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a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is she except a being without access to the universe that she has not yet managed to forget?
~ randall jarrell

i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots.. any comments are welcome ;)
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  • these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. let me know what you think/comments? p.s. stories here are non fiction/true. (privately hosted ~ if you're interested in reading this just ask:)

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Beloved sleep
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remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me..
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is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots..
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home to oblivion..

  • ok i need a whole section just for elder scrolls~oblivion 'cause i'm playing it and loving it way too much right now.. i am so beautifully lost here living as a vampire & i'm never coming back.
    later ~ 430 hours of gameplay all as a vampire & now i'm stuck in limbo in the deadly glitch.. noooo!!
    update: i'm on the methadone of rpgs for my oblivion withdrawls, it's predecessor morrowind ~ the game of the year edition.. these are now my All-Time favorite rpgs, above all others..
    SKYRIM!! 11/11/11!! DAWNGUARD DLC!!
    & more dlc to come!
    the awful tyranny of the sun shall end..

  • come into oblivion with me & tour my homes.. (note: vampirism has changed my appearance & my invisibility is due to stealth..)

  • so many ways to die..

  • realms of madness..

  • a friend in highcross town..

  • bonus morrowind footage..

  • welcome to skyrim..

ghost closet...

haunted home movies..

ghost charity

ghost space


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« welcome xmas.. | Main | 2007.. »

December 23, 2006


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i just found out that my sister is living with 'some black couple' in la my mom says in her xmas card to me.. and upon tracking it seems the xmas box i sent was delivered even though we paid for return costs if she was no longer there..
so some other crack addict gets my sister's xmas..
i tried & tried to confirm her residence but the 'sober living' houses are so unlisted and difficult to reach, especially from out of state.. the only way i even confirmed the address at all was due to the fact that a known sex offender lives there and that is on public record...
what.. ever...
what the fuck ever..


Ah! That sucks! Lets hope that whoever did end up with the gift appreciates it. You tried Ghost.

I am alarmed to hear about your new baby...Bing Crosby. I think you are probably right that you may have OD'd on the Christmas mix.

Dude, yer killin me with the Chopra thing. I can't ponder it because I can't even figure out the question :) Oh wait, I just reread it for the 4th time and now its sinking in. Yeah, your're right. He's gottcha whichever way you turn. A nice metaphor for life. I'm seriously considering giving up trying to understand anything and just go back to stumbling blindly as opposed to stumbling in complete darkness with my eyes bugging out of my head.

Tonight we eat fish. Lots of fish. Paul's father makes calamari that is my all time favorite and tonight is the night. Christmas to me is standing behind Carmine and secretly eating his fried calamari as it comes off the pan. Oink!

Eat Santa! EAT!


i like to think that in fact i've got him.. it's contradictory & illogical..
i went through the self-awareness phase of life like 15 years ago.. and realized it is in fact more palatable to go forth blindly.. so i tried to revert with all my might..
still trying..
i gotta go bake and cook and stuff..


aaaaaahhhhhhh... smith...

i got the 2 newest emily kitties!! mummy & spider!!


well.. it's over.
and now i'm so depressed all i want to do is cut into myself and watch the blood and think about all my good friends..
i'm so sick of the humans..


Hey Ghost,
What's going on. Why down? It's good its over I think. It's too much. Such nonsense. Why do you feel so bad?


em i just had such an after xmas crash into depression.. we all tried to have a good holiday.. but the void of our family & so called friends is just too much..
i felt like i was going to go right into si.. so i just had to do something else instead.. since pete mentioned the board and peekaboo being just gone.. i decided to start the new board and hope some people come by to talk..
i just can't deal with this kind of isolation and keep going, you know?
well, it may end up a bust.. but it couldn't be any worse than what we've already seen, huh?
p.s. i didn't cut!


Hey Ghost,
Its good you found a way to sublimate. The new board is a good idea. I am afraid of a few things. Like assholes. And getting lost in the mix. The first one is probably a legitimate fear. The second one isn't :)
Glad no x


yeah, i'm afraid robots will come! but i guess it's the risk we take to have humans around, huh?
and about getting lost in the mix.. that could not happen! people so come and go even on obscure boards and we'll be lucky to get any new regulars at all..
and the say of the original members is what goes.. if anyone comes on and acts jerky i have the power to just ban them..
muahhaahaa!! >:)
and although bdhp hasn't visited yet, he did join.. so we've got our own personal bouncer..
but i getchya.. it's always scary amongst them humans for me..
i kinda felt stranded when pete said peek was really just gone..
so how is merlin doing with oblivion? have you lost him?
i'm eating pumpkin pie over and over and deciding it's ok.. hope you're doing something good for your vacation :)


Hee hee,
I just enlarged the kitty pic and read what it said. Too cute!

You're eating? I'm eating too! Oink. I better stop soon though. I've got piglette problems. Can't fit into my work clothes and can't buy new ones so...
Doing anything tonight? We're gonna stay safe here at home.

Merlin is loving oblivion. He wants to know how to get gold and what are the good weapons. (I think he is finding it difficult.) Oh, and he ran into simplicia! That just cracked me up.


my old pal simplicia! hehe..
it takes a little work right at first in oblivion..
the best way to get gold is to look in caves for treasure (or steal stuff but don't let me influence..)
then you can sell the things you find to armory & weapon shops
(or steal stuff..)
we're home watching the zone marathon for new year's.. but we drove into vancouver to go shopping today.. too much fun! i found toys!! so i am happy!
have to say that when i get the chance, 'cause it's usually fleeting..
fireworks here are scaring my kitties now.. they're crouch/scooting in to hide under the covers or under my bed..
bye bye 2006..
i'm wondering did you find out yet about your ins. for 2007? is therapy back in your future or no?
well, prospero ano!

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a handful of applecores a mouthful of razorblades

  • i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
  • seeing is deceiving..
  • $@x!^&*#%!/
  • love bites.
  • life sucks.
  • "but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
    "oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
    "we're all mad here.
    i'm mad. you're mad."
    "how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
    "you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
    Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
    however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
    "to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
    "i suppose so," said Alice.
    "well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
    Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
  • but why is the rum gone?!
  • ***triggering!! don't look!!!*** (you looked..)
  • beezorch daddy-o! go! kitty, go!
  • ffft! hiss! spit! rah! kill! maim!
  • crank up your speakers!!

little friends..

back in the day ~
back when i was still a snowballinhell, including tabitha's kittens & little daniel..
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