there is no future..

pssssst..

i've been talkin' to the lab rats..

they think they're pets...

there is no future

if you were lucky enough to get one of the first editions of kid A released on cd.. check the back of your jewel case to see if you make out something red hiding in the plastic backing.. it is a secret booklet of radiohead/stanley donwood propaganda.. with the mysterious lyrics to the song..

kid A

i slipped away..
i slipped on a little white lie..
we've got heads on sticks..
you've got ventriloquists..
we've got heads on sticks..
and you've got ventriloquists..
standing in shadows at the end of my bed..
standing in shadows at the end of my bed..
standing in shadows at the end of my bed..
standing in shadows at the end of my bed..
rats & children follow me out of town..
rats & children follow me out of town..

..come on, kids

ghost & toxic
p.s. toxic thinks she's jackson pollock..
(you can play too.. just click 'play')

another p.s./update..

the devil is at my elbow..

oh my..
i feel like i'm back alive after a kind of death.. the wind whips fierce here at the gorge, leaves are flying wild everywhere, & the nights are so crisp & dark.. even the stars seem brighter.. i love october..

for some reason i've felt such an old weakness.. just listening to 'skip divided' brings back images of huddling over an ice water bong getting wickedly high.. and falling into the sand around a fire in the middle of the night at bolsa chica beach, one of the places i used to gather to drink with friends.. why this rush of vivid memories and associated longing? i have been able to 'just say no' to my viper madness for ages now.. maybe it's because i can't drink anymore?

cannabis sativa.
i was seriously hooked once..
sometimes i smell it & it just about kills me...
why does that sound so gooood again?
i haven't smoked even a cigarette in 15 yrs?
but my son's all grown up now... i'm kinda free?

oh, man.. it's always been my great weakness in life that i am so easily lured & tempted..
(the devil says, hey brenda.. let's get high..
and i am so right there..
saying yeaahhhhhh....)

i'm switching the book excerpt accordingly...

i dunno what's going on with me..
i used to just call it 'the hankering'..
so i just drank some of my hubby's chocolate shake.. i haven't had chocolate for many years.. chocolate or meat or .. just so many things..
it was really good..
my son just said, 'mom, did you just drink chocolate??!'
maybe i have the munchies just from thinking these thoughts??
i guess it'll have to do for now..

(besides, i should probably consider what a paranoid giggling maniac i became toward the end..?)

p.p.s. there is no past..

Comments

[friendlyghost]

i was invited to a party, the doors locked from outside, i have the key.. & i am to kill all of the guests one by one..
my turn to play 'masque of the red death'..
for the night mother...
ghost

[friendlyghost]

as my new title of 'silencer' today i had to kill an elf.. she smiled at me first..
now i feel bad.
no more senseless murder.. the dark mother can find another daughter..

i have 3 fine horses now..
the armoured painted pony, blossom (a stolen horse) & my new horse 'shadowmere' she is black with red eyes & very fast..

[emma]

I'm a little disturbed that the elf got to you. Watch your back. You live in a strange world and that may just have been your first crack.

I love the pic and the last one too!

[friendlyghost]

yeah, the smiling elf got to me...
i have a special pool with purgeblood salts that will cure my vampyrism.. i'm thinking about cleansing myself of porphyric hemophilia..
just to see what i look like normally again?
i will lose some powers that came with the disease.
...
strange, i can't make up my mind..
vampyrism is a lifestyle..

[friendlyghost]

well,
i think i've been a vampyre too long now to go back, tried the cure and glitched some weird way.. it's ok, i don't mind.

i just got a phone message from my sister..
i haven't gotten a phonecall from a member of my family in enough years i'd have to count it up...
it made me feel sick to my stomach immediately..
'cause if someone is actually calling me.. something's wrong.
i wish my family could understand that i'm too agoraphobic for phonecalls.. i mean i've been agoraphobic for about.. oh.. 20 years?
i don't do restaurants.. & i don't do phones..
i can email all the live long day & be fine.. so i'm going to be brave & email my sister back & tell her that real nicely..
i don't want her to take it personally, she might though, but what else can i do?
i try to be a friendly ghost.. but it never matters anyway..

ok.. now that's 3 birds that have flown right into our big front window!!!
does anyone know how to stop them??!!!!
poor birdies with headaches!!
ghost

[Emma]

Flight school?

Have you told your sister you are agoraphobic? Geez, I didn't know you don't do the phone. Ah, what am I talking about. I hardly do the phone either. Everytime it rings I ask myself "Well, who do I feel like talking to right now?" and the answer invariably is "No one!". Of course, if I call you, you better call me back. I am a brat!!!!! Good luck with the email.

ps
no gumby yet. hope it comes tomorrow before I go for a ride, cause I was looking forward to the company :)

[friendlyghost]

gumby should get there by tomorrow for sher!

over the years i've told everyone in my family about my panic attacks, agoraphobia & all those tranquilizers... it just never seems to be real..
and my father's the same so it's nothing new..

we always seemed to do some big family dinner thing or restaurant outing, like the hardest thing for me.. but i'm so used to dissociating and being completely detached from myself during those times.. it's freaky.. even my voice sounds like it's someone else.. & i never know what the hell i'll say..
it's been a long time though..
i talk to my guys on the phone ok.. no one else though.. hate even making my stupid dr's appt.s etc..
gotta push the next one off.. putting off having to use the phone for even that...
...

you know..
stupid phones..
grumble grumble...

[friendlyghost]

so now i've had to kill several minotaurs.. why? it's hard enough with the wolves & bears.. i try to avoid them using my stealth abilities.. but the minotaurs are killing me.. and i have to..
i'd rather not 'cause i'm partial to minotaurs as you may have noticed..
another bad headache now..
fuck.
##%^%;*!@ ^&#@$$...

p.s. it was just more dire bad news about my 'family' of course...
even over email i can't stop the shaking i get over it still after all these years.

[friendlyghost]

p.p.s./note:
hey amby i just noticed that all of your back comments vanished from the ghost blog! they seem to be linked to your email address as verification that you are all not just automated robots conspiring to terrorize me.. .. ?
so when you change email addresses that's how it goes..
ghost

[Emma]

Damn your headaches!! :(

What happened about your family?

[friendlyghost]

you ever heard of that boat the titanic? it's just like that only in veeeerrrrrry sllooooowwwwwww
motionnnn.......

it's really bad.

so to change the subject i'll just say i made it through my son's bday steak dinner out with little anxiety being observable to others.. that's the best i can do..
ate a little salad & a few token bites then took everything home in a 'kitty bag' where i may actually eat some of it tomorrow?
it's hard here, $ problems & hubby's been off his meds for 2 weeks due to ins. problems.. i've been just hangin' on trying to be positive for him..
but it's lonely & wearing pretty thin..
how you coping with your reading/homework, em?
did you write that? ^^up^^
;)

[emma]

No i didn't write that (if you are referrig to the drawing board). Hmmmm...mysterious...perhaps twinkletoes is very light on her feet? But I whole heartedly concurr; you are sweet :) xo

$ problems? I know that routine. It can get scary sometimes, are you ok?

I'm glad you survived last night, but I wish you could have some fun. Did the birthday boy enjoy? Hope so.

reading/hmk is going alright(miraculously), but I shudder at how much I have - just this weekend alone :( I'm too busy for a little scout to be. I need to play and that's no joke. I NEED it (throws tantrum). I cooled off a bit about the book.

Tell me more about your family - were they there last night?
Talk to you later,
em

[friendlyghost]

i understand scout's antsy.. geez, for as long as i can remember toxic's been trying to jump up & down on the furniture.. just puts that in our head all the time.. but it makes my head ache.. so..

the bday was nice & lowkey, & we gave him a 'bionicle' he wanted even though he already got his bday $ early.. had to have a toy to open, that's our house rule..
we moved far away from that whole drama so no family get-togethers anymore for us.. he got a card sent from my folks..
i've had a stomachache all night.. restaurant food is too rich for my blood...

[friendlyghost]

ok well, that pic's gotta go.. don't wanna get a reputation or anything..
;)

[emma]

That pic is excellent!

[friendlyghost]

thanks.. i hope amby sees it..
i can never write worth beans on that dang thing though.. did the name part like 3x..
i'm in a real bad headache today/tonight.. gonna stick around home this weekend.. i'll post if it stops. this one's been like a test of my pain tolerance & i'm losing..
take me somewhere cool, em, if you get out on your bike.. 'cause i need the snowcave a little while..
ghost/toxic

[Amby]

Aww I love that picture you drew for me!

[emma]

I'm sorry ghost, you take care. I will bring you with me. Actually, I have special plans for little gumby and pokey that I think is going to shock and thrill them :) Check the site when you can. I'll post pics. Oh yeah, I've got something in mind for big gumby too! Tee hee hee...

[friendlyghost]

god.. it's still there.. just lurking.. i'm thinking now it was sulfites from the salad bar.. since that's all i really ate? it was so bad last night i cried.. and my pain threshold's high.. so it takes alot to wrench pain tears outta me!
it makes me zone out & just like twitch every few minutes.. i need better drugs!
can't wait for the newest gumby adventure, em!
such a pretty day, too..
instead of good morning i say 'pretty day' to my kitties.. they get me through, thank goodness..
when it's cold like now, everyone decides to set aside their differences & get along in the interest of warmth.. after 20 years of trying to sleep with my hubby's snoring, he now has his own sci-fi room & me & my girls have our own room.. the last few nights all 7 have snuggled on & under the covers with me so tightly that i feel like i have truly made the leap in my dna & crossed over from human to feline..
they help me/save me every day..
can you not just feel the kitty love?
ghost

[friendlyghost]

sorry i've been away..
i have 6 different residences now in oblivion.. just managing things keeps me busy there.. but i get to sleep in a nice red velvet coffin now with little pillows! crime does pay!
there's a new kitty film on the left side now..
hey! be sure to come trick'or'treatin' here at the friendlyghost blog over halloween weekend!!!!
ghost

[friendlyghost]

p.s.
my son sends me all this hilarious kitty pix.. so i've put them in the 'random pix' album way down at the bottom right of the blog...
ghost

[emma]

What's more fun? the videos or the pics? It's all so much fun.

The best pic is the first one of you and Dan. What a beautiful moment. Sniffle.

[friendlyghost]

don't get me started.. it bothers me the little fetuses in their jars..
it bothers me, man...
i mean, it's not like they have their permission..
they are little people..
they just wanted to BE..
and i'm there with my son..
(haunted by a secret..)
like little boy blue at the top of my gallery...
ghost