by Edgar Allan
Poe
The
skies they were ashen and sober;
The leaves they were crisped and
sere-
The leaves they were withering and sere;
It was night in the
lonesome October
Of my most immemorial year;
It was hard by the dim
lake of Auber,
In the misty mid region of Weir-
It was down by the
dank tarn of Auber,
In the ghoul-haunted woodland of Weir.
Here
once, through an alley Titanic,
Of cypress, I roamed with my
Soul-
Of cypress, with Psyche, my Soul.
These were days when my
heart was volcanic
As the scoriac rivers that roll-
As the lavas
that restlessly roll
Their sulphurous currents down Yaanek
In the
ultimate climes of the pole-
That groan as they roll down Mount
Yaanek
In the realms of the boreal pole.
Our talk had been
serious and sober,
But our thoughts they were palsied and sere-
Our
memories were treacherous and sere-
For we knew not the month was
October,
And we marked not the night of the year-
(Ah, night of all
nights in the year!)
We noted not the dim lake of Auber-
(Though
once we had journeyed down here),
Remembered not the dank tarn of
Auber,
Nor the ghoul-haunted woodland of Weir.
And now, as the
night was senescent,
And star-dials pointed to morn-
As the
star-dials hinted of morn-
At the end of our path a liquescent
And
nebulous lustre was born,
Out of which a miraculous crescent
Arose
with a duplicate horn-
Astarte's bediamonded crescent
Distinct with
its duplicate horn.
And I said–"She is warmer than Dian:
She
rolls through an ether of sighs-
She revels in a region of
sighs:
She has seen that the tears are not dry on
These cheeks,
where the worm never dies,
And has come past the stars of the
Lion,
To point us the path to the skies-
To the Lethean peace of the
skies-
Come up, in despite of the Lion,
To shine on us with her
bright eyes-
Come up through the lair of the Lion,
With love in her
luminous eyes."
But Psyche, uplifting her finger,
Said–"Sadly
this star I mistrust-
Her pallor I strangely mistrust:-
Oh,
hasten!–oh, let us not linger!
Oh, fly!–let us fly!–for we must."
In
terror she spoke, letting sink her
Wings until they trailed in the
dust-
In agony sobbed, letting sink her
Plumes till they trailed in
the dust-
Till they sorrowfully trailed in the dust.
I
replied–"This is nothing but dreaming:
Let us on by this tremulous
light!
Let us bathe in this crystalline light!
Its Sybilic splendor
is beaming
With Hope and in Beauty to-night:-
See!–it flickers up
the sky through the night!
Ah, we safely may trust to its
gleaming,
And be sure it will lead us aright-
We safely may trust to
a gleaming
That cannot but guide us aright,
Since it flickers up to
Heaven through the night."
Thus I pacified Psyche and kissed
her,
And tempted her out of her gloom-
And conquered her scruples
and gloom;
And we passed to the end of the vista,
But were stopped
by the door of a tomb-
By the door of a legended tomb;
And I
said–"What is written, sweet sister,
On the door of this legended
tomb?"
She replied–"Ulalume–Ulalume-
'Tis the vault of thy lost
Ulalume!"
Then my heart it grew ashen and sober
As the leaves
that were crisped and sere-
As the leaves that were withering and
sere-
And I cried–"It was surely October
On this very night of last
year
That I journeyed–I journeyed down here-
That I brought a dread
burden down here-
On this night of all nights in the year,
Ah, what
demon has tempted me here?
Well I know, now, this dim lake of
Auber-
This misty mid region of Weir-
Well I know, now, this dank
tarn of Auber,
This ghoul-haunted woodland of Weir."
Said we
then, the two then,
"Ah, can it have been
That the woodlandish
ghouls,
The pitiful, the merciful ghouls,
To bar up our way and to
ban it
From the secret that lies in these wolds,
From the thing that
lies hidden in these wolds,
Have drawn up the spectre of a
planet
From the limbo of lunary souls,
This sinfully scintillant
planet
From the Hell of the planetary souls..."
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these quiet elliott smith rares always take me back to my first days up here in icy wet oregon.. with him whispering placeholder, going nowhere & pretty mary k into my ears from my ipod.. out in the rain & cold.. i cried all the time then.. but the rain made it secret..they are true ghostunes..
ghost
Posted by: friendlyghost | October 14, 2006 at 12:43 PM
Ghost...you are breaking my heart. I wish I could create something for you. I can only love you.
Posted by: emma | October 14, 2006 at 04:11 PM
;)
Posted by: friendlyghost | October 14, 2006 at 06:51 PM
i'm happy right now 'cause my long lost painted pony mysteriously returned home! the one i got steel armour for.. so i've been riding around the countryside in the rain alot..
also i joined the virtuous blood organization.. (they are vampyre slayers... hehe.. they don't know....)
Posted by: friendlyghost | October 15, 2006 at 06:41 PM
p.s.
i'm feeling pretty much like my attachment problem, like my agoraphobia, is hopeless.. it's just the way i am, not likely anyone can or will help me.. i only say that after 30 years of truly searching.. and half a lifetime of therapy on & off..
it's not understood yet..
and i'm unwilling to drug myself until the genii figure it out..
it's fucking lonely though..
knowing it never lets up ... that ache.
ghost & toxic
(xxxfriends til we diexxx)
Posted by: friendlyghost | October 15, 2006 at 07:06 PM
Hey,
I've been thinking about Licia. I'm not feeling the love for her. I know therapy is...its...umm...oh crap. I don't know what therapy is! But I pay for it!
That ache. How is it that the ache can be so tenacious? Like why is hope and love and all the good things so much weaker than the ache?
You know ghost, whether someone can help you is unknown, but someone would help you. There is someone, many, who would want to help you. Who would see all your goodness. I see it everywhere.
Posted by: emma | October 16, 2006 at 08:10 AM
thanx,em, you are my pal..
there's no sense to why i still care about someone who has surely forgotten me.. i just really liked her out of all the humans.. & i wanted her to be the one i'd let in to help.. but not many people are ok with my chronic major depression..
i am happy sometimes..
even if she just really had wanted to help & didn't know how.. i would've been ok with that.. instead she got frustrated & tried to fit me into a little box.
i should just be gone like i am to her & everyone else, but i ache.. so i must still be here..?
you know i asked her to please not forget me.. but i knew she was already wanting me gone.. so i was an idiot & tried to make her hate me at least.. made her give up my records.. but i left her a dvd on our last session.. now i bet it probably didn't even work due to stupid phillips/magnavox & problems with discs we made then... of course.. now ours only play on our playstation for some reason.. i'm such a freak & an idiot. i'll never get better.
Posted by: friendlyghost | October 16, 2006 at 09:25 AM
Gone? Man you are so here:) And that makes me very happy. Oh, man. You asked licia not to forget you? I can just feeeeeel that ghost. What did you put on the dvd? You are a freak:) It's one of your finer qualities:) But you are not an idiot. If you were, you'd probably be diong fine! As far as getting better, look at what you have accomplished in the last year. Sometimes I don't think I want to get "better". I just want the ache to be satisfied and I bet that is not related to getting better.
Posted by: emma | October 17, 2006 at 03:29 AM
em..
i just now found this comment.. how did i miss it? i agree, i don't mind not getting better, if only others could live with me the way i am.. if i could just get a little of what i need i'd be a-ok.
the disc had a little clip of a 'goodbye/thank you' with me & my kitties.. 3 vintage original gumby episodes (A+ ones), and a copy of the czech film by jan svankmeyer 'alice'.. it's one of my favorites & very hard to find.. have you seen it, em?
i bet it didn't even work & she thinks i'm an idiot..
i guess a true idiot would in fact be blissfully ok, huh? thanks for that.. you are right. i've just always had this twilight zoney feeling that i should have just been gone since forever ago.. that's why i'm a ghost.
Posted by: friendlyghost | October 17, 2006 at 03:09 PM