i have seen the dark...

i
can't
see
the
meaning
of
this
life
i'm
leading
i
try
to
forget
you
as
you
forgot
me
this
time
there
is
nothing
left
for
you
to
take
this
is
goodbye

...summer is miles and miles away
and no one would ask me to stay
and i should contemplate this change to
ease the pain
and i should step out of the rain..
turn away...

close
to
ending
it
all
i
am
drifting
through
the
stages
of
the
rapture
born
within
this
loss
thoughts
of
death
inside
tear
me
apart
from
the
core
of
my
soul

...summer is miles and miles away
and no one would ask me to stay
and i should contemplate this change to
ease the pain
and i should step out of the rain..
turn away...

(at times the dark is fading slowly
but it never sustains
would someone watch over me
in my time of need?)

...summer is miles and miles away
and no one would ask me to stay
and i should contemplate this change
to ease the pain
and i should step out of the rain..
turn away...
and i should contemplate this change
to ease the pain
and i should step out of the rain..
turn away.

opeth

Comments

[friendlyghost]

i've run out of any kind of trust and now i'm awaiting approval to get into the new new forum simply to make sure nothing of mine is there, or if so, to request it all be deleted. the old board is no more and i have no idea what was transferred? no one asked to transfer my posts there. i don't want them or my info/pix anywhere.
z

[Emma]

I feel like you are going on an expedition :)
Let me know how you make out. Here, I'll lend you my boowie knife ---->

I'm glad today I have a lot to do. I have strat agian and the first lab. That'll go from 9:30 this morning til 3:40 this after noon. Yay. I need something to do with my mind.

Then I get to go see my favorite person and get the best hug in the world :) and you and I know, right about now, that's not a bad idea.

Here's one for you...umm...how the hell do you do it?

(( hug ))

What a spaz!

Have a good one. Well, try to :)

[friendlyghost]

enjoy your lab, em..
earth science & geology makes me nostalgic.. i remember trying to pay attention to the prof in class while the sasquatch sat there inserting multiple small pencils into his beard to make me laugh...
i'm gonna wrench a good weekend outta this headache or no.. i'm getting out of here and finding somewhere to go..
snag all those good hugs you can!
ghost
zebraroosterheadcheesesandwich

[friendlyghost]

p.s.
em, here's your bowie knife back, much as i appreciate sharp objects, i won't be scalpin' anyone today.. ---->
the new board is empty.. one post.. just paul and alicia...
don't feel like a fool, em.. i've been on many forums.. and i have never seen one fold over so fast!!
noticed some who just went back over to the old board like nothing ever happened..?
am i hallucinating again?
(insanity does run in my family...!?)
ghost

[Emma]

Thanks for the knife. I think I'll poke myself in the ass. I snagged 2 hugs - the cheesy way. I acted more sad than I am. I hate being a jerk, but one must do what one does best. Tune in on Tuesday when I explain to you how I explained it to her.

Here is my basic MO: Step 1: have a legitimate reason to feel down. Step 2: turn it into a melodrama to manipulate K (that's her) into becoming upset and feeling sorry for you and giving you a really mushy hug which you would have gotten anyway, without all the drama and deciet. Step 3: Leave feeling like you have decieved a really sincere, caring, tireless person (because you did). Step 4: Confess, so as to leave no doubt that you are an ass, but at least you are a contrite ass.

Next: its funny that your husbands nickname is sasquatch since it is also one of my nicknames. Want to know another? Gretchen-fetchin the mud slime queen. Recognize it? Have you read "The Electric Cool-aide Acid Test"? If so then you are familiar with Gretchen-fetchin. Too bad that I was not, when in 10th grade I asked the English Department if we could add it to the reading list and they said yes, if you go around to all the classes and get enough people to sign up. I did and, it being the late 70's at a High School in NY, basically everyone signed. Then I read the book. So did they. Imagine my surprise! Good friends called my Slimey for short. No shit. That's a true story.

Yes, I went over to the original site and recieved my dose of nausea for the day. You were not halucinating. Take it from Gretchen-fetchin. I've done enough LSD to know.

Damn your migraine! That is bullshit that you still have it! And further more (lest you think my concern could ever overcome my jealousy) Damn you for getting to play in your playground! I wanna! Whaaaaaa!!!!!

Hey, I know this is not a chat room, but, crap! I'm chatty and I've clean run out of chatters :) Seriously, if you break it to me REEEAAAAALLLY gently, I will cut it out. May I be so bold as to suggest an approach for you, as I know myself so well, and can appreciate much better than you the kind of subtleties that are most effective? I would suggest that you simply say: "Jesus Christ! Shut the fuck up!"
I am the youngest of 7. I understand these things.
Tee hee hee
Em

[friendlyghost]

hey,
how is it i have not read that one either? i mean i read, 'pardon me, you're stepping on my eyeball' & others of that ilk..
gotta check it out.. i still keep copies of the books i loved as a kid/teenager.. i was a real bookworm then..
so you stole hugs, you know 'she' (toxic one) believes you always end up just having to steal what you need anyway... so...
is this from your t? how's that going? man, honestly, i wish i could talk to my old t again.. but i know i'd just give her a headache even if she did talk to me again.. so i'm hopeless...
her site: licia ginne (http://www.latherapists.com/index.html)
my head's ok..
the big full harvest moon makes it worse i think.. it was like the autumnal equinox last night? but i'm gettin' a break, and it's supposed to rain in the a.m. (i love that) so i'm wondering where to go..
mt. tabor park is a cool old forest on top of a volcano closeby... wish you could go along too, slimey.. (hehe)

poor paul..

http://adultrad.proboards62.com/index.cgi

[Emma]

The acid test is Ken Keesey. Geez, what kinda of hippy kid from Califonia are you anyway?!

Yeah, that's my T. I don't know how its going. I just love her to death and can't accept that I am not a real part of her life (yup, I'm textbook) and so that tears me apart. It really does fuck me up. I know I am difficult for her. As far as you talking to yours...are you kidding about holding back because you might fight? Jesus Christ. I walk in with boxing gloves on. If we didn't mix it up, I don't know what we would do half the time. Didn't you argue and stuff with her before? So what if you go off. I think you have reasons to, don't you? Did you guys ever say "I love you." to each other? If not, was it understood?

Oh hooray, we're going to Mt. Tabor (was that it? - I can't go back and check). Put me somewhere :)

Hey, I can't go to Pauls site. I'm hurtin and I don't think all of that stuff is good for me. I did like him too. He seems to be just as he appears. Ain't that nice?

Think today is a single speed day.
Best,
Em

[friendlyghost]

i understand about not going over, just thought i'd put up the link since it vanished with the old board so fast that no one knows about it.. twinkletoes sent me an email all confused... he's just sitting there with one measly little post.. and see that's my problem, i feel sorry/protective of people, so i don't fight (except when it's to kill? hehe) and i just have to let him sit there all sad 'cause 'she' is the only other 'member' listed, and i gotta set boundaries, you know?
it all sux so much..
geez, no, my t never said she loved me, if she had i'd have probably died already a happy camper.. i would have done my best backflip off the railing beside her office onto the concrete if i thought it would help her feel that way for me...
*sigh*

oh yeah, i'm real stable...

you know, i read 'cuckoo's nest' and i may have read that one & forgotten.. as for my highschool years my memory is actually quite hazy.. alcoholic amnesia?

'put' you there...
so sad/funny!! i'm having a sad/funny kind of day..
gotta go, my stomach's growling so interestingly the sasquatch thinks it's evolving into trying to speak english to get food..
afraid he wants to sell me to the circus...
ghost

[friendlyghost]

p.s.
em, i heard from peek..
she's going back to lurking at adultrad...
and oh god! i just got a pm from there from hope!!
saying many including her are concerned and where have i been? ug!? now what do i do...?

[Emma]

Hey,
I'm in a rage so bare with me. My neighbor, my NEW neighbor, just came over to tell me that my cat is crapping on his lawn and for us to keep him inside. There are only like 100 cats on this street alone, but, hey, once my cat is homebound, his problems will be solved. So Midnight is now an indoor cat. How do you think that will go over? I'm so glad we share this planet.

Anyhoo...
Umm...I thought Twinkletoes was a woman :) (giggle) Oh, I am such a nerd.

Well, its the part of you that feels responsible to other people that makes me care about you. Do what feels right Ghost...you are a good soul.

Oh, you break my heart with the backflip onto concrete. Yes, you make me appreciate that I have something rare. Maybe its time I live up to it.

Chicklette, as far as being stable, Bah ha ha! You are a rock in your own way. You'll hate that comment probably.

Yay! You eat!:) I eat. See how the same we are :)

Thank you for Peek's email. We were in the middle of a conversation when the world ended.

Now, for Hope. Ummm...why does that feel painful to me? Is it that I think you are being drawn in? Maybe people are not being honest (no!!!)? I don't know. I feel...upset. But I've always acutally had a pretty good feeling about Hope. Anyway, do what feels right, just be careful. That's all. Em

[friendlyghost]

complicateder and complicateder..
(isn't that from alice in wonderland?) now that you have peek's email i'm taking it down just so it's not public knowledge if anyone else wanders in here.. yes toes (f!) wrote again, saying the email she was sent made some rude comments, but she didn't say what? wtf?
i thought hope was nice, too, right up till she kinda chewed my head off a bit.. but it grew back, so ... i dunno... i gotta be honest, i'm more leery of bina than anyone else, she's the dismissive type, just 'turns us off' & i kinda had her # earlier, but gave her the benefit of my doubt.. now i know.
she & alicia & jonah are over at adultrad, with pete.. and poor paul's you know where... you & i crawled over here and toes & peek both say they were just starting to really like it 'there' ...
i miss it, the good parts..
and i don't really want to go back to the s.i. forums i used to always go to, trying to not even think about that...

[Peek]

Hey you two. I was wondering if I set up a private little board somewhere, where we can post at in private... would you two be interested? I need a place to post without the fear of people hurting each other and drama! But also people who have the same thing.
Make any sense?

I am scared to post at the AdultRad because of certain people. But I know I need some outlet of expressing my concerns and still hundreds of questions.

Let me know. And it WILL NOT hurt my feelings if you both say no. Heh. I take no better than people who butter me up!

I can stick it out right here :-)

Peek

[friendlyghost]

peek,
i could not have said it better.. i'd be there in a minute, 'cause i can't go over to adultrad & i can't believe bina's email about the new board!!!??
she just wants us to do it all over again??!!
shit no!!
i can't go talk to paul 'cause it'll bring alicia's drama all back in to my email box... and as much as i honestly did care & try to support, she seems to just get fuel off of all the negative attention she can create!
ghost

[Emma]

Oh, Peek, that would be so great! Yes!

I am surprised at how upsetting the negative stuff has been for me, but it has. I'm not comfortable going to any of the sites for reasons you both understand. But I so do want somewhere to go, some place to talk...

BTW, I did not write down Peek's email yesterday. Oops. I can be a little disorganized...

If you can do that Peek, I would be so grateful. I'll be watching.
Best,
Em

[friendlyghost]

p.s.
just wanted to add, i don't mind anyone 'chatting' here, just so you guys know.. i mean i pay for this blog stuff anyway, might as well use it..
at least no one really ever comes here.. (and i took down all my info linking here from elsewhere)...

[friendlyghost]

did you guys get bina's email??
pete asked me to come over there? i guess...
i'm not, though.
i'll check in here, but my head aches bad...
i'm on the couch with my blankey watching 'notorious' on the retro channel.. no mt. tabor this weekend afterall...

[friendlyghost]

p.p.s.?
though i don't think i'll be posting there, i changed my user name over at adultrad from friendlyghost to blackbird, so i can still go lurk & read only, at least there is alot of info that is topical to be read over there still...

[Emma]

Thanks Ghost, I've got it now.

Thanks also for saying it is ok to post here. I was feeling uneasy about it.

I did get Bina's thing today, somehow it was not sent to me originally. I'm not going. I'll have to think of the right way to respond.

I have to run.
Thanks again Ghost.

[Emma]

Do you really have a blankey? :)

Feel so bad you still have a headache. Sorry ghost. Its 8 here and I get up at 4:30, so I guess it's good night.

[friendlyghost]

well, yeah 'she' does...
sweet dreams..
meow nightnight to midnight for me...

[pete42]

Intruder - Intruder!!! lol

Hi, girls, I hope you don't mind me adding my 2 cents to your blog. Been talking around, and listening, and I'm interested in, and saddened by some of the "stuff" that has gone on behind the scenes. It has caused divisions that never should have taken place.

I'm trying the board again because I got a great deal out of it and I had a lot of fun. And, I got new friends that I miss not seeing around - you guys. I do understand your need to set your boundries, so don't let me pressure you - I do not want to do that - but I do want to remain friends.

I think some lessons were learned and will not be repeated. If I'm wrong, I'll go too - but for now, I'm willing to forgive and forget and try anew. And Bina has been very helpful and supportive for me on several of my issues, so I feel loyalty to some one I consider a friend.

I hope to talk and see you, either here or there - or, just tell me to go somewhere, I will understand.

((((hugs)))) for you all!
Pete

[friendlyghost]

((hugs))
to petey & all:
i made a new post, since we're running out of room on this one!!!
ghost