well.. i tried.. i baked the pies and prepared the feast.. put up some fun new stuff down/right in the fun & games section.. and tried to quell my anxiety about eating the food and all.. but it's always the same.. it's too depressing. we're holiday orphans..
i'll never make it in this world of humans.. i can't connect.. and nothing i've ever done about it has mattered.. certainly nothing lasts..
placeholder/
looking at all the rows
all these records look like big zeros
i got your picture on the back of a 45
a placeholder to take up mine
a placeholder to take up mine
i'm the person you never need
the biggest loser on 16th street
the invisible man with the see through mind
a placeholder to take up mine
a placeholder to take up mine
break off up in someone's loft in midtown
'round there.. next to the square
he likes the way that you look now
like an open book
just like my favorite song
some pretty words that didn't last that long
like a package sent priority overnight
placeholder come and take up mine
placeholder come and take up mine
placeholder come and take up mine
placeholder come and take up mine
taking a fall/
took it like medicine, horrible in a hurry
lots of plans go awry, nothing's wrong,
i won't worry
but i rolled for a dollar on your advice
and i lost you bad 'cause that's
the luck of the dice
taking a fall
you don't know who to call
well, you don't know who, do you?
taking a fall
why do the neighbor's kids have to scream
when they're playing?
you know i never can understand
what you're saying
and you won't hear a word out of me
'cause i know how indifferent someone can be
taking a fall
you don't know who to call
well, you don't know who, do you?
taking a fall
well there's someone to call
but you don't know who, do you?
taking a fall
but you don't know who, do you?
back to the snowcave..
ghost
i get depressed like this.. but then i gotta wonder what kind of thanksgiving my sister's having in whatever facility she's in..
Posted by: ghost | November 23, 2006 at 06:21 PM
The Holidays are a big set up. I boil them down. Thanksgiving is just turkey for dinner. Christmas is a day that Shane gets gifts and we have turkey for dinner again. That's all. Did you list "No Expectations" on the songs at the other site? If not, probably belongs :) Fuck the hype. Its a set up. A big bear trap. Don't get your legs chopped off!
Most of the humans you see Ghost, are all busted up inside too. Most just have no idea. I don't know whether to pity them or envy them.
What happened to the other post about the secret message? I was going to put a lot of effort into failing to figure that out :)
Posted by: emma | November 24, 2006 at 04:46 AM
same here.. we look forward to the turkey & pie for both holidays.. and we've already bought dan his final fantasy 12 w/ ltd ed guide and hidden it away.. but it's just sad now except for the comfort of tryptophan and a nice nap after all the work..
it reminds me of my relatives and i wonder about them..
well, i dragged myself kicking & screaming to the dr and i'm on antibiotics now.. in two weeks if the lump is not gone he said i'll have to have it biopsied..
if it's lymphoma i should know by christmas..
..
better pick which bridge/waterfall.. just in case?
on a lighter note.. see now em, ya gotta pawn jr's violin or somethin' and get an xbox.. you know that freaky burger king with the big head? if you buy a value meal at bk you can get games for $4 each that are a blast.. i'm playing pocketbike racer.. racing the king himself around on weird tracks doing wheelies and stoppies tony hawk style.. too much fun.. :) cracks me up! better than prozac!
Posted by: ghost | November 24, 2006 at 12:23 PM
Geez, and I used to think coal was a bad gift on Christmas. Well lets keep our fingers crossed about the antibiotic. I once found a lump in my arm pit. That was a fun couple of weeks. Was nothing. Hope yours is nothing too. HA! hope you get NOTHING for Christmas :)
I can't think of anything to sell. He wants to keep his playstation (or whatever it is). If I didn't go to therapy for a few weeks... gag! hissy fit!!! tantrum!!!
Posted by: emma | November 25, 2006 at 05:41 AM
you know nothing is probably what our xmas will be this year.. but at least we got our frontyard display set up in between storms.. i'll get a pic out there if it snows..
the original playstation has some good games too..
it's a ripoff that they don't make each system backward compatible so that you can simply trade up and not lose older games..
man i spent a night of panic attacks last night.. just waking me up one right after the other.. i don't know why.. i never really know why.. i think i'm just wired that way from when i was a kid? my whole life has been about fear.. dread, anxiety, worry, panic, or terror.. except for the nice dissociated days of childhood.. well.. even then i always knew it lurked right around the corner..
i discovered the whole concept of ad originally by reading about agoraphobia online.. there is an insecure attachment theory to agoraphobia..
i think it was persevere that told me fear was the absence of love/god..
geez.. nobody has prayed more.. literally obsessive/compulsively since childhood.. i mean, i hang onto him.. so why don't i ever feel anything holding onto me?
not fair if i can't help it.. you know?
oh well..
Posted by: ghost | November 25, 2006 at 12:19 PM