimmer
    27 Monty Python & the Holy Grail
    28 Sergeant York
    29 A Streetcar Named Desire
    30 The Little Princess  (original)
    31 Immortal Beloved
    32 Life & Death
    33 The Little Fugitive
    34 Willy Wonka (both)
    35 Endless Summer
    36 Dead Poets Society
    37 Silence of the Lambs
    38 Instinct
    39 Sleepy Hollow
    40 Pollock
    41 Days of Wine & Roses
    42 Something Wicked This Way 
    43 James & the Giant Peach
    44 Lemony Snickett’s Series of 
    Unfortunate Events 
    45 The Shining (original)
    46 Harold & Maude
    47 Psycho
    48 The Road to Utopia (& others!)
    49 Monkey Business (Cary Grant)
    50 North By Northwest
    51 Spider Baby
    52 Golden Earrings
    53 The Miracle Worker
    54 The Neverending Story
    55 A Clockwork Orange
    56 Clash of the Titans
    57 The Outsiders
    58 Benny &Joon
    59 The Whisperers
    60 Angela’s Ashes
    61 Willow
    62 Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein
    63 Polyester
    64 Scrooged
    65 Groundhog Day
    66 PeeWee’s Big Adventure
    67 The African Queen
    68 Victor/Victoria
    69 The Others
    70 From Hell
    71 Dreamchild
    72 The Paleface
    73 Another Woman
    74 Warlock
    75 Fanny & Alexander
    76 One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
    77 Duel
    78 A Girl Named Sooner
    79 A Christmas Story
    80 Return to Oz
    81 Harry Potter (movies)
    82 Van Helsing 
    83 Don’t Look in the Basement
    84 Toy Story
    85 The Court Jester
    86 Murder, He Says
    87 Indiscreet
    88 Creepshow
    89 Mr Smith Goes to Washington
    90 Harvey
    91 Brainstorm
    92 Ed Wood
    93 Defending Your Life
    94 The Bells of St. Mary’s
    95 Going My Way
    96 This Property is Condemned
    97 Rebel Without a Cause
    98 Labyrinth
    99 Jabberwocky
    100 Cheech & Chong’s Nice Dreams
    101 Gone With the Wind
    102 6th Sense
    103 To Kill a Mockingbird
    104 Troll
    105 Small Soldiers
    106 Jumanji
    107 Mrs. Doubtfire
    108 Gaslight
    109 Take the Money and Run
    110 The Old Man and the Sea
    111 Hocus Pocus
    112 Witches
    113 Casablanca
    114 What About Bob
    115 The Godfather
    116 The Deer Hunter
    117 Raiders of the Lost Ark
    118 Greystoke: Legend of Tarzan
    119 Monty Python’s Meaning of Life 
    120 Eraserhead
    121 Arsenic & Old Lace
    122 Motel Hell
    123 Dial M for Murder
    124 The Other
    125 The Chronicles of Narnia
    126 Napoleon Dynamite
    127 SOB
    128 The Secret Garden
    129 Apocalypse Now
    130 Hide & Seek
    131 Eternal Sunshine Spotless Mind
    132 The Abandoned
    133 Pan's Labyrinth
    134 Kafka
    135 One Hour Photo
    136 Jack the Bear
    137 Fur: Diane Arbus
    138 Unforgiven
    139 Dances With Wolves
    140 Alice in Wonderland 2010
    141 True Grit (2010)
    142 The Wolfman (original & new)
    143 Universal Monsters (originals)
    144 The Road
    145 The Woman in Black
    146 Don't Be Afraid of the Dark
    147 Dark Shadows
    148 The Yellow Wallpaper
    149 Paranorman
    150 The Hobbit (all)
    151 Frankenweenie
    152 Oz the Great & Powerful
    153 The Raven 2012
    154 Snow White & the Huntsman
    155 The Elephant Man
    156 Hugo
    157 Rabbit-Proof Fence
    158 Mama
    159 My Side of the Mountain 1969
    160 Maleficent
    161 God Bless Ozzy (bio)
    162 The Book Thief
    163 Wakefield
    Gumby Adventures (original & new)
    The Twilight Zone episodes (original)
    The Outer Limits (original)
    The Night Gallery
    Davey & Goliath
    Mr Rogers Neighborhood
    Sesame Street (pre elmo!)
    Little House on the Prairie
    Monty Python’s Flying Circus
    Mystery Science Theater 3000
    Good Neighbors
    The Rockford Files
    Fawlty Towers
    Ripping Yarns
    Metamorphosis (play) 
    The Glass Menegerie(play)
    Death of a Salesman(play)
    Absurd Person Singular(play)
    I, Claudius (miniseries)
    The Chronicles of Narnia (miniseries)
    Merlin (miniseries)
    The Snowman (animated)
    The Selfish Giant (animated)
    Prokofiev's Peter & the Wolf 2006
    Secret of Kells (animated)
    Yellow Submarine (animated)
    Watership Down (animated)
    Peter Rabbit & Friends (animated)
    Frog & Toad (animated)
    Dr Seuss (animated shows)
    Kroft shows (Land of the Lost, etc…)
    Peanuts (animated shows)
    Felix the Cat (animated cartoons)
    The Oblongs (animated)
    The Addams Family (original series)
    The Munsters (original series)
    The Phantom Creeps (serial)
    Bill & Coo (live bird show)
    The Sopranos (series)
    Biggest Loser (series)
    All Rankin/Bass shows (Mad Monster
    Party, Daydreamer etc)
    Little Rascals/Our Gang comedies 
    Deadwood (series)
    Secrets of the Dead (series)
    Mantracker (series)
    Dual Survival (original series)
    Estate of Panic (series)
    Criminal Minds (series)
    Two Fat Ladies (series)
    History Detectives (series)
    Oregon Field Guide (series)
    Once Upon a Time (both series)
    Oddities (series)
    Odd Folks Home (series)
    The Incredible Dr Pol (series)
    Colbert Report (series)
    Bates Motel (series)
    Hannibal (series)
    Longmire (series)
    Treehouse Masters (series)
    The Blacklist (series)
    Life Below Zero (series)
    Sleepy Hollow (series)
    Dracula (series)
    Portlandia (series)
    The Walking Dead (series)
    Breaking Bad (series)
    Alaska: the Last Frontier (series)
    American Horror Story (series)
    Salem (series)
    Penny Dreadful (series)
    Chronicles of Lizzie Borden (series)
    Grimm (series)
    Fear of the Walking Dead (series)
    The Killing (series)
    The Fall (series)


lost hollow digital art album ~
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved


  • lunacy..
  • the happy haunts have received your sympathetic vibrations...