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a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is he/she except a being without access to the universe that he has not yet managed to forget?
~ randall jarrell

i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots.. any comments are welcome ;)
In limbo
rows of never opened doors:
ghost gallery quarantine area (use a laptop or pc with firefox or google chrome browser for essential music, no phones)
all artwork here is copyright protected by vengeful ghosts!
2019 brenda roudebush
all rights reserved..

ghost stories
(blood & butterflies..)

  • these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. let me know what you think/comments? p.s. stories here are non fiction/true. (privately hosted ~ if you're interested in reading this just ask:)

vintage kids can come & visit the ghost toy catalogue here.. (sound up)
the friendlyghost album ~ welcome to my photo album..
we live in wonderland.. :)
i hope you enjoy me & my guys & kitties, the places we go & things we enjoy..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Beloved sleep
cemeteria album ~
remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me..
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family tree album ~
this addition to the cemeteria album is especially for my own lost loved ones..
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a POEtry reading...

elliott smith & portland

portland haunts album ~
is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots..
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the library..

things behind the sun (journals)
a mouthfull of razorblades (journals)
ghost at the gate's items Go to ghost at the gate's photostream
Laurelhurst trees
january trees album ~
january trees ~ winter shows her bones.. the tree is the psyche, the spirit, the whole self.. our inner world..
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toxic was here ~
vintage socal, birthdays & halloweens..
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halloween mini album ~
~ copyright 2015 all rights reserved
Bren alice patreon
ghost pix album ~ rpg videogame screenshots, lol kitties & all kinds of goodies.. (use a pc or laptop to hear my game mix here)

home to oblivion..

  • ok i need a whole section just for elder scrolls~oblivion 'cause i'm playing it and loving it way too much right now.. i am so beautifully lost here living as a vampire & i'm never coming back.
    later ~ 430 hours of gameplay all as a vampire & now i'm stuck in limbo in the deadly glitch.. noooo!!
    update: i'm on the methadone of rpgs for my oblivion withdrawls, it's predecessor morrowind ~ the game of the year edition.. these are now my All-Time favorite rpgs, above all others..
    SKYRIM!! 11/11/11!! DAWNGUARD DLC!!
    & more dlc to come!
    the awful tyranny of the sun shall end..

  • come into oblivion with me & tour my homes.. (note: vampirism has changed my appearance & my invisibility is due to stealth..)

  • so many ways to die..

  • realms of madness..

  • a friend in highcross town..

  • bonus morrowind footage..

  • welcome to skyrim..

ghost closet...

haunted home movies..

ghost charity

ghost space


  • lunacy..
  • the happy haunts have received your sympathetic vibrations...
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March 18, 2007


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Hey Ghost. helps so much having someone who really understands. si is so hard to explain it helps that you just get it. i'm feeling better now. I have less shakes but still need the ativan and xanax. Without them i don't think i could sleep. ugh, i have therapy tomorrow night. i'm so nervous because i have been cutting more lately and they totally freaked me out last time. i'm afraid my therapist will be mad at me. i actually really like her. she makes me think. my last therapist was not so good. we mostly talked about music and when i talked about the man in my head he told me i better not be getting crazy on him. so this new therapist is really good but i just know she's going to hate me. people always end up not wanting to deal with me. and i think i'm getting fat again which is freaking me out. i can't tell though bc i always think i look fat. the whole meds thing was very scary. i feel like i'll never be authentic again. i'm not sure there is a real me anymore. i loved the cemeteria pictures. they were hauntingly beautiful!! i love old cemeteries. there is something lingering...time holding on somehow. i've never listened ot elliot smith. you have certainly made me interested though. i'm going to a concert this friday...taste of chaos tour. hopefully it will be fun though i am going alone. and crowds always make it hard to act normal, i get all nervous. well...i should get ready for in the morning and all. hope you're doing excellent and being super good to yourself. meow from luna. nite - tracy (btw, love the use of cool beans!!)


tracy, try to have fun at the concert.. i still have the same problem around people, i think we just must be wired to be that way?

yeah, that sounded scary to go through.. i can't bear when i have to put myself into the hands of drs.. eeeek!! so i don't know how you do it..

as for feeling fat.. i have the same problem not knowing if i can trust my own perception anymore.. bdhp (bigdaddyhamburgerpatty)
says i'm 'boney' and pushes food.. and i'm at my limit for what weight i can stand! i try to chill and resist the urge to 'fix' it every day..

i hope this turns out to be a good match for you with the therapist.. i just don't like ones that give you an ultimatum.. that's a deal breaker.. i mean, how can you be honest if there's that kind of pressure, ya know?
i think with si that just almost compels us to cut more..
and what a moronic comment from the other guy!

i'm glad you like the cemeteria pix.. a posthumous elliott smith double cd is coming out on may 8th.. we've all been waiting for it.. but you should try out the one that came out after his death 'from a basement on the hill' *****!
oh! there's samples of him all over the place here too!

well, my kitties are starting to pile up on me..
night night time..
sweet dreams,


too many bad days in a row.

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lost & found toys

visit my around the bend album (sound up) photos by ghost 2019 all rights reserved

cat girl

  • xx xx xx be wild.. xx xx xx

a handful of applecores a mouthful of razorblades

  • i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
  • seeing is deceiving..
  • $@x!^&*#%!/
  • love bites.
  • life sucks.
  • "but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
    "oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
    "we're all mad here.
    i'm mad. you're mad."
    "how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
    "you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
    Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
    however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
    "to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
    "i suppose so," said Alice.
    "well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
    Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
  • but why is the rum gone?!
  • ***triggering!! don't look!!!*** (you looked..)
  • beezorch daddy-o! go! kitty, go!
  • ffft! hiss! spit! rah! kill! maim!
  • crank up your speakers!!

little friends..

back in the day ~
back when i was still a snowballinhell, including tabitha's kittens & little daniel..
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friendlyghost fun & games!!


lost hollow digital art album ~
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