snowball in hell: people

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a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is he except a being without access to the universe that he has not yet managed to forget?
~ randall jarrell

i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots.. any comments are welcome ;)

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rows of never opened doors:
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ghost stories
(blood & butterflies..)

these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. let me know what you think/comments? p.s. stories here are non fiction/true. (privately hosted ~ if you're interested in reading this just ask:)

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an inventory of toys & collectibles vintage & new including toxic's toys, toxic's library & halloweeniana..

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we live in wonderland.. :)
i hope you enjoy me & my guys & kitties, the places we go & things we enjoy..
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remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me..
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family tree album ~
this addition to the cemeteria album is especially for my own lost loved ones..
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a POEtry reading...

elliott smith & portland

portland haunts album ~
is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots..
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ghost links..

XXX..............RIP..............XXX here lies the psychconnection archive.. click here to peruse the remains (what's left after many members' posts were removed) of our dead support forum in the deepfreeze of this cybermorgue..
go ask alice when she's 10 feet tall... this alice is my other self.. she's always there lurking behind me...
papercuts ~
(my poetry & short stories...)
WARNING! this site contains graphic language and subject matter related to self injury...
soon after dark, emily cries... gazing through trees in sorrow, hardly a sound till tomorrow... cosmic debris/emily strange
last.. but not least.. my website.. where all the happy little gumbys & pokeys have come home to gumbyland.. the secret gallery.. and other cool stuff..

the library..

things behind the sun (journals)

a mouthfull of razorblades (journals)

www.flickr.com

Go to ghost at the gate's photostream

january trees album ~
january trees ~ winter shows her bones.. the tree is the psyche, the spirit, the whole self.. our inner world..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

toxic was here ~
vintage socal, birthdays & halloweens..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

mini albums ~ use a laptop or pc with sound up!

halloween mini album ~
~ copyright 2015 all rights reserved

My Other Accounts

self-injury support links..

american mcgee's alice... she looks kinda familiar? ...!
safehaven -
i'm snowballinhell here...
WARNING!* these sites contain graphic language and/or images & subject matter related to self injury...
broken smiles -
i'm snowballinhell here..
WARNING!*
alice through the looking glass.. go ask alice.. i think she'll know..
INVALIDATION kills.
down the rabbit hole..
i'm snowballinhell here..
WARNING!*
this site has links to a whole bunch of self-injury support forums..

ghost gamelinks..

ghost's top eleven rpg's:
#1 ~ down the rabbit hole... "here's a riddle.. when is a croquet mallet like a billy club? ..i'll tell you... whenever you want it to be..." cheshire cat to alice (american mcgee's alice: the original) this game is my favorite above all others...
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thank you thank you mr mcgee for alice madness returns!!! (with the original i still rate these the best!)
#2 is primal, especially the wraith world where i felt right at home.. what a relief to play a strong female for a change, and with scree the gargoyle at my side... loved this game and want more!!!
#3 is fable/fable:lost chapters/fable 2.. get lost in this incredible world and determine your own fate... good or evil.. or somewhere in between... fable 3 is out!!!
#4 city of lost children.. based on the french movie of the same name.. you are miette, an orphan, use your thieving and sneaking skills to free the childrens' souls from the evil inventor who is stealing their dreams...
tied at #4 the kingdom hearts games (2).. disney meets final fantasy! play in disney worlds alongside jack skellington in halloweentown, jack sparrow in the caribbean or alice at the mad tea party..
#5 is van helsing.. if you liked the movie, play this gothic masterpiece and face werewolves, the frankenstein monster, mr hyde and count dracula himself...
#6 are all of the lord of the rings games, which are all worth mastering, including the hobbit game.. (watch out for the spiders!)
& the old classic snes lord of the rings.. (another good old favorite.. i spent forever lost in the barrow downs...)
#7 are all the ultima games.. my favorites were 'quest of the avatar' and 'the false prophet'.. but if you like the classics try out 'black gate' and 'exodus' and the other oldies..
#8 is the original nes game shadowgate.. the one that turned me into an rpg junkie in the first place all those years ago.. hunched over my controller in the dark in my camper in the middle of the night.. still a classic...
#9 is final fantasy, but i'm an old time gamer, so i mean the original final fantasy games on nes/snes like 1, 2, 3 + mystic quest.. still the best even without the graphics of the newer games...
#10 is lemony snickett's series of unfortunate events.. ok, so this game is not terribly hard..
(i was able to complete it even while fairly intoxicated..) it is still creative and fun if you enjoyed the movie, which i did...
i needed a #11 on my list for all the honorable mentions.. unforgettable games like wizardry, king arthur's world, tombs & treasures, deja vu, faxanadu, the immortal, breath of fire and the dragon warrior games.. also baldur's gate, the ren & stimpy games that wrecked my nerves, zombies ate my neighbors, fester's quest, maniac mansion!!! ...gasp... too many to remember... aargghh! all those years spent in the dark deep in some labyrinth scribbling cryptic notes and maps.. is that what is was that made me mad? or did they save me from madness...? the world may never know.. (p.s. i never made it without biting..)
!X! a bonus: i absolutely approve of the gamecube's eternal darkness: sanity's requiem.. lovecraftian & hallucinogenic.. i dare you!
the post-apocalyptic fallout games, F3, new vegas & F4 coming soon!
dante's inferno ~ go to hell!
gothic victorian lovecraftian bloodshed :D bloodborne!
i highly approve of the other from software games besides bloodborne, demon's souls & dark souls 1, 2 & 3.. not for the faint of heart, gotta get good for these!

ghost pix album ~ rpg videogame screenshots, lol kitties & all kinds of goodies.. (use a pc or laptop to hear my game mix here)

our game gallery..

home to oblivion..

ok i need a whole section just for elder scrolls~oblivion 'cause i'm playing it and loving it way too much right now.. i am so beautifully lost here living as a vampire & i'm never coming back.
later ~ 430 hours of gameplay all as a vampire & now i'm stuck in limbo in the deadly glitch.. noooo!!
update: i'm on the methadone of rpgs for my oblivion withdrawls, it's predecessor morrowind ~ the game of the year edition.. these are now my All-Time favorite rpgs, above all others..
NEW ELDER SCROLLS!!
SKYRIM!! 11/11/11!! DAWNGUARD DLC!!
& more dlc to come!
the awful tyranny of the sun shall end..
come into oblivion with me & tour my homes.. (note: vampirism has changed my appearance & my invisibility is due to stealth..)
so many ways to die..
realms of madness..
a friend in highcross town..
bonus morrowind footage..
welcome to skyrim..

featured ghosttube..

baby tabitha begs pitifully at the back door.. she now has over 300,000 views!
p.s. i am not a godless soulless monster..

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« here if you want me.. | Main | back to zero.. »

August 18, 2006

people

being around them only hurts..
idiot. i never learn...

05:03 PM in adult insecure attachment, attachment disorder, Books, psychology, Weblogs | Permalink

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OK so my name is not Emma. You are the only person who knows that and I would like to keep it that way. I am upset by your post on RAD and I really want to hear from you. I PM'd you but you did not pick up. And, well...I'm fucking impatient. If you respond, I'll tell you why I picked Emma as my name. (oh, big shit! Hey, I'm desperate and I have no other bait!) I don't want to respond on the forum and I'm sure you can appreciate that. Please respond.

Posted by: Emma | August 18, 2006 at 06:06 PM

em,
did you happen to follow a bloodtrail here?
i'm done with the humans..
i'm sick.. and i'm not up for fighting..
my health is not good..
ghost

Posted by: friendlyghost | August 18, 2006 at 11:52 PM

Ghost,
Yeah, I thought that was blood. I am sorry you are not well. Would it bother you if I stopped by here to see you? I don't want to invade your privacy. I'd hate to think you were done with all humans. I think my cat is done with me. I had to spray her yesterday with flea stuff and she was so upset and betrayed. She wouldn't come near me she just stood off in the distance meowing at me in the sadest way. I swear she meant to tell me that she was disappointed in me and didn't understand how i could be so cruel. I feel like such a shit, but those fleas were BAD.

Anyway, I'm Emma because its the first Jane Austen book I read and she's my special favorite. Ho hum.

Ghost, I care and I am concerned. If you feel like keeping one human, I'm here. I hate the idea that I am "them". I am me.
Best,
Emma

Posted by: Emma | August 19, 2006 at 04:59 AM

em,
my husband turned on me, too and i just crawled way under the house for a while, not feeling well.. my girls hate getting their advantage, crawl under stuff at look at me like i'm the meanest mommy EVER!! but it helps so much.. and i only have to use it like every 3 or 4 mos.
you are welcome at this lonely haunted blog if you like.. but it's kinda quiet and spooky here usually...
i guess i'm just an incureable recluse..
fg

Posted by: friendlyghost | August 19, 2006 at 05:27 PM

Yay, you replied! :)
Your site IS spooky. And I am a big chicken and some of your topics are my special fears, like Alice in Wonderland - oh boy! I got that read to me once and been creeped out on it ever since and have avoided it all my life. So HA! In a way, I am the perfect visitor, you can scare the hell out of me. I am surprised that I have not had nightmares from this place. I'm sure I will. I'll let you know when I do :) Aww...but I'm having fun too, going to scary places. I am amazed at how talented you are. I like your humor too.

I hope you and your husband patch things up soon. You sound like you are a good pair. I can't bare to have trouble with my husband. I can't do anything until its fixed.

I'm glad its ok for me to come by. If you want someone to listen about anything that is happening, I would be happy to. I never did respond to that post about touch the way I wanted to. If you ever wanted to start that conversation up again just say so. You probably don't feel like doing much now. I understand. Gives me time to keep exploring your cool site.
EM

Posted by: Emma | August 20, 2006 at 06:36 AM

em,
when i was little i used to sneak into my great grandma's closet and look at the pictures in a very old copy of alice in wonderland.. they completely freaked me out.. alice with a long neck, the cheshire cat, alice with the screaming baby.. like in the random pix album down on the left..
ghost

Posted by: friendlyghost | August 20, 2006 at 11:58 AM

but if you really like scary.. try the poe readings in the middle of the night..
even gives me a shiver...

Posted by: friendlyghost | August 22, 2006 at 02:30 PM

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lost & found toys

cat girl

xx xx xx be wild.. xx xx xx

a handful of applecores a mouthful of razorblades

i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
seeing is deceiving..
$@x!^&*#%!/
love bites.
life sucks.
"but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
"oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
"we're all mad here.
i'm mad. you're mad."
"how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
"you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
"to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
"i suppose so," said Alice.
"well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
but why is the rum gone?!
***triggering!! don't look!!!*** (you looked..)
beezorch daddy-o! go! kitty, go!
ffft! hiss! spit! rah! kill! maim!
crank up your speakers!!

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