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a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is she except a being without access to the universe that she has not yet managed to forget?
~ randall jarrell

i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots.. any comments are welcome ;)
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all rights reserved..
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  • these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. let me know what you think/comments? p.s. stories here are non fiction/true. (privately hosted ~ if you're interested in reading this just ask:)

vintage kids can come & visit the ghost toy catalogue here.. (sound up)
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we live in wonderland.. :)
i hope you enjoy me & my guys & kitties, the places we go & things we enjoy..
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Beloved sleep
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remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me..
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this addition to the cemeteria album is especially for my own lost loved ones..
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is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots..
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Laurelhurst trees
january trees album ~
january trees ~ winter shows her bones.. the tree is the psyche, the spirit, the whole self.. our inner world..
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halloween mini album ~
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home to oblivion..

  • ok i need a whole section just for elder scrolls~oblivion 'cause i'm playing it and loving it way too much right now.. i am so beautifully lost here living as a vampire & i'm never coming back.
    later ~ 430 hours of gameplay all as a vampire & now i'm stuck in limbo in the deadly glitch.. noooo!!
    update: i'm on the methadone of rpgs for my oblivion withdrawls, it's predecessor morrowind ~ the game of the year edition.. these are now my All-Time favorite rpgs, above all others..
    SKYRIM!! 11/11/11!! DAWNGUARD DLC!!
    & more dlc to come!
    the awful tyranny of the sun shall end..

  • come into oblivion with me & tour my homes.. (note: vampirism has changed my appearance & my invisibility is due to stealth..)

  • so many ways to die..

  • realms of madness..

  • a friend in highcross town..

  • bonus morrowind footage..

  • welcome to skyrim..

ghost closet...

haunted home movies..

ghost charity

ghost space

« kind to every living creature? | Main | ghostwriter... »

September 18, 2006


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think the headache's finally going? no tylenol today so far...
lost in oblivion all day yesterday.. definitely gotta add it to my favorites list! i have a painted pony, and the world is perfect there.. at night one of the moons is huge & looks like jupiter..
it's a 'beautiful place to get lost'...
(i'm ghost there too, pale with black eyes,in robes or leather armour, good with a shortsword, high in sneak & natural magic abilities..)


i just posted a screenshot on the main post, but i'm playing on bigscreen in hd, so you gotta use your imagination... i'll try to get a shot of my ghost self if i can...


got another email from the person re: the retro show.. it's called 'fanatical' and they'd fly a crew out to interview me all about gumby stuff for a day.. that scares me to pieces.. i'm so bummed 'cause i wish i could, but i know i'm too agoraphobic, i'd freak majorly.. i could use the money, too...
man, i feel like such a failure!! why did this just come up to torture me?! AAAAAGGGGHHH!!!!!


p.s. now you can get true oracle wisdom using the new 8 ball i added on the left.. it knows all!!
plus there's a place to draw now .. toxic drew a good little ghost, but it doesn't always 'save' the way it's supposed to, sorry!
have fun today!
ghost & toxic


Ghost! Do it! Do it! Do it! Do it!

I can't believe I missed that post! You're not too agoraphobic - you're ALMOST too agoraphobic:) Man if it wasn't scary it would be no fun anyway! Its just one crew, with lights, cameras, people, questions...oh, that's not helping :) Oh, just throw yourself off the cliff this one time! What does Toxic say? She must be wild about this. Someone else is going to do it! NOOOOOOOOO!!!!! I told K all about it and she is very upset that someone else might do it and not you. Its yours to do, you have the right. God I want you to do this. Oh, think some more about it. Scare the shit out of yourself by doing it. You can always hide later. Somebody has to explain gumby's goodness properly. What if the person they get does a bad job? What will happen if they come? What do you fear you will feel and do? Is there no getting around it? It came to torture you for a reason. I'm GOIN TO THE 8 BALL WITH THIS ONE!!!!!!!!


8 ball says most likely. You're in.


oh crap, the 8 ball says?
i'm someone that starts having panic attacks like weeks in advance.. so, it's hard. i dissociate so bad.. don't know if it's worth it.. i've almost jumped out a window when i felt cornered before, it's a weird reaction.. toxic just feels like she absolutely has to get away, no matter what.. so i can't plan for that very well.. everything i do has to have like escape hatches..
it's to torture me..
that's why..
it's not fair!
don't think i can, really..
wish it was something more amateur.. i'd send in a tape.. man, i even paint my favorite gumby episodes..
have you been on my fun links page? that's love, man! they can't take that from me...


Sorry about your headaches. Miss you.


Of course I've been there! :)

I understand. Keep passing the open windows friend.


thanks for understanding.. and hi amby!
i can safely jump off all the high places in oblivion, maybe some day this will leave my system?

mr smith said,
'to vanish into oblivion
is easy to do..
and i try to be,
but you know me,
i come back when you want me to...'
(wish he could come back.)


on second thought, no..
i'm sure he's happier where he is..

p.s. who drew the blue girl poking her eye?


aw, man.. my drawing pad won't work right! i had a good little caterpillar on a mushroom toking on a hookah and it fucked it all up on the save..
to me the new thom yorke song 'skip divided' sounds like that caterpillar getting high and blowing smokerings like on the disney alice... all through that song..
ahh.. the old days...


I drew the eye thing. And if you don't know who drew the bike thing, I quit!

Green seems to misbehave more than other colors I think.


Wait! where the hell is my bike. Oh, damn. Back to the drawing board...


Well, this is interesting. Now my bike pic is back. Let see what happens next.


Did I just go thru a security check to make sure I was not an automated robot? Your site is freakin me out. And green did go nuts, and my blue and yellow turned green. Oh, but my brown is wonderful :)


yes, green went wrong with my caterpillar.. once you use green.. it freaks out.
my pink mushroom turned green... i'm gonna look for a better drawing pad...

the bike is wonderful!
spokes even!!
and a big blue flower...
see you are creative!


Hey! Well, it does fuck up a lot. I have one of those on my website. And even when you take your hand off the clicker.. Like to make a break in the line.. Even when the picture does save, it's like all one line or something! Weird. And sometimes mine wont even save! :(

Anywho. Hugs.


I was going to attempt to draw something on your new drawing thing.. But.. All I can really draw on here are really sad representations of genitalia. I figured that'd be a bit rude of me.. So I'll pass, and leave it be for now. lol.


Oh the humanity!!!

Is that gumby on a mushroom smoking a hooka?

Quick! Someone draw really sad representations of genitalia to save us!

What a world...

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  • "but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
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