snowball in hell

yo ho! yo ho!

the pirate's life for me!

one lucky thing about having my birthday in the middle of july is it always seems to coincide with the release of a new johnny depp movie! sleepy hollow.. charlie & the chocolate factory, and of course both of the fabulous pirates movies.. i just wanted to expound here about my fondness for the second of these especially, just to say publicly (snic) again, "isn't this about the greatest movie ever made?" and since everyone in their right mind has already seen it now there's no danger in giving away the ending... i can say how happy i was to see the return of barbosa right at the end!!
having been just as enamored of geoffrey rush's character in the first movie as i was of my old standby johnny... i can't wait for #3!!
but for now i'm starting the new ps2 game instead.. and of course i collected all the cool happy meal toys from mcd.. which includes a little pirate johnny doll, a locked box (no heart inside though..), a telescope, an inflatable sword, a native skeleton doll, a cool skull and a compass with ship's manifesto (full of blank pages to write in).. !!! i still get so happy over new toys!!!!! happy (still) birthday to me!! plus i'm getting a new pair of emily neechee sneakers in the mail soon... also today i climbed up larch mountain again and this time i didn't die, maybe my heart's getting stronger? too bad though it wasn't as cool as early spring, when all you could hear was silence and hundreds of frogs croaking...
friendlyghost

hm..
for today it's obvious:

yo ho.. yo ho.. a pirate's life for me!
we pillage, we plunder, we rifle, and loot,
drink up, me 'earties, yo ho!
we kidnap and ravage and don't give a hoot,
drink up me 'earties, yo ho!
yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me..
we extort, we pilfer, we filch, and sack,
drink up, me 'earties, yo ho!
maraud and embezzle, and even high-jack,
drink up, me 'earties, yo ho!
yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me..
we kindle and char, inflame and ignite,
drink up, me 'earties, yo ho!
we burn up the city, we're really a fright,
drink up, me 'earties, yo ho!
we're rascals, scoundrels, villans, and knaves,
drink up, me 'earties, yo ho!
we're devils and black sheep, really bad eggs,
drink up, me 'earties, yo ho!
...

 

fifteen men on a dead man's chest yo ho ho and a bottle of rum! drink and the devil had done for the rest yo ho ho and a bottle of rum!

a near miss...

the other day was rough.. i had a razorblade to my wrist and my husband on the other side of my bathroom door, arguing with me about the cost of the echocardiogram i have to have on tuesday, making me feel like less than zero, but i never cut, i just bashed in the door and as soon as he walked off i put the knife away as fast as i could.. 'cause if it's in my hand like that i'll do it. i gotta get through the last dr's stuff, then i think i'll stop seeking medical treatment all together.. i can't take lying there with them looking at me naked and scarred anymore.. maybe that's childish, but i can't take it anymore. and then i can cut if i need to without paying for it..

i'm just glad now to be getting along better with my husband, i really try to understand the miscommunications/misunderstandings that go with a person with a.d.d., i really try to just have a peaceful home..

well, cheer up.. (yes, i guess i'm talking to myself, huh...)
here's a nice little kitty dancing:
i'm a kitty cat

p.s. i tweaked the details pages in the secret gallery.. lots of new stuff now..
here's one: stolen butterflies

friendlyghost

can you see me when i'm running?
can you see me when i'm running?
away from them
away from them..
i can't take the pressure
no one cares if you live or die
they just want me gone
they want me gone..
-more thom yorke

later: this is an update, i just got back from my latest echocardiogram & i have to say thank goodness for the nice guys that are out there every once in awhile.. 'dave' the echo guy was so kind and considerate of me during what is such a stressful thing for me to go through, i was ok, and no more questions about scars.. in fact, the good news is my heart seemed to be back up to pumping at 50% rather than 30% like last october.. although he said it's still not 'normal' he said to 'keep doing whatever i'm doing' in regards to weight/ed recovery.. so i feel very relieved.. do people even know how much it means just to be kind to some of us?..

also: i've got great new downloadable thom yorke/the eraser blips if anyone's interested, plus check out the new friendlyghost fun & games page!!
(just click on the little spinning skull down the right side of the blog..)
fg

39 & holding...

it's my birthday today.. i forgot because all i've been thinking about is the cardiologist appt. i had to go to this afternoon. i went. now i just want a dark hole to come and swallow me up and the world to go away for awhile. my bp was low as usual, heartrate high as usual (the nurse said i must be nervous... yeah i was nauseated and having a stomachache all a.m. dreading going..) the scales at the dr are always 5 lbs higher than home undressed, so that always kinda freaks me out, being such a healthy pudgemonster right now.. although the dr said my b.m.i. was low! go figure.. said it's around where marines like to stay or something.. geez.. i'm so tired and out of it.. have had a migraine for 3 or 4 days now.. they did another ekg/ normal, but want to do another echocardiogram and a stress test.. oh god. i'm going to get outta that treadmill test any way i can. i guess my left ventricle problem/fainting could have been brought on my excessive drinking at that time, with my lower weight, anemia, etc.. i'm healthier now and irregular heartbeats have calmed way down.. i don't want anymore medical treatment.. whatever happened to 'an apple fritter a day keeps the dr away'? no more, please.. please.

...
the nurse doing the ekg asked me about the scars on my ribs... choke. i have no clue what to say.. she was nice about it though, turns out she has a niece struggling with 'cutting'..
came home & found a bday card in my mailbox from my mom & dad.
it should be happy, but i am very sad.
i want the whole world to go away now.. but i'm so lonely.
friendlyghost

don't walk the plank like i did
you will be dispensed with
when you've become inconvenient
up on harrowdown hill
there where you used to go to school
that's where i am..
that's where i'm lying down
did i fall or was i pushed?
did i fall or was i pushed?
and where's the blood?
and where's the blood?
-thom yorke

fun for everyone!!!

happy happy!

joy joy!

click here!!!!!!!!

there's fun for everyone at:

you're the man now dog . com

search for yourself or try my top picks!!

muppet sean connery
cosby vocoder
dr dre cosby
cosby bebop
steven hawking cosby
cosby strikes back
choco cosby
conan insane
wasted mr rogers  (sorry fred!)
ytmnd fad jail
staring contest!

...

'hey my good man,
what do you like to play?
pokeyman? pokeyman?
with the pokey & the man?
& the thing where the guy
comes out of the thing
and he walks around..
(???????????)  ahahah...'

friendlyghost

it's better than drugs!
it's sorta like jello pudding...NO!
..

p.s. i just won a bunch of dough & then got shot at the gem saloon!
so of course, no rest for the wicked.. i had to go back & play again,
this time i cleaned up & left the place in flames! got my initials in the list of champions..
come & play, ya hooplehead!!
dead man's hand

oh yeah, and just for even more fun.. another pic..
fg

zoloftman

i'm watching the scifi twilight zone marathon.. watched the first one years ago on good old channel 5 (los angeles).. and just about every one since..
the twilight zone

...
it's no good.. i have no hope left when it comes to people.. and i'll die alone without them.
not what i ever wanted.

ever notice as you're sitting through the hardsell at the dr's or psych's for the latest greatest (fill in the blank with lexepro, effexor, paxil, celexa, wellbutrin, zoloft...) how they always stop at least a couple times to say, "i'm not pushing or anything, but..." ?

how can you trust someone who will not trust you?

anyone within the reach of my lonely blog please click on the little zoloftman down on the right-hand side of this blog and read the first page and the "leave a comment" link...

friendlyghost

soundgarden today.. a little early.. whatever
4TH OF JULY

shower in the dark day
clean sparks diving down
cool in the waterway
where the baptized drown
naked in the cold sun
breathing life like fire
thought i was the only one
but that was just a lie
cause i heard it in the wind
and i saw it in the sky
i thought it was the end
i thought it was the 4th of july

pale in the flare light
the scared light cracks and disappears
and leads the scorched ones here
and everywhere no one cares
a fire is spreading
but no one wants to speak about it
down in the hole
jesus tries to crack a smile
beneath another shovel load
and i heard it in the wind
i saw it in the sky
i thought it was the end
i thought it was the 4th of july

now i'm in control
now i'm in the fallout
once asleep but now i stand
and i still remember
your sweet everything
light a roman candle
and hold it in your hand
cause i heard it in the wind
and i saw it in the sky
i thought it was the end
i thought it was the 4th of july.

p.s. if i were going to make myself sick & crazy using a drug to feel better, it sure as shit is gonna be a drug of my choice...