known to bite..

will nothing satisfy this thirst?
up from the depths of the poison well of my own depression rises a taste for blood in my mouth again.. murder.. i'm at it again.. my aim to head up the organization of the dark brotherhood.. as a sister i've risen through the ranks of silencer and assassin and soon i alone will curl up with the cold black wings of the night mother herself surrounding me.. meanwhile i go about each task with a new zeal never betrayed by my quiet detached exterior.. except perhaps for a new dark glint in my eye?
i am lost in oblivion again..

oh yeah.. p.s.
another film bit from my archives:
for my mother
wouldn't she be proud?

benighted / opeth

come into this night
here we'll be gone so far away
from our weak and crumbling lives
come into this night
when days are done
lost and astray
in what's vanished from your eyes
what came and distorted your sight
saw you benighted by your fright

come into this night
your plight alone
carry your weight
you are flawed as all of us
come into this night
your only home
it's never too late to repent
suffer the loss
what came and distorted your sight
saw you benighted by your fright

come into this night
when you're able
to undo your deeds
and atone with your lonely soul
once you're into this night
all minds are stable
forget all your needs
lose the grip of all control

mailman / soundgarden

hello.. don't you know me?
i'm the dirt beneath your feet
the most important fool you forgot to see
i've seen how you giveth
and now i want you to receive
i'm sure that you would do the same for me
i know i'm headed for the bottom
i know i'm headed for the bottom
i know i'm headed for the bottom
but i'm riding you all the way..

for all of your kisses
turned to spit in my face
for all that reminds me which is my place
for all of the times when you made me disappear
this time i'm sure you'll know that i am here
i know i'm headed for the bottom
i know i'm headed for the bottom
i know i'm headed for the bottom

my place was beneath you
but now i am above
and now i send you a message of love..

ghost
she told me my heart was black as midnight and has named me 'listener' for my devoted silence..

Comments

[ghost]

i did good..
now whenever souls in anguish pray to the night mother for revenge, i take lists of the names and arrange the assassinations.
i'm in charge of the dark sanctuary..
and i have mother's severed head on my nightstand..
along with one very disturbed diary not unlike one of my own journals in the 'real' world..
i'm eating all the plants and varieties of mushrooms to learn more about their alchemical properties..

ghost
p.s.
venture through the new ghostunes mix if you dare..

[emma]

Hey!
I love when you get evil! Read the other post about Christmas (us too. we can console each other about what we didn't get. It will be our anti-christmas. I'm happy aobut it already :)
Never had a panic attack. I worry and dread but it never gets too bad - I just get down. (and boogie oogie oogie...:)
I got disillusioned about God and especailly religion early on and now I have no spirituality. But when I am in the woods for days on end, I feel a connection and belonging and some kind of sense of "fitting". I suppose it is a sort of spirituality, but don't ask me to articulate better than that. I hate the idea of asking God for things. I like the Bhuddist way of believing that you can become like Bhudda. You can never be like Christ. I don't like that. With Bhuddism, instead of asking for things, you ask Bhudda to show you the way. Anyway...

I want to get Shane Oblivion. The wheels are turning...

[ghost]

oooh! see now i would think that as an x 'helper elf' you might have some pull with santa? ..
i'll keep my fingers crossed for ya.. yeah, it'll be a bit of an anti-christmas for sure, last year we had gifts and fun, but it was still kinda lonely.. we all watched eraserhead! new tradition?

re: god.. i'm a bit evil, but any honest christian has a dark side, i just give it expression so it won't lurk in secret..
the only thing that kept me alive was that i believed in god all along, i've read in books on ad that this is an attachment too.. prisoners of war fare better when they either think of god or fantasize about a loved one.. i think he's there.. but where's there? in here?
you know? the way i feel about it is we have all these senses for a good reason, stuff to see, hear, feel, and a spiritual sense/soul for a reason too.. like why have eyes if there were nothing to see..? and i think we just overlook perfection or creation because it has become our everyday experience.. scientists discover pieces of it and think it's theirs, and set themselves against god like there's a conflict.. i think scientists have the greatest glimpse into the old master's work and have the best chance of recognizing it..
my faith wanes when i'm really in pain, then i go into major crisis! but most of the time all i have to do is open my eyes at all and i see evidence everywhere.. but that's just me! that's why i'm an artist i guess..
but i get pissed off at god! i mean, why hide it from him like he doesn't suspect? >:( ! >:) ?
i just keep dodging those lightning bolts, man.. well, kinda..

[ghost]

p.s.
i have to add.. as far as asking god for stuff.. i have gotten way more than i ever dreamed or asked for outta my life.. i am a humble and grateful person in that regard.. god spoiled me in ways i gotta admit.. answered prayers.. real ones..
only thing is, the one thing i've needed all life long and begged for is like never coming.. so i feel like i shouldn't complain, but i can't help it.. so that's my conflict.
that's my big bellyache..
the most important thing feels withheld, so that i want to throw away everything else..
:(

[emma]

What a nice post ghost. That rhymes. I read it yesterday or the day before? Everything this week is a blur - but I've been thinking about this and I'll be back later.
miss ya
Em

[ghost]

thanks.. i think i had to have god as my attachment or i'd have really truly been a lost cause.. but when you think about it, god doesn't really give you a 'people connection' experience at all.. more of an 'in your own head' experience..

[emma]

You said the most important thing gets witheld and makes you want to throw away everything else. Right on. But someone might say that our problem lies in the fact that we are mistaken about what the most important thing is.

When I am really down I realize its really bad not to have a god to turn to. But I don't - not any kind of humanistic idea of god. I just have this idea of love and brilliance. Don't know.

You know I must comment onthe scientist thing :) The thing in my life that has compelled me sometimes to consider believing in god has been science. When you understand some of the workings, you just have to marvel at the mixture of logic and miracle. The logic itself is a miracle even.