snowball in hell: it's me.. giraffe..

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a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is she except a being without access to the universe that she has not yet managed to forget?
~ randall jarrell

i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots.. any comments are welcome ;)

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XXX..............RIP..............XXX here lies the psychconnection archive.. click here to peruse the remains (what's left after many members' posts were removed) of our dead support forum in the deepfreeze of this cybermorgue..
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WARNING! this site contains graphic language and subject matter related to self injury...
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ghost gamelinks..

ghost's top eleven rpg's:
#1 ~ down the rabbit hole... "here's a riddle.. when is a croquet mallet like a billy club? ..i'll tell you... whenever you want it to be..." cheshire cat to alice (american mcgee's alice: the original) this game is my favorite above all others...
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thank you thank you mr mcgee for alice madness returns!!! (with the original i still rate these the best!)
#2 is primal, especially the wraith world where i felt right at home.. what a relief to play a strong female for a change, and with scree the gargoyle at my side... loved this game and want more!!!
#3 is fable/fable:lost chapters/fable 2.. get lost in this incredible world and determine your own fate... good or evil.. or somewhere in between... fable 3 is out!!!
#4 city of lost children.. based on the french movie of the same name.. you are miette, an orphan, use your thieving and sneaking skills to free the childrens' souls from the evil inventor who is stealing their dreams...
tied at #4 the kingdom hearts games (2).. disney meets final fantasy! play in disney worlds alongside jack skellington in halloweentown, jack sparrow in the caribbean or alice at the mad tea party..
#5 is van helsing.. if you liked the movie, play this gothic masterpiece and face werewolves, the frankenstein monster, mr hyde and count dracula himself...
#6 are all of the lord of the rings games, which are all worth mastering, including the hobbit game.. (watch out for the spiders!)
& the old classic snes lord of the rings.. (another good old favorite.. i spent forever lost in the barrow downs...)
#7 are all the ultima games.. my favorites were 'quest of the avatar' and 'the false prophet'.. but if you like the classics try out 'black gate' and 'exodus' and the other oldies..
#8 is the original nes game shadowgate.. the one that turned me into an rpg junkie in the first place all those years ago.. hunched over my controller in the dark in my camper in the middle of the night.. still a classic...
#9 is final fantasy, but i'm an old time gamer, so i mean the original final fantasy games on nes/snes like 1, 2, 3 + mystic quest.. still the best even without the graphics of the newer games...
#10 is lemony snickett's series of unfortunate events.. ok, so this game is not terribly hard..
(i was able to complete it even while fairly intoxicated..) it is still creative and fun if you enjoyed the movie, which i did...
i needed a #11 on my list for all the honorable mentions.. unforgettable games like wizardry, king arthur's world, tombs & treasures, deja vu, faxanadu, the immortal, breath of fire and the dragon warrior games.. also baldur's gate, the ren & stimpy games that wrecked my nerves, zombies ate my neighbors, fester's quest, maniac mansion!!! ...gasp... too many to remember... aargghh! all those years spent in the dark deep in some labyrinth scribbling cryptic notes and maps.. is that what is was that made me mad? or did they save me from madness...? the world may never know.. (p.s. i never made it without biting..)
!X! a bonus: i absolutely approve of the gamecube's eternal darkness: sanity's requiem.. lovecraftian & hallucinogenic.. i dare you!
the post-apocalyptic fallout games, F3, new vegas & F4 coming soon!
dante's inferno ~ go to hell!
gothic victorian lovecraftian bloodshed :D bloodborne!
i highly approve of the other from software games besides bloodborne, demon's souls & dark souls 1, 2 & 3.. not for the faint of heart, gotta get good for these!

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home to oblivion..

ok i need a whole section just for elder scrolls~oblivion 'cause i'm playing it and loving it way too much right now.. i am so beautifully lost here living as a vampire & i'm never coming back.
later ~ 430 hours of gameplay all as a vampire & now i'm stuck in limbo in the deadly glitch.. noooo!!
update: i'm on the methadone of rpgs for my oblivion withdrawls, it's predecessor morrowind ~ the game of the year edition.. these are now my All-Time favorite rpgs, above all others..
NEW ELDER SCROLLS!!
SKYRIM!! 11/11/11!! DAWNGUARD DLC!!
& more dlc to come!
the awful tyranny of the sun shall end..
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« mothra's day.. | Main | calling all evil trees.. now hear this.. »

May 22, 2007

it's me.. giraffe..

quicksand..

10:30 AM in Music, psychology, Weblogs | Permalink

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today we saw the real deal.. a bald eagle flying over us in the gorge along the river.. so cool..
i should probably be happy?
alas.. not.
depressed and fucking lonely as usual.. getting lost in oblivion even on the weekend.. practicing my alchemy mostly.. making potions & poisons..
turns out i'm real good with a bow & arrows..
clean kills from far away..

still having the old si thoughts.. looking at all the scars on my arms.. how can you explain the need to slice into yourself? i just want to watch my own blood flowing..
not anyone else's.. in my ocd mind the blood of most others just seems unclean to me..
slash an x and get pure and perfect red anesthetic..
it's beautiful and cures all my many ills.. for awhile..
it sounds kinda obscene i know.. nevertheless true.
can't help it.
i'm real unhappy.
ghost

Posted by: ghost | June 02, 2007 at 10:06 PM

there's nobody here
there's nobody near
i try not to care
dead eyes always stare
let these matters be
don't trust what you see
take hold of your time
step into the line

there's innocence torn from it's maker
stillborn the trust in you
this failure has made the creator
so would you tell him what to do
(would you?)

leave your mark upon
the head of someone
who'll cry for his state
we know it's too late
i turn round to see
what was meant to be
faint movement release
to rid the disease

there's innocence torn from it's maker
stillborn the trust in you
(i have lost all trust i had in you..)
this failure has made the creator
so would you tell him what to do?
(i have lost all trust i had in you..)

would someone watch over me
in my time of need?

in the rays of the sun
i am longing for the darkness..

-opeth

'don't get backed into a corner
talking to yourself..' mr smith

Posted by: ghost | June 02, 2007 at 10:12 PM

my husband just lost his job.
i won't be on here for awhile..
bye
ghost

Posted by: ghost | June 16, 2007 at 09:58 AM

hey ghost. i'm not sure if you read this since you just said you won't be on for a bit. I'm SO SO SO sorry about your husband's job. that really sucks and i hope both of you are doing ok and that he can find a new one super soon. i also hope this finds you well. you sounded so sad in your last few posts. god, i know that feeling, that desperate ache. i hate to think of you that way and i hope you can steer clear of the si. i myself am finally back. i ended up staying in the psych ward for 26 days and i have a plethora of new meds to show for it. i'm still re-acclimating myself to the real world which is more overwhelming than ever. i will tell you all about the hospital some other time when things aren't so icky. and remember....please please e-mail, message, post, whatever if you need someone to talk to. i am definitely here. hope to talk to you soon. kitty love, tracy

Posted by: tracy | June 16, 2007 at 10:06 AM

hey tracy..
so you're out!
yeah.. maybe just in time for me to go in? hehe..
crazy times here..
but i have not si'd in a good little while (haven't counted but it seems long)
i may not be on-line as much but it's really good to hear from you.. are you ok? lemme know!
later,
ghost

Posted by: ghost | June 20, 2007 at 09:58 AM

p.s. tracy..

hey!
you should come over to the board (my support forum is now open to all!)
http://www.brensgumbyland.com/psychconnection.htm

see you there?
ghost

Posted by: ghost | June 22, 2007 at 10:05 AM

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i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
seeing is deceiving..
$@x!^&*#%!/
love bites.
life sucks.
"but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
"oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
"we're all mad here.
i'm mad. you're mad."
"how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
"you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
"to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
"i suppose so," said Alice.
"well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
but why is the rum gone?!
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beezorch daddy-o! go! kitty, go!
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