snowball in hell

i've got a brand new scar..

novacaine/jeremy messersmith
i used to be so young
but now i'm oh so
beaten down
my friends are
nowhere to be found
i found myself alone..
i could've been someone
but now my name is just a ghost
my reputation is a joke
my eyes won't cry..
so could you pass me the needle?
i've got a brand new scar
i need a shot of novacaine
to numb my heart..
could you pass me the bottle?
make it something hard
'cause there aint enough novacaine
to numb my broken heart..
i tried to get ahead
but life has always been unjust
it's grinding dreams into the dust
and i've had my fill..
please..
could you spare a dime?
i need to wet my aching throat
so i can say goodbye to hope
it's sure been swell..
so could you pass me the needle?
i've got a brand new scar
i need a shot of novacaine
to numb my heart..
could you pass me the bottle?
make it something hard
'cause there aint enough novacaine
to numb my broken heart..

vandalism/ghosty
out all night committing crimes
breaking windows.. drinking wine
22.. we'll have such happy times
just straight and narrow lines..
nagging urge to go late and hide
dig into the rose garden
but i promised i'd never vandalize
at your place again
and i'm trying to be just friends..
no.. i don't mean to use you
but oh how can it be denied?
remember..
we painted pictures
through the night.. oh oh oh oh
tonight you dance and i'm
preoccupied..
staring on at the taunting sky
failing things i almost try..
i've been so hazy eyed
i've been so hazy eyed
i've been preoccupied
staring up at the taunting sky
shaking off unwanted company
i need familiar eyes
staring me down just one more time
and turning me in for all my crimes..

snow day/jeremy messersmith
act your age
don't squirm around
ok
get on the bus
some day you'll be a scientist
our little scientist
i want a snow day
hope for snow to run in and play
too much to ask for happiness
in little white packages?
comb your hair
button your shirt
don't swear
brush all your teeth and
floss at regular intervals
regular intervals
i want a snow day
hope for snow to run in and play
too much to ask for happiness
in little white packages?

ghost

the love that i feel is so far away.. i'm a bad dream that i just had today.

bad dreams.
i spent money on jewelry last night..
received the 'gorey details' newsletter and they now have some sterling silver items..
i never get to buy jewelry because i'm so allergic to nickel.. can only wear silver..
they had a skeleton pendant.. hanging from shackles like in a dungeon (just like me.)
and a bat ear cuff, original alice & poe stuff too...    stickers!
honestly, what could i do?
then bad dreams last night.. i'm in trouble.. i 'did something'.. my mom comes rushing over to me and i just say "i know.. go ahead & hit me." at some point i'm lying face down on the ground crying my heart out like i've lost everything.. wishing she'd come by or notice. she doesn't.
she comes by later but i've shut down.. ridiculous weak smile stamped back on my stupid face..
she tells me i've set up my christmas decorations all backwards.
yeah i'm evil & guilty & bad. -ghost

lilac time..

i was born to love no one
no one to love me
only the wind
in the long green grass
the frost in a broken tree..

...

i can't help quoting more nick drake.. he's always in my head nowadays.. the pix are of a giant grandfather tree covered in vines that i took in the old city cemetery near fort vancouver in washington state.. i shopped them into these images of my own..
i've also started making rubbings of grave epitaphs using a pad of newsprint and china markers.. they really appeal to me..

...

a black eyed dog he called at my door
a black eyed dog he called for more
a black eyed dog he knew my name
a black eyed dog he knew my name
black eyed dog
black eyed dog
i'm growing old and i wanna go home
i'm growiing old and i don't wanna know
i'm growing old and i wanna go home
a black eyed dog he called at my door
a black eyed dog he called for more..

...

the good news is my husband starts at his new position tuesday.. i'm still the same.. so i've started on an elaborate stop-motion film project that's been hatching in my brain lately called 'blackbird's outpost'.. makes me tired just thinking how much work is involved.. but what the hell.. i've got nothing else planned to get me through the winter..

...

betty came by on her way
said she had a word to say
about things today
and fallen leaves..
said she hadn't heard
the news
hadn't had the time
to choose a way to lose
but she believes..

going to see the river man
going to tell him all i can
about the plan for lilac time..
if he tells me all he knows
about the way his river flows
and all night shows
in summertime..

betty said she prayed today
for the sky to blow away
..or maybe stay
she wasn't sure..
for when she thought of summer rain
calling for her mind again
she lost the pain
and stayed for more..

p.s. Vincent Price marathon on TCM friday!!
ghost