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a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is she except a being without access to the universe that she has not yet managed to forget?
~ randall jarrell

i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots.. any comments are welcome ;)
rows of never opened doors:
ghost gallery quarantine area (use a laptop or pc with firefox or google chrome browser for essential music, no phones)
all artwork here is copyright protected by vengeful ghosts!
2019 brenda roudebush
all rights reserved..
my photo albums (sound up!)

ghost stories
(blood & butterflies..)

  • these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. let me know what you think/comments? p.s. stories here are non fiction/true. (privately hosted ~ if you're interested in reading this just ask:)

vintage kids can come & visit the ghost toy catalogue here.. (sound up)
the friendlyghost album ~ welcome to my photo album..
we live in wonderland.. :)
i hope you enjoy me & my guys & kitties, the places we go & things we enjoy..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Beloved sleep
cemeteria album ~
remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me..
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family tree album ~
this addition to the cemeteria album is especially for my own lost loved ones..
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a POEtry reading...

my elliott smith lyric page (sound up)
portland haunts album ~
is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots..
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the library..

things behind the sun (journals)
a mouthfull of razorblades (journals)
ghost at the gate's items Go to ghost at the gate's photostream
Laurelhurst trees
january trees album ~
january trees ~ winter shows her bones.. the tree is the psyche, the spirit, the whole self.. our inner world..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
toxic was here ~
vintage socal, birthdays & halloweens..
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art albums ~ use a laptop or pc with sound up!

halloween mini album ~
~ copyright 2015 all rights reserved
Bren alice patreon
ghost pix album ~ rpg videogame screenshots, lol kitties & all kinds of goodies.. (use a pc or laptop to hear my game mix here)

home to oblivion..

  • ok i need a whole section just for elder scrolls~oblivion 'cause i'm playing it and loving it way too much right now.. i am so beautifully lost here living as a vampire & i'm never coming back.
    later ~ 430 hours of gameplay all as a vampire & now i'm stuck in limbo in the deadly glitch.. noooo!!
    update: i'm on the methadone of rpgs for my oblivion withdrawls, it's predecessor morrowind ~ the game of the year edition.. these are now my All-Time favorite rpgs, above all others..
    SKYRIM!! 11/11/11!! DAWNGUARD DLC!!
    & more dlc to come!
    the awful tyranny of the sun shall end..

  • come into oblivion with me & tour my homes.. (note: vampirism has changed my appearance & my invisibility is due to stealth..)

  • so many ways to die..

  • realms of madness..

  • a friend in highcross town..

  • bonus morrowind footage..

  • welcome to skyrim..

ghost closet...

haunted home movies..

ghost charity

ghost space


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« day 11? | Main | i have seen the dark... »

September 05, 2006


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It's me.
What the fuck?
What happened over there?
Maybe you could go over and read my post today.
I always seem to be in the dark like some stupid kid too immature to be told what is really happening.

I am your ***triggering!! animation today.

I really cleaned up that post. It was full of FUCKS and well, more FUCKS :) but I took them out hoping to be less confrontational. No one was there though. No one I fear will read what I had to say.

I just think we should keep going. We should just fix whatever is wrong. We should all talk about it and come to some kind of resolution. You didn't come on yet today. I don't know if that means anything or not. Does it?

And I was so close to posting a picture :)

Sigh. I'll be honest. This hurts. Be nice to hear from you.


oh em...
i hope no one else reads this and gets offended, but i gotta tell you, i am supportive and try to diffuse problems 50x over.. and then the 51st time i just need to give someone a straight piece of my mind.. so here's the piece... i invested alot of myself in the new board, and i am disappointed bina was not really interested in running it properly, the last threat to yank the 'spirit' thread just so she'd feel more entertained just makes me think paul's right.. we "were just turds to be kicked around" and it just went so far away from the ad issue that brought us all there in the first place... i thought jonah's writing was lurid & unoriginal, and the pix creeped me out, plus he shopped my photo without even asking permission.. and critiqued others pix like he's some kind of authority... bah!
i'm pretty open minded, kept trying to figure out how to please everyone's interests, but i'm done..
banning alicia, then bringing her back.. then the possibility of her being administrator?!
geez, i just want to stop the fucking stream of emails now, you know? i'm done. you, paul & pete have been really fun to kick around with, i'll miss that..
i'm in my headache now and can't be bothered with all the insanity... backed up my stuff, took my ball back and went home...
come around anytime, though.. you are xtra fun!
luv and x's,


i know now that she was playing us all against each other in pms/emails..
i.e. so & so feels this way, or so & so disagrees with this or that..
a clear betrayal of trust/confidence.. then when she mentioned using a pacifier and giving herself a baby bottle... ?


See, I didn't know all that. Your going makes me want to cry. Actually, I am. But I hear you. I do understand because I've thought a lot of the same things you just wrote. I gotta go ride my bike for a while. Thanks for responding. I'll talk to you soon.
We're still friends. That's good.
Love you too,


you oughtta go back and check my posts.. i wanted my pix & everything outta there, so i left a little placeholder...
i hope i got them out before they were all transferred to the 'new' "new" board? i want mutherfucking OUT!


To my funny zrcs,
You never fail to crack me up. You got style ghost!

I did not see the PS you wrote until now. Jesus, what a strange experience this turned out to be. I just saw Peeks last posts. That was a heartbreaker.

I didn't realize that the content got copied over to the new site. That sucks. Actually, I don't think there's all that much of me there anyway. Oh, but my POEM! Ha ha ha ha ha!!!!

Wish I was some kind of artist so I could do something with this feeling.

I am awestruck by your stuff, Ghost. I was here the other day looking at the dolls in the rabbit hole - Don't know the title, but its like stumbling into the scene. Like you crane to see the next thing, read the next piece. You feel like you step over the bodies. Really weird. Never saw something like that before. It's feels like more than looking, it's like you enter and walk around.

Hope your migraine is getting better. I never had one but my husband gets them so I know how bad they get.

You know, the AD thing, that was the first time I ever did anything like that-talked to strangers on line. I feel like a fool now - that it hurts. Who would I tell. I won't tell a soul, except maybe one ghost :)


i felt bad for peek, too.. i pm'd her days ago that i thought she should be careful/take care of herself on the board, 'cause my spider senses were all telling me to, but i never really learn..
the 'victims' installation is very ad related.. if you had your speakers on you were hearing mr smith singing 'son of sam' there.. and my thoughts were along the same lines for myself at the time.. taking out my anger on my poor little victims...
(instead of me)

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cat girl

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lost & found toys

Plague dr
the lost album - click to enter my current photo album here.. (sound up)
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a handful of applecores a mouthful of razorblades

  • i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
  • seeing is deceiving..
  • $@x!^&*#%!/
  • love bites.
  • life sucks.
  • "but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
    "oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
    "we're all mad here.
    i'm mad. you're mad."
    "how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
    "you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
    Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
    however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
    "to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
    "i suppose so," said Alice.
    "well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
    Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
  • but why is the rum gone?!
  • ***triggering!! don't look!!!*** (you looked..)
  • beezorch daddy-o! go! kitty, go!
  • ffft! hiss! spit! rah! kill! maim!
  • crank up your speakers!!

little friends..

back in the day ~
back when i was still a snowballinhell, including tabitha's kittens & little daniel..
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friendlyghost fun & games!!


lost hollow digital art album ~
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