snowball in hell: think i'm sick again..

About

a ghost.. a real ghost.. has no need to die.. what is he except a being without access to the universe that he has not yet managed to forget?
~ randall jarrell

i officially talk to myself here in the comments, or to visitors as long as they're not robots.. any comments are welcome ;)

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rows of never opened doors:
ghost gallery quarantine area (use a laptop or pc with firefox or google chrome browser for essential music, no phones)
all artwork here is copyright protected by vengeful ghosts!
2019 brenda roudebush
all rights reserved..

ghost

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ghost stories
(blood & butterflies..)

these are excerpts from the book toxic & i wrote about our childhood... it's called 'brenda was here'.. let me know what you think/comments? p.s. stories here are non fiction/true. (privately hosted ~ if you're interested in reading this just ask:)

ghost toy catalogue

an inventory of toys & collectibles vintage & new including toxic's toys, toxic's library & halloweeniana..

~ copyright 2011 all rights reserved

the friendlyghost album ~ welcome to my photo album..
we live in wonderland.. :)
i hope you enjoy me & my guys & kitties, the places we go & things we enjoy..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

cemeteria album ~
remember me as you pass by.. as you are now so once was i.. as i am now so you will be.. prepare for death and follow me..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

family tree album ~
this addition to the cemeteria album is especially for my own lost loved ones..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

a POEtry reading...

elliott smith & portland

portland haunts album ~
is mr smith haunting portland? come see snaps of elliott smith landmarks & other local spots..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

ghost links..

XXX..............RIP..............XXX here lies the psychconnection archive.. click here to peruse the remains (what's left after many members' posts were removed) of our dead support forum in the deepfreeze of this cybermorgue..
go ask alice when she's 10 feet tall... this alice is my other self.. she's always there lurking behind me...
papercuts ~
(my poetry & short stories...)
WARNING! this site contains graphic language and subject matter related to self injury...
soon after dark, emily cries... gazing through trees in sorrow, hardly a sound till tomorrow... cosmic debris/emily strange
last.. but not least.. my website.. where all the happy little gumbys & pokeys have come home to gumbyland.. the secret gallery.. and other cool stuff..

the library..

things behind the sun (journals)

a mouthfull of razorblades (journals)

www.flickr.com

Go to ghost at the gate's photostream

january trees album ~
january trees ~ winter shows her bones.. the tree is the psyche, the spirit, the whole self.. our inner world..
~ copyright 2008 all rights reserved

toxic was here ~
vintage socal, birthdays & halloweens..
copyright 2008 all rights reserved

mini albums ~ use a laptop or pc with sound up!

halloween mini album ~
~ copyright 2015 all rights reserved

My Other Accounts

self-injury support links..

american mcgee's alice... she looks kinda familiar? ...!
safehaven -
i'm snowballinhell here...
WARNING!* these sites contain graphic language and/or images & subject matter related to self injury...
broken smiles -
i'm snowballinhell here..
WARNING!*
alice through the looking glass.. go ask alice.. i think she'll know..
INVALIDATION kills.
down the rabbit hole..
i'm snowballinhell here..
WARNING!*
this site has links to a whole bunch of self-injury support forums..

ghost gamelinks..

ghost's top eleven rpg's:
#1 ~ down the rabbit hole... "here's a riddle.. when is a croquet mallet like a billy club? ..i'll tell you... whenever you want it to be..." cheshire cat to alice (american mcgee's alice: the original) this game is my favorite above all others...
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!UPDATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thank you thank you mr mcgee for alice madness returns!!! (with the original i still rate these the best!)
#2 is primal, especially the wraith world where i felt right at home.. what a relief to play a strong female for a change, and with scree the gargoyle at my side... loved this game and want more!!!
#3 is fable/fable:lost chapters/fable 2.. get lost in this incredible world and determine your own fate... good or evil.. or somewhere in between... fable 3 is out!!!
#4 city of lost children.. based on the french movie of the same name.. you are miette, an orphan, use your thieving and sneaking skills to free the childrens' souls from the evil inventor who is stealing their dreams...
tied at #4 the kingdom hearts games (2).. disney meets final fantasy! play in disney worlds alongside jack skellington in halloweentown, jack sparrow in the caribbean or alice at the mad tea party..
#5 is van helsing.. if you liked the movie, play this gothic masterpiece and face werewolves, the frankenstein monster, mr hyde and count dracula himself...
#6 are all of the lord of the rings games, which are all worth mastering, including the hobbit game.. (watch out for the spiders!)
& the old classic snes lord of the rings.. (another good old favorite.. i spent forever lost in the barrow downs...)
#7 are all the ultima games.. my favorites were 'quest of the avatar' and 'the false prophet'.. but if you like the classics try out 'black gate' and 'exodus' and the other oldies..
#8 is the original nes game shadowgate.. the one that turned me into an rpg junkie in the first place all those years ago.. hunched over my controller in the dark in my camper in the middle of the night.. still a classic...
#9 is final fantasy, but i'm an old time gamer, so i mean the original final fantasy games on nes/snes like 1, 2, 3 + mystic quest.. still the best even without the graphics of the newer games...
#10 is lemony snickett's series of unfortunate events.. ok, so this game is not terribly hard..
(i was able to complete it even while fairly intoxicated..) it is still creative and fun if you enjoyed the movie, which i did...
i needed a #11 on my list for all the honorable mentions.. unforgettable games like wizardry, king arthur's world, tombs & treasures, deja vu, faxanadu, the immortal, breath of fire and the dragon warrior games.. also baldur's gate, the ren & stimpy games that wrecked my nerves, zombies ate my neighbors, fester's quest, maniac mansion!!! ...gasp... too many to remember... aargghh! all those years spent in the dark deep in some labyrinth scribbling cryptic notes and maps.. is that what is was that made me mad? or did they save me from madness...? the world may never know.. (p.s. i never made it without biting..)
!X! a bonus: i absolutely approve of the gamecube's eternal darkness: sanity's requiem.. lovecraftian & hallucinogenic.. i dare you!
the post-apocalyptic fallout games, F3, new vegas & F4 coming soon!
dante's inferno ~ go to hell!
gothic victorian lovecraftian bloodshed :D bloodborne!
i highly approve of the other from software games besides bloodborne, demon's souls & dark souls 1, 2 & 3.. not for the faint of heart, gotta get good for these!

ghost pix album ~ rpg videogame screenshots, lol kitties & all kinds of goodies.. (use a pc or laptop to hear my game mix here)

our game gallery..

home to oblivion..

ok i need a whole section just for elder scrolls~oblivion 'cause i'm playing it and loving it way too much right now.. i am so beautifully lost here living as a vampire & i'm never coming back.
later ~ 430 hours of gameplay all as a vampire & now i'm stuck in limbo in the deadly glitch.. noooo!!
update: i'm on the methadone of rpgs for my oblivion withdrawls, it's predecessor morrowind ~ the game of the year edition.. these are now my All-Time favorite rpgs, above all others..
NEW ELDER SCROLLS!!
SKYRIM!! 11/11/11!! DAWNGUARD DLC!!
& more dlc to come!
the awful tyranny of the sun shall end..
come into oblivion with me & tour my homes.. (note: vampirism has changed my appearance & my invisibility is due to stealth..)
so many ways to die..
realms of madness..
a friend in highcross town..
bonus morrowind footage..
welcome to skyrim..

featured ghosttube..

baby tabitha begs pitifully at the back door.. she now has over 300,000 views!
p.s. i am not a godless soulless monster..

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haunted home movies..

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« w.e.i.n.? | Main | missing a friend... »

April 29, 2006

think i'm sick again..

i'm not hungry anymore..
it's ok though, because the longer i don't eat the better i feel, it's a familiar kind of sick..
i'm just too lonely and have lost too much..
today we drove all the way around mt hood through forest and apple orchards.. we saw pretty cows and wild lavendar and mt st helens not far away.. people were burning leaves and applewood, it smelled really good.. the mountains are still covered in snow..
now i'm home again and it's blowing rain against the windows..

(click)

smith for today

stickman

i sit here shooting blanks
out of emptiness
ain’t nothing really want to kill
maybe time I guess..
i sit and spin the world on it's flipside
and i listen backwards for meaning
'cause i’m a stickman
i live with one dimension dead..
trying not to think too many moves ahead..

i draw from memory
the stillest kind of life
slide after slide
with metal pains as sharp as knives..
project what’s done so everyone can see
to me it's just a rehearsal
and i'm a stickman
in frames that go
one by one
if i sped it up
you'd see i'm on the run
from some monster off screen
killing suns..
lonely makes me blue
envy turns me green

hate might paint me red
if i load my magazine
but not just now when its easy to stay clean
when no one sees where you're bleeding..
and i'm a stickman
stickman..
stickman...

04:15 PM in Music, psychology, Travel | Permalink

Comments

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Hey this is a really cool blog...i know your tired and lonely...i love you very much...part of the reason i enjoyed the drive was because i got to enjoy it with you.

Posted by: bigdaddyhamburgerpatty | April 29, 2006 at 04:33 PM

cool kitty loves big daddy hamburger patty...

Posted by: friendlyghost | April 29, 2006 at 05:00 PM

yeah...
he was around helping me with this magnificent growing blog! i'm loving it here.. all i need now is a virtual krispy kreme and a couple of good dark rides... hm..

Posted by: friendlyghost | May 01, 2006 at 08:54 AM

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lost & found toys

cat girl

xx xx xx be wild.. xx xx xx

a handful of applecores a mouthful of razorblades

i am friendly ~ but i have edges..
seeing is deceiving..
$@x!^&*#%!/
love bites.
life sucks.
"but i don't want to go among mad people" Alice remarked.
"oh, you can't help that," said the Cat:
"we're all mad here.
i'm mad. you're mad."
"how do you know i'm mad?" said Alice.
"you must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here."
Alice didn't think that proved it at all;
however, she went on "and how do you know that you're mad?"
"to begin with," said the Cat, "a dog's not mad. you grant that?"
"i suppose so," said Alice.
"well, then," the Cat went on, "you see, a dog growls when it's angry, and wags its tail when it's pleased.
Now I growl when I'm pleased, and wag my tail when I'm angry. Therefore I'm mad.."
but why is the rum gone?!
***triggering!! don't look!!!*** (you looked..)
beezorch daddy-o! go! kitty, go!
ffft! hiss! spit! rah! kill! maim!
crank up your speakers!!

Spotlight Posts

come hell
this is why we fight - the decemberists come the war come the avarice come the war come hell come attrition come the reek of bones come attrition come hell this is why why we fight why we lie awake...
rows of never opened doors
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2019
here's another diabolical selfie to update.. (mr dad says toxic made this same face in our old home movies..lol) my first glimpse of 2019 was of the crescent moon & venus out my bedroom window.. we haven't had any snow...
into our darkest hour..
winter's coming, my favorite time of year, we stock up like all other creatures, for the holidays, for the freeze, for whatever's ahead.. we've all been sick here for weeks, despite flu shots, & i've been lost down in the...
darker places
it's terrifying when you find yourself looking at life through the dark slant of depression, where everything seems to signal to you that you can only make your escape to end your distress. as someone who has dealt with depression...
dark places
i figure it's probably time to change my avatar since it's been well over a decade.. (i'm still a ghost..) we tried to get out & about today to some vintage toy & collectible shops since the sun finally came...
agoraphobic
yeah i've reached new levels of agoraphobic reclusiveness these days, this old ghost blog is appropriately spooky quiet, a safe place to vent my latest grumblings.. i'm not someone who trusts, but i've reached an all-time low over this nightmare...
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some thoughts on adult insecure attachment..
it's been a long time since i've talked to anyone about adult insecure attachment. that's what i live with i believe.. i test to be the fearful-avoidant style, but i've come to realize how preoccupied & disorganized i must be...
blood moon
boo. did you see the blood moon? we've been enjoying watching cosmos, especially the episode 'a sky filled with ghosts'.. i'm still haunting.. but these days i'm hanging around the lost & found >link over there> there are a bunch...
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update: ghost blog exhumation i decided to drag the blog out of it's grave after these long last few years & update it. so help yourself & peek around, there are new secret things to discover in every crack &...
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full of evil weevils..
some people are like slinkies, good for nothing but still make you smile when you push them down the stairs.. - toxic look around this winchester mystery blog for new nightmares as we wring every drop of halloween outta october.....
we might be crooked now..
graves & the infinite arm/ dig yourself a hole throw your asthma in throw the toys in after.. cover them with earth dig another hole and throw your conscience in drop your hiccups down and arrange them well dig a...
sleep well..
when it's black/ you don't know where i've been.. don't get me caught up in the middle.. (gotta live right) you don't know what i've seen.. (i've seen you strung up like a scarecrow in the moonlight) you don't know...
monster..
what strikes fear in your heart? with me it is people & anything that touches me. monsters/electric president into your window the sky will fall and we'll trap the stars in jars and line them along your walls and as...
i want a BeaN fEAsT!!
ghost is out sick. gooses! geeses! i want my goose to lay gold eggs for easter mr. salt: it will, sweetheart veruca: at least a hundred a day mr.salt: anything you say veruca: and by the way mr. salt: what?...
we're just the walking dead..
wrapped in piano strings/ i saw your father in the hall his ghost is living in our walls i heard him crying while you slept i heard him breaking things after you left i watched you crawl into my bed...
it's an ugly life..
toxic doesn't always play nice with her dollies.. (sometimes they bleed.)..but creation and destruction are really the same thing. one more close call without injury. trapdoor down right.. ghost/toxic pick apart your pieces just to watch what makes you tick...
Full of sIck.
sIckto thetop&over ?^^&*(antacids>>laxativesXX@@$!999999 ANOTHER!!#$^&headachexxleft temple migraine9876543 009809870987tmj flare up?>? teethache^^z 1234567ZXXZXZXZXZsore insides`678976543)?(*&*(O*&&* ffuckxxxxsickxxweak<><>>>><>BLOOD=-=-++++" sNOw||||||OI(8'/lightning & hailxzxhatesickness098 xerasedzzzzsleepy-== bodysnatchers/ i do not understand what it is i've done wrong full of holes...