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a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is she except a being without access to the universe that she has not yet managed to forget?
~ randall jarrell

i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots.. any comments are welcome ;)
rows of never opened doors:
ghost gallery quarantine area (use a laptop or pc with firefox or google chrome browser for essential music, no phones)
all artwork here is copyright protected by vengeful ghosts!
2019 brenda roudebush
all rights reserved..

ghost stories
(blood & butterflies..)

  • these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. let me know what you think/comments? p.s. stories here are non fiction/true. (privately hosted ~ if you're interested in reading this just ask:)

vintage kids can come & visit the ghost toy catalogue here.. (sound up)
the friendlyghost album ~ welcome to my photo album..
we live in wonderland.. :)
i hope you enjoy me & my guys & kitties, the places we go & things we enjoy..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Beloved sleep
cemeteria album ~
remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
family tree album ~
this addition to the cemeteria album is especially for my own lost loved ones..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

a POEtry reading...

my elliott smith lyric page (sound up)
portland haunts album ~
is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

the library..

things behind the sun (journals)
a mouthfull of razorblades (journals)
ghost at the gate's items Go to ghost at the gate's photostream
Laurelhurst trees
january trees album ~
january trees ~ winter shows her bones.. the tree is the psyche, the spirit, the whole self.. our inner world..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
toxic was here ~
vintage socal, birthdays & halloweens..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

art albums ~ use a laptop or pc with sound up!

halloween mini album ~
~ copyright 2015 all rights reserved
Bren alice patreon
ghost pix album ~ rpg videogame screenshots, lol kitties & all kinds of goodies.. (use a pc or laptop to hear my game mix here)

home to oblivion..

  • ok i need a whole section just for elder scrolls~oblivion 'cause i'm playing it and loving it way too much right now.. i am so beautifully lost here living as a vampire & i'm never coming back.
    later ~ 430 hours of gameplay all as a vampire & now i'm stuck in limbo in the deadly glitch.. noooo!!
    update: i'm on the methadone of rpgs for my oblivion withdrawls, it's predecessor morrowind ~ the game of the year edition.. these are now my All-Time favorite rpgs, above all others..
    SKYRIM!! 11/11/11!! DAWNGUARD DLC!!
    & more dlc to come!
    the awful tyranny of the sun shall end..

  • come into oblivion with me & tour my homes.. (note: vampirism has changed my appearance & my invisibility is due to stealth..)

  • so many ways to die..

  • realms of madness..

  • a friend in highcross town..

  • bonus morrowind footage..

  • welcome to skyrim..

ghost closet...

haunted home movies..

ghost charity

ghost space


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« lost & found.. | Main | sunshine & below freezing.. »

January 16, 2007


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i got a letter from my mom in the mail today..


Holy cow! Did you read it?

Is everything alright?!?


yeah.. my sister has been kicked out of yet another board & care facility in LA.. what else is new..

hey! we had a fucking blizzard today man!! kinda scary neat, you know?


oh.. guess what? linda, the long lost person who runs adsg/adultrad wants to use my art as part of a big redo of that site to help parents of ad kids or something.. she posted about it in the creativity thread there..
i said yeah..
but i pm'd instead of posting there...
speaking of ad kids.. toxic's favorite story is excerpted and linked now to the above post..
i always thought of it as childhood suicidality, dissociation, even catatonia.. but reading different analyses of that story lead you to think of it as onset of schizophrenia.. scary 'cause i think i could've turned out just like my sister.. but somehow i didn't..
i think kitties saved me.. even then..


Just a shout-out to my very own personal ghost on our 20 years + 4 days together. Just stopped by!I love your really cool blog and... I love you!


happy 20 + 5 = love!! xoxo


stupid drawpad's f'ing up again! hubert cumberdale.. where've you gotten to?!


stupid stupid stupid!!!
drawpad ate hubert cumberdale..
my fantomas mix is a migraine in a box.. had it on too loud now i feel like i need to puke.. like i've been through some kind of high velocity EMDR..


well i had some anxiety troubles at the show today.. it was crowded and made me feel kinda sick and panicky for the first half hour or so.. feeling like i might just throw up .. just from claustrophobia and the smell of show hotdogs and food and people toooo close.. but i soon was lost in the film.. (i wear sabbath's blackberry lotion on my hands, arms, neck.. even my hair.. i love that stuff.. so i sit with my hand in front of my face/nose to calm myself.. it smells really good..)
hey! everybody go out and see 'pan's labyrinth'..
it's an adult gothic fairytale not for the faint of heart.. violent, bloody and beautiful.. be ready for subtitles unless you're spanish is pretty good.. well worth it!
yo conozco solamente un poco de espanol pero no esta necessaridad..
afterwards i won a free replay on lord of the rings pinball which is really cool..
el cielo se esta cayendo!!


drawing pad is out of order

fantomas ate my brain.. it's OUT.

moby/porcelain (aaaaahhh..)
in my dreams i'm dying all the time..
then i wake it's kaleidoscopic mind..
i never meant to hurt you..
i never meant to lie..
so this is goodbye..
this is goodbye.
(tell the truth you never wanted me.. tell me..)
in my dreams i'm jealous all the time..
then i wake up going out of my mind..
going out of my mind.


What's up? Miss you.


I see hubert cumberland is back. But you are not. You never did mention what was in that letter.


dale. I meant cumberdale. Sigh. How embarassing, my slip is showing.


hi em..
i gotta at least go peek and say hi at the board.. it's been a bad time.. but today bdhp and i had to speak.. weekends are too hard when i am mute or in hibernation.. so he drove me all around portland and we took snaps of elliott smith landmarks so i could put up the new album (up/left)..
that helped me..
i think his ghost came out for me.. i was shooting tree branches at twilight and there this wispy figure appeared on the pic..

p.s. i'm so happy the drawpad came back on...

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my photo albums (sound up!)

cat girl

  • xx xx xx be wild.. xx xx xx

lost & found toys

Plague dr
the lost album - click to enter my current photo album here.. (sound up)
click to visit my old around the bend album (sound up) photos by ghost 2019 all rights reserved
Note: if the audio does not play on this & other albums please go directly to the ghost gallery or photo album page links in the header, the audio plays perfectly at my website :)

a handful of applecores a mouthful of razorblades

  • i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
  • seeing is deceiving..
  • $@x!^&*#%!/
  • love bites.
  • life sucks.
  • "but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
    "oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
    "we're all mad here.
    i'm mad. you're mad."
    "how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
    "you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
    Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
    however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
    "to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
    "i suppose so," said Alice.
    "well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
    Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
  • but why is the rum gone?!
  • ***triggering!! don't look!!!*** (you looked..)
  • beezorch daddy-o! go! kitty, go!
  • ffft! hiss! spit! rah! kill! maim!
  • crank up your speakers!!

little friends..

back in the day ~
back when i was still a snowballinhell, including tabitha's kittens & little daniel..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

friendlyghost fun & games!!


lost hollow digital art album ~
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

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