My Photo
a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is he except a being without access to the universe that he has not yet managed to forget?
~ randall jarrell

i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots.. any comments are welcome ;)
In limbo
rows of never opened doors:
ghost gallery quarantine area (use a laptop or pc with firefox or google chrome browser for essential music, no phones)
all artwork here is copyright protected by vengeful ghosts!
2019 brenda roudebush
all rights reserved..

ghost stories
(blood & butterflies..)

  • these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. let me know what you think/comments? p.s. stories here are non fiction/true. (privately hosted ~ if you're interested in reading this just ask:)


ghost toy catalogue

  • spookytown
    an inventory of toys & collectibles vintage & new including toxic's toys, toxic's library & halloweeniana..

    ~ copyright 2011 all rights reserved
Cherrytreemoon
the friendlyghost album ~ welcome to my photo album..
we live in wonderland.. :)
i hope you enjoy me & my guys & kitties, the places we go & things we enjoy..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Beloved sleep
cemeteria album ~
remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Scandalous
family tree album ~
this addition to the cemeteria album is especially for my own lost loved ones..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

a POEtry reading...

elliott smith & portland

Pdx
portland haunts album ~
is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

the library..

Thingsbehindthesun
things behind the sun (journals)
Razorblades
a mouthfull of razorblades (journals)
www.flickr.com
ghost at the gate's items Go to ghost at the gate's photostream
Laurelhurst trees
january trees album ~
january trees ~ winter shows her bones.. the tree is the psyche, the spirit, the whole self.. our inner world..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Brenkitty
toxic was here ~
vintage socal, birthdays & halloweens..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Enter
halloween mini album ~
~ copyright 2015 all rights reserved
Bren alice patreon
ghost pix album ~ rpg videogame screenshots, lol kitties & all kinds of goodies.. (use a pc or laptop to hear my game mix here)

home to oblivion..


  • ok i need a whole section just for elder scrolls~oblivion 'cause i'm playing it and loving it way too much right now.. i am so beautifully lost here living as a vampire & i'm never coming back.
    later ~ 430 hours of gameplay all as a vampire & now i'm stuck in limbo in the deadly glitch.. noooo!!
    update: i'm on the methadone of rpgs for my oblivion withdrawls, it's predecessor morrowind ~ the game of the year edition.. these are now my All-Time favorite rpgs, above all others..
    NEW ELDER SCROLLS!!
    SKYRIM!! 11/11/11!! DAWNGUARD DLC!!
    & more dlc to come!
    the awful tyranny of the sun shall end..

  • come into oblivion with me & tour my homes.. (note: vampirism has changed my appearance & my invisibility is due to stealth..)

  • so many ways to die..

  • realms of madness..

  • a friend in highcross town..

  • bonus morrowind footage..

  • welcome to skyrim..

ghost closet...

haunted home movies..

ghost charity

ghost space

Blog powered by Typepad
Member since 04/2006

« vampyrism sux... | Main | ghost manor... »

September 30, 2006

Comments

Feed You can follow this conversation by subscribing to the comment feed for this post.

friendlyghost

em,awesome bike ride!!!!!
looks like the gumbypillar turned into a butterfly afterall...

Emma

Yeah, that's me and you!

Don't hide.

Emma

Your the butterfly from Pier One :)

friendlyghost

:)
a pretty thing rising outta the gutter to fly away?

p.s. take me with you on your next bike ride, k?
toxic

Emma

The butterfly I would have saved for you had I been there. And yes, I do take you often now, so I will on the next one.

Ain't I the mushiest :)

friendlyghost

i'm being punished now..
'cause i got my feelings hurt, that's the way it works here.
the house is dark & quiet.
i want to cut, i can if i want to.. it helps me, it's the only thing that does.. but it'll mean cancelling another dr's appt. i'm in need of.
thank goodness for the cutting, at least then i'm in control of hurting myself..
he'll never even address it, that's not what he does, he can tune me out forever.. it's what he does best..
even way back 20 years ago when i was catatonic, he just came & went & carried on his side of the conversation.. & pretended it was fine..
at my lowest weight when i was waiting to die, he just wanted to pretend, so he ignored it all.. except to insult me..
he has add.. he has an out.. he doesn't have to deal with anything at all.
just like with his son.
he goes to work, i parent, i do everything else, we use my brain.. like it's always been.
i've been told by professionals he's sicker than i am.. and that's saying something..
but em, if you think i'm wrong, and maybe wrong about licia too, then i must be wrong about everybody, even the space aliens..
that would mean it is all me.
that would mean i am crazy.

Emma

Wouldn't it be nice if I knew what was right and what was wrong. Sometimes we each can see a perspective the other can't - be it right or wrong - I have no idea. And if you are crazy then so am I because you make more sense to me than anyone else.

In all this darkness and blood there is such warmth. You bruise and break so easily. And it stings and sizzles when you are ignored. You become invisible and your feelings become insignificant and superfluous. I feel these things. And as I implode, there is still this rebel voice that sceams "I am right! I know what is important! These feelings, this way that I am is ME, my humanity, my best part and you are CRUSHING IT!!!You are the dead and I am the living!"

I'm sorry you are being punished and that you are so hurt. I want you to make that appointment Ghost. I want you to take care of yourself. You are my friend and mean a great deal to me.

So now, I will take us both on a ride. Put a slicker on, we are probably going to get drenched!

Emma

We did get drenched :)

Emma

Hi ghost,
How are you? I am fine.

friendlyghost

twilight zone in the snowcave.. we all just go back to going through the motions.. nothing is ever resolved.. hell, what is there to resolve? nothing happened, right?
i'd believe it was true except for the sting of fresh cuts.
keep on riding, em..
i wish i cared about things like riding my bike enough to do something about it..
probably someday..?
ghost

Emma

Well, if you can't resolve it there, maybe you can resolve it (a little bit?) here. I'm glad you responded.

You will care enough eventually Ghost, to do ordinary fun things like ride the red racer. You were almost there. You've come a long way, but we always stumble. So, keep looking forward and be patient with yourself.

I want so much to help you soothe the sting. I hope you are alright, taking care of those cuts. I wish you wouldn't do that. I know you don't want me to say that, but how can I not? You, Toxic, and X are on my mind.
Best,
Em

friendlyghost

thanks, em.. i wish i could resolve things somehow.. because it's this invalidation and going along silently furious that cause the si.. and you keep saying whatever you want, ok? my hubby will only try to say what he thinks i want him to say.. that about kills me every time.. especially when it's about my ed.. imagine sitting there literally green in the face sick and anorexic testing him only to have my ed mirrored back to me by someone who is obese?
all i can say is it's exasperating in the extreme..
i'm gonna crawl outta the snowcave & go post at the board.. a rant maybe?
ghost

friendlyghost

i love the new pic!
my son & i are always having these conversations about time & space & infinity... so it reminds me... my son brings up the concept of how insignificant we are.. our universe is like the snowflakes falling in a snowglobe on god's mantlepiece.. but is he this to some higher being, and is this a circular infinite loop? where in fact no one soul is more or less than any other?? einstein discovered only light is the constant, like god.. that mass and energy are the same thing! and that time is malleable.. i love that.

Emma

oh, well, if you want to talk fun, how about resolving oblers paradox? Why is the sky dark? See this is complicated because since the sky is dark it means that the universe is not infinite. It it were, then everywhere you look, eventually, your eye would rest on a star, and so the sky would be all light, with no darkness. So the universe has a finite age. Oh, yeah and it is expanding. But the best part of expansion is that our position never changes relative to other objects - rather the space in between is expanding. Like two dots on deflated balloon. The dots dont move when you blow up the balloon, just the space between them gets bigger. Oh, there is more, but thats a start :)

Emma

Diggin the radiohead...
National Anthem.

If you feel jazzy, check out Mike Holober and the Gotham Jazz Orchestra (my brother in law) or Israeli Warplane (my nephew).

I just noticed that on itunes there is ONE song by The Little Wilson Band who I grew up with here in Huntington and they played at my wedding. Those boys are my growin' uphood. The one song gives you a pretty good idea.

I'm enjoying THe Clock too!

friendlyghost

about the universe, did you mean finite age or finite edge?

i used to have such a fear of the sky at night.. i'm only comfortable up to the clouds...

i'll have to look on itunes for those bands!

my brother's a drummer in a rock band called the la barflys.. i used to have a link to their website at gumbyland.. but their site went down i think...

p.s. since you like those two i added in 'and it rained all night' kinda similar... the one 'skip divided' is the one i mentioned sounds like the caterpillar toking on his hookah sittin' on his mushroom all through that song.. (thom yorke has it bad for someone!)

friendlyghost

we took dan with us to see radiohead at the hollywood bowl back in 2000 when he was 12.. it was awesome..
of course we were in this huge cloud of potsmoke... kept tellin' him to just not breathe...
...

emma

I wrote "not infinite". So I am saying that the universe is finite. Its part of the big bang theory. If we started from a center and expanded outward, you can't go any faster outward than the speed of light. So roughly 15-20 billion years ago, we went BANG and have been expanding at the speed of light ever since. That means that any light there might have been prior to that time (meaning anything that might be older than the universe) we would not be able to see because it's light would have passed before our universe existed. Crazy. So you want to ask "what is beyond the edge". But in cosmology, one of the fundamental principles is that there is no edge: anywhere you are is like the center. Cosmology is so hard to understand. You need a Steven Hawking brain. I've never even been able to get thru that one book he wrote for idiots :)

friendlyghost

i have that 'in a nutshell' book, but i also have not tackled it...lol..
i would like an automated robot voice like stephen hawking though...

fixed my film link!
plus i added a link down on the left where if you click on toxic it goes to a random excerpt from my book!
last night when my hubby tried to kiss me goodnight i shook my head and we ended up hashing this whole thing out (for the millionth time).. who knows if it will ever help, but at least i feel a little better now...
ghost

Verify your Comment

Previewing your Comment

This is only a preview. Your comment has not yet been posted.

Working...
Your comment could not be posted. Error type:
Your comment has been posted. Post another comment

The letters and numbers you entered did not match the image. Please try again.

As a final step before posting your comment, enter the letters and numbers you see in the image below. This prevents automated programs from posting comments.

Having trouble reading this image? View an alternate.

Working...

Post a comment

Your Information

(Name and email address are required. Email address will not be displayed with the comment.)

lost & found toys

cat girl

  • xx xx xx be wild.. xx xx xx

a handful of applecores a mouthful of razorblades

  • i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
  • seeing is deceiving..
  • $@x!^&*#%!/
  • love bites.
  • life sucks.
  • "but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
    "oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
    "we're all mad here.
    i'm mad. you're mad."
    "how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
    "you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
    Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
    however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
    "to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
    "i suppose so," said Alice.
    "well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
    Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
  • but why is the rum gone?!
  • ***triggering!! don't look!!!*** (you looked..)
  • beezorch daddy-o! go! kitty, go!
  • ffft! hiss! spit! rah! kill! maim!
  • crank up your speakers!!

little friends..

Danradpic
back in the day ~
back when i was still a snowballinhell, including tabitha's kittens & little daniel..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

friendlyghost fun & games!!

ghostfilms

Ghost
lost hollow digital art album ~
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

haunts

  • lunacy..
    CURRENT MOON
  • the happy haunts have received your sympathetic vibrations...

March 2019

Sun Mon Tue Wed Thu Fri Sat
          1 2
3 4 5 6 7 8 9
10 11 12 13 14 15 16
17 18 19 20 21 22 23
24 25 26 27 28 29 30
31