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a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is he except a being without access to the universe that he has not yet managed to forget?
~ randall jarrell

i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots.. any comments are welcome ;)
In limbo
rows of never opened doors:
ghost gallery quarantine area (use a laptop or pc with firefox or google chrome browser for essential music, no phones)
all artwork here is copyright protected by vengeful ghosts!
2019 brenda roudebush
all rights reserved..

ghost stories
(blood & butterflies..)

  • these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. let me know what you think/comments? p.s. stories here are non fiction/true. (privately hosted ~ if you're interested in reading this just ask:)


ghost toy catalogue

  • spookytown
    an inventory of toys & collectibles vintage & new including toxic's toys, toxic's library & halloweeniana..

    ~ copyright 2011 all rights reserved
Cherrytreemoon
the friendlyghost album ~ welcome to my photo album..
we live in wonderland.. :)
i hope you enjoy me & my guys & kitties, the places we go & things we enjoy..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Beloved sleep
cemeteria album ~
remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Scandalous
family tree album ~
this addition to the cemeteria album is especially for my own lost loved ones..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

a POEtry reading...

elliott smith & portland

Pdx
portland haunts album ~
is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

the library..

Thingsbehindthesun
things behind the sun (journals)
Razorblades
a mouthfull of razorblades (journals)
www.flickr.com
ghost at the gate's items Go to ghost at the gate's photostream
Laurelhurst trees
january trees album ~
january trees ~ winter shows her bones.. the tree is the psyche, the spirit, the whole self.. our inner world..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Brenkitty
toxic was here ~
vintage socal, birthdays & halloweens..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Enter
halloween mini album ~
~ copyright 2015 all rights reserved
Bren alice patreon
ghost pix album ~ rpg videogame screenshots, lol kitties & all kinds of goodies.. (use a pc or laptop to hear my game mix here)

home to oblivion..


  • ok i need a whole section just for elder scrolls~oblivion 'cause i'm playing it and loving it way too much right now.. i am so beautifully lost here living as a vampire & i'm never coming back.
    later ~ 430 hours of gameplay all as a vampire & now i'm stuck in limbo in the deadly glitch.. noooo!!
    update: i'm on the methadone of rpgs for my oblivion withdrawls, it's predecessor morrowind ~ the game of the year edition.. these are now my All-Time favorite rpgs, above all others..
    NEW ELDER SCROLLS!!
    SKYRIM!! 11/11/11!! DAWNGUARD DLC!!
    & more dlc to come!
    the awful tyranny of the sun shall end..

  • come into oblivion with me & tour my homes.. (note: vampirism has changed my appearance & my invisibility is due to stealth..)

  • so many ways to die..

  • realms of madness..

  • a friend in highcross town..

  • bonus morrowind footage..

  • welcome to skyrim..

ghost closet...

haunted home movies..

ghost charity

ghost space

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October 16, 2006

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friendlyghost

i was invited to a party, the doors locked from outside, i have the key.. & i am to kill all of the guests one by one..
my turn to play 'masque of the red death'..
for the night mother...
ghost

friendlyghost

as my new title of 'silencer' today i had to kill an elf.. she smiled at me first..
now i feel bad.
no more senseless murder.. the dark mother can find another daughter..

i have 3 fine horses now..
the armoured painted pony, blossom (a stolen horse) & my new horse 'shadowmere' she is black with red eyes & very fast..

emma

I'm a little disturbed that the elf got to you. Watch your back. You live in a strange world and that may just have been your first crack.

I love the pic and the last one too!

friendlyghost

yeah, the smiling elf got to me...
i have a special pool with purgeblood salts that will cure my vampyrism.. i'm thinking about cleansing myself of porphyric hemophilia..
just to see what i look like normally again?
i will lose some powers that came with the disease.
...
strange, i can't make up my mind..
vampyrism is a lifestyle..

friendlyghost

well,
i think i've been a vampyre too long now to go back, tried the cure and glitched some weird way.. it's ok, i don't mind.

i just got a phone message from my sister..
i haven't gotten a phonecall from a member of my family in enough years i'd have to count it up...
it made me feel sick to my stomach immediately..
'cause if someone is actually calling me.. something's wrong.
i wish my family could understand that i'm too agoraphobic for phonecalls.. i mean i've been agoraphobic for about.. oh.. 20 years?
i don't do restaurants.. & i don't do phones..
i can email all the live long day & be fine.. so i'm going to be brave & email my sister back & tell her that real nicely..
i don't want her to take it personally, she might though, but what else can i do?
i try to be a friendly ghost.. but it never matters anyway..

ok.. now that's 3 birds that have flown right into our big front window!!!
does anyone know how to stop them??!!!!
poor birdies with headaches!!
ghost

Emma

Flight school?

Have you told your sister you are agoraphobic? Geez, I didn't know you don't do the phone. Ah, what am I talking about. I hardly do the phone either. Everytime it rings I ask myself "Well, who do I feel like talking to right now?" and the answer invariably is "No one!". Of course, if I call you, you better call me back. I am a brat!!!!! Good luck with the email.

ps
no gumby yet. hope it comes tomorrow before I go for a ride, cause I was looking forward to the company :)

friendlyghost

gumby should get there by tomorrow for sher!

over the years i've told everyone in my family about my panic attacks, agoraphobia & all those tranquilizers... it just never seems to be real..
and my father's the same so it's nothing new..

we always seemed to do some big family dinner thing or restaurant outing, like the hardest thing for me.. but i'm so used to dissociating and being completely detached from myself during those times.. it's freaky.. even my voice sounds like it's someone else.. & i never know what the hell i'll say..
it's been a long time though..
i talk to my guys on the phone ok.. no one else though.. hate even making my stupid dr's appt.s etc..
gotta push the next one off.. putting off having to use the phone for even that...
...

you know..
stupid phones..
grumble grumble...

friendlyghost

so now i've had to kill several minotaurs.. why? it's hard enough with the wolves & bears.. i try to avoid them using my stealth abilities.. but the minotaurs are killing me.. and i have to..
i'd rather not 'cause i'm partial to minotaurs as you may have noticed..
another bad headache now..
fuck.
##%^%;*!@ ^&#@$$...

p.s. it was just more dire bad news about my 'family' of course...
even over email i can't stop the shaking i get over it still after all these years.

friendlyghost

p.p.s./note:
hey amby i just noticed that all of your back comments vanished from the ghost blog! they seem to be linked to your email address as verification that you are all not just automated robots conspiring to terrorize me.. .. ?
so when you change email addresses that's how it goes..
ghost

Emma

Damn your headaches!! :(

What happened about your family?

friendlyghost

you ever heard of that boat the titanic? it's just like that only in veeeerrrrrry sllooooowwwwwww
motionnnn.......

it's really bad.

so to change the subject i'll just say i made it through my son's bday steak dinner out with little anxiety being observable to others.. that's the best i can do..
ate a little salad & a few token bites then took everything home in a 'kitty bag' where i may actually eat some of it tomorrow?
it's hard here, $ problems & hubby's been off his meds for 2 weeks due to ins. problems.. i've been just hangin' on trying to be positive for him..
but it's lonely & wearing pretty thin..
how you coping with your reading/homework, em?
did you write that? ^^up^^
;)

emma

No i didn't write that (if you are referrig to the drawing board). Hmmmm...mysterious...perhaps twinkletoes is very light on her feet? But I whole heartedly concurr; you are sweet :) xo

$ problems? I know that routine. It can get scary sometimes, are you ok?

I'm glad you survived last night, but I wish you could have some fun. Did the birthday boy enjoy? Hope so.

reading/hmk is going alright(miraculously), but I shudder at how much I have - just this weekend alone :( I'm too busy for a little scout to be. I need to play and that's no joke. I NEED it (throws tantrum). I cooled off a bit about the book.

Tell me more about your family - were they there last night?
Talk to you later,
em

friendlyghost

i understand scout's antsy.. geez, for as long as i can remember toxic's been trying to jump up & down on the furniture.. just puts that in our head all the time.. but it makes my head ache.. so..

the bday was nice & lowkey, & we gave him a 'bionicle' he wanted even though he already got his bday $ early.. had to have a toy to open, that's our house rule..
we moved far away from that whole drama so no family get-togethers anymore for us.. he got a card sent from my folks..
i've had a stomachache all night.. restaurant food is too rich for my blood...

friendlyghost

ok well, that pic's gotta go.. don't wanna get a reputation or anything..
;)

emma

That pic is excellent!

friendlyghost

thanks.. i hope amby sees it..
i can never write worth beans on that dang thing though.. did the name part like 3x..
i'm in a real bad headache today/tonight.. gonna stick around home this weekend.. i'll post if it stops. this one's been like a test of my pain tolerance & i'm losing..
take me somewhere cool, em, if you get out on your bike.. 'cause i need the snowcave a little while..
ghost/toxic

Amby

Aww I love that picture you drew for me!

emma

I'm sorry ghost, you take care. I will bring you with me. Actually, I have special plans for little gumby and pokey that I think is going to shock and thrill them :) Check the site when you can. I'll post pics. Oh yeah, I've got something in mind for big gumby too! Tee hee hee...

friendlyghost

god.. it's still there.. just lurking.. i'm thinking now it was sulfites from the salad bar.. since that's all i really ate? it was so bad last night i cried.. and my pain threshold's high.. so it takes alot to wrench pain tears outta me!
it makes me zone out & just like twitch every few minutes.. i need better drugs!
can't wait for the newest gumby adventure, em!
such a pretty day, too..
instead of good morning i say 'pretty day' to my kitties.. they get me through, thank goodness..
when it's cold like now, everyone decides to set aside their differences & get along in the interest of warmth.. after 20 years of trying to sleep with my hubby's snoring, he now has his own sci-fi room & me & my girls have our own room.. the last few nights all 7 have snuggled on & under the covers with me so tightly that i feel like i have truly made the leap in my dna & crossed over from human to feline..
they help me/save me every day..
can you not just feel the kitty love?
ghost

friendlyghost

sorry i've been away..
i have 6 different residences now in oblivion.. just managing things keeps me busy there.. but i get to sleep in a nice red velvet coffin now with little pillows! crime does pay!
there's a new kitty film on the left side now..
hey! be sure to come trick'or'treatin' here at the friendlyghost blog over halloween weekend!!!!
ghost

friendlyghost

p.s.
my son sends me all this hilarious kitty pix.. so i've put them in the 'random pix' album way down at the bottom right of the blog...
ghost

emma

What's more fun? the videos or the pics? It's all so much fun.

The best pic is the first one of you and Dan. What a beautiful moment. Sniffle.

friendlyghost

don't get me started.. it bothers me the little fetuses in their jars..
it bothers me, man...
i mean, it's not like they have their permission..
they are little people..
they just wanted to BE..
and i'm there with my son..
(haunted by a secret..)
like little boy blue at the top of my gallery...
ghost

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  • $@x!^&*#%!/
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  • "but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
    "oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
    "we're all mad here.
    i'm mad. you're mad."
    "how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
    "you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
    Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
    however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
    "to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
    "i suppose so," said Alice.
    "well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
    Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
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