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a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is she except a being without access to the universe that she has not yet managed to forget?
~ randall jarrell

i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots.. any comments are welcome ;)
rows of never opened doors:
ghost gallery quarantine area (use a laptop or pc with firefox or google chrome browser for essential music, no phones)
all artwork here is copyright protected by vengeful ghosts!
2019 brenda roudebush
all rights reserved..

ghost stories
(blood & butterflies..)

  • these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. let me know what you think/comments? p.s. stories here are non fiction/true. (privately hosted ~ if you're interested in reading this just ask:)

vintage kids can come & visit the ghost toy catalogue here.. (sound up)
the friendlyghost album ~ welcome to my photo album..
we live in wonderland.. :)
i hope you enjoy me & my guys & kitties, the places we go & things we enjoy..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved
Beloved sleep
cemeteria album ~
remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me..
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family tree album ~
this addition to the cemeteria album is especially for my own lost loved ones..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

a POEtry reading...

my elliott smith lyric page (sound up)
portland haunts album ~
is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots..
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the library..

things behind the sun (journals)
a mouthfull of razorblades (journals)
ghost at the gate's items Go to ghost at the gate's photostream
Laurelhurst trees
january trees album ~
january trees ~ winter shows her bones.. the tree is the psyche, the spirit, the whole self.. our inner world..
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toxic was here ~
vintage socal, birthdays & halloweens..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

art albums ~ use a laptop or pc with sound up!

halloween mini album ~
~ copyright 2015 all rights reserved
Bren alice patreon
ghost pix album ~ rpg videogame screenshots, lol kitties & all kinds of goodies.. (use a pc or laptop to hear my game mix here)

home to oblivion..

  • ok i need a whole section just for elder scrolls~oblivion 'cause i'm playing it and loving it way too much right now.. i am so beautifully lost here living as a vampire & i'm never coming back.
    later ~ 430 hours of gameplay all as a vampire & now i'm stuck in limbo in the deadly glitch.. noooo!!
    update: i'm on the methadone of rpgs for my oblivion withdrawls, it's predecessor morrowind ~ the game of the year edition.. these are now my All-Time favorite rpgs, above all others..
    SKYRIM!! 11/11/11!! DAWNGUARD DLC!!
    & more dlc to come!
    the awful tyranny of the sun shall end..

  • come into oblivion with me & tour my homes.. (note: vampirism has changed my appearance & my invisibility is due to stealth..)

  • so many ways to die..

  • realms of madness..

  • a friend in highcross town..

  • bonus morrowind footage..

  • welcome to skyrim..

ghost closet...

haunted home movies..

ghost charity

ghost space


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August 17, 2006


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Can you tell I am hiding? I'm hoping you have some sort of alert gizmo that tells you someone is knocking even at a back door.

This poem - how perfect Ghost. How sad, and familiar and perfect. I think I should've camped out here long ago.
/\ There. I set up my tent.

I read Pete's post. It was so nice and made me so bummed out because I still couldn't do it.

Wonder who else is stopping by. Does that concern you? It concerns me.

I responded to Bina. I thanked her but said that I thought some down time would be a good idea for me.Maybe I am being paranoid, but Bina made a point of telling me she had hidden our emails to maintain our confidentiality. My friggin email is my goddamn name. It bothers me. I'm so stupid. But, I mean, what am I afraid of? Nothing I guess. Then why do I feel anxious? I dunno. Its just a sort of vague uneasiness.

Anyway, how are you Ghost? What are your thoughts about Pete's note? Any chance your migraine is gone?

I had a pretty good day yesterday. I met an old friend and we did a pretty good job of tearin up a mountain bike trail. It felt good. I didn't think I would have a good time. I forced myself to go, you know, socialize :) and it was good.

I've also had a couple strange AD dreams. One where I was smothered with affection by Andie McDowell (only beautiful women for me - I mean, hey, as long as yer dreamin'. My T is beautiful) The other one was about my best friend who I lost. I dreamed that I was roller skating and came upon my friend and another friend who was really close with us - basically my two favorite people. Anyway to entertain them I jumped on a skateboard with my roller skates on. This did entertain them, especially when I crashed into them both and we all landed in a pile hysterically laughing. I turned and looked into her face and she was laughing with tears flowing down her face. I felt the most extrodinarily strong feeling of sadness and love comming right out of me. And then, it did! Like a giant drop of water, this photon of, I don't know, corny, but love, came out of me and it woke me up, but I could still feel it. Anyway, in the half light between sleep and wake I believed for an instant that this "photon" woke her up wherever in the world she was sleeping and she felt it too. I believed it for a second. Then I rolled over and cried my eyes out. The end.
Sorry so long.
PS Midnight is a sad kitty prisoner. Day 2 stuck inside with no possibility of parole. I am scheming a jail break. Don't tell.


my spider senses alert me to anyone knocking on any door in this winchester mystery blog.. don't worry!
don't you ever wonder when you have a really profound dream about someone else, if they feel something too, wherever they are? or am i just magical thinking?

poor midnight, boy kitties are not inside kitties unless you get him, you know...? they have a large territory, much larger than females, they often leave for long periods of time & return for meals here & there.. inside the house unaltered he'll pee on stuff! watch out! but, around here i see so many dead kitties on the road i can't handle it, so there is something to be said for neutering.. then they get fat & lazy & cuddly...

well, here's the surprise, (you probably discovered it already..) but just click on the 'x' on the cool links page here at gumbyland to go to peek's new board!!!!!
see you there!


i guess i've had to get used to my name being out there public in cyberspace.. so i don't worry.. my son listed gumbyland in wikipedia in the gumby definition page, so i get hits & mail from all over the world.. so weird.. and my name's on my copyright at the footer of the galleries, so i'm 'out there'.. and my ebay stuff has all linked to gumbyland & my email for years..
pete seems safe and nice, i feel sorry for people, you know me... until they really betray me bad, i guess..
my migraines/headaches just wax & wane, ok now, but it's time for my cycle, it'll only get worse now for a bit..
i've had them last for weeks basically.. worry about all the tylenol/excedrin & my kidneys!! but my heart's not up for stronger painkillers...
geez, i'm so used to it, i've had 'em since i was a kid.


i responded to bina's email with a pic of zebraroosterheadcheesesandwich...


zrhcs? You are so fuckin funny and such a tough guy!

I'll check you out on Wiki...

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my photo albums (sound up!)

cat girl

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lost & found toys

Plague dr
the lost album - click to enter my current photo album here.. (sound up)
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a handful of applecores a mouthful of razorblades

  • i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
  • seeing is deceiving..
  • $@x!^&*#%!/
  • love bites.
  • life sucks.
  • "but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
    "oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
    "we're all mad here.
    i'm mad. you're mad."
    "how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
    "you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
    Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
    however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
    "to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
    "i suppose so," said Alice.
    "well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
    Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
  • but why is the rum gone?!
  • ***triggering!! don't look!!!*** (you looked..)
  • beezorch daddy-o! go! kitty, go!
  • ffft! hiss! spit! rah! kill! maim!
  • crank up your speakers!!

little friends..

back in the day ~
back when i was still a snowballinhell, including tabitha's kittens & little daniel..
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friendlyghost fun & games!!


lost hollow digital art album ~
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