choose the lonely trees..

place to be/

when i was younger
younger than before
i never saw the truth hanging from the door
and now i'm older
see it face to face
and now i'm older
gotta get up clean the place..
and i was green.. greener than the hill
where the flowers grow and the sun shone still
now i'm darker than the deepest sea
just hand me down.. give me a place to be..
and i was strong.. strong in the sun
i thought i'd see when day was done
now i'm weaker than the palest blue
oh so weak in this need for you...
..
know that i love you
know i don't care
know that i see you
know i'm not there..
..
nobody knows how cold it grows
and nobody sees how shaky my knees
nobody cares how steep my stairs
and nobody smiles if you cross their stiles..
..
so leave your house come into my shed
please stop my world
from raining through my head..  -nick drake

p.s. there is now a featured ghost youtube <<<
if you like jan svankmejer's 'alice' or stop-motion animation, definitely check out the brothers quay.. here's a short from 'street of crocodiles'..
see more in my youtubes ..  link is over in the ghost library <<<

Comments

[ghost]

when i bleed
i'm not a ghost
anymore

[Tracy]

Hey ghost :) how are you? i hope everything is going ok and that you are feeling good. thanks for posting on my myspace page. i had lost touch with my friends i made and i was sort of spazzing out. Turns out my one friend was just getting his stuff together after being discharged and my other friend was in bellevue psych ward in the city. i just talked to him today and i'm trying to figure out how i can go visit him. i think i just need to realize that not everyone hates me...but i'm kind of bad at that. today though is actually kind of a big day for me...i am actually doing my laundry!!! i know that probably sounds so silly but i have so much trouble with the simple things when i don't feel good. it's been weeks and weeks since i've done laundry. i'm trying not to get too anxious over it. i've found i can get anxious over anything!! i've been sort of ok lately. i've been having trouble with my meds and feeling really sick and bad on them. also i keep getting depressed and the people in my head are very talkative and scary and i want to hurt myself so bad!!!! so far i haven't because i don't want to lose my therapist. she is so amazing. i'm beginning to believe that she actually cares and it's pretty cool. but i keep ending up buying knives and exactos and it's like i keep setting myself up to fail. i even got a second opinion from another shrink about my meds. and so far i've ended up with a diagnosis of bipolar, borderline personality, avoidant poersonality and schizo-affective. i guess i'll just stick with defective :) i'm just trying really hard to get through each day. i'm hoping that as time goes by i might do a bit more living rather than surviving. oh and i am SO trying to lose weight!!!! enough about me...how are you? anything new and exciting? let me know how you are. i hope you are great. talk to you soon...kitty love, tracy and luna

ps. my therapist has two cats and the other day one curled up on my lap and slept there during my appt. i was so happy!!!

[Tracy]

Sorry!!! My computer posted twice :)

[ghost]

tracy!
hey, i'm glad you have such a good therapist! i'm undergoing intensive kitty therapy myself here at home.. hehe..
i can really relate with the daily anxiety problems.. i'm kinda resigned to the fact that i'm just always afraid to some extent.. and i know when it's bad what it's like to have to get through one simple task after another to get through the days.. with me if i get too anxious i just retreat to my room or to bed and won't venture out till i can get a sense of security.. i'm sorry you're still having a hard time.. it sounded like you had a positive experience inpatient? i hope so..
i just went through a whole anxiety/panic thing on the 4th of july, as i always seem to do, even after all these years.. it's just some big association from childhood back home at the 'house of whacks'.. still haunts me..

i'm on this nick drake kick now.. plus i've finally figured out my mp3 player thing over there.. if you click on the littleghost pic you can visit my profile and there i have 500 of my songs up in playlists.. (i didn't even know i could do this till today!) anyone can share my music to their mp3 player too.. nice to figure it out after all this time.. duh.

well, the support forum i started for ad folks is now open to anyone who wants or needs support.. i check there usually each day so come on over there anytime you want, ok? there's a link on the left.. (lenore & kitty)

well, my eyes are fried.. gotta go..
take good care of yourself!
luv, ghost

p.s.
it's ok i deleted the duplicate post..

[ghost]

today we drove through sunshine and butterflies all the way to rockaway beach listening to earlimart, ghosty, jeremy messersmith and sparrow house.. to be able to see the pacific again was nice.. but they have some jellyfish laying around here.. :(
we discovered a cool forested beach called hug point..
it's now my favorite spot..
i put some pix way down in the ghost album..
it's evening now and we're getting some really good thunder and lightning! :)
i felt happy today.. so i've switched the ghostunes to a new mix.. my favorite is
'snow day'..
happiness really is kinda neat..
x-ing my fingers it'll last..
ghost

[ghost]

p.s.
looks like the little valentine on the drawpad disappeared?

[ghost]

another birthday..
another migraine...

..

i need medical marijuana.

t'will not keep me from my rightful fun! went to the mall to spend my bday $$..
(very carefully.. trying not to make any sudden head movements.. ha ha ha.)
found a couple shirts in my favorite store,
'hot topics'and a cool pair of white, lt grey and tan camo pants with baggy pockets that i love.. and a killer guitar cable with skulls on it which will surely help me play much better!
toxic got a kitty from a toy store.. a tabby that looked so real that the clerk thought i was in fact carrying around a real cat in the store.. heh

my birthday wish was for a jethro tull mix.. so i dug into my archives :)
ghost/toxic

p.s.
it is raining on my birthday.. absolutely a first ever!

[ghost]

p.p.s.
and my mom sent me a bday card.. i thought maybe she had forgotten me..

[Tracy]

Hey ghost!!! Just a quick note to say...HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I'll be back to chat more soon! much luv, Tracy

[ghost]

:)
thanks!

cupcake and tylenol..
breakfast of champions..
mmmm

jethro tull is old hat now..
changing the mix again..
ghost

[ghost]

so sick of pain, fear and sick.. my personal demons..
they're merciless today.

and i've lost some of my artwork, recent and older stuff.. realized it and have been turning the house upside-down searching..
i'll cry if my art is lost. i've always been so organized and had a good memory (except for periods of alcoholic amnesia.. those hazy years)..
fuck.

lately my memory isn't there.. on the other hand, in the process i've found things i've drawn.. like a sketch that i don't remember doing?..

..
grumble..
i feel so fucking old.
and i'm in one of my moods.
ghost