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a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is he/she except a being without access to the universe that he has not yet managed to forget?
~ randall jarrell

i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots.. any comments are welcome ;)
In limbo
rows of never opened doors:
ghost gallery quarantine area (use a laptop or pc with firefox or google chrome browser for essential music, no phones)
all artwork here is copyright protected by vengeful ghosts!
2019 brenda roudebush
all rights reserved..

ghost stories
(blood & butterflies..)

  • these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. let me know what you think/comments? p.s. stories here are non fiction/true. (privately hosted ~ if you're interested in reading this just ask:)

vintage kids can come & visit the ghost toy catalogue here.. (sound up)
the friendlyghost album ~ welcome to my photo album..
we live in wonderland.. :)
i hope you enjoy me & my guys & kitties, the places we go & things we enjoy..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Beloved sleep
cemeteria album ~
remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
family tree album ~
this addition to the cemeteria album is especially for my own lost loved ones..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

a POEtry reading...

elliott smith & portland

portland haunts album ~
is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

the library..

things behind the sun (journals)
a mouthfull of razorblades (journals)
ghost at the gate's items Go to ghost at the gate's photostream
Laurelhurst trees
january trees album ~
january trees ~ winter shows her bones.. the tree is the psyche, the spirit, the whole self.. our inner world..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
toxic was here ~
vintage socal, birthdays & halloweens..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved
halloween mini album ~
~ copyright 2015 all rights reserved
Bren alice patreon
ghost pix album ~ rpg videogame screenshots, lol kitties & all kinds of goodies.. (use a pc or laptop to hear my game mix here)

home to oblivion..

  • ok i need a whole section just for elder scrolls~oblivion 'cause i'm playing it and loving it way too much right now.. i am so beautifully lost here living as a vampire & i'm never coming back.
    later ~ 430 hours of gameplay all as a vampire & now i'm stuck in limbo in the deadly glitch.. noooo!!
    update: i'm on the methadone of rpgs for my oblivion withdrawls, it's predecessor morrowind ~ the game of the year edition.. these are now my All-Time favorite rpgs, above all others..
    SKYRIM!! 11/11/11!! DAWNGUARD DLC!!
    & more dlc to come!
    the awful tyranny of the sun shall end..

  • come into oblivion with me & tour my homes.. (note: vampirism has changed my appearance & my invisibility is due to stealth..)

  • so many ways to die..

  • realms of madness..

  • a friend in highcross town..

  • bonus morrowind footage..

  • welcome to skyrim..

ghost closet...

haunted home movies..

ghost charity

ghost space

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August 16, 2007


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why can't we not be sober?
i just want to start this over
why can't we drink forever?
i just want to start this over
i am just a worthless liar
i am just an imbecile
i will only complicate you.. tool/sober

M I G r A I n E !

my head is killing me.
it makes me hate E V e R Y t H i N G ! !

bad thoughts.
visions from ghostly pages:

p a I n & w hi M p E r in G . .

g o d Pl e a s e

h E L p


i'm a rabbit in your headlights
scared of the spotlight
you don't come to visit
i'm stuck in this bed..

thin rubber gloves
she laughs when she's crying
she cries when she's laughing..

fat bloody fingers are sucking your soul away...
away.. away.. away..

i'm a rabbit in your headlights
christian suburbanite
washed down the toilet
money to burn..

fat bloody fingers are sucking your soul away..

if you're frightened of dying..
and you're holding on...
you'll see devils tearing your life away..
but.. if you've made your peace
then the devils
are really angels
freeing you
from the earth..
from the earth..

white worms on the underground
caught between stations
i'm losing my patience..

i'm a rabbit in your headlights
christian suburbanite
you got money to burn..

fat bloody fingers are sucking your soul away..


suicidal wishes and seeing red today..
too tired to try to make a joke out of it.
i'm fucked and refucked and done with humans.
and i'll do whatever it takes to make sure i don't ever forget it again.


Hey ghost!!! I haven't gotten to drop by and say hi in so long. i miss you. though from these last posts you sound like you're not doing so great and i'm worried. i'm sending great big carebear hugs your way. I really do want you to feel well and i'm here for you if you need anything. sorry if that all sounds so silly. i'm a bit sleepy but my intentions are true. i disappeared for a bit. i had to go back inpatient in the hospital for like 2 weeks. my meds got all messed up and then i stopped taking some of them. i was a mess and started cutting again. i'm out now but i really don't feel so great. the voices in my head are crazy and i want to cut so bad it's becoming palpable. i wrote a new little thing. it's on my myspace if you get bored. i really hope you haven't given up on me as a human...i'd miss you!!! well, the klonopin is telling me it's time to go to sleep. i hope to talk to you again soon and send all my best wishes. much love, tracy


hey.. good to hear from you.. but sorry things aren't great for you either.. ya gotta just bear with me when i'm in pain.. it's the pain talking.. i just don't know how to cope with it.. i've come to realize that over time pain changes a person :(
when i'm in too much of it i have to rant or paint or i'll be cutting like crazy.. i almost cut recently but have told myself i can 'put it off' until i reeeaaaaallllly need to.. ya know?
but you should be careful around here because i get pretty graphic in pix and in writing.. here at my blog anything goes.. so take care!
how do you like the klonopin? i took that for quite a while.. it made me nice and high or just plain unconscious mostly.. hehe.. but i did not si on it! (did lots on xanax as i've told you..) i hope it works better for you..
i've gotta go take my son out to get a panorama shot for his digital photo class now.. he has a car but only his driver's permit 'cause he/we can't afford the extra auto ins. right now..

check out this portrait he used for his class.. he's almost 19 now:

i'm such a mom.. ;)

come on over to the support board anytime:
it's very small but nice people..

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lost & found toys

visit my around the bend album (sound up) photos by ghost 2019 all rights reserved

cat girl

  • xx xx xx be wild.. xx xx xx

a handful of applecores a mouthful of razorblades

  • i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
  • seeing is deceiving..
  • $@x!^&*#%!/
  • love bites.
  • life sucks.
  • "but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
    "oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
    "we're all mad here.
    i'm mad. you're mad."
    "how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
    "you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
    Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
    however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
    "to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
    "i suppose so," said Alice.
    "well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
    Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
  • but why is the rum gone?!
  • ***triggering!! don't look!!!*** (you looked..)
  • beezorch daddy-o! go! kitty, go!
  • ffft! hiss! spit! rah! kill! maim!
  • crank up your speakers!!

little friends..

back in the day ~
back when i was still a snowballinhell, including tabitha's kittens & little daniel..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

friendlyghost fun & games!!


lost hollow digital art album ~
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved


  • lunacy..
  • the happy haunts have received your sympathetic vibrations...

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