My Photo
a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is he except a being without access to the universe that he has not yet managed to forget?
~ randall jarrell

i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots..
In limbo
rows of never opened doors:
ghost gallery quarantine area (use a laptop or pc with firefox or google chrome browser for essential music, no phones)
all artwork here is copyright protected by vengeful ghosts!
2019 brenda roudebush
all rights reserved..

ghost stories
(blood & butterflies..)

  • these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. let me know what you think/comments? p.s. stories here are non fiction/true. (privately hosted ~ if you're interested in reading this just ask:)

ghost toy catalogue

  • spookytown
    an inventory of toys & collectibles vintage & new including toxic's toys, toxic's library & halloweeniana..

    ~ copyright 2011 all rights reserved
the friendlyghost album ~ welcome to my photo album..
we live in wonderland.. :)
i hope you enjoy me & my guys & kitties, the places we go & things we enjoy..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Beloved sleep
cemeteria album ~
remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
family tree album ~
this addition to the cemeteria album is especially for my own lost loved ones..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

a POEtry reading...

elliott smith & portland

portland haunts album ~
is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

the library..

things behind the sun (journals)
a mouthfull of razorblades (journals)
ghost at the gate's items Go to ghost at the gate's photostream
Laurelhurst trees
january trees album ~
january trees ~ winter shows her bones.. the tree is the psyche, the spirit, the whole self.. our inner world..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
toxic was here ~
vintage socal, birthdays & halloweens..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved
halloween mini album ~
~ copyright 2015 all rights reserved
Bren alice patreon
ghost pix album ~ rpg videogame screenshots, lol kitties & all kinds of goodies.. (use a pc or laptop to hear my game mix here)

home to oblivion..

  • ok i need a whole section just for elder scrolls~oblivion 'cause i'm playing it and loving it way too much right now.. i am so beautifully lost here living as a vampire & i'm never coming back.
    later ~ 430 hours of gameplay all as a vampire & now i'm stuck in limbo in the deadly glitch.. noooo!!
    update: i'm on the methadone of rpgs for my oblivion withdrawls, it's predecessor morrowind ~ the game of the year edition.. these are now my All-Time favorite rpgs, above all others..
    SKYRIM!! 11/11/11!! DAWNGUARD DLC!!
    & more dlc to come!
    the awful tyranny of the sun shall end..

  • come into oblivion with me & tour my homes.. (note: vampirism has changed my appearance & my invisibility is due to stealth..)

  • so many ways to die..

  • realms of madness..

  • a friend in highcross town..

  • bonus morrowind footage..

  • welcome to skyrim..

ghost closet...

haunted home movies..

ghost charity

ghost space

March 2019

Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
          1 2
3 4 5 6 7 8 9
10 11 12 13 14 15 16
17 18 19 20 21 22 23
24 25 26 27 28 29 30
Blog powered by Typepad
Member since 04/2006

« just | Main | tricks & treats!! »

October 16, 2006


Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.


i was invited to a party, the doors locked from outside, i have the key.. & i am to kill all of the guests one by one..
my turn to play 'masque of the red death'..
for the night mother...


as my new title of 'silencer' today i had to kill an elf.. she smiled at me first..
now i feel bad.
no more senseless murder.. the dark mother can find another daughter..

i have 3 fine horses now..
the armoured painted pony, blossom (a stolen horse) & my new horse 'shadowmere' she is black with red eyes & very fast..


I'm a little disturbed that the elf got to you. Watch your back. You live in a strange world and that may just have been your first crack.

I love the pic and the last one too!


yeah, the smiling elf got to me...
i have a special pool with purgeblood salts that will cure my vampyrism.. i'm thinking about cleansing myself of porphyric hemophilia..
just to see what i look like normally again?
i will lose some powers that came with the disease.
strange, i can't make up my mind..
vampyrism is a lifestyle..


i think i've been a vampyre too long now to go back, tried the cure and glitched some weird way.. it's ok, i don't mind.

i just got a phone message from my sister..
i haven't gotten a phonecall from a member of my family in enough years i'd have to count it up...
it made me feel sick to my stomach immediately..
'cause if someone is actually calling me.. something's wrong.
i wish my family could understand that i'm too agoraphobic for phonecalls.. i mean i've been agoraphobic for about.. oh.. 20 years?
i don't do restaurants.. & i don't do phones..
i can email all the live long day & be fine.. so i'm going to be brave & email my sister back & tell her that real nicely..
i don't want her to take it personally, she might though, but what else can i do?
i try to be a friendly ghost.. but it never matters anyway..

ok.. now that's 3 birds that have flown right into our big front window!!!
does anyone know how to stop them??!!!!
poor birdies with headaches!!


Flight school?

Have you told your sister you are agoraphobic? Geez, I didn't know you don't do the phone. Ah, what am I talking about. I hardly do the phone either. Everytime it rings I ask myself "Well, who do I feel like talking to right now?" and the answer invariably is "No one!". Of course, if I call you, you better call me back. I am a brat!!!!! Good luck with the email.

no gumby yet. hope it comes tomorrow before I go for a ride, cause I was looking forward to the company :)


gumby should get there by tomorrow for sher!

over the years i've told everyone in my family about my panic attacks, agoraphobia & all those tranquilizers... it just never seems to be real..
and my father's the same so it's nothing new..

we always seemed to do some big family dinner thing or restaurant outing, like the hardest thing for me.. but i'm so used to dissociating and being completely detached from myself during those times.. it's freaky.. even my voice sounds like it's someone else.. & i never know what the hell i'll say..
it's been a long time though..
i talk to my guys on the phone ok.. no one else though.. hate even making my stupid dr's appt.s etc..
gotta push the next one off.. putting off having to use the phone for even that...

you know..
stupid phones..
grumble grumble...


so now i've had to kill several minotaurs.. why? it's hard enough with the wolves & bears.. i try to avoid them using my stealth abilities.. but the minotaurs are killing me.. and i have to..
i'd rather not 'cause i'm partial to minotaurs as you may have noticed..
another bad headache now..
##%^%;*!@ ^&#@$$...

p.s. it was just more dire bad news about my 'family' of course...
even over email i can't stop the shaking i get over it still after all these years.


hey amby i just noticed that all of your back comments vanished from the ghost blog! they seem to be linked to your email address as verification that you are all not just automated robots conspiring to terrorize me.. .. ?
so when you change email addresses that's how it goes..


Damn your headaches!! :(

What happened about your family?


you ever heard of that boat the titanic? it's just like that only in veeeerrrrrry sllooooowwwwwww

it's really bad.

so to change the subject i'll just say i made it through my son's bday steak dinner out with little anxiety being observable to others.. that's the best i can do..
ate a little salad & a few token bites then took everything home in a 'kitty bag' where i may actually eat some of it tomorrow?
it's hard here, $ problems & hubby's been off his meds for 2 weeks due to ins. problems.. i've been just hangin' on trying to be positive for him..
but it's lonely & wearing pretty thin..
how you coping with your reading/homework, em?
did you write that? ^^up^^


No i didn't write that (if you are referrig to the drawing board). Hmmmm...mysterious...perhaps twinkletoes is very light on her feet? But I whole heartedly concurr; you are sweet :) xo

$ problems? I know that routine. It can get scary sometimes, are you ok?

I'm glad you survived last night, but I wish you could have some fun. Did the birthday boy enjoy? Hope so.

reading/hmk is going alright(miraculously), but I shudder at how much I have - just this weekend alone :( I'm too busy for a little scout to be. I need to play and that's no joke. I NEED it (throws tantrum). I cooled off a bit about the book.

Tell me more about your family - were they there last night?
Talk to you later,


i understand scout's antsy.. geez, for as long as i can remember toxic's been trying to jump up & down on the furniture.. just puts that in our head all the time.. but it makes my head ache.. so..

the bday was nice & lowkey, & we gave him a 'bionicle' he wanted even though he already got his bday $ early.. had to have a toy to open, that's our house rule..
we moved far away from that whole drama so no family get-togethers anymore for us.. he got a card sent from my folks..
i've had a stomachache all night.. restaurant food is too rich for my blood...


ok well, that pic's gotta go.. don't wanna get a reputation or anything..


That pic is excellent!


thanks.. i hope amby sees it..
i can never write worth beans on that dang thing though.. did the name part like 3x..
i'm in a real bad headache today/tonight.. gonna stick around home this weekend.. i'll post if it stops. this one's been like a test of my pain tolerance & i'm losing..
take me somewhere cool, em, if you get out on your bike.. 'cause i need the snowcave a little while..


Aww I love that picture you drew for me!


I'm sorry ghost, you take care. I will bring you with me. Actually, I have special plans for little gumby and pokey that I think is going to shock and thrill them :) Check the site when you can. I'll post pics. Oh yeah, I've got something in mind for big gumby too! Tee hee hee...


god.. it's still there.. just lurking.. i'm thinking now it was sulfites from the salad bar.. since that's all i really ate? it was so bad last night i cried.. and my pain threshold's high.. so it takes alot to wrench pain tears outta me!
it makes me zone out & just like twitch every few minutes.. i need better drugs!
can't wait for the newest gumby adventure, em!
such a pretty day, too..
instead of good morning i say 'pretty day' to my kitties.. they get me through, thank goodness..
when it's cold like now, everyone decides to set aside their differences & get along in the interest of warmth.. after 20 years of trying to sleep with my hubby's snoring, he now has his own sci-fi room & me & my girls have our own room.. the last few nights all 7 have snuggled on & under the covers with me so tightly that i feel like i have truly made the leap in my dna & crossed over from human to feline..
they help me/save me every day..
can you not just feel the kitty love?


sorry i've been away..
i have 6 different residences now in oblivion.. just managing things keeps me busy there.. but i get to sleep in a nice red velvet coffin now with little pillows! crime does pay!
there's a new kitty film on the left side now..
hey! be sure to come trick'or'treatin' here at the friendlyghost blog over halloween weekend!!!!


my son sends me all this hilarious kitty pix.. so i've put them in the 'random pix' album way down at the bottom right of the blog...


What's more fun? the videos or the pics? It's all so much fun.

The best pic is the first one of you and Dan. What a beautiful moment. Sniffle.


don't get me started.. it bothers me the little fetuses in their jars..
it bothers me, man...
i mean, it's not like they have their permission..
they are little people..
they just wanted to BE..
and i'm there with my son..
(haunted by a secret..)
like little boy blue at the top of my gallery...

Verify your Comment

Previewing your Comment

This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.

Your comment could not be posted. Error type:
Your comment has been posted. Post another comment

The letters and numbers you entered did not match the image. Please try again.

As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.

Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.


Post a comment

Your Information

(Name and email address are required. Email address will not be displayed with the comment.)

lost & found toys

cat girl

  • xx xx xx be wild.. xx xx xx

a handful of applecores a mouthful of razorblades

  • i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
  • seeing is deceiving..
  • $@x!^&*#%!/
  • love bites.
  • life sucks.
  • "but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
    "oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
    "we're all mad here.
    i'm mad. you're mad."
    "how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
    "you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
    Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
    however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
    "to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
    "i suppose so," said Alice.
    "well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
    Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
  • but why is the rum gone?!
  • ***triggering!! don't look!!!*** (you looked..)
  • beezorch daddy-o! go! kitty, go!
  • ffft! hiss! spit! rah! kill! maim!
  • crank up your speakers!!


  • by Edgar Allan Poe

    The skies they were ashen and sober;
    The leaves they were crisped and sere-
    The leaves they were withering and sere;
    It was night in the lonesome October
    Of my most immemorial year;
    It was hard by the dim lake of Auber,
    In the misty mid region of Weir-
    It was down by the dank tarn of Auber,
    In the ghoul-haunted woodland of Weir.

    Here once, through an alley Titanic,
    Of cypress, I roamed with my Soul-
    Of cypress, with Psyche, my Soul.
    These were days when my heart was volcanic
    As the scoriac rivers that roll-
    As the lavas that restlessly roll
    Their sulphurous currents down Yaanek
    In the ultimate climes of the pole-
    That groan as they roll down Mount Yaanek
    In the realms of the boreal pole.

    Our talk had been serious and sober,
    But our thoughts they were palsied and sere-
    Our memories were treacherous and sere-
    For we knew not the month was October,
    And we marked not the night of the year-
    (Ah, night of all nights in the year!)
    We noted not the dim lake of Auber-
    (Though once we had journeyed down here),
    Remembered not the dank tarn of Auber,
    Nor the ghoul-haunted woodland of Weir.

    And now, as the night was senescent,
    And star-dials pointed to morn-
    As the star-dials hinted of morn-
    At the end of our path a liquescent
    And nebulous lustre was born,
    Out of which a miraculous crescent
    Arose with a duplicate horn-
    Astarte's bediamonded crescent
    Distinct with its duplicate horn.

    And I said–"She is warmer than Dian:
    She rolls through an ether of sighs-
    She revels in a region of sighs:
    She has seen that the tears are not dry on
    These cheeks, where the worm never dies,
    And has come past the stars of the Lion,
    To point us the path to the skies-
    To the Lethean peace of the skies-
    Come up, in despite of the Lion,
    To shine on us with her bright eyes-
    Come up through the lair of the Lion,
    With love in her luminous eyes."

    But Psyche, uplifting her finger,
    Said–"Sadly this star I mistrust-
    Her pallor I strangely mistrust:-
    Oh, hasten!–oh, let us not linger!
    Oh, fly!–let us fly!–for we must."
    In terror she spoke, letting sink her
    Wings until they trailed in the dust-
    In agony sobbed, letting sink her
    Plumes till they trailed in the dust-
    Till they sorrowfully trailed in the dust.

    I replied–"This is nothing but dreaming:
    Let us on by this tremulous light!
    Let us bathe in this crystalline light!
    Its Sybilic splendor is beaming
    With Hope and in Beauty to-night:-
    See!–it flickers up the sky through the night!
    Ah, we safely may trust to its gleaming,
    And be sure it will lead us aright-
    We safely may trust to a gleaming
    That cannot but guide us aright,
    Since it flickers up to Heaven through the night."

    Thus I pacified Psyche and kissed her,
    And tempted her out of her gloom-
    And conquered her scruples and gloom;
    And we passed to the end of the vista,
    But were stopped by the door of a tomb-
    By the door of a legended tomb;
    And I said–"What is written, sweet sister,
    On the door of this legended tomb?"
    She replied–"Ulalume–Ulalume-
    'Tis the vault of thy lost Ulalume!"

    Then my heart it grew ashen and sober
    As the leaves that were crisped and sere-
    As the leaves that were withering and sere-
    And I cried–"It was surely October
    On this very night of last year
    That I journeyed–I journeyed down here-
    That I brought a dread burden down here-
    On this night of all nights in the year,
    Ah, what demon has tempted me here?
    Well I know, now, this dim lake of Auber-
    This misty mid region of Weir-
    Well I know, now, this dank tarn of Auber,
    This ghoul-haunted woodland of Weir."

    Said we then, the two then,
    "Ah, can it have been
    That the woodlandish ghouls,
    The pitiful, the merciful ghouls,
    To bar up our way and to ban it
    From the secret that lies in these wolds,
    From the thing that lies hidden in these wolds,
    Have drawn up the spectre of a planet
    From the limbo of lunary souls,
    This sinfully scintillant planet
    From the Hell of the planetary souls..."

little friends..

back in the day ~
back when i was still a snowballinhell, including tabitha's kittens & little daniel..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

friendlyghost fun & games!!

ghost movie picks..

  • not necessarily in this order:
    1 Dead Man
    2 Notorious
    3 Bringing Up Baby
    4 It’s a Wonderful Life
    5 A.I.
    6 Pink Floyd/The Wall
    7 The City of Lost Children
    8 Orphans (Matthew Modine)
    9 The Effect of Gamma Rays on 
    Man-in-the-Moon Marigolds
    10 The Lord of the Rings Trilogy
    11 The Curse of the Cat People
    12 Pirates of the Caribbean 1, 2 & 3 
    13 Jan Svankmejer’s Alice
    14 Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf?
    15 Sybil
    16 Edward Scissorhands
    17 The Nightmare Before Christmas
    18 A Tree Grows in Brooklyn
    19 An Angel at My Table
    20 Rear Window
    21 The Wizard of Oz
    22 Oliver!
    23 King Kong (original)
    24 Navigator: A Medieval Odyssey
    25 Titus
    26 The Swimmer
    27 Monty Python & the Holy Grail
    28 Sergeant York
    29 A Streetcar Named Desire
    30 The Little Princess  (original)
    31 Immortal Beloved
    32 Life & Death
    33 The Little Fugitive
    34 Willy Wonka (both)
    35 Endless Summer
    36 Dead Poets Society
    37 Silence of the Lambs
    38 Instinct
    39 Sleepy Hollow
    40 Pollock
    41 Days of Wine & Roses
    42 Something Wicked This Way 
    43 James & the Giant Peach
    44 Lemony Snickett’s Series of 
    Unfortunate Events 
    45 The Shining (original)
    46 Harold & Maude
    47 Psycho
    48 The Road to Utopia (& others!)
    49 Monkey Business (Cary Grant)
    50 North By Northwest
    51 Spider Baby
    52 Golden Earrings
    53 The Miracle Worker
    54 The Neverending Story
    55 A Clockwork Orange
    56 Clash of the Titans
    57 The Outsiders
    58 Benny &Joon
    59 The Whisperers
    60 Angela’s Ashes
    61 Willow
    62 Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein
    63 Polyester
    64 Scrooged
    65 Groundhog Day
    66 PeeWee’s Big Adventure
    67 The African Queen
    68 Victor/Victoria
    69 The Others
    70 From Hell
    71 Dreamchild
    72 The Paleface
    73 Another Woman
    74 Warlock
    75 Fanny & Alexander
    76 One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest
    77 Duel
    78 A Girl Named Sooner
    79 A Christmas Story
    80 Return to Oz
    81 Harry Potter (movies)
    82 Van Helsing 
    83 Don’t Look in the Basement
    84 Toy Story
    85 The Court Jester
    86 Murder, He Says
    87 Indiscreet
    88 Creepshow
    89 Mr Smith Goes to Washington
    90 Harvey
    91 Brainstorm
    92 Ed Wood
    93 Defending Your Life
    94 The Bells of St. Mary’s
    95 Going My Way
    96 This Property is Condemned
    97 Rebel Without a Cause
    98 Labyrinth
    99 Jabberwocky
    100 Cheech & Chong’s Nice Dreams
    101 Gone With the Wind
    102 6th Sense
    103 To Kill a Mockingbird
    104 Troll
    105 Small Soldiers
    106 Jumanji
    107 Mrs. Doubtfire
    108 Gaslight
    109 Take the Money and Run
    110 The Old Man and the Sea
    111 Hocus Pocus
    112 Witches
    113 Casablanca
    114 What About Bob
    115 The Godfather
    116 The Deer Hunter
    117 Raiders of the Lost Ark
    118 Greystoke: Legend of Tarzan
    119 Monty Python’s Meaning of Life 
    120 Eraserhead
    121 Arsenic & Old Lace
    122 Motel Hell
    123 Dial M for Murder
    124 The Other
    125 The Chronicles of Narnia
    126 Napoleon Dynamite
    127 SOB
    128 The Secret Garden
    129 Apocalypse Now
    130 Hide & Seek
    131 Eternal Sunshine Spotless Mind
    132 The Abandoned
    133 Pan's Labyrinth
    134 Kafka
    135 One Hour Photo
    136 Jack the Bear
    137 Fur: Diane Arbus
    138 Unforgiven
    139 Dances With Wolves
    140 Alice in Wonderland 2010
    141 True Grit (2010)
    142 The Wolfman (original & new)
    143 Universal Monsters (originals)
    144 The Road
    145 The Woman in Black
    146 Don't Be Afraid of the Dark
    147 Dark Shadows
    148 The Yellow Wallpaper
    149 Paranorman
    150 The Hobbit (all)
    151 Frankenweenie
    152 Oz the Great & Powerful
    153 The Raven 2012
    154 Snow White & the Huntsman
    155 The Elephant Man
    156 Hugo
    157 Rabbit-Proof Fence
    158 Mama
    159 My Side of the Mountain 1969
    160 Maleficent
    161 God Bless Ozzy (bio)
    162 The Book Thief
    163 Wakefield
    Gumby Adventures (original & new)
    The Twilight Zone episodes (original)
    The Outer Limits (original)
    The Night Gallery
    Davey & Goliath
    Mr Rogers Neighborhood
    Sesame Street (pre elmo!)
    Little House on the Prairie
    Monty Python’s Flying Circus
    Mystery Science Theater 3000
    Good Neighbors
    The Rockford Files
    Fawlty Towers
    Ripping Yarns
    Metamorphosis (play) 
    The Glass Menegerie(play)
    Death of a Salesman(play)
    Absurd Person Singular(play)
    I, Claudius (miniseries)
    The Chronicles of Narnia (miniseries)
    Merlin (miniseries)
    The Snowman (animated)
    The Selfish Giant (animated)
    Prokofiev's Peter & the Wolf 2006
    Secret of Kells (animated)
    Yellow Submarine (animated)
    Watership Down (animated)
    Peter Rabbit & Friends (animated)
    Frog & Toad (animated)
    Dr Seuss (animated shows)
    Kroft shows (Land of the Lost, etc…)
    Peanuts (animated shows)
    Felix the Cat (animated cartoons)
    The Oblongs (animated)
    The Addams Family (original series)
    The Munsters (original series)
    The Phantom Creeps (serial)
    Bill & Coo (live bird show)
    The Sopranos (series)
    Biggest Loser (series)
    All Rankin/Bass shows (Mad Monster
    Party, Daydreamer etc)
    Little Rascals/Our Gang comedies 
    Deadwood (series)
    Secrets of the Dead (series)
    Mantracker (series)
    Dual Survival (original series)
    Estate of Panic (series)
    Criminal Minds (series)
    Two Fat Ladies (series)
    History Detectives (series)
    Oregon Field Guide (series)
    Once Upon a Time (both series)
    Oddities (series)
    Odd Folks Home (series)
    The Incredible Dr Pol (series)
    Colbert Report (series)
    Bates Motel (series)
    Hannibal (series)
    Longmire (series)
    Treehouse Masters (series)
    The Blacklist (series)
    Life Below Zero (series)
    Sleepy Hollow (series)
    Dracula (series)
    Portlandia (series)
    The Walking Dead (series)
    Breaking Bad (series)
    Alaska: the Last Frontier (series)
    American Horror Story (series)
    Salem (series)
    Penny Dreadful (series)
    Chronicles of Lizzie Borden (series)
    Grimm (series)
    Fear of the Walking Dead (series)
    The Killing (series)
    The Fall (series)


lost hollow digital art album ~
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved


  • lunacy..
  • the happy haunts have received your sympathetic vibrations...